This is the first time I've posted a fic on these boards. My BR Erica encouraged me to do so (thanks for everything MDL
). I suggest, if you haven't already, to read the first Missed Years which is in the archive. This fic is rated PG-13. I welcome all feedback - good or bad. I shall be posting all six chapters throughout the week.
Enjoy.
Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That is leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You are everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper now
'Cause you're all I want
You are all I need
You are everything
Everything”
(Everything by Lifehouse)
Missed Years part 2 –
Lois had felt confident when she’d left Clark’s apartment. She knew what she had to do, but now she was on her own and she didn’t have Clark by her side, she was scared. Finding her seat on the plane, she checked the number and sat down next to a pretty young girl. The girl smiled and continued to read the paper which had Superman as the front page cover. He’d spent the last few weeks fighting criminals and liasing with police. Metropolis was slowly but surely taking it’s true form again. The prospect of talking to Paul was the only thing on her mind; she had absolutely no idea of what she was going to say. He would most probably feel used, hurt, and angry. There was no way that she could spare his feelings. It was a case of being cruel to be kind.
A few hours later, Lois was opening the front door to the barn. It was late and she was tired. The last thing she wanted to do was have a confrontation so she crept into the bedroom, carefully closing the door behind her. Letting out a deep breath, she placed her bags on the floor and sat down in front of the dressing table.
“Lois, is that you?”
She froze; her heart skipped a beat. “What?” Looking in the mirror, she saw Paul.
Propping himself up, he winked at her and held out his hand. “Didn’t mean to scare you sweatheart, thought I’d surprise you.”
“Well, you certainly did surprise me, Paul,” said Lois, turning round to look at him.
He looked hot; there was no denying the fact he was pretty gorgeous.
Swinging his legs round, he got out of bed and made his way towards Lois. Taking her hands, he pulled her towards him. She could feel the heat burning from his chest and see the desire in his eyes.
“I missed you Lois, I need you. I can’t wait any longer to show you how much I love you.” He wound one of her curls around his index finger, he let it go and it bounced back.
He was going to kiss her and she had to stop it, this isn’t what she came back to do. Her heart and mind were fighting against each other as he drew in even closer to capture her mouth. She couldn’t think, he had overwhelmed her as her body responded to his advances. Summoning all her courage, she tried to pull away. “Paul… please”
Surprisingly he let go immediately. “Lois, what is it? Don’t you realise how long I’ve waited for this? I have been so patient with you. Done everything you’re way and in your time. I thought you felt the same way, but you’re always hanging on to the past.”
Lois knew every word he was saying was true. “I’m so sorry Paul, I can’t help the way I feel about Clark. I’ve loved being with you and you mean a lot to me, but it’s different with him.”
“Lois, the guy left you for nearly five years. He doesn’t deserve you. I’d do anything for you. Anything, ” he whispered the last word.
“I know all that, Paul, and I’m so sorry. I want to be with Clark. He needs us and we need him. I know it must be hard for you to understand. I barely understand it myself. I can’t hurt you anymore either, but it just wouldn’t be fair. What I’m trying to say is there can never be an “us”.
There was a long silence before Paul replied. “I never really stood a chance. Did I?”
Lois felt like the most evil woman on earth. She really liked this guy a lot and if Clark had never existed, then things might have been different. “I guess not.”
Paul went into his room and started to gather up his things, throwing them into a bag. He felt humiliated and devastated. He had wasted months on Lois, and he had never done that before with any other woman. He used to be a fly by night kind of guy. “I’ll come round for the rest of my stuff when I’ve got my head round this.”
Lois followed him. “Paul I’m…” she was cut dead.
“Just don’t Lois. I’ve heard all you’ve got to say.” He got to the door, paused, and turned around. “I’ll see ya then.”
“Bye.” The door closed and Lois fell onto the bed. It was done it now and it was over. She reached over and took her cell phone out of her bag, dialled Clark’s number. And waited.
~~~~~~
“Clark Kent.”
“Clark, it’s me.”
“Lois, hi. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, just thought I’d better let you know that I’ve done it. Paul’s gone.”
Clark detected a sad tone in her voice. “Lois, do you want me to come over? Just say the word and I’ll be there.”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t but I…”
Clark walked through the door of the barn and into Lois’s room. “But what?”
Lois laughed. “But nothing, what am I gonna do with you?”
“Anything you like. I’m at your disposal.”
Taking Clark’s hand, she escorted him to the kitchen. “Wanna a coffee or something stronger?”
“Coffee’s fine. Now, are you going to tell me what happened?”
Lois placed the mugs on the side and sat down at the kitchen table with her husband.
“Well, when I got in I didn’t think anybody was home. I walked into my bedroom and there he was. Paul was waiting for me. He said that he had waited too long and that he wanted to show me how much he loved me.”
Lois’s words were making Clark feel extremely uncomfortable. “So, you never slept with Paul?”
Looking directly into his eyes she gave him her answer. “No.”
“But I thought, well I assumed that you…”
“No, there were many times when I nearly did. He’s a handsome, loving, and caring man. I’ll admit that I was very tempted and found it hard to reject his advances. There is something between us, nothing like I have with you; nevertheless there is definitely a mutual attraction.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
“I’m a married woman. Sleeping with someone else would have been the ultimate betrayal. How could I give myself to another man when I didn’t know if you were alive or dead? You are part of my very soul, Clark.”
“Oh, Lois. You have just lifted a great weight from my shoulders. I couldn’t bare the thought of you with somebody else, and when I saw you and Paul, I thought I’d lost you forever.”
“Clark,” she whispered while a single tear ran down her face. All the emotion she had stored up over the last months had finally got a hold of her. She couldn’t breathe. She was choked by her own tears and emotion. Clark ran round to her side of the table to comfort her. He placed his strong arms around her and held her.
Eventually she stopped crying and released herself from his embrace. Clark hated to see Lois in such a state.
Taking her face between his hands, he gently wiped the tears away. He moved closer and began to kiss the side of her cheek, slowly moving to her neck. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and let the feeling envelop her. Gently scooping Lois up, he carried her to the bedroom, closed the door behind him, and laid her on the bed. It was what they had both been waiting for; the ultimate show of affection. They had both waited long enough.
It had been the first time in five years that Lois had woken up to find the man she loved lying next to her. She couldn’t stop smiling; she was on cloud nine. She hadn’t realised until now just how much she had missed him. It was nearly time for the kids to get up so she slowly crept out of bed.
Suddenly, a muffled male voice came from the under the duvet. “Hey, where do you think your going?”
“I thought you were asleep.”
Clark pulled back the covers, propped himself up with the pillows, and gave Lois the widest grin. “You are stunning, I could just look at you all day.”
Lois could feel the colour rising to her face. “Stop it, you’ve got me all flustered.”
“Sorry, honey. Don’t let me stop you from doing whatever you were going to do.”
“I have to get the kids up, it’s a school day, if you hurry up you can come with us.” With that she threw his clothes at him.
He caught them. “What happened to the passionate woman I was with last night?”
“I’m in mommy mode now. You’ll have to wait.” Winked Lois.
Lois heard the footsteps coming down the hall. They stopped outside the bedroom door “Okay kids, I can hear you. Come in.”
Lois went over to the door and swung it open. Two little bodies fell into the bedroom. “And what do you two think you’re doing?”
Kieran and Faith looked at each other then back to their parents. Faith spoke first. “We could hear you talking. At first we thought it was Paul and then it sounded like you were talking to Superman , but we can see now you were talking to Daddy.”
Lois and Clark couldn’t help but laugh. “These two are quite the little reporters aren’t they?”
“Don’t I get a morning hug from my two favorite little people?” asked Clark.
Kieran and Faith leapt onto the bed, pinning their dad down. “Guys, guys, calm down.”
“Come on, mommy, we can have a group hug,” said Faith, waving her hand.
Lois joined her husband and children on the bed. The twins started to tickle each other, then they both tickled Lois, who then tickled Clark while Kieran and Faith pinned him down. Clark was trying really hard not to laugh. “Okay, okay…stop.” They finally stopped and Clark was allowed to get up.
“Fun’s over guys. Time to get ready for school,” shouted Lois.
The kids ran out of the room full of beans. “Lois, are you all right this morning?”
“Yeah, I think you managed to take my mind off things. I’m gonna have to face him today at the school. It’s not going to be easy.”
“You’re a strong person and I know you’ll get through it. We’ve got a lot of stuff to sort out. I live and work in Metropolis and you live and work here.”
Lois hadn’t even thought about that yet. “Gosh, you’re right. I guess we have got a lot of things to sort out.” The thought of leaving Smallville hadn’t even occurred to her until now, but she couldn’t think about it at the moment, there would be plenty of time for that later.
Clark could see he had hit a nerve with Lois. “Hey, it’ll be all right. We will sort something out. I promise, but for now I think we should just take each day as it comes. I can see that you and the kids are settled here, I have no right to ask you to give everything up.”
“How is it that you can read my thoughts? I must be transparent or something. ”
Clark grabbed her hand. “Come on, I’ll cook us all breakfast Then I’d better get going. ”
*********************************************************************
Lois and Clark dropped the twins off at school. It was all knew to Clark. After nearly five years in an environment that was alien to him, he was suddenly in the midst of fatherhood and family life. He hadn’t spoken with Lois but he was finding it hard to re-adjust. It was taking all his power just to block out the horrible thoughts. He couldn’t heal the wound that was embedded on his person from life on New Krypton, he could still hear voices, see the blood on his hands, and feel the pain of the people he fought to protect.
Glancing over at Clark, Lois could see he was in some far away place. “Honey, are you all right?”
The sound of her voice brought him back to reality. “Oh…yeah, I was just thinking.”
Lois frowned at him. “They must have been some thoughts, Clark. For a minute there I thought you were back on New Krypton.”
“So did I Lois, so did I.”
“Listen, I’ve got to go to work but if you want to talk about it later, I’m all ears.”
Taking Lois’s hand, he pulled her towards him. “I’ll be okay. Now a kiss good bye would be nice.”
“I think I can do that.” She moved in and planted a big kiss on his lips. “That’s all you’re getting for now. I really have to go. Will you be flying over tonight?”
“Try and stop me. Have a good day then.”
“You too.”
Clark watched her get into the jeep and drive off. Her perfume still surrounded him, and he could still sense her. She was everywhere. For the first time in years, he felt alive. Everything he loved had been taken away from him, but he wasn’t going to let it happen again. Being with Lois in every capacity made him the man he was. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy to fall back into the swing of things, but he had two children to get to know and he was determined to be a family at all costs.
The staff room at Smallville High was empty when Lois arrived. She had half an hour until her first class. Pulling up a chair, she sat down and began to read her notes. Little did she know that she was being watched.
Paul watched her as she chewed on her pencil and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. He had been up all night contemplating on leaving Smallville. His resignation was in his back pocket, and talking to Lois would help him make up his mind. Taking a deep breath, he walked into the staff room.
“Morning, Lois.”
Lois jumped as she had been in deep concentration and hadn’t noticed Paul walk in. “Morning, Paul.”
He sat in the chair opposite her. “I know you’re busy but I think we should talk.”
Lois looked up at him and leant back into her chair. “Okay, I’m listening.”
“I accept what you said last night. I don’t have to like it, but I understand that you want the best for the children.”
“And me.” Lois interrupted.
“Course. I have never let a woman get to me as much as you have and I’d find it really difficult seeing you every day, going through the formalities and stuff. I just need to know how you feel about it all?”
“I’m finding it awkward now. I wish we could be friends but I guess it’s a bit raw at the moment.”
“Thank you. You’ve just made my decision easier. I’m going to resign.” Paul pulled out the letter from his back pocket.
“You don’t have to resign because of me, Paul! Yes, it will be hard working with each other but in time it will get better.”
“No, Lois. It will never get better for me. I think we could have been happy together but you’re easy disregard for our relationship has shown me your true colours.”
Lois got up. “Paul, that’s not true. You will always be very special to me. Please don’t let this get in the way of your career.”
“It already has Lois. He got up and moved towards the door.
“Paul I….”
He was about to leave but decided to turn around and walk back to Lois. “There’s just one thing, you owe me, Ms. Lane. He closed in on her, summoned up all his passion, and kissed her full on the lips. As he pulled away, he could see he had shocked her. He was gone before she could open her eyes.
Lois was overwhelmed by what had just happened. She hadn’t expected him to do that. Putting her right hand to her lips, she walked to her class in a daze.
Principal Chambers announced Paul’s resignation. He had decided not to work his notice and had left immediately. Lois went home in bad spirits and feeling guilty. Before Clark had came back she had been happy and it was down to Paul. He had shown her that life was precious and there was a future, she owed him a lot. Instead, she had pushed him away like he hadn’t meant anything to her and now he was gone. She suddenly felt vulnerable and alone.
Her feelings turned into reality that evening when Clark didn’t turn up or even call to say that he couldn’t make it. She had spent half the evening, explaining to the Kieran and Faith that he had to work. The look on their faces distressed Lois, and she had never had to do that before. The truth was that she had no idea where he was and therefore couldn’t give them a straight answer to when he would be there to see them next. She had tried phoning him, but every call was diverted to the answer machine.
Eventually, she got the kids to sleep after reading them various stories. It was too late to call the Kents and she didn’t want to worry them. Working herself up into a state wasn’t going to help so she decided to turn in for the night.
Lois woke with a start. Surprisingly, she managed to get a good night sleep. Reaching over for clock, the time read seven in the morning. It was still early and it was the weekend. Pondering on whether to go back to bed, she walked over to the balcony and drew back the curtains. There was someone sitting at the table. Rubbbing her eyes and blinking, she focused in on him. It was Clark. There were two Starbucks coffees and two croissants on the table.
Lois unlocked the door, picked up the spare chair, placed it beside Clark, and sat down. There was an uneasy silence as they both looked straight ahead out into the open fields.
Finally Clark spoke. “I’m sorry.”
He still wasn’t looking at her. It wasn’t like him not to make eye contact. “Not as sorry as your children were last night,” replied Lois, bitterly.
“What did you tell them?”
“That you had to work.”
Clark just nodded his head, while Lois was finding it hard to keep her temper under control. “Clark, will you look at me when we’re having a conversation?!”
She continued to stare at him until he eventually turned to face her. Their eyes met and were locked instantaneously. He looked troubled and her heart sank. She felt his sadness and it overwhelmed her. “Clark, what is it?” she whispered.
“I need you to understand that I’ve changed Lois. I’m not the same man that I was five years ago. Things effect me now far more than ever did. I used to enjoy my role as Superman, nothing could compare to saving people’s lives and making the world a better place. It wasn’t like that on New Krypton. I can’t begin to explain how different it was. Put it this way, there wasn’t any job satisfaction.”
Lois didn’t quite know what his angle was, what was he trying to tell her and why now? “Are you having second thoughts about us?”
“You really don’t expect me to answer that, do you?”
“Well, what am I supposed to think?”
Clark grabbed her hand and held it firmly. “Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you. My love for you is the one thing that has remained constant throughout the years. I just need you to know that I’m not the same man you married.”
“And I’m not the same woman you married. Granted, I haven’t been through what you have but I have had to make huge alterations to my life. I uprooted myself from Metropolis whilst I was still grieving, and had two children. My whole life completely changed. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I found strength that I never knew I had. We probably won’t know just how much we’ve changed until we’ve been together for a little while but we have to see it through and if it just doesn’t feel right – then we take it from there. It’s OK to be scared, Clark.”
“Lois, I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be. You need stability and I’m not sure if I can do that. I had to rescue so many people last night that I didn’t even realise what the time was until it was too late. I’m just not sure if I’m cut out for all this.”
Rising from her chair. Lois got up and went over to the balcony. She didn’t know what to say to him. She couldn’t even look at him. A long silence hung in the morning air. “We don’t have to rush into anything, we don’t even have to live together. As long as we know you’re around then that’ll be enough. I’ve lived on my own for five years. I think I can manage without you.”
Clark’s brow furrowed. The whole conversation they were having was beginning to get off track.
“Listen, Lois, I’m not saying that I don’t want to be with you, I just want to be able to give you all my undivided attention, but you know that will never happen. While I’m Superman, I’ll miss out on things and let you down. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing anymore.”
“That’s enough, Clark. Will you quit feeling sorry for yourself? It doesn’t suit you! I don’t want to hear anymore more of it. We’ve got to give it our best shot and that’s all there is to it. This conversation ends now. I’m going to get dressed so why don’t you make yourself at home?”
“Well, that told me,” mumbled Clark under his breath.
*********************************************************************
Over the next few weeks Clark spent his time flitting between Metropolis and Smallville. Some nights he stayed at his apartment, most nights he spent with Lois. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk about anything, with Lois working and Clark at the Daily Planet. He set aside weekends for the children, which left little time for each other.
Lois pulled up her car outside the Kents house. She promised Martha that she’d pop in to discuss the twins birthday with her. The back door was open so she let herself in.
“Martha? Jonathan? It’s me, Lois.”
“Come in, honey. I’m in the Kitchen,” replied Martha.
“Hi, Martha. Sorry it’s a bit late I had to work overtime at the school.”
Martha ushered Lois to sit down. “Don’t worry, It’s nice to see you. We haven’t seen much of you recently. Are things okay?”
Lois should have known that she couldn’t hide her feelings from her mother-in-law. “Oh, Martha, I don’t know where to start.”
Martha sat down next to Lois and took her hand. “Is it Clark?”
Lois looked up into her sweet face. “Since the day we decided to give our relationship a second chance, it just hasn’t happened. I’ve been working here and his been in Metropolis. He comes home late practically every night and at weekends he devotes his entire time to the twins. I just feel that he’s shutting me out. I need adult conversation. I spend all day and all night with kids and teenagers. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but at least we’d be together but were not even that. I gave up a great guy for him, Martha. He told me that he’d changed, that he wasn’t the same Clark that I used to know. People change, lord knows I have, but deep down where it really matters that can never change. I know the Clark I love must still be there somewhere.”
“Oh, honey, he barely has time for us, I did wonder if he was the same with you. If I know Clark, I’d say he probably feels guilty for leaving you and we don’t know what happened to him while he was away.”
“I can’t bare it any longer. I feel so alone, so neglected. He’s so distant with me and we haven’t been close in weeks. We’re not even having a relationship in any form at all. I really have tried Martha.”
“I wish I could do something. Just give it some time and maybe he’ll open up. Don’t give up on him I know how much he loves you.”
“And I love him, so very much. That’s what makes it hurt all the more,” Lois sighed.
Lois arrived home and headed straight for the drinks cabinet. The children were staying over at friends so she had the night to herself.
Pouring herself a large Brandy, she wondered whether or not her stranged husband would make an appearance. She raised her glass, sat down in the chair, and made a toast to Clark. The liquor was smooth and reassuring, so she poured another and turned the radio on.
“Oh, great. That’s all I need,” Lois muttered to herself. “Mushy love songs.” She managed to tune into a station that was playing more suitable music but she couldn’t get into it, so she turned it off and topped up her glass. The drink was starting to take an effect on her, and she was feeling lightheaded and quite merry. The sound of the front door opening jolted her out of her day dreaming. It had to be Clark. She quickly tried to compose herself, hiding the glass and brandy bottle behind the chair she sat down.
His tall dark figure stood in the doorway. “I….. I…thought you’d be in bed?”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” she slowly replied.
Clark turned the light on and walked towards Lois. She gave him a sharp defiant look as she stood up. As she turned to walk away, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
Clark gave her a look of disgust. He could smell the alcohol on her breath. “You’ve been drinking haven’t you?”
“So what if I have?!”
He let go of her and went round the back of the chair. He picked up the half empty Brandy bottle and held it in front of Lois. “What were you thinking?”
“What do you care?” retorted Lois
“I care, Lois. You know I do.”
“I’ll tell you what I was thinking (hiccup). You weren’t here AGAIN and I felt like a drink (hiccup).” She could feel herself losing balance.
Clark managed to catch her before her legs gave way. Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He sat down next to her and watched her fall asleep. It was his fault, everything was his fault, he thought. He hadn’t spent any time with her at all over the past weeks. It was unlike Lois to drink so much, especially as he knew how much she despised her mother’s alcoholism. The truth was he was finding life harder than ever. He was trying to catch up on all that he’d missed the last few years but it was virtually impossible. He needed to talk to Lois, to tell her how he felt, and to tell her the truth. Clark gently tried to wake her up.
**tbc**
Hope that helps!