Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic A Gift For Life: Chapter 14

Chapter 14
Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding

Clark was relieved beyond belief that he and Lois had made up. If they hadn't, he wouldn't be depositing her outside his parents' back door on the farm. They'd left Metropolis after work to spend the next three days in Smallville for what he'd promised Lois would be a magical Christmas. She'd admitted earlier that it wasn't one of her favorite holidays and given some of the reasons why.

The history of Lois' sad Christmases had touched Clark and, when he'd heard about the incident with the puny tree, he'd gazed at her sympatheticaly, assuring her that she could select whatever tree she wanted, large or small. There was also no way he'd forgotten her gift -- actually he'd bought her a few -- and he very much doubted that his parents had forgotten her either. He was less sure of his ground when he'd reminded her that, because of the baby, she'd never have to spend another Christmas alone, but she'd melted his heart as she smiled at him through her tears.

Somehow Clark recognised all the fears which had been imprinted on Lois since childhood by the collapse of her home and family, and he'd allayed every one. This year promised to be a very different experience for Lois, and she found herself looking forward to the holiday for the first time in many years.

Martha and Jonathan welcomed their kids enthusiastically and they all shared a wonderful meal before Lois and Clark settled in the den. The older couple had been invited to an early Christmas celebration and left right after dinner with profuse apologies. Martha explained that the local church always put on a party for the children and they always helped out, Jonathan taking on his annual role of Santa Claus.

The excuse was a good one; after all, the Kents were very active members of the community, yet Lois had the distinct impression that her mother-in-law wasn't averse to leaving them alone. In fact, she was sure she almost caught a conspiratol wink between mother and son, and she definitely noticed Clark turning a distinct shade of red as he watched his parents disappear through the door.

"This is nice," Lois remarked airily, coming round the couch and sitting in front of the roaring fire. "Very cosy!"

She patted the cushion in invitation, then picked up the large album from the coffee table that Martha had given her to peruse. "Look at you," she squealed in delight, flipping through the many photos.

Clark leaned over to peer at the pictures from his position beside her. "On no, I can't believe Mom gave you the naked baby pictures."

"Come on." Lois patted his arm encouragingly. "Everyone has these. I think it's like some kind of unspoken requirement for a parent to embarrass their kids when they're grown up."

"If you get to see mine, I get to see yours."

"Sure. I have some at home."

"If I'd known that, I would've looked a long time ago."

Lois laughed and turned another page. "Clark, you have nothing to worry about! You were a gorgeous baby."

"Thank you," he offered politely, but he ducked his head to hide yet another blush.

"Do you think our baby will be this gorgeous?"

Lois had surprised him by taking a different tack, and he captured her gaze, saying seriously, "Our baby will be beautiful." He scooted closer to her side, but a yawn broke his mood.

"Tired?"

"A little. You don't have to stop looking, but I might fall asleep on you."

"Okay." She rubbed his arm again and went back to her pictures.

It wasn't long before his steady breathing told her he was sleeping. She smiled and eased out from beside him to lay him flat on the sofa they'd made up before they sat to look at the pictures. He never stirred while she picked up his feet and pulled the covers over him. In her opinion, he was still pretty gorgeous and she couldn't resist tracing the dark hair that fell on his forehead before heading upstairs to bed. Thoughts of their beautiful baby, and the baby's father, sent her to sleep.

****

The following day, Clark gave Lois the tour of his childhood home. Unfortunately, the cold weather wouldn't allow them to enjoy the pond, so the skinny dipping had to be postponed until next summer. They had joked about that several times, both promising to make that return trip… so each could see the other's packages. Of course, it was all a game to mask the sexual tension that was steadily building between them.

Clark took her to Schuster's field where his parents had found him as a baby and he floated her up to his tree house to show her the globe which had explained who he was only a short time ago. As the ghostly figures of Jor-El and Lara materialized in the tiny room, Lois sat mesmerized, listening to the story of Clark's beginnings on that far away world of Krypton. How strange it was that two people should be born with so much distance between them and yet end up here together. It was almost as if destiny had taken a hand -- but Lois didn't believe in destiny, unless it was one she shaped herself.

Later they ventured into town so Clark could buy her an ice cream sundae at Maisy's Diner. She met several people but failed to learn any dirt on Clark which she might use as 'friendly persuasion' in the future when Clark was proving to be difficult over some of her investigative methods. Obviously, what Maisy had told her when they came to Smallville the first time was true. With Clark, what you see is what you get. Yeah, and pigs can fly! Wouldn't they be surprised if they saw the 'real' him?

Following the trip to town, Lois climbed into Jonathan's old truck, along with Clark and his folks, and they all set out to find the perfect tree. The Kents had waited for them to arrive because it was traditional to do this part of the holiday celebration as a family. Lois was given the honor of choosing the tree and to Clark's surprise they returned with a large bushy specimen that was almost too big to fit into the living room. Clearly, Lois no longer felt the need to empathise with the stunted variety.

The two couples spent the evening hanging ornaments on the tree and around the room, everyone enjoying themselves immensely. In fact, the whole situation was doing exactly what Clark hoped it would for Lois. As she was on his home turf and this wasn't her favorite time of year, he thought she might be feeling a little overwhelmed, so he'd been very cautious about crowding her.

It seemed that his self-control had succeeded, because he'd seldom seen her so laid-back or ready to laugh so much, and she hadn't objected to the times when he had reached out to touch her now extremely large belly. She'd simply smiled and moved on to the next phase of decorating, finishing off the job when she switched on the tree lights with great aplomb.

****

Indeed, Lois couldn't remember the last time she'd experienced so much pleasure doing anything, let alone at Christmas. Since her father had walked out on his wife and daughters, she'd always regarded this holiday as something to be avoided at best, and at worst to be endured.

When she was a kid, she'd tried to make the day as special as possible for her baby sister, but it never seemed to work out, and she was always left feeling depressed and less than impressed by all the seasonal hassle. She'd only come to despise the day more as she'd grown older, often volunteering to work over the holiday. However, here with Clark and his parents, she found herself extremely moved... even the little observances were enchanting. The once hard-bitten newswoman was prepared to admit the whole experience felt kind of magical.

They'd ended up with the perfect tree and decorated it with care. For her benefit, the Kents told a story associated with each delicate ornament that was placed on the branches. Lois never would have believed that simple tree baubles could mean so much, and she'd been reduced to tears when Martha produced delicate glass ornaments for both her and the baby, the older woman hoping to promote the tradition with the next generation of Kents.

It seemed that Martha might get her wish too, because Clark had also found time to purchase them both an ornament. In the past week he'd put up a tree in the apartment and insisted that it stay up until after the New Year for luck, so these new 'special' ornaments would be carried back to Metropolis with care and would look great on their tree.

After the farmhouse was decorated to everyone's satisfaction, the small family played a board game, none complaining when Lois emerged triumphant and very pleased with herself. Jonathan warmly wished Clark well in the future because, with a competitive wife like Lois, he'd need it. The said wife looked daggers at her father-in-law and husband, though within minutes she couldn't keep up the pretense and burst into laughter, the others soon joining in with her merriment.

Lois was so busy she hadn't had time to stop and think about her feelings until she and Clark were left alone when the elder Kents retired for the evening. The following day was Christmas Eve and Martha confessed that she and Jonathan wanted to be up early to finish the farm chores so they could spend the rest of the day with their children.

Those parting words brought a smile to Lois' lips, and she had to admit that the concept of being part of a close family circle felt marvellous. From the moment she'd walked through the door, she'd been shown unconditional love, and, while the situation was extremely new for Lois, it was one she not only liked but longed for more of.

And Clark… he'd been wonderful to her. Except, seeing them together, no stranger would ever know that they were a married couple. They would simply think they were just really good friends. Since they'd arrived in Smallville, he'd been careful to treat her in a purely platonic manner. He did, however, extend a hand now and then to touch her stomach, and to her amazement, she realized she'd come to find security in his touch instead of the overpowering anxiety of those first few weeks. She appreciated his restraint, only she wasn't certain now that she wanted it.

Lois had volunteered for dish duty to give her in-laws a rest and to make some contribution to the family's workload. When she finished, she went in search of Clark.

He was lying on a makeshift bed he'd put in front of the fire reading a book.

"Hey, Lois, this says we should not only talk to the baby, we should read to him or sing to her," he told her when she walked into the room.

"Why did you do that?"

"What?" He peered over the book to look at her.

"Say him and her in the same sentence."

"Well, I guess I don't like saying *it*. And since we don't know for sure what the sex is, I'll just use whatever comes to mind."

Lois nodded and carefully lowered herself to the covers beside him. "I've told you before, it's a boy," she declared as she stacked a few pillows to lie down with him.

"Nope, I think it's a girl." Clark decided to stick with his gut feeling.

"Do you?" She looked at him with narrowed eyes, a certain suspicion crossing her mind. "You haven't looked, have you?"

"Lois, I would never invade your privacy that way! Not without asking anyway," Clark defended himself and she offered him an apologetic grin. "But yeah, I do think it's a girl. Don't know why, but the closer it gets to the birth, the surer I feel. Would that bother you?"

"No, no. Boy or girl it doesn't matter."

"Good." Clark shut the book and rolled over to face her. "Will it bother you for me to talk to the baby?"

"No. I want you to talk to her… or him."

She nestled snugly into the pillows and shut her eyes, while Clark stared down at her, desperately fighting the urge to touch her. He'd never seen her look so lovely as she did tonight. The fire glow played across the shadows of her face, tracing the thick lashes of her closed eyelids, moulding the contours of her slighly parted lips and reflecting red hues in her silky hair. Clark's eyes strayed downwards over her swelling body and his breath caught in his throat... seeing Lois like this was exquisite torture.

But Lois' mind was elsewhere as she remembered a question she'd meant to ask him. She opened her eyes and surprised him gazing at her middle. Suppressing an amused chuckle, she single-mindedly returned to her query. "Clark, what were you going to say that day at the doctor's office when we heard the heart beat for the first time? You looked at me and you were about to say something when you heard that call for Superman."

Clark panicked, knowing he'd been caught staring and not too happy with the direction Lois' thoughts had taken. He'd been going to ask her how she'd feel if he said he loved her, but he didn't want to go there right now. They were getting along so well and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin the contented atmosphere they'd built between them. He quickly pulled away from Lois and snatched back his hand which had been hovering over her stomach. "It doesn't matter."

She would have liked to push him to confess all, but didn't want to cause any rifts between them either. Instead, she smiled and raised her hand to let it rest gently on his neck, stopping him from retreating.

Clark's breath caught, but he tried to ignore the way his skin warmed under her fingers, concentrating on the baby instead. "Lois, does my touching your stomach bother you? I know it did at first, and I don't want you putting up with it just for my sake."

"No, that's not the way it is! You must know that. I just had to come to terms with everything. I've done that and I want you to touch me… and the baby." And to prove that she meant exactly what she said, she took his hand and placed it on her 'mound'. "I like it that you're bonding with our baby."

"Good." He rubbed her gently. "Hey, little one. I'm your daddy. I'm really sorry about the way you were conceived, but I promise it doesn't mean you will be any less loved or wanted." Clark let his hand move across Lois' stomach again. "I can't wait to meet you. I'll bet you'll have your mother's fire."

"And your father's compassion," Lois added as her hand rested over his.

"She's a great lady, your mother. She's a brilliant reporter and a wonderful wife. But when you get here I think we'll see just how great she can be."

Not being able to resist, Lois' hand slipped round his neck to run her fingers through his hair while she watched him talking to her middle. She wasn't sure about the 'wonderful wife' part, but she was glad Clark thought so. "I know you'll have the best daddy in the world."

"I have to warn you. She'll be excessive and extremely protective."

"No, that's your job."

Clark looked up at Lois. "Are you kidding? When I grunt, you're by my side to make sure I'm okay."

"Can I help it if I want to make sure you're okay?"

"No." Now it was Clark's turn to chuckle softly at her defensive posture. "Relax, Mommy. I'm happy with you being as protective as you want to be."

Lois' fingers still tangled in his hair as she looked at him. The room was quiet with only the crackling of the logs to interrupt their interplay. It was so hot, and Lois didn't believe the only source was the fire. She sensed the change between them and knew he was about to kiss her. Her heart started to pound against her chest in expectation as he leaned closer...closer, till she could feel his breath on her skin. But, when only an infintisemal distance separated them, he stopped and she felt like screaming.

<I want him to kiss me!>

"I'm really tired. Do you mind if we call it a night?" Clark ventured apologetically, trying to regain some calm.

Lois had to struggle to find her voice before she could answer. Clark had just awakened a side of her she hadn't known existed. Or, at least, existed where he was concerned.... No, the first statement was true, she'd never felt quite like this and she wasn't sure what to do next. Retreat seemed to be the best option. "Ah, no. I'll just…" She motioned to get up.

Clark gave her a lopsided grin and gave her stomach one last rub. "Goodnight, little one." He helped her rise, then turned to lie down on his side.

"Goodnight, Clark," Lois forced out as she cast a final glance down at him, unable to believe the overwhelming frustration invading her body.

"Goodnight," he mumbled with as good grace as he could manage, hiding his face in the pillows and pulling the quilt around him. He just hoped it would cover the one obvious sign of his dissatisfaction.

A tiny sigh escaped Lois' lips as she made her way up to her room. Clark had actually started to kiss her, then pulled away. He'd kissed her before. Heck, she'd even kissed him a time or two. So why had he pulled away this time? What's more, why was she so despondent? She couldn't believe how incredibly hurt she felt, fighting against tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as she switched off the lamp and settled in bed. What had she done wrong?

She'd really thought they were getting closer. Their weekly dates had been going great. Most even ended with a wonderful hug. Unless she'd read the situation all wrong. But how could she? Clark loved her. Didn't he?

Maybe he *didn't* love her anymore. That was silly. Of course he did. She could see it in his eyes. So what was the problem? Was he simply not attracted now that she was showing more? But that couldn't be right either -- Clark wasn't that shallow. Besides, she'd recognised the heated looks he'd given her tonight. And they were married after all. Wasn't it natural at some point for married couples to… to… bond?! So what was the problem?

<The problem is you!>

Her conscience was quick to remind her of her short-comings. She was the one who'd refused to share a bed with her husband; a husband she hadn't even wanted and hadn't failed to let know this fact. She was the one whose moods had run hot and cold toward the wonderful man downstairs. And she was the one who was too afraid to admit she cared for him as more than a friend -- the *wife* who hadn't acted very much like one.

So, if she wanted a 'true' marriage, it was up to her to make the first move, only she wasn't sure how to do that. The trouble was that her past sexual encounters had been few and far between and all had been federal disasters... in particular, her last liason with Claude.

At the time, she'd thought herself completely in love, though she recognized now that it was only a case of 'puppy love'. Nevertheless, she'd given her honor and her heart to the sexually sophisticated Frenchman, and he'd taken both and stomped all over them. Even now, she flushed at the memory of the hurtful rumors he'd spread around the newsroom, trashing her naive sexuality and breaking her heart.

Of course, with hindsight, she realised Claude had had a second agenda, hoping that she'd be too humiliated to report the theft of her story, which he'd waltzed off with as cavalierly as he had her declaration of love. And she'd played along with his game, retreating within herself and vowing she'd never again give into her emotions, especially with a work colleague. She'd sworn off physical love and chosen to concentrate on her career, perpetuating the legends of the 'ice maiden'.

Yet Lois' heart was not so immune as she had believed, and she'd fallen heavily whenever Superman appeared on the scene. The first flight with him had caused her to go weak at the knees and her heart to flutter uncharacteristically, though it hadn't only been a purely physical appeal. She'd admired his honesty and his selfless desire to help those in trouble. But more than that, she'd recognized a fellow feeling of isolation in him, and when Trask had so cruelly persecuted the Man of Steel, she'd rushed to help and protect him.

Now, she understood that Superman's ethics were Clark's, and she had to admit, too, that she'd felt an attraction to the 'hack from Nowheresville' in those early days. There had been the time she'd surprised him straight from his shower in that trashy hotel and the hug they'd exchanged in the bullpen when their first story came together. Yes, she had felt something for Clark and Superman, but the 'unattainable' hero posed no real threat to her bruised heart, while Clark, on the other hand, terrified her.

Finding out they were one in the same person had angered her, but even that had receded very quickly in the face of the terrible trauma that threatened them. Lois was the only one who could offer them... him a way to fight the disease and she hadn't flinched, even though the route to a cure would make great changes in her life. For once in a very long time Lois had felt needed as a person and not just an investigative reporter. The idea had appealed to her almost as a crusade, but in true Lois Lane fashion, she'd wanted to do things her way.

When he'd insisted on marriage, Clark had taken charge of the situation and all Lois' insecurities and distrust of relationships rose to the fore. She'd slammed the door shut on her growing attraction to him and, in the process, treated him very badly. That had been a terrible mistake and now she had to let him know of her change of heart and pray that she hadn't waited too long. Surely it wouldn't be too difficult... she was a woman after all, and she was going to trust in the desire that was stirring within her. She was not the frigid female that Claude had branded her.

Remembering the passion that had surged through her body as she'd waited for his kiss tonight, Lois realised that Clark had touched her in ways she'd never thought possible. But how ironic it was that he'd drawn back just as she'd decided to explore their physical bonding. She rolled over in frustration and squeezed her eyes shut. She needed to get some rest... tomorrow was another day.

Downstairs Clark was also arguing with himself. He'd wanted to kiss Lois so badly it hurt. A kiss! Who was he kidding? He wanted so much more. As they'd grown closer, fighting his need for an imtimate relationship with his wife had become almost impossible, and he still couldn't be sure that she was ready for such a thing.

On nights like this, he was scared that if he had started to kiss her he wouldn't be able to stop, and there was no way he'd put her in such an uncomfortable position. Lois shouldn't have to do anything she didn't want to just because she was his wife. It had been a painful journey to reach the level of trust they now shared and there was absolutely no way he was going to jeopardize her belief in him.

But it was hard to ignore his physical need. He threw his arm across his eyes and moaned in frustration. Lois was so incredible; sexier than she'd ever been and his body often responded to the sight of hers changing with their growing baby. Over these last weeks, he believed she'd exhibited signs that she wasn't totally immune to a deeper relationship... if it wasn't just wishful thinking on his part. So was it wrong for a husband to want this from his wife? She certainly hadn't seemed particularly disinterested tonight. It would have been so easy just to let things happen.

<And so much less uncomfortable.>

Clark groaned again and tossed and turned on the pallet, seeking a more comfortable position for sleep. His traitorous body would just have to cooperate with him one more time. Tomorrow had to be better.

****

Next morning, Clark awoke feeling a little stiff from sleeping on the floor. Falling asleep in front of the fire had seemed like a good idea at the time. He sat up slowly and moaned softly as he worked the kinks from his neck.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up to see Lois standing in the doorway, holding two cups of coffee. He offered a small smile. "Yeah. Just stiff. Guess I shouldn't have slept down here." He groaned a little more as he stood, almost toppling back down.

"Clark!" Lois shouted in fright, scanning the room quickly as she sought for somewhere to desposit the 'pesky' mugs she held.

The room seemed to sway precariously, and Clark huffed in indignation at his uncooperative body, flopping down on his father's step stool. Lois' startled outburst had brought his parents into the room, and the three stared anxiously at his drawn expression and hunched figure. Within seconds, Jonathan was beside him to offer help if needed.

"Son?"

Clark unbent his body, slowly. "I'm okay. Just slow getting started this morning. I'll be okay after breakfast."

"I'll get it on the table." His mother was gone before she'd gotten into the room completely.

"Think you could drink this?" Lois asked him, picking up the mug again and holding it out to him.

"That would be great." He smiled to reassure her he was all right, even though he wasn't sure if that were true. He felt lightheaded and weak, but was determined not to ruin Christmas for everyone.

"I'll just go help your mother," Jonathan told him, a worried frown creasing his brow. "But shout if you need a hand."

"I will, Dad," Clark said watching his father leave, then turned his attention back to Lois and his coffee. He took the cup, grateful that his hand was steady. There would be so much fuss created if his family were aware of how shaky he felt. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She sat down in the chair next to him and reached a hand to his forehead. "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I think I'm hungry. You know that's something new for me." He took a long sip of his drink. "Mmm, that's good."

"Glad you like it." She studied his face for several moments before she spoke again. "You'd tell me if you didn't feel well, wouldn't you?"

He pulled the mug from his lips, deciding to come clean... a bit. "Okay. I feel a little weak, but I honestly think it's because I'm hungry."

"Well, let's get you fed." She stood and extended her hand to him.

He took it and allowed her to tug him to his feet. Together they went to the breakfast table, once again taking comfort from each other's company, the heated tension of the previous night forgotten for the moment.

And food did make a difference. Clark was a little better and quickly reminded everyone they'd planned to go riding in the light frosting of snow, but Lois immediately objected.

"Clark, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It's so cold outside and you're unwell!"

"Lois, I'm not. I really feel okay now." He tucked his arm behind his back, crossing his fingers at the lie. It was only a small white lie, as the strange dizziness had improved, but he couldn't tell Lois his true reason for wanting to go so much -- that he wanted to experience all he could of life while he still had the chance.

Jonathan gave his son a searching look. His older bones weren't too keen on a horseback ride in the freezing weather either, yet he could sense Clark's neediness, and Martha's hand slipping into his informed him she, too, was aware of the importance Clark placed on the outing. At the moment, both parents were willing to indulge their son in anything that would make him happy.

"Right, let's get this show on the road. The forecast is for more snow later today." Jonathan surveyed the sky through the kitchen window and pronounced, in tones of one well versed in the vagaries of Kansas weather, "Those clouds building up sure look heavy with the stuff, so we should go now. We don't have to be out for long, but it is a family tradition, Lois."

Regarding the encouraging faces around her, Lois gave in graciously. "Far be it for me to spoil a family tradition, but I have to warn you I've only been on a horse a couple of times before and I'm pretty much a novice."

"Hey, I would never let you ride a horse on your own in your condition. But I will teach you later, if you want," Clark offered and Lois, seeing his obvious happiness was glad she'd acquiesced to his plan. "Red is quiet and strong and he'll carry us both without any problem."

Now that did make a difference. In fact, the idea of sharing Clark's horse was a pleasant one and she wasn't about to turn down the chance. "Then, in that case I'm all for it!"

Soon they were all bundled up tightly in warm clothing and had made their way to the barn to saddle the three horses. Clark was secretly excited about the fact that his beautiful wife would be tucked between his legs for the duration of the trip. Their ride would allow him to be closer to her than he'd been since they'd married without it being an overt sexual approach and, oh boy, the reality turned out to be so much better than the expectation.

He loved every moment of it, even if it did remind him of his frustrations of the night before -- and of those to come, he thought ruefully. Neither had mentioned the episode in front of the fire, but he was still convinced that Lois had been relieved they hadn't engaged in that kind of intimacy. She might have grown accustomed to sharing living space with him, but what had nearly happened between them was on a completely different level and something she probably wasn't ready for. So, having her snuggled into his chest while wrapped in one of his mother's quilts was very satisfying. This warm interlude would stay with him way beyond the short duration of their horse ride.

****

For the rest of the day Clark had to fight the oddest feeling. He really did feel okay physically, but there was something he just couldn't put his finger on. Fortunately, he'd been wonderfully distracted by his partner, from the outing on the horse to the present minute. This evening, he and Lois planned to start their baby a memory book, Clark insisting that should things go wrong for him, he wanted his child to have some memories of Lois and he together.

Her first instinct had been to quell that idea, but catching the wounded shade deep in her husband's eye, she'd changed her mind. However, presently, she went off on some mission of her own and Clark couldn't help but wonder if she was still uneasy about the plan. He finished making up the sofa and went to find her.

"Lois?" Clark called as he slowly pushed the door open to his old room.

She didn't answer.

"Lois?" He made his way further into the room and pushed the door shut.

"In here!" She called from the bathroom.

"Is everything okay? You need some help?" He looked up when she waddled into the room. At thirty weeks Lois had swelled considerably. Her tiny frame hadn't been designed to carry a very big burden. They had been told the baby could possibly weigh eight pounds at birth, a circumstance that had caused Clark to apologize to Lois for days. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain she would have to endure for him and the knowledge suddenly terrified him.

Though, as he stood in the bedroom, fear wasn't the first feeling that came to mind and he couldn't get the grin off his face. She was dressed in one of his shirts and was simply adorable.

"That looks much better on you than it does me," he told her, unable to refrain from raising his eyebrows appreciatively.

She looked down at herself and blushed. The shirt had been hanging behind the bathroom door and Lois couldn't resist putting it on because it still smelled of Clark -- the yearning for anything that reminded her of Clark still forefront in her mind. She was about to apologize for wearing it when a little demon whispered in her ear....

Was this her chance?

"Want it back?" she asked with a sultry smile. Now she'd admitted that her hormones had been raging out of control for weeks and added to that was the frustration from the night before, Lois was feeling exceedingly brave. This special man was her husband and she wasn't about to fight her urges any longer.

"Ah…" Clark could only stutter because she'd started to unbutton the shirt. The right thing to do would be to protest that she put the shirt back on, but at the same time he was incredibly curious to see what was beneath the material.

He'd been thinking of Lois constantly in just this way, and now she was starting to show him the kind of attention he'd always hoped for, he was barely able to control himself. After all, his reasons for not consummating his marriage had nothing to do with his lack of desire and everything about respecting Lois' decision not to become intimate. There was no way he would object, if she'd changed her mind.

But his heart was so afraid that if anything happened between them at this time it would be just sex... and he didn't want 'just sex' with Lois. He wanted them to make love, to share themselves completely. But Lois wasn't 'in love' with him.

While she might care for him more than he could've comprehended, his selfish pride kept telling him that if they slept together and she left him after he was cured, he would never get past the hurt. Somewhere along the way Clark had failed to notice that Lois seemed to be committed to their marriage even beyond any recovery. Why else would she have set up all of their accounts as joint ones? Why did she talk about things in a future tense the way she did? Or perhaps he was just too scared to allow himself to believe in a long life shared with Lois.

<Or maybe she's just placating you.>

That couldn't be right… Could it? Could she really believe he might die after all and want to spend what time he had left fulfilling his secret fantasies? Was this just 'pity' sex? Somehow that thought was even more depressing.

But, nah! Lois wasn't that kind of person. She'd never consider physical intimacies just to please him.

<She married you and is having your baby.>

That thought came quickly and was one he certainly couldn't deny. If marriage and pregnancy wasn't intimate, what was?

<And what if you *do* die? Without ever knowing the pleasures of sharing your marriage bed with your wife?>

Could that happen? Could he die? Unfortunately the answer to that was definitely in the affirmative. Suddenly the strange sensation he'd had all day made sense. As if he realized his destiny... his mortality, Clark accepted the hand fate would soon deal him and his mind and heart cried out to the woman before him. He wanted to know 'life', to experience the essence of creation.

Lois… His beautiful Lois. His eyes drifted to her mid-section and he almost ran from the room. Oh, how he'd miss this child. He loved their baby beyond belief and would give anything to be able to see him or her just one time.

This was taking so long and Lois was almost frozen with panic. They'd probably reached the moment of no return and if this threshold was crossed there would be no going back. She'd half expected Clark to protest her taking the shirt off, and had she been relying on that safety net? If so, she'd badly miscalculated. Instead he was watching her with darkening eyes as she slowly revealed her swollen mid-section to him. Yet, when he stepped forward and placed a warm hand on her bare skin, the panic faded and only desire swept through her.

He had to touch that bare skin. Just one time. Clark moved to within inches of Lois and caressed the tight skin that covered their baby. "I've wanted to touch you like this for so long."

"You touch me all the time," she mentioned, trying to sound light. Even choosing to yield herself to Clark, Lois couldn't quite repress her self-consciousness. What if Claude had been right about her?

"Not without clothes between us." Clark lifted his other hand so he held her stomach gently. The baby danced beneath his touch. "She likes it, too," he whispered.

His voice had grown husky, adding fuel to Lois' mounting desire, and thoughts of her painful past faded from her mind. When Clark touched her, her hands stilled on the button above her swell, surrendering control completely to her husband. This was what she wanted.

He looked down on her, his eyes glazing over at the sight of their bodies so close together they almost touched, and in that moment he made the decision to stop thinking and just feel. He held her gaze while his hands, unexpectedly steady and true, came up to the material that still covered her body. Without a word, his fingers finished what she'd started, and when he was done, he pushed the material from her shoulders down to the floor.

"You're incredible," he told Lois as he leaned in to kiss her. This woman was his wife. This was not wrong!

The first kiss was more powerful than anything either of them had ever felt and it quickly set passions blazing. After several moments, Clark drew back to look at Lois, still willing to give her one last chance to withdraw... but instead she followed his movement, reclaiming his lips, and Clark was lost. She might not be in love with him; this might be just sex for whatever reason, but he couldn't leave the world without taking this memory of his wife with him.

"No stopping tonight," he whispered just before he lifted her in his arms and she came willingly, slipping her arms around his neck and molding her body into his embrace. They sank to the bed and in the soft evening light husband and wife discovered all the wonderful pleasures they'd been missing.

****

Clark stroked Lois' stomach softly as they lay in the afterglow of their love making, while her hand idly traced circles on the smooth skin of his chest.

"I love you, Lois," he whispered softly.

"I know." Her hand stilled and he noticed her teeth catch on her bottom lip. Lois was on edge again.

Why couldn't she just say it? he thought sadly. He was sure she felt the same way. He'd seen it in her eyes and felt it when they'd made love. At first, he wasn't sure why Lois was such a willing participant in their lovemaking. After all, he was so new to this, but surely Lois wouldn't, couldn't dissemble so much. They'd even made love twice before stopping and it had been more amazing than any of his dreams had led him to expect. She might not have voiced her love, but her actions had spoken so much louder than words ever could and that knowledge had thrilled him beyond belief. Still, it would be nice to hear her say it -- and she hadn't drawn away. She was still quietly snuggled into his chest.

Perhaps she was terrified of losing him. His own fear had faded into a resigned calm, but Lois was always one to rail against fate. Maybe she was afraid to tempt that fate by admitting to falling in love with someone whom she could lose in the near future. Hadn't she always said that anyone she'd cared for had abandoned her....

Well, he'd never dream of leaving her, but honesty compelled him to acknowledge that he might not have that choice. "Honey, you know I'd never hurt you intentionally." He had to let her know how he really felt.

"I know." She shifted so Clark rested on his back and she could look down at him, anxious to burn every memory of this night into her soul. She wanted so desperately to be able to tell him how she felt. She did love him; she knew that now, and it wasn't that she distrusted Clark... not really. It was her own emotions she doubted. There had been quite a few federal disasters in her past... and she couldn't afford another. Clark was too important to her.

"I wish I could take all those memories away."

"What?" Was that another power that Clark hadn't told her about.... Could he read minds?

"The memories that make it so hard for you to have faith in your feelings." Clark's hand gently touched her lips, stopping Lois' words. "No, you don't have to explain... just let yourself relax and enjoy the moment.... Remember, it's the moments that count, Lois. Moments like these, and I don't know why I waited so long for this one," he whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear in a tender caress.

She captured his hand and brought it to her lips to place a kiss in the palm. "Oh, Clark, how did I ever get so lucky to find you? This is what I want. *You* and our marriage… our baby… This is my life and I'm not going anywhere."

Contentment like he'd never known before in his life filled Clark, and he was about to tell Lois so when their little visitor made his presence known. He cradled Lois closer so he could feel the movement against his body.

"That feels great." He chuckled softly as the baby continued to 'tango' inside Lois' body. "It's amazing how such a tiny person can move like that."

"Yeah, especially when you're running out of room for the little guy." She agreed that her baby kicking gave her a thrill, but it was also getting a little uncomfortable at this later stage of her pregnancy.

Immediately, Clark's expression changed to one of sympathy. "Oh, honey. I didn't mean to remind of you of how huge this child is getting. Mom said I was a little on the bigger side."

"I don't think there's much we can do about that." Lois half-grinned, ruefully. "And I'm sure I'll get through the birth okay... as long as I have you with me." That was said with a certain amount of nervousness. Lois didn't know what to expect and as always, she hated her body to be out of her control.

At once, Clark dumped the almost 'para-normal' feelings he'd been having for most of the day. There was no way he was leaving Lois to face bringing his child into the world alone. With fierce determination, he grabbed hold of life. "Lois, I'm not going anywhere. There isn't anything in this world or the next that could make me miss the birth of our baby."

"Good! I'm glad we've got that straight." For the time being, Lois chose to believe Clark's statement, so seriously was it given. There weren't many things that Superman couldn't do, and now that they were together in every way, they were stronger than each alone. Deciding that the subject needed a little lightening, she chuckled. "I just hope this kid takes after you and has your temperament. Martha said you were a good baby."

"You and she talk a lot don't you?"

"Yeah. You know I could never do that with my own mother. She's still wanting to know why you couldn't keep your… Well, she's upset because we're having a baby so soon after we got married. My mother tends to hang on to her grievances. I'm hoping she'll change her mind when she holds her first grandchild."

"Ah…" Clark rubbed his hand up and down Lois' arm. "I promise you that our baby will never feel any less loved because we didn't conceive naturally."

"I know that -- I remember you telling him the other night." Lois couldn't help but smile at the memory of Clark talking to her stomach. "And any fool can see how much you love your baby already. Jimmy's getting tired of the latest round of sonogram pictures."

Clark grinned sheepishly. "I can't help it. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"And to me." She leaned in for another soul-searching kiss. "Although, *this* is a close second."

"Mmm, huh-huh," he moaned his agreement, busily returning her kiss, slanting his mouth over hers in demanding hunger. All their fears for the future faded as, once more, they lit the flames they'd kept buried until now.

It was a long while later when they surfaced again, Clark taking all the time in the world to bring her to wondrous pleasure. And surely he'd succeeded as Lois was smiling brightly. "Wow! Who would've known all that was hidden under those conservative suits?"

"I take it you're not frustrated any more?" He sure knew he wasn't.

"Absolutely not. I am sated and utterly satisfied," Lois purred like a contented kitten.

"Good." Clark kissed a bare shoulder as he settled on the pillows next to her. He could spend forever just looking at his wife.

"Remind me to send her a box of candy."

"Who?" Clark blinked. Where was Lois off to now? Even Superman couldn't keep up with her quick thinking.

"The woman who taught you all this patience."

That took a moment to sink in, but then a beaming grin spread over his face. "She is partial to chocolate."

"Really?" Lois turned to face Clark, uneasiness beginning to creep into her soul. An idea had overtaken her and it wasn't a particularly pleasant one. Given her past experiences, she ought to have known.... Men! Then again, Clark's life before he met her was really none of her business, yet she couldn't deny that it hurt.... "You must have spent hours perfecting the things you did to me."

His eyebrows raised in surprise as he leaned over to look at the clock on the bedside table. "About four hours to be exact. Wow! I didn't realize we'd been here that long. You must be starved." Clark rolled over to get up, but Lois' hand pulled him back down.

"Clark… did I just hear you right?"

"Yeah. I'm going to fix you a snack."

"Not about the food." Lois sat up to look at him. This was serious... this was huge! "You were a virgin before tonight?"

Clark had been embarrassed to tell Lois that piece of information, but as the words came from her mouth, they didn't sound all that bad. His face flushed slightly and he smiled. "How did I do?"

"Oh, Clark." Lois covered his mouth with hers again. Her heart was singing and she felt so incredibly special. He'd saved himself for her. No wonder he'd been so skittish about them making love. That's why he wanted to get married. He was scared he'd die without ever having experienced one of the most common ways men often referred to themselves as having finally made it to manhood.

<No! Wait.... That wasn't right.>

Lois leaned back to search her husband's face... a face that was filled with tender care... and a hint of anxiety, as he waited to hear her speak... to say anything.

Clark wasn't the 'macho' type, and he'd made it quite clear that he didn't *expect* Lois to consummate their marriage. He'd simply wanted Lois with him, to be close to her and their baby. Okay, he might have been afraid that he'd die without having known the basic concept of having someone to share everything with, but if he'd dreamed of anything more, he'd never considered it his perrogative. Companionship was all he'd ever asked from her, but now she knew that wasn't strictly true.... More than life, Clark wanted to be allowed to love her -- to bring his love out into the open.

Suddenly, she understood. The truth is simple. It fits like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle; it has no room for doubts or recriminations. And the truth is... that she'd never loved Clark more than she did now.

Sometime ago, she'd realized that falling in love with Clark would be so easy, but for so many complicated reasons she'd fought against that love. Only it had been too strong and giving into it was the most amazing thing she'd ever done. This was the forever kind of love and it felt great.... It felt like she'd finally come home.

"You are the most wonderful person alive," she told him softly, still a little tongue-tied to voice the words she knew he wanted to hear.

Clark leaned over to smother Lois with another heart-searing kiss. He decided he didn't want Lois to say those first scary words in the aftermath of passion and was glad she hadn't. "I think you're pretty incredible yourself," he told her as he leaned back to tenderly caress her face.

Lois blinked back tears as her entire being seemed to be overtaken with Clark's love. In his eyes, she saw her future, and it was the only place she wanted to be.

Her lips traced his jaw back to his ear, where she nibbled gently. There would be plenty of time for talking later... much later.

"Oh, yes, definitely incredible," Clark reiterated, while he still had breath to speak. His world couldn't be more full.