Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments: rewrite: gone in a flash

OK, you asked for it (or maybe you didn't, but then, you can skip it!!)

Here is the rewrite of GiaF - the absolutely last large fic I will ever attempt to write... I think. I tried to come up with a new ending - for those who read the first go-round of this beast.

Please let me know all comments. Any problems, any nitpicks, etc. Of course, compliments are welcome, too

I don't know if I'll be getting back to any of this for a while, as baby is due any day now, so please don't be insulted if you write to me and I don't write back.

Thanks!

Hey, Betsy -- I'm excited to see that you've rewritten this, and I'm looking forward to reading it, but it's already about an hour past my bedtime so I think it's gonna have to wait til tomorrow... and I hope to give feedback tomorrow.

PJ

Hey Great job Betsy! Loved it. Laura

Betsy, thank you for reposting this one. I hadn't caught it first time around and I thoroughly enjoyed this alternative beginning. With having to comment on all segments at once I can't point up everything that made me laugh or snuffle or was adorable and waffy and poignant and exciting and just plain...well, let's just say I loved every moment. And a tight a-plot as well!

Wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing. I found it fascinating and enthralling and your Lois and Clark were just adorable together. Their conversations over dinner and banter were wonderfully written and it was nice to see such a smart and savvy Lois. LOL on her surprising Tempus with her knowledge of Clark. Reading this made a rainy morning so much brighter.

But, please - last long story you'll ever write? With talent like yours that would be a great shame! Think again?

And still crossing my fingers for you on that other project you're working on.

LabRat

I've only read P1 so far (and I haven't read it before), but I just wanted to say I love it. I've found it really unusual so far, but in such a good way.

I'm interested to know who the baby was at the beginning. At first, after you mentioned an alternate beginning, I thought it was Clark, but then he said he'd lost his parents 10 yrs ago, not as a baby. Though, /me does some thinking/ the Kents couldf have found him after his first parents found him. Oh, the possibilities in this scenario are endless. :rolleyes:

Despite the slight alterations you've made to L&C, they still seem true to character, at least to me, thanks to the way you've written them. I loved Lois writting up the old theatre story.

I see we've got no Superman, but the Guardian instead. Every time I see 'The Guardian' I immediately think of The Guardian newspaper, I don't know why! I'll need to wait and see if we out how the Guardian was created, it obviously wasn't Lois Lane in this universe.

Glad this Clark's done way better than the old 'Cheese of the month' excuse! I'll also be interested to see what has made this Clark so judgemental, both as the Guardian and CK, in his newspaper articles, it must have been quite bad. Can't wait to see if he has his globe and ship, though I hope Trask doesn't exist is this universe.

Hope everything is ok with the baby and that junior doesn't make you wait too long.

Loriel (who will read the rest when she has more 'net time.)

Oh, Betsy, this is wonderful!! As you may remember, I did read this first time around, and I had a lovely time reading it all again now. I'm sure there were some changes to the earlier sections, but it all worked wonderfully for me.

You had me worried when Lois was still kidnapped by Tempus, though.

Jen

We both love this story, Betsy! We'll all still be here when you come back.

Casey & Christine

Hi,

I like the rewrite.

MAF

Betsy,
wonderful rewrite
don't stop writing longer stories
merry

Wow, Betsy. I started this reading this and realized it was familiar. Then, the further I read, the more I remembered. This was a marvelous story then, and it's even better now.

This Clark is so much less prone to foot-in-mouth disease, isn't he? Loved how he handled the Lois/Lex situation, and the beeper was brilliant.

Moving on the Wells/Tempus thing... well, yes, Wendy is right that one Herb is at least better than multiple Herbs. But if I remember correctly, a lot of readers were troubled at the time because we'd invested so much care in this Lois and Clark, and then they were gone. Merged, I think? I don't remember the details clearly, but I'm very, very glad you changed that ("good" Tempus notwithstanding). This Lois and Clark deserve their chance at life, Utopia or no.

And lastly... Wow, what a powerful observation from Lois. Indeed, how utopian can "Utopia" be, if it produces malcontents like Tempus? I've always thought that Herb had things utterly wrong, anyway. One day I'll even write that fic that's been hovering in the back of my mind for two years now... but don't hold your breath.

Betsy, I'm glad you dusted this one off and polished it so brilliantly. I'll end by chiming in with the others and urging you not to stop writing! By all means, take a break if you'd like. Take a year to write another one, if that's what it takes. But you have a wonderful talent, and I'd love to read more of your work.

Hazel, who just had a marathon reading spree and STILL hasn't caught up to the boards yet

I sat down and read this in one sitting last Thursday night, but haven't had time to comment until now. First thing to say is that I liked this. I hadn't read the previous version, and I'm curious to know what had changed.

I certainly wouldn't have taken the time to read all the parts in one go if I hadn't found the story compelling, so congrats on engaging my interest!

Good points? Well, you made Lois and Clark's relationship very poignant. I really felt for this alt-Clark. I'm curious, though; you say that both of Clark's parents died, but you stress the fact that Clark witnessed his mother's death. I assume that she took longer to die, hence the death-bed conversation(?).

Now, you mention Trask. My immediate response was, ah hah! A dangling thread, all ready for the sequel, and then you tell us that you have no plans for another long story. No. You can't get away with that! We won't let you.

Good use of technobabble! I barely understood it, but I understood enough to get the gist of what was going on. That is success in the tradition of Star Trek and ER. (I shared a house for a while with someone who was a massive ER fan. One day she was lamenting the fact that she couldn't understand much of what was going on; I pointed out that she didn't have to. All she needed to know was that it was exciting and that the characters knew what was happening!)

One last question, which might stem from the fact that it was very late when I read this, so it might be me being very thick; the first Tsunami in 1958... Was that a test run by Tempus, or was it a natural occurence? Just curious.

Chris

Betsy, I read and enjoyed this story when you posted it last year. Then I reread it this morning and enjoyed it still more and posted some terribly important comments...but those were lost with the board crash

I am very glad that you found a way to sustain this alternate universe. I liked watching how the relationship of this Clark and this Lois developed. We have a vested interest in them now, and we want to see them continue. Maybe you'll care to revisit this universe someday...

I really like the idea of an alt-Tempus to help solve the problem. Very ingenious. And there was some wonderful banter between evil-Tempus and this Lois! He had certainly underestimated her.

And this had me
It was a wonderful story, and I certainly echo the sentiments of others when I say that I hope it's not the last long story that you write. Thanks so much for posting it.

KathyM

I have just read this on the archive. Delightful story. I like the way this Lois and Clark's relationship grew.

The pager is perfect!!! So much better than the bad excuses.

But I did wonder, is he just using a pager as an excuse or did he hire a service to send alerts to the pager when major problems, earthquakes and the like occur?


Just delightful. Really very well done.

Sorry, but I can't seem to locate this rewrite. I'd really like to read it! Where can I find it?

Thanks eversamuch,
Snave

Hey Snave,

I found it in the Fanfic Index. I was just looking for something to read when I saw this thread. :p

Jen

http://www.lcficmbs.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=6;t=000047

http://www.lcfanfic.com/stories/2004/goneina.txt

So sorry, I didn't even notice that I used a different word.

Thanks to both of you for the URLs to the story.

The reason I was confused about which was the rewrite, was that Framework4 mentioned a pager in the post. But a search of the story didn't reveal the word 'pager'!

Oops! Just re-read the reference; I guess beeper = pager. (blush!)