Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic A Gift For Life: Chapter 9

Chapter 9
Chip Off the Old Clark

"Lois, where is my medication?" Clark called from the kitchen. They'd ended up home together tonight, though, not in any better accord, unfortunately. It was obvious that both wanted to discuss the situation with Lex, but neither was willing to be the first to speak.

"I put it on the right hand side with the glasses." She appeared in the doorway as Clark opened the cabinet.

His eyes fell on the little 'drugs-box' she'd taken the time to buy for his medication. It helped to give the shelf a much neater appearance, and the thoughtfulness of her action made him feel all the more guilty about their current situation.

"Find it okay?"

"Ah, yeah." He pulled the tray down to discover she'd gone a step further and bought another organizer that separated his various pills into daily doses. She'd even filled the cups with a week's supply. He let out a deep breath and looked up at her. "This is… very thoughtful. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She moved over and filled a glass with water for him. "I… did it to score a few points," she admitted softly.

He took the glass and looked back at the plastic box in his hand. "It worked," he whispered. There was a long silence before he looked back up at her. "Lois…"

"Clark…" They both spoke at the same time. "You first!"

"I just… I…" He stopped and tilted his head when his hearing picked a call for Superman.

She'd come to recognize that look. "Big?"

"Not really."

"Can't you just let the officials handle this one so we can talk?" Lois had geared herself up to discuss the situation with Clark and she didn't want to let the opportunity slip by. Besides, she was fairly sure that he'd been using his superhero work to stay out of her way.

"I have to go," he said apologetically. He dumped his pills into his hand and downed them quickly. "Sorry. I have to go."

"Yeah. Go!" Disappointment assailed her and she stomped into the other room, steadily mumbling. "Fine, just fine! Go be super while your… your 'whatever I am' just cools her heels… the same way I've been doing for the past week."

Clark had spun into his suit, but stopped when he heard what she said. He strode into the living room. "What?"

Lois twirled to face him. "You heard me!"

"Yes and I can't believe you said it!" He threw up his hands and paced across the room. He vaguely heard the emergency crews respond to the call, which only served to inflame him further -- surely she understood that saving lives took precedence over personal problems.

"You can't? Why not? Am I not supposed to be angry about our relationship? You've been acting like a spoiled little brat!"

"Like you have room to talk!" he threw back at her, his anger distracting him from his pending rescue. It seemed that these days Lois could annoy him at the drop of a hat over next to nothing.

Lois gasped. "I wasn't the one to get my tights in a wad because of a little dinner."

"Dinner with a maniac that you just happened to have dated!" Clark glared at her as they faced off in full battle mode.

"That's what this is all about isn't it? You just can't let it go. Your ego can't stand the fact that your… partner won't allow you to dictate who her friends are!" Lois was way past remembering that Clark might actually be right about Luthor. Meanwhile, Clark was on a different tack....

"You can't even say it, can you? Why don't you just say it, Lois? You can't stand being married to me! But then again, how the hell would you know? Apart from our 'little arranged dinners'," Clark said sarcastically, betraying what he'd come to think of those, "you've barely spent more than five minutes at a time with me since we came home from our… trip."

"I'm not the one who runs home to Mama every night!"

"You know I spend time with them to give you space. Which is utterly stupid!"

"You told me you wouldn't push me." Lois took a step closer to him.

"How can I? You're never home!"

"Why would I want to be? The only thing here is you!"

Clark felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut. Now he knew exactly how Lois felt about him and living here. It hurt so much he felt as if he would pass out. Why had he done this to himself?

Lois wanted to bite her tongue in half when she saw the tears in Clark's eyes. She was about to offer up an apology when he spoke.

"Why did we ever think we could raise a baby together? We can't even talk to each other without yelling." He turned dejectedly and headed for the stairs leading to his small room.

"Clark." Lois went after him, but he shook his head sadly.

"Leave it alone, Lois. I'm too tired to argue any more." He continued toward the stairs, unaware that his mumbling could be heard across the room. "Finally something Superman can't fix."

"What did you say?" she demanded.

He stopped on the bottom step, fighting desperately to contain his raging emotions before turning to her. "I said I've finally found something Superman can't fix."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that apparently I was naive to think that your little *Superman crush* would help me out with this marriage."

"I outgrew that when I realised that he was just as pigheaded and dumb as Clark Kent!" Lois's answer came crashing back at him, unforgivingly stark.

Was it possible for someone's heart to break and keep right on beating? Because Lois could swear that's what happened to Clark in just that instant. Why did she always lash out without thinking? She didn't doubt that Clark had translated that to mean she'd fallen out of love with her superhero when she'd discovered he was just an ordinary guy, which wasn't what she'd meant at all. If only she could take back those hateful words.

"Clark, I'm sorry...."

"Just stop!" He stared at her as the reality of their situation finally caught up with him. It would always be this way; Lois would never come to feel anything more for him than friendship and pity. He just couldn't take it anymore. There was only one thing left to do. "You can't help how you feel." His voice was calm-- stronger than he would have imagined it to be considering his life was about to change completely... again. "I'll call a lawyer tomorrow and start annulment proceedings," he said flatly.

"Clark, come on. We can't do that," she told him.

"I, ah, I think I'll move back to the farm. I believe the fresh air and hard work will do me good until… until the end," he continued as if he hadn't heard her last statement, then, taking a ragged breath, he climbed the remaining stairs to his room.

"Clark, I won't sign," she told him. "I won't give you an annulment." He never acknowledged that she'd spoken. When he disappeared from view, Lois stomped her foot angrily. "Damn you, Kent," she said fiercely.

This couldn't be happening. They were about to let a disagreement ruin everything. But she had to admit that she'd said some very mean things, even by her standards. Now she had to try to fix this. It was just so hard for her to admit that maybe she'd been wrong. She hated being wrong. And even when she knew she should, she'd hardly ever been the one to apologize. It just went against who she felt she was. It lowered her defences and allowed someone else in... someone who could hurt her. Only, she could no longer deny the fact that Clark had wormed his way under her defences, leaving her more vulnerable than she'd been in a very long time.

Upstairs, Clark lay down on his bed, drawing his legs up and wrapping his arms tightly round them. Why did he have to love Lois Lane.. and why had he insisted on marriage? He'd foolishly thought that she would be there for him as the end drew near. And it was so easy to picture their baby. He or she would be gorgeous.

When Clark was growing up and finding out just how unusual he was, he'd made the decision not to tell anybody, hoping he would fit in. But of course he never really could; he was just so different and he'd been afraid that, apart from his parents, he would always be alone -- never have a wife and family of his own.

Then he'd met Lois and he'd fallen in love with her right there in Perry's office and no matter what happened between them, his feelings had never waivered. His illness and Lois' solution had come straight out of the blue, throwing him completely off balance. So, he'd taken a big chance, hoping to steal a piece of happiness by marrying Lois and praying that she might come to return his love in time. Yet that had been a pipe dream and he knew now he had to put an end to the marriage he'd had such high hopes for.

He drew further into himself as his pain soared in his heart. Luckily, he didn't have too much time to drown in his sorrows before the sounds of several fire engines drew him from his self-pity. Superman shot out of the small skylight and into the night air.

Downstairs, Lois listened as the familiar sonic boom rang through the air. She sank onto the bed and stared down at the floor. What was she going to do?

****

Unfortunately for the relationship between the couple, Superman was needed for the next two days to fight a fire that was raging out of control in the Hobbs Bay area. Several warehouses and three of the more seedy apartment complexes were ablaze, destroying peoples' livelihoods and homes, and, this time, there was no doubt that Superman's help was crucial.

Lois watched the scenes on television and even visited the site once, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Man of Steel, but he'd been much too busy to notice her there. She thought he looked so small against the towering flames, his normally colorful suit blackened by smoke, adding to her sense of his mortality. Would he be strong enough to do his job, or would the disease rob him of his amazing powers? Lois stayed for only a little while then returned to the Planet. There was nothing she could do to help him this time.

Nearly ten people lost their lives in the intense fight to stop the flames from spreading to more buildings, but finally, Superman and the various fire departments managed to conquer the deadly threat.

Without conscious thought, Lois had covered for her absentee-partner at work, informing the Chief that Clark was doing the 'ground work' on the fire, while she would write up the copy. At first, the older man had been worried that the hot smoky atmosphere would be detrimental to Clark's health, but, eventually, his instincts as a newspaper man won out and he began to look forward to another first rate story -- and maybe a sidebar or two. Of course, Lois would have to keep Clark up to date on the current excuse for his absence... provided he'd actually listen to anything she said, or even agree to work with her again.

By the time Lois made it home on that second day, she was extremely relieved to hear the shower running in the bathroom. She might have been angry with Clark before he'd flown off to fight the fire, but fear for him had quickly overshadowed her anger. She was willing to admit that her lack of attention was partly responsible for their huge disagreement, although Clark's behaviour wasn't exemplary either... far from it, in fact.

There was enough hostility to go around and apportioning blame wasn't going to solve their problems. If they were going to stay married, one of them had to try to repair the rift, and Lois was prepared to take the initiative. That had to be a first for her, and just maybe that action would go a long way to proving to Clark that she really wanted to be in this relationship.

Lois had picked up take-out on her way home, just as she had the last couple of nights, in the expectation he'd return. She began setting it out, hopeful that with a bit of luck, Clark would have dinner with her. Hearing a tired groan, she looked up as he came into the kitchen and her breath caught in her throat when she took in his appearance -- his skin was much too pale and he was practically dragging his feet. It was obvious he was worn out.

"I brought dinner." She wanted to go to him, but wasn't sure of her reception.

"Good," was all he said as he took out his medication.

"Have you been able to come home to take that?"

"No." He moved over to fill a glass.

"Clark, you have to take your pills."

"I am," he snapped as he shoved the drugs into his mouth.

"You know what I mean!" Lois' voice betrayed a growing exasperation.

"Do you ever let up?" he asked when he lowered the glass.

"Come on, Clark, give a little here. We really need to discuss this!"

"I think we've said more than enough, don't you?" His voice was flat and his expression closed.

Lois' mouth set in a stern line. She'd lived in a state of nervous tension over the last few days and Clark's inflexible attitude hurt, but she'd try once more to reach him. "Perhaps... but Clark we can't throw everything away...."

"Be honest, Lois! There's nothing left to throw away. Maybe there never was anything.... This whole idea was a mistake."

Those words hit her like a dose of cold water. Surely there had been friendship. Obviously, Clark wasn't ready to forgive and forget. In a mixture of anger and despair, Lois slammed her plate down and began scooping food on to it. "Fine. The jury's reached the verdict, the court's out and there's no appeal. Do whatever the hell you want."

Clark wouldn't allow Lois' comment to bother him. Instead, he snatched up his own plate and helped himself to some food. With plate and glass in hand, he headed for his room. Who was he kidding? Everything about her bothered him, and putting some distance between himself and Lois was the best thing for his peace of mind at the moment. His feelings were still smarting from their last confrontation and it had been a long couple of days. All he wanted to do now was eat and sleep.

Lois flopped into her chair and ate in silence. It seemed nothing had changed between them.

<Come on, be honest here, Lois! You really didn't try too hard to apologise.>

<But, if he refuses to talk to me, then there isn't much I can do!>

The little voices in her head started up again and she groaned in frustration. Reluctantly, she finished her dinner and got up to go to bed, praying that her conscience would calm down and give her a good night's sleep. This running argument was taking its toll on her too and she did feel tired. Unexpected tears clouded her vision and she gulped back a sob. At least, he was home and safe... and that was some comfort.

****

The incessant ringing of the phone pulled Lois from her sleep the next morning. It was her day off and she'd planned to spend most of it in bed. However, this caller had other ideas.

"Hello?" she said in a sleepy voice.

"Lois, it's Bernie."

"Bernie, hi. Is there something wrong?"

"No, no. In fact, I think something is right."

Lois eased to a sitting position. "What?"

"The blood sample from the last procedure is showing a completely different reading than it did three days ago."

"What? Is that a bad thing?"

"No...." She almost heard Bernie's embarrassed swallow before he confessed. "I think I was just doing the wrong test. I'm sorry. This really isn't my specialty. Would you mind coming in this morning and allowing me to run another test?"

"No, of course not. I'll be there in an hour."

"Great. See you then."

Lois put the receiver down and stared at the phone for a long moment. She could feel her heart race in anticipation. If she was pregnant, maybe Clark wouldn't follow through with that stupid annulment idea. Who would believe him anyway with his wife expecting? And when did she start thinking she *wanted* to stay in this marriage?

Of course she wanted to stay, she reminded herself. They had to have this baby to save his life. But that probably wasn't the only reason she wanted to stay....

"Oh boy, Lois," she growled aloud in frustration as her inner voices assailed her again. "Just what do you want?!"

Could she possibly feel more than she cared to admit for Clark? With every passing day it seemed she became more bogged down in a quagmire of mixed emotions. And she'd believed this living together thing got easier the more you got used to it. How wrong could she have been?

Never one to dwell on introspection, Lois promptly silenced her warring thoughts, pushed the cover back and went to take a shower. She wouldn't find any answers wallowing in bed!

****

Lois leaned her elbows on the table and cupped the mug in her hands as she thought about the news Bernie had given her today. The tests had been run a dozen times, all with the same result. She was pregnant, exactly ten days pregnant. That was considerably early to tell, but Dr Klein assured her that the blood tests were accurate. So, they had been successful. They, she and Clark, had created a baby.

<Isn't that what you wanted?>

But wanting something and actually getting it were two entirely different things. She was still committed to having this child to save Clark's life. That hadn't changed. What had changed was that she realized she was now someone's mother. Or she would be. There would be someone completely dependent on her for their needs. At the moment she could hardly take care of her own life. How was she supposed to take care of a baby?

<But you won't be alone,> her insistent subconscious piped up again.

She knew Clark would be there to help with the baby no matter what the state of their relationship. She'd known that from the beginning. It was the underlying factor that had allowed her to offer to do this so readily. He would never leave her on her own to take care of this baby.... Unless, of course, the transplant wasn't successful, and she refused to think of that possibility. Her big concern now was whether they'd raise their baby as friends or enemies.

She sighed and straightened to rest her coffee on the table. Lois briefly thought of not telling Clark just yet, but quickly shot that idea down. If she didn't tell him, she was sure Bernie would.

Before she could formulate a plan of action, she heard Clark land softly on the balcony. He made his way into the kitchen and to the cabinet that held his medicine.

"Clark?" Lois spoke more loudly than she'd meant to get his attention.

"Yeah?" He kept his back towards her as he gulped the pills quickly. Then, not waiting to hear what she had to say, he ploughed on with his own information. "I talked to David Livingston this afternoon. He'll have the papers drawn up by the end of next week." Finally he faced her, yet his eyes remained fixed on a point just above her head. "I'll go out and stay with my folks at night until everything goes through and I can move. I typed up my resignation today. I'm going to give it to Perry tomorrow."

His resignation? That came right out of left field and left Lois trembling.... She would be alone. Life without Clark in it somewhere seemed suddenly bleak. "Clark, you can't leave the Planet! We're partners -- you just can't! Besides, we can't get an annulment," she added the last more quietly.

"Lois, I just think this is for the best."

"I'm pregnant."

Clark's mouth dropped open in shock, but he quickly shut it as her words registered.

Lois finally caught and held his gaze. "I don't know if a judge would grant an annulment if your… spouse is pregnant."

He could only stare at her silently. He'd often thought of this moment and how it might play out when she told him she was pregnant, but this was nothing like the scenario he'd envisioned.

When it became apparent Clark wasn't going to speak, Lois rose to her feet. "I know this is not exactly what you wanted to hear…"

"Lois, no." He took a step to her. "It's just…" He shoved a frustrated hand through his hair as he looked for the right words here. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly. He definitely thought an apology should be first on the agenda. They'd both acted horribly in the last few days and he'd suffered a lot of pain and guilt because of it. He certainly wasn't proud of his part in the proceedings. "So sorry! I don't know how I could have been so callous.... The things I've said...."

"I said some things too, Clark...." Lois dropped her head as the sting of hot tears pricked behind her lashes. She might be prepared to meet him halfway but she wasn't going to let him see her cry. "I have this temper... and sometimes I say things that I shouldn't. You probably know that...." Her voice died away as the tears threatened to spill over.

"I know," he said with just a faint echo of amusement. "But this…. It makes all the rest seem unimportant." He moved toward her, unable to stop the swell of emotion growing inside him. "This, the baby… it's…" Hearing the catch in his voice, Lois dared to look up again. "Pretty…" His eyes drifted down to her torso. This woman was carrying *his* child and Clark couldn't stop the wonderful feelings that were spreading through him.

"Unbelievable?" Lois asked to help him out.

Clark's lips spread into a bemused smile and his eyes sparkled with unshed tears as they came back up to meet with hers. "Yeah, and amazing," he breathed out.

"We did it, Clark!" She couldn't resist the feeling of accomplishment. Suddenly she too was smiling tearily, experiencing emotions she'd never felt before. His obvious thrill was contagious. "Of course, it's early yet," she cautioned him. "I'm only ten days along."

Clark nodded. "How? I thought Bernie had already run the tests and said you weren't?"

Lois chuckled slightly as she remembered the frazzled scientist in his lab this morning. "He, ah, he wasn't running the correct test."

Clark's expression became wry. "Do you think maybe we should wonder what he's been inseminating you with?"

Lois gasped, but gave into a huge grin when she saw the twinkle in Clark's eyes. "Wouldn't that be horrible?" She grimaced with fake distaste.

Clark too cringed jokingly and they both laughed a little more before his face once again became serious. "Lois, this is…" He looked down at his hands before he spoke again. "I'd be lying if I said this doesn't feel really good... or makes a difference."

"Thank you for being honest. And I have to be too.…" She paced over to the table and turned to face him. "I don't want to end this marriage."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Clark pulled out a chair and eased down. "Why do you *not* want to end it?"

"Honestly… because I hate to fail." She took her seat and fingered her cup. "I hate to give up and if we divorced, that's what we'd be doing. I told you I'd compromise and I haven't done a very good job of it."

"I know this is a lot of work."

"It is," she admitted as she met his gaze. "I'm not afraid of work."

"Me neither." Clark looked at her for a long moment before he reached across the table to touch her hand, praying she would accept his simple gesture of supplication.

Unconsciously, her other hand came up over his as she remembered his earlier apology. "I'm sorry, too, Clark. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've never done this before."

"That makes two of us," he reminded her.

"I know. And I guess it'll take me a while to get used to the fact that I'm not alone in this. I've never done… together before. It's new and confusing and scary."

"I understand," Clark smiled softly. "And you're not wholly to blame. I haven't exactly acted like a model partner either. I've been childish and self-centered...."

"True! I'm glad you noticed!"

"Lois, you don't have to agree so wholeheartedly!" Clark objected, yet his continuing smile belied any real irritation. "What do you say we start over? I'm just too tired to hash up the pain any more."

"I think I'd like that." Lois returned his smile, squeezing his hand. "We could start by sharing a long overdue dinner?"

"That sounds good. Just let me shower and I'll whip something up."

"Okay."

Clark stood, releasing Lois' hand with some reluctance. Truthfully, he wanted to hug her, yet wasn't sure how she'd react. Instead, he took a step toward the bedroom, only to turn back, unable to resist some sort of gesture. His hand came up to cup Lois' face. "I'm happy about the baby."

Lois swallowed hard, unsure of how she felt about this baby yet. Was she happy? Yes, because this child would save Clark's life, but he was happy just because the child had been conceived... period.

She smiled up at Clark, unwilling to deflate his joy. "Me, too," she forced out. Now if she could just learn how to deal with this next stage in her ever changing life.…

Clark grinned again and let his hand drop, turning quickly to head towards the bathroom. Inside he was a mass of contradiction. He was happy -- delirious about this baby, but, at the same time, he was terrified. Everything from now on was so uncertain. Would he live to see this child born? Could the baby really save his life? And if so, how would he handle that?

So many questions were running through his mind and, for the time being, he had to force them all away, so he could concentrate on something else equally important to him: Lois. It was obvious she was confused about her feelings, and probably insecure about her future mothering skills. He wanted to be there for her; to help her to adjust and, with a bit of luck, if their conversation was any indication, she just might be prepared to allow him closer to her inner-sanctum.

****

Clark made a simple pasta dinner and soon the couple sat in the quiet apartment sharing their meal.

"This is good, Clark," Lois mused, her eyes closing as she savoured the first mouthful. "You know if I had to be married, I'm glad I picked a husband who could cook...." Her voice trailed off as she blushed selfconsciously.

"It's good to know I get some things right." Clark grinned sheepishly as his skin color rose to match Lois'.

There was another silence which Lois occupied by taking another few bites of her food. Then she set her fork down determinedly. "Clark, about Lex...."

"No, Lois!" Clark interrupted.

"I just wanted to say why I accepted his dinner invitation... and things...."

"Lois, please don't," Clark reiterated. "I really don't feel up to rehashing all of that. He isn't worth it, and I meant what I said about starting over. We put all the disagreements behind us, including Lex!"

"Okay," Lois replied, still sounding a little doubtful, but she rose from the table and went to the bookcase in the living area. When she returned she set a gift-wrapped package on the table by his side. "Maybe you'd like to decide what to do with this," she said with the hint of an apology as she retook her seat across from him.

Clark didn't pretend not to recognise the object and he sent her an understanding smile, accepting it in the light she'd offered it. "Maybe send it back?" he asked gently.

"Your choice," Lois answered with a shrug. Lex Luthor was no longer a concern.

"I'll take this up to my room after dinner," Clark said, fingering the box, "And we can deal with it later."

"Fine." Lois smiled in satisfaction and eagerly continued eating. She finished her pasta and sat back. "What's for dessert?"

"Something chocolate, of course. Actually, it's only double chocolate-chip ice-cream. I didn't have time to make anything fancy."

Lois' smile grew wider. "That's my favorite!"

Later, both Lois and Clark relaxed side-by-side on the sofa, feeling more comfortable together than they had in quite some time. Large steaming cups of one of Clark's herbal teas sat on the coffee table in front of them. Lois picked hers up gingerly, staring into the clear greenish liquid.

"What's this, Clark? Are you trying to ween me off caffiene?" Her gamin grin peeked through her disgusted expression.

"That tea came highly recommended by an old herbalist I met in China," Clark offered, returning her smile. "It's good for you." Clark wanted to remind Lois of her condition, but felt he shouldn't push his luck. Much to his relief, this evening hadn't turned out as he'd first thought it would.

"You know, we should really try harder to make this marriage work, Clark."

"I agree. We have someone else to consider now," he stated, completely blowing his earlier caution.

Lois' eyes fell at that reminder, but she pushed her ambivalent feelings to the back of her mind. "I think we could start by you coming home in the evenings with me, Clark, barring super rescues, of course." It wasn't much of an offer, but even if they spent time watching TV in silence, at least she'd feel she was making an effort. She brightened at her next thought, though; sampling Clark's cooking could never be a chore. "And we should eat dinner together. After all, you know I can't cook, and, in my condition, I need to eat well!" Lois swallowed hard, aware that she herself had actually brought up the subject of her pregnancy.

"Sure, Lois, I can do that!" Clark couldn't help but feel a little pleased with himself. It sounded like Lois was going to allow him to take care of her. "Does this mean you don't want me to resign my position and move to Smallville?"

"Of course I don't... I never did! You have way too much work ahead of you now, buster. There's no way I'm letting you get by without helping." She grinned to show him that she was teasing about the last bit.

He chuckled softly and replied, "I wouldn't dream of not helping, Lois."

"I know you wouldn't. We're in this together." Strangely, right at the moment, she felt comforted by that knowledge. Lois reached over impulsively and patted his arm before taking an experimental sip of her tea. "Hey, this stuff is actually quite good... kinda wierd, but I could get used to this."

While Lois seemed so agreeable, Clark decided pressing his luck wouldn't be such a bad thing. "Maybe we could even try spending our days off together again.... Maybe even a trip to Smallville?"

However, from the studied glance Lois gave him, Clark could tell he'd pushed too far.

"Maybe... soon...." Lois didn't want to disappoint Clark so quickly, but she hoped that he would be prepared to wait a little to inform his parents of their impending grandparenthood. She wanted to become more at ease with her pregnancy before letting others in on the secret. Right now she just wasn't sure whether she could cope with all their happy fussing.

*****

Things soon settled into a routine for the couple. As agreed, they began to spend more time together in the apartment, becoming sufficiently at home in each other's company that they found themselves adopting the same teasing partnership they once shared at work, before marriage had complicated their lives.

Lois' bottle of pre-natal vitamins found a place on the counter beside the sink. Clark said they reminded him that he should keep fighting for his life, which had started an emotional discussion one evening. That frank conversation had been a bit of an eye-opener for Lois as she came to realize that Clark often thought about his mortality. She'd known the night she'd held him after he'd discovered that his disease had worsened, but somehow, in the mayhem of late, she'd lost sight of it in a haze of misunderstandings, hurt pride and claustrophobia.

Now, hearing him voice his unselfish concerns about leaving her and the baby behind should the transplant fail, guilt assailed her... she'd been so self-absorbed. She'd allowed herself to forget that Clark was fighting a battle with his own relentless demon and, yet, he hadn't reproached her. Lois appreciated that. Deep in her heart the tiny flame that glowed for Clark flared and began to burn more strongly. Between them, a new level of friendship had been reached, and although not the perfect life, theirs was starting to resemble something in which both could find comfort.

****

At first Lois didn't give a lot of thought to her pregnancy. It seemed so surreal to her. But time wouldn't stand still, not even for her. When her sixth week approached, Dr. Klein suggested she and Clark find a good OB. He proposed a few possible candidates, but couldn't be very helpful as he had little contact with this field of medicine. Regrettably, he also told them there wasn't a lot that could be done to treat Clark until after the baby's birth.

Of course, in the meantime, Clark would still visit Star Labs for a twice-monthly check-up to monitor the progress of his cancer. Since he was Superman, he would need to know well in advance when his powers were waning so the public could be warned that the hero would be taking time out to attend to personal problems. An appropriate story was still to be concocted, but Lois was confident that she could invent a suitable excuse. Not that Clark was comfortable with the idea of lying, but he did have faith in Lois' ability to come up with something plausible and he totally agreed with the need to protect his secret. Thinking of how vulnerable his family would be if it were known that Clark Kent had been Superman, at a time when he was without super powers, gave him nightmares.

It was, also, something Clark didn't like to think about in a general sense. He hated letting down anyone who needed him. Lois, however, took the view that as the illness wasn't Clark's fault, he didn't have anything to feel guilty about. Thankfully, Lois' pragmatic approach eased Clark's conscience a little and, in the meantime, he would continue do what he could.

Lois had called the four doctors Bernie had recommended they might use as their obstetrician. She'd visited two and begun to let the actual situation sink into her conscious mind. She was pregnant… with Clark's baby. Soon everyone would know that fact -- a circumstance that made her want to run and hide somewhere. How would she handle this? Already, she and her… partner seemed to be the favorite topic of conversation around the newsroom. Wouldn't they get a kick out of this one? She could just hear Cat now.

"Gee, Lois. You don't waste any time, do you?"

She cringed when she thought of the smart remarks she'd receive. Of course, Clark would be seen as 'the man'. He'd be congratulated for his… input. Wouldn't everyone just die if they knew exactly how this baby was made?

She sighed heavily as she pushed through the doors of the third doctor's office, feeling a little guilty for doing this without Clark, but this wasn't the most pleasant of situations. Lois had read the literature. She'd be poked and prodded and have to suffer many indignities over the next few months. If Clark wanted to be part of all this, then he should have carried the baby!

She giggled somewhat hysterically at that picture -- he wasn't that much of an alien! Instructing her wayward thoughts to behave, she straightened her lips and greeted the receptionist. With any luck, she'd like this doctor -- Bernie's idea of 'good men' didn't match her own -- and she wouldn't have to look across the entire city to find another. The young woman behind the desk smiled and Lois grew anxious as she recited her practiced speech.

<He's worth it! He's worth it!> She found herself chanting, hoping to make it through the rest of the day. Kent would pay big for this one. Tonight they'd eat Italian… in Rome.

****

As she'd guessed, Clark had sulked a little in disappointment when he heard Lois had done the doctor search alone, reminding her that he would have been happy to go along, wanting... no needing, to be involved as much as he could. Yet, at present, he couldn't stay annoyed for long and his 'joi de vivre' grin soon replaced his pout. Uncharacteristically for Lois, she found herself apologising and inviting him for the appointment that was scheduled for the end of the week.

Another of Clark's glowing smiles almost made her grow weak in the knees and, thankfully, he scooped her up to fly them off to Italy for dinner, just as she'd suggested. At least, in this position she no longer had to rely on her own abilities to stay upright, and she snuggled contentedly against him, amazed at the warmth she found in the circle of his arms.

It felt good to be able to spend quality time together after all the previous hostility and both relaxed to enjoy the flight. Flying had always been the one gift Clark appreciated most out of his amazing array of abilities, but it was so much better when you had someone to share it with.

They had flown together before, of course, but always with the purpose of chasing down a story or saving Lois' life when she'd gotten herself into a dangerous situation. Now, Clark couldn't resist the exhilaration that filled him as Lois gazed at the myriad of stars in their velvet darkness above her, while the silver orb of a full moon cast a sparkling, rippling path across the steely-grey waters. Her mouth opened in a wide 'O' as a school of dolphins played midnight tag in the ocean below them and, later, she pointed wondrously at a shooting star arcing across the heavens.

He saw it all anew through Lois' eyes and his heart sang as he hopefully supposed that this would be something they could enjoy for some time to come. Later in the evening, he took his courage in both hands and offered to do these foreign trips more often. A silly grin brightened his face as Lois readily agreed, barring, of course, super emergencies and bouts with his illness. It seemed that Lois too found delight in the feeling of total freedom that came with his gift to shed the pull of Earth's gravity.

That night, another fine strand was woven into the tenuous bond they shared. However, as often was the case with the couple, they didn't talk about their marriage, the baby or their uncertain future for the entire evening. Avoidance seemed to be an unspoken motto between them, though the topics were never far from either's minds.

As the early days of Lois' pregnancy went by the couple fell into a familiar routine and Lois couldn't help but admit that she was no longer uncomfortable living with Clark. They had both adapted to sharing space and things began to go more smoothly for them. Lois even found herself quite appreciative of the little things that Clark would do to ensure that her condition didn't cause her too much stress -- like the early morning cups of tea and buttered toast that regularly found their way onto her nightstand.

At work, though, things went haywire. Several huge investigations were thrown at them and if it hadn't been for a little 'super' help, they wouldn't have been able to make as much headway as they did. Unfortunately, the hectic workload forced Lois to reschedule her appointment at the OB which, in turn, had caused a little tension between her and Clark.

He felt nothing was more important than taking care of the baby. Though, wisely, apart from a passing mention, he didn't press the point, sure that it would lead to yet another argument which he didn't have the energy for. Meantime, Lois made a second appointment and forced herself not to allow Clark's disapproval to bother her.

She wasn't exactly clear why his concerns should affect her, other than the fact that her body was her own and she would decide how best to care for it. Lois wasn't quite ready to acknowledge that there was someone else now who depended on her. She certainly wasn't ready to admit she was happy about this baby yet, and even less willing to accept the fact that she should slow down on her career. This was the 90s and lots of clever women juggled high-powered jobs with pregnancy and motherhood. Lois didn't see why she should be any less competent. Besides, no matter what Clark thought, he would always support her -- they were partners in many ways and that was one thing she was now sure of.

****

Lois fidgeted in her seat, filling out the paperwork for her first pre-natal visit while, next to her, Clark flipped through a magazine, trying to appear calm. Lois hadn't liked any of the doctors Dr. Klein had recommended -- where had he found them? So, somewhat against her better judgement, she'd decided to see her own doctor.

She trusted the woman and had been her patient for years, though she hadn't wanted to use her during the pregnancy. Lois' kneejerk reaction had been to keep this part of her life separate, but without a more reliable source, she had relented and made the appointment. It had been a pretty crazy notion anyway and it was about time she got used to the fact that this was real! Fortunately, before Lois could over obsess, she was called for her turn.

"Clark?"

He looked up from his reading. "Yeah?"

"Aren't you coming?" After all the fuss he'd made about not being allowed to help with the doctor search, Lois wasn't about to let him sit in the waiting room!

"Well…" He lowered his gaze a moment and his voice dropped even lower. "Lois, the book said a pelvic examination is performed at the first visit...."

"I know. She'll also check my breasts, take blood, and I have to give a urine sample." He nodded nervously at the pictures her words had created. "Clark, I want you to come."

Where had that bravery come from? And just when had she made that decision? Lois hadn't felt this way when they'd left the Planet at lunch time.

"Lois," he breathed. "You'll be…" He waved his hands as his cheeks began to burn with embarrassment.

She quickly eased back down to the seat beside him and whispered, "Clark, if you can't handle an exam, how are you going to handle a birth?" Hadn't he told her one of his expectations was to be present during the birth?

<Why wouldn't he? This is his baby, too.>

She panicked a little. Giving birth was a long way off, but this exam wasn't. She wasn't sure if she wanted Clark to be present, yet she wasn't about to start an argument in a public place by admitting that. Besides, there was no way she could exclude the father from the whole process.

<Huh?> Boy, she really was stressed!

"Come on, Lois. This is different."

"Why? Either way you'll see my… well, you'll see a lot."

"Lo-is!" His face was on fire now.

"Clark… you're my husband. You're not supposed to be shy to see me exposed."

Now she knew something was wrong. Calling Clark her husband had just slipped out naturally and she hadn't skipped a beat when she made the statement about being exposed. Was she really just keeping up appearances, something that had never troubled her much before, or had she really grown so comfortable with this man?

He looked at her with an expression she couldn't define. "You haven't exactly… been… exposed before."

"I know." Lois squeezed his hand sympathetically. "If this makes you uncomfortable, you could just step out during the exam. But wouldn't you like to come back and meet the doctor? We may even get to hear the heartbeat." She offered him a smile.

For the first time since he'd known Lois, she was employing the same look he often used on her -- the 'hurt puppy dog look' she called it. Clark wasn't sure if she realized she'd done it or what it meant, but he couldn't deny her after that. He grasped her hand and stood, letting her pull him behind her into the inner part of the office.

As the door closed, the receptionist shook her head and smiled in gentle amusement. She'd seen many first-time pregnant couples looking just as anxious as the handsome pair who had walked into her boss's inner-sanctum, almost as if they were walking into a lion's den. It was just as well that they didn't know what lay before them in the coming months, but she had a feeling that they'd do just fine.

Lois stepped onto the scales with a frown. Only a half pound. She could live with that. She shut herself into a restroom to give the urine sample. Next she sat at a table while her finger was pricked and her iron was checked. Blood pressure, temperature, and a larger sample of blood was taken from the vein in her arm.

"Could you leave a little so she won't pass out on the way home?" Clark ventured to joke with the nurse, whose sweet manner had gone a long way to put them both at ease. Lois, however, was still looking pretty frazzled by the whole process and she was well aware there was worse to come, so Clark hoped a little lighthearted banter would help steady her nerves. Heck, he needed steadying himself!

The nurse laughed as she filled the last vial, then sent the young man an appreciative look, which neither Lois nor Clark objected to, since the lady was old enough to be his mother. "I must say Ms. Lane, you have an adorable husband."

Lois glanced up at Clark. "He'll do," she agreed and he couldn't resist chuckling softly at her statement.

Finally they were taken down the hall to an exam room where Lois was given a paper gown and told to undress. Clark found himself blushing fiercly and he stepped into the hallway, allowing Lois some privacy to disrobe and settle on the table. In the little corridor, Clark dug his hands into his pockets and tried not to look too conspicuous -- he was fairly certain that most husbands would not have shot out of the room like a scalded cat when their wives started to remove their clothing. No doubt the experienced medical staff could see right through Lois' and his pretence and he was very relieved when minutes later she called to him that it was safe to enter.

He hurried to her side with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I know this is uncomfortable for you. It's uncomfortable for me, too. I've never been pregnant before and it's kind of scary. If it helps any, I hate to get undressed and be poked at. But we have to do this. And I want you with me. You can chase away the willies." Again she was amazed by her feelings, finding that she'd meant each and every word -- this was easier to get through with Clark by her side. Without her realization, Clark Kent had somehow started to slide his way under her carefully constructed defences and Lois wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to deny it... or even why she should.

Clark reached up to rub her arm. "I *am* Superman," he told her quietly with a grin.

Just as Lois was about to answer, the door opened and a tiny older lady stepped into the room, her voice sounding much larger than her person. "Well, Lois Lane! It's about time you came in to see me."

"Hi, Doctor Lewis!"

"Hey, honey." The white-coated lady came closer to the table. "Oh and who is this handsome young man?"

Clark smiled and thrust out his hand. "Clark Kent. I'm Lois'… husband."

"I'm impressed." The doctor shook his hand in a very enthusiastic manner. "Your pictures don't do you justice, son."

"Thank you," he said, sounding a little bemused. Doctor Lewis wasn't quite what he expected.

"You're welcome. Lois, why didn't you tell an old lady you were married? He's quite a catch."

Lois glanced up at Clark to see him blushing once more. He was clearly embarrassed by the doctor's compliments, but for the first time since they'd been married, she had to agree with someone about how wonderful he was... he really suited that particular shade of pink! But maybe she ought to have warned him about Doc Lewis' avid bedside manner. "Thank you, Doc."

The doctor looked down at Lois' chart. "Well, I'll be. Seems there's a good reason for this visit." She met Lois' gaze. "I feel like a proud grandma."

Actually, that wasn't such a stretch of the imagination, Lois thought. Doctor Lewis was one of the few people she'd known since childhood, the woman having been a friend of the senior Lanes when they'd still been a couple. Of course, Lois had lost touch with her for a number of years and had only become reacquainted by chance when in adulthood she'd needed to find a doctor.

"Congratulations, my dears. You must both be over the moon. Shall we see how baby is progressing?" The three shared a happy laugh as the doctor moved forward to start the examination. After listening to vitals, she turned to pull on a pair of gloves. "I know this is the worst part, but I won't mash too hard."

A warning light switched on in Clark's brain and he shifted uncomfortably. "I'll, ah, I'll just step out until you're done with this part of the exam," he told the doctor.

"You don't have to go," she returned in her most reassuring physician's voice.

"I know." He cast Lois an apologetic smile before he opened the door and tried to make a dignified exit from the room when he dearly would have loved to use superspeed.

Dr. Lewis surveyed Lois with a slightly puzzled question in her eyes, causing the younger woman to shrug evasively. "He's too shy for his own good."

The doctor's stare held for a couple of long moments, then her face relaxed in a grin. She was sure that she hadn't been given the whole truth, but she was willing to play along."Don't worry! I get all kinds, honey. I'm sure Clark will find his way pretty soon. He seems to be a real sweet boy. Now let's take a look."

The doctor proceeded to do the external exam, being as careful as possible, for which Lois was extremely grateful.

"Good, that's done, but I wish it were all that easy," the doctor said sympathetically as she moved back and lifted the receiver of the phone on the wall to call for a nurse. With a hand washing and change of gloves, the nurse was there and Lois was prepped for the internal exam.

After the most interminable minutes of her life, when Lois stared at the ceiling and surmised that she'd rather face the biggest gangsters in Metropolis than 'grandmother' Lewis, the doctor made an announcement. "Looks great, Lois. Get dressed and come into my office. Oh and don't forget to bring that nice husband with you."

"We won't be able to hear a heart beat today?" Lois asked as she struggled to sit up.

"Well, it's a little early, but we can try. Just let me get Daddy -- he ought to be in on this. We can do it after you're dressed... and take your time; it will give me a chance to get to know Clark." Her hearty laugh rang out again as she disappeared through the door.

Lois nodded and eased to the floor to dress, wondering whether her mild-mannered partner would survive Doc Lewis' inquisition. Perhaps choosing a doctor who regarded her as extended family to see them through the pregnancy had been a mistake, even though the elderly lady had an excellent reputation.

A few moments later her question was answered as Clark and the doctor reentered, he looking relieved to escape, while the incorrigible physician's eyes twinkled. Clark smiled shyly at Lois as he moved to her side and waited patiently as Lois was prepared for the procedure. Yet he avoided looking at her exposed stomach for fear of letting his emotions show. He'd dreamed so often of seeing Lois in a state of undress, but he wanted it to be of her choosing. Not like this.

The doctor tried for several moments to locate a heartbeat. After various attempts, she lifted the wand from Lois' stomach.

"I'm sorry, honey. I guess it's just too early. We will be able to hear at the next appointment though."

Lois nodded, feeling a little disappointed. She hadn't known how badly she wanted to hear this child's heart until just now. Would it somehow make it all seem more real?

"Come over to my office when you're ready," the doctor told them, with what Clark had quickly learned was her customary smile.

"She's nice... really cheerful..." he remarked, turning discreetly away from Lois as she cleaned her stomach and straightened her clothes.

"Yeah," Lois agreed, with something between a groan and a laugh. "I'd almost forgotten how cheerful! That's me, I'm done." She walked up behind Clark and slipped her hand through his arm. "Come on, let's go hear what 'Grandma Lewis' has discovered!"

Nothing more was said as they exited the room and went to listen to the doctor inform them that everything appeared to be normal -- a fact that made Clark secretly sigh with relief. Bernard had already assured the worried father that he could see no reason why an Earthling/Kryptonian pregnancy should not proceed normally, since both were species of homosapiens, but a second opinion was welcome.

Doctor Lewis finished up by asking Lois a few friendly questions about Sam and Ellen which were answered without much enthusiasm. If the doctor was dismayed by the unhappy relationship she suspected exited between Lois and her parents, she did intimate to the Mom-to-be that due to patient/doctor confidentiality she would not be the one to pass on the happy news. The couple were given an appointment for four weeks down the line and with that they said their goodbyes and left, both feeling fairly stunned by the experience of their first appointment.

"Let's fly out to see your parents this weekend," Lois told Clark as they walked back to the Planet. She figured it was best to tell them and get it over with. Besides, they might need the Kents' help later on and Lois didn't think it fair to hurt their feelings by keeping this news from them any longer.

"Okay. They're going to be tickled." Now that his nerves were settling down from the pre-natal visit, Clark was giving a very fair impression of being thrilled himself.

"I know. My parents will both have a heart attack. I can just hear my mother. 'Geez, Lois, what kind of man did you marry? Couldn't he at least use protection for a couple years? Or could he not control himself?'"

"Wouldn't she die to know just how much control I do have?"

Lois stopped to look at him. "I'd love to tell her, just to wipe the expression off her face."

"Lois, I don't want anyone to know…"

"No, no. I think I'd rather she thought you're insatiable." She smiled briefly before continuing up the sidewalk.

Clark jogged to catch up. "Did you just say you *want* your mother to think I'm insatiable?"

She looked over at him. "Yeah. I guess I did. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He grinned and waggled his brows.

"Somehow I think you might have fun with this," Lois commented with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, well…" He shrugged as they continued down the sidewalk.

"You know," Lois started again after a moment. "I just realized that in a few months I'll look like a blimp."

"Come on, Lois, you're having a baby. You'll look great. I can't wait to see that cute little belly and…"

"And huge butt… not to mention a balloon sized bosom. Hot air balloon sized."

Clark couldn't repress a chuckle. "You won't have a huge anything or a balloon sized…"

"I will. I'll get fat and have to waddle like a penguin."

Clark stopped them and turned Lois to face him. "Does this bother you?"

"What? Clark, no!" Then she relented at his probing expression. "Okay, so maybe there's a part of me that's not… looking forward to the weight gain, but thank goodness I won't be very large during the heat of summer."

Clark nodded and looked down the sidewalk before meeting her gaze again. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Doing this." Clark took a chance and reached out to grasp her hands. "Lois, you're having my baby. That feels incredible." Both their expressions had changed to match their burgeoning emotions, and Clark risked tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'd really like to kiss you right now." He held his breath as he waited for her reply. He couldn't believe he'd actually voiced his desire out loud.

Lois reached to clasp a hand behind his head and pulled him down to kiss him softly. She was smiling when Clark leaned back to look at her with a stunned expression. She wiped the lipstick from his mouth, then headed in the direction of the Daily Planet.

"Wow," was all he could say as he watched her retreating back. He collected himself and ran after her again, smiling brightly when she reached out to take his arm.

Lois had no idea where she found the nerve to kiss Clark like that. For the past week or so, she was having difficulty determining how she felt. Terrified was a pretty accurate way of describing how she felt about this baby. Confused was more the word she needed when describing her relationship with Clark. But the open expression of genuine appreciation on his face when he thanked her for this baby was more than even 'Mad Dog' could resist.

Besides, it was just one kiss. What could it hurt?

****

Clark was walking on cloud nine. He couldn't help it. He had a beautiful wife and a baby on the way, and though this wasn't exactly the picture book marriage he'd longed for all his life, he refused to think about that, his illness, or anything else that would destroy his now very full and happy life.

Since Lois had insisted that his parents should be the first to know about the baby, by the weekend, both were anxious to get to Kansas.

"Lois! Clark!" Martha engulfed each in a warm hug as they came through the back door. "Dinner's almost ready. Come in." Lois was shuffled in to sit at the table, then she turned her attention to her son. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm good. Dr. Klein says my white cell count is stable. I haven't been sick in about two weeks." He looked over at Lois for confirmation. She nodded. "No nose bleeds lately either. I'm good."

"That's great to hear. Sit down while I put dinner on the table." Martha had known a little of the difficulties the pair had been having, since Clark would talk to her some when he'd fly home at night. Not that he would ever say anything too disparaging about his wife, but reading between the lines, Martha deduced that Lois was having trouble dealing with the realities of married life. But if they were both here…. Martha dared to hope.

Clark joined Lois at the table and a short time later Jonathan came in, offering his own quiet welcome. Now that they were together they could all share a great country meal and good conversation.

"So, when are we going to be grandparents?" Martha asked the couple as they all finished dessert.

Lois giggled helplessly at the expression on Clark's face. "You should have known you couldn't keep it from her, Clark. I think the woman has more super powers than you."

"I think you're right. Thanks, Mom. Since you already know… in about thirty two weeks. Lois is eight weeks pregnant."

"Hot dog!" Jonathan was on his feet so he could pull Lois up into a hug. It wasn't often the large man got excited about something, but this was definitely one of those times. Family was everything to him and he'd been brokenhearted at the possibility of losing his only son. Now there was every chance that Clark would live and the grandchild he so desperately wanted was already on the way. And it would all be possible because of his indomitable daughter-in-law. He leaned back to look at the startled woman in his embrace. "I know I haven't said a lot about this whole situation, but I am thrilled."

"I'm glad, Jonathan. I've been a little tense about it all and it helps so much to know we have your blessing."

"You know, you're too good for my boy."

"Really? I think you have an okay boy."

"I do. But this baby will help make him better... and I don't just mean his health! Nothing like a baby to make you get your life in line."

Lois smiled and leaned in for another hug. Just why was she so pleased with this kind of affection?

Martha wrapped an arm round Clark's shoulder and smoothed back his hair as she had done when he was boy. "You know, sweetie, Lois isn't the only one who has to take care of herself. You should consider slowing down a bit."

"I know, Mom. I will. Right now I'm still on a high." He rubbed a hand up and down her back.

"Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yeah. It's the best." Clark pulled his mom to his chest for a warm hug. His approaching fatherhood had given him even more insight into how they felt about him. If he could just understand how Lois felt…

****

So began another change in Lois and Clark's relationship. Clark, choosing to ignore logistics, just wanted to live and enjoy life. It didn't matter to him that this baby had been conceived in an attempt to save his life... to him it was so much more than that. He simply wanted their baby to exist for its own sake and, in a lesser way, he hoped that it would build a bridge between Lois and himself so that one day his marriage would become a true one.

Not that he would ever voice that dream, but Lois knew it to be true. She could see the love he bore her shining in his eyes when he watched her, feel it in his touch and in the constant care he gave her. It was almost palpable and, though it scared Lois, she suspected that she would miss this feeling of being cherished terribly if somehow it disappeared from her life.

That realization forced her to try to see things through Clark's eyes. He loved her, saw her as his wife. He wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but carefully kept those things to himself out of respect for her. That only confused her more. She'd never known a love that was so unselfish.

And how did you surrender yourself to another so completely? Losing control had always been taboo for Lois; in her experience, it only led to sorrow and humiliation. Yet Clark had never asked anything of her... he had no expectations, but he did *deserve* more. Could she give more, be the kind of wife he needed?

Was it time she admitted that she wasn't sure how to deal with the emotional overload from their ever-evolving relationship? Or was it time to admit that she simply had problems dealing with her developing feelings for her husband -- to step away from the safe shores of friendship and venture into the stormy seas of love?