Chapter 6
I Now Pronouce You

"But I love my apartment," Lois stated adamantly, standing in the middle of her living room looking both outraged and forlorn. "Everything is just the way I like it."

Clark listened once again to the litany, trying hard to retain his patience. Over the last few days the couple had tried to hash out the details of their lives together after the wedding, the main point being where they'd live. Unfortunately, those conversations always proved somewhat testy.

At the first mention of sharing the same living space, the reality of their whole situation was driven home for Lois. She and Clark would live in a confined space -- together! That had to lead to huge compromises and forced intimacies which she really hadn't taken into account. Personal habits would be open for scrutiny and all those thoughts scared Lois senseless. For far too long she'd been her own person and had done just as she wanted to in the privacy of her home. She didn't have to watch herself or worry about someone else constantly being around. Could she live with that change?

"Okay, so I'll move in here!" Clark countered with his usual suggestion, knowing full well that Lois would object to that too.

"Clark! It's too small. My apartment is really meant just for one person or a cou...." Lois' voice died and her skin flushed hotly.

"Couple, Lois? Is that what you meant? I know we're not exactly a 'couple', but most people will expect that being married, we might actually live together!" Lois found she couldn't meet Clark's furious stare. "And, correct me if I'm wrong, weren't you sharing this apartment with Lucy when I first came to the Planet?"

Lois pounced on that one. "Yes, and that was a disaster! Thank goodness it was only temporary until Lucy moved to California. You can't believe how cramped this apartment got! And we were hardly ever here at the same time. She stayed out late at night and slept most of the day... and she wore my clothes!" Lois forgot to be angry at Clark in her tirade at her sister.

"Lois, I can assure you, I'm not about to wear your clothes!"

To her surprise, a giggle defused much of Lois' rancour. She'd noticed lately that Clark had a way of getting round her justifiable tantrums. "You'd better not even think of it, buster. Get your own tights!" she retorted sassily. Clark's mouth dropped open, and for a moment they both enjoyed a good laugh.

"Lois, you are right, though," he said, sobering up. "This place is too small for both of us and, speaking of Superman, your windows are a bit too exposed for Superman to come and go from frequently. I don't mind the odd visit, but it's just not ideal on a regular basis."

"I know," Lois reluctantly agreed, crossing to stare out the window at the busy evening scene below. Her apartment faced the main avenue and there were other houses across the road. Someone was bound to notice Superman's presence eventually.

She was beginning to relent, though she still wasn't thrilled about the prospect of giving up her own home. It was too much like losing her own space; she'd worked hard to achieve her self-reliant life style, and this felt like some of it was being eroded.

She also harboured thoughts of needing the space again after the baby was born and Clark was well on his way to recovery. He *had* told her that if that were to happen, he'd gladly grant her a divorce. And though she hadn't realized it until their discussion, divorce was the *out* she was holding on to. She couldn't exactly reveal that to Clark, though.

"Lois, I do have an idea? Will you listen to me?"

She turned and found Clark standing near her, hovering anxiously... well, not actually hovering. She shrugged and passed him by on the way to her couch. "Okay, what's your solution?" Her eyebrows rose, as she made herself comfortable, though she looked anything but hopeful.

Clark walked back towards her, but he didn't sit. "You move in to my apartment." Lois opened her mouth to interrupt; they'd had this conversation before. "Lois!" Clark jumped in, "just hear me out." She subsided, and Clark continued with a sigh. "It is a little bigger than here, Lois. But you don't give up your apartment...."

"You think we should alternate between apartments?" Lois asked sounding incredulous. Somehow that didn't seem like a lot of fun.

"No! That's not practical. We wouldn't have time what with work and Superman... and my illness.... Then if you get pregnant...."

Lois gave up some of her aggressiveness when she was reminded of the two reasons they were doing this. "When I get pregnant...."

A shadow of a smile touched Clark's mouth -- Lois was always optimistic on that point. "Okay -- when! But back to your apartment.... What would you say to subletting it? At least, until we found a bigger place for after the baby's born. That way, you could take your time getting used to the idea of giving it up...."

Lois jumped up. "That's brilliant, Clark!" Actually, that was a slight exaggeration, but it was a decent compromise. Clark had unwittingly given her exactly what she wanted: an escape out of their marriage once things were better. And she had accepted the fact that Clark would need someone to take care of him in the next few months; she could hardly do that from a separate home. "I could sublet. Of course, it would have to be organised legally...."

"Of course," Clark nodded. "And, isn't that new woman who's taken over from Howie in 'travel' looking for a place to stay? She's from the NY Times and I thought I heard her say she was sick of living in a hotel."

"She does seem nice and normal, doesn't she?" Lois was still a bit apprehensive at the thought of a stranger living in her home, but it was better than the alternative. "And I could take everything I want with me, couldn't I?"

Clark inwardly cringed at the thought of Lois' sofas moving in with her, but he put on a brave face. "Everything!"

"Good, then that's settled," she concluded after a few moments reflection and Clark sighed with relief. "I'll get on to that first thing tomorrow. Now, what kind of take-out do you want? I'm thinking Chinese from that nice little place in Singapore...." Once again, Lois was okay with the marriage and peace between them was restored.

With the decision made, they began to pack up the things Lois wanted to take with her; the others would be placed in storage until such time as they were needed. Then they rearranged Clark's furniture to make room for Lois' stuff, and they told her parents.

Clark had only met Lois' dad once and had never met her mother, yet telling them he was marrying their daughter was something he felt he should do. So, at Clark's insistence, Lois had arranged a meeting at a fancy restaurant, believing that things were more likely not to spin out of control if they were on neutral territory.

Lois parents were, as she'd warned him before the meeting, their usual condescending and argumentative selves. Still, the evening went a lot better than either of them had expected, even if it had been awkward. Clark was sure that Ellen hadn't believed him good enough husband-material for her daughter, though Sam had seemed mildly friendly, when he hadn't been fending off sarcastic attacks from his ex-wife. At the end of the meal both Lois and Clark had been relieved to exit the restaurant, leaving the older couple bickering behind them.

Toward the end of the week they told Perry their plans and, to say the least, the editor was surprised.

"In the name of my blue-suede shoes!" He looked up at them from behind his desk, his hand arrested in mid-stroke of his red marker pen. "Marriage?! You two are getting married?"

"Comes as a bit of a shock, eh, Perry?" Lois' eyes were wide as she remembered how pole-axed she'd felt when Clark had first dropped that bombshell on her.

"Not an unhappy one, I hope, Chief?"

Perry swallowed, his editing of a poorly written article completely forgotten. "No, no! If you kids are happy, then I'm happy for you."

"Well, of course, we're happy, Chief," Lois insisted gushily, slipping her hand through Clark's arm and, in Perry's opinion, protesting too much.

If Perry had considered it, he'd probably have said that Lois would never get married, and Clark was the last man he'd thought she would choose. Lois hadn't really liked Clark when he'd first come to work at the Planet, believing he was some kind of country hick who would hold her back. Of course, she'd since admitted that she'd been wrong about his reporting skills, and they had become close friends of late... but marriage was the last thing he'd imagined for the couple.

Unless it had something to do with Clark's terminal illness. Perry hadn't spent years in the newspaper business without developing an instinct for reading between the lines.

"Then I guess there's nothing else to do but wish you both the best." He stood and came round to the couple, giving Lois a quick hug and shaking Clark's hand. "But don't you forget that this is a work place, not a dating agency or a marriage guidance office. I don't want you bringing any personal concerns into my newsroom."

"Perry, I think Clark and I are both professional enough to behave... professionally." Lois ended on a shrug.

"Yeah, sure thing, Chief," Clark echoed Lois' sentiments. "You're invited to the wedding, of course. It's this weekend at the Victorian House."

"That soon?" Perry managed to get out, almost choking in surprise. Now he was pretty certain there was an ulterior motive behind the wedding, but he tamped down his curiousity for the present. "I'll be glad to come, kids. Now get out of here, don't you both have jobs to do?!"

By the weekend, the entire staff at the Planet knew they were getting married and they quickly became the topic of office gossip. Most people were shocked Lois 'Mad Dog' Lane had agreed to marry anyone and Clark was most definitely not considered her type -- he was far too nice! Without knowing the reasons behind this sudden wedding announcement, rumors ran wild.

****

"Loo-iss!" Cat purred as she slipped into a seat next to her.

Lois stopped typing and looked warningly up at the woman. "What?"

The 'society columnist', however, was quite impervious to Lois' cutting stare; Cat had a very thick skin. "You sly dog, you. Why didn't you tell a girl you were… you know… with Clark?"

"Cat, my relationship with Clark is none of your business."

"Oh come on, Lois. Just tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"How is he?"

"What?" Lois faced Cat, expecting to hear something outrageous.

"In bed? Is he as good as he looks?" Cat's eyes sparkled at the prospect of a piece of juicy gossip.

Lois almost told her she had no idea, but changed her mind. She opted to be a little evil instead. Cat really did get to her, so she smiled provocatively at the drooling woman. "What do you think?"

It worked perfectly. The older woman's mouth spread into a grin. "Ooo, he is. I knew it."

Lois shrugged and turned back to her screen. She had just added to the gossip but right now she didn't care. She was tired of all the comments and smart remarks.

Cat rattled on for several more minutes about Clark's attributes before she slithered her way across the room to find another helpless victim to antagonize. Lois shook her head and got back to work.

From his position at the copy room door, Clark had overheard the conversation between the two ladies. He smiled at Lois' boldness. Secretly he hoped she'd stay as open minded and spirited after the wedding… with everyone, including him.

****

As the days clicked by towards their wedding, Clark's thoughts were of little else. He found himself looking forward to his new life, his mind filled with expectations for the future. His only hope was that Lois felt the same way.

In a day he'd know exactly what she thought. He'd arranged the small, intimate ceremony at the bed and breakfast chapel, taking care of everything. He'd flown his parents in to be at the ceremony and had spent the afternoon with them. But he'd asked Lois if he could come by later that night, as he wanted to talk to her for a while.

Unfortunately, on his way over to Lois' a few rescues detoured him, so he was still in his Superman guise when he arrived at her apartment. Lois was dressed for bed and sitting on the sofa.

"Hi," she said as she looked up from the book she was reading.

"Hi." He sat down beside her, smoothing his cape nervously where he'd pulled it around him. "Watcha' reading?"

"A book about pregnancy."

"Jumping a little ahead aren't you?"

"Just getting a good start."

Clark smiled and stretched out a little in an attempt to get more comfortable on Lois' sofa.

Lois put the book down on the coffee table. "Tired?"

"A little. It's been a long day."

Lois reached out to run her fingers across his cheek. "Do you feel okay?"

"Am I sick?" She nodded. "No. Just tired."

"You sure?" He met her concerned gaze. "You'd tell me if you weren't?"

"Lois, I'm fine. And I'd let you know if I wasn't."

"Okay." She patted his leg and sat patiently to give him the time he needed to say whatever it was he wanted to talk to her about.

"Lois?" he said after a moment.

"Ummm?"

"Never mind." The things he wanted to talk to her about had seemed pretty reasonable when he was flying round the city, but now that he was sitting next to her, he had a hard time getting started.

She turned to face him, pulling one of her legs up on the sofa next to him. If he'd made a point of arranging to talk to her, she wasn't about to let him chicken out. "Come on, Clark, what are you thinking about?"

Clark began hesitantly, "Why are you willing to do this? Really?"

Lois was quiet for a second, trying to get her many thoughts in order. "I don't know if I can answer that myself. All I know is I have to do it. But, Clark, haven't we already thrashed this out more than once? You can't be thinking of backing out at this late stage?" Lois' brow furrowed as she stared at him, daring him to answer in the affirmative. They'd come too far.

"No, Lois, I'm not.... It's not that at all." Clark steeled his nerves to ask her what was really on his mind. "Lois…" He fiddled with the edge of his cape as he tried to get up the courage to tell her what he was thinking.

"What?" She reached out to touch his arm. "Clark, you can tell me anything."

He met her gaze. "Lois, I, ah, I booked us a room at the bed and breakfast for Saturday night."

"Good." She surprised even herself with that statement. Since she'd realized the depth of her skittishness at the idea of living with Clark, intimacy had been on her mind several times. Was he expecting more than she was prepared to give? Again, she wondered if this 'playing house' was such a good idea.

"It's just, well, we haven't… talked a whole lot about…" He sighed and looked away.

"About what happens after the wedding?"

"Yeah." He was really uncomfortable now. How did he bring up the topic of intimacy with her? "I don't expect anything. I know we'll be married and all, but that in no way implies... anything more."

Wow! That was a relief! Lois unwound visibly and for a moment she allowed herself to pat his hand, which was still playing anxiously with his cape. "I know. If it helps, you have to know I totally trust you."

"I'm glad. I just thought the time alone would help ease our nerves." And help her relax, he added mentally... not to mention himself! "These last few days have been a bit hectic."

"You could say that," she agreed. "Do you want to stay there for a few days or did you have somewhere else in mind?"

"One day at a time," he whispered. He met Lois' gaze slowly. "Maybe we could just… see how Saturday night goes."

Lois smiled affectionately at Clark. From what he'd said, or more importantly from what he didn't say, she realized what was on his mind. It seemed her partner might also be a bit uneasy about the parameters of sharing space.

"Clark, are you nervous about us living together?"

"Petrified," he confessed.

Lois mentally let out the breath she'd been holding. She was more than willing to allow him to broach this topic first. "Tell me how you feel."

"Lois, this is… well, it's just…" He stuttered to a halt again. Why did he always get tongue-tied when he was this close to Lois?

"Clark, I'm prepared for this: the marriage, the baby, everything. It's what I've chosen to do, and I'm not regretting it." She forced her voice to remain strong and confident, quite unlike how she felt inside. That 'one day at time' proposal was going to be her saving grace.

"That's the problem." He tried again, and she looked at him with questioning eyes. "I don't want this to be… I don't want you to ever feel like…" He sighed and ran his hands over his face. "Lois, maybe it would help if I just tell you what I do expect after we're married."

"Okay. And I'd like to tell you what I expect." There… he was the one who threw out the flag and Lois would take it. She shifted a little to listen to him.

"Fair enough," Clark said. He pushed his cape off his thighs and looked up at Lois. "I want us to become closer as friends. But the next few months will be hard, really hard on me both physically and emotionally. I'm hoping you'll let me vent a few frustrations now and then, and I'd like to listen while you vent."

"Vent! Yes, venting is good!" Lois jumped in, nodding her head vigorously, while Clark's lips twitched in a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

"Lois, I want us to share things, do things together. And I want us… to sleep together," he blurted the last part out, but, at her wide-eyed look of disbelief, he hurried to correct himself. "Just sleep… in the same bed. I'd just like to know you're close."

Ohmigosh! Lois wasn't sure how to respond. This wasn't something she'd even considered and, though she could understand where he was coming from, it hit her like a truck! Even if she did trust him to keep to his side of the bargain, she just wasn't ready for that amount of *closeness*. Sharing a home was bad enough, but sharing his bed was a whole different ball game!

She admitted, though, that this very question had haunted her dreams and a few of her waking moments. Clark's apartment had only one bedroom, so it was bound to be a problem, but she'd pretty much buried her head in the sand and assumed he'd sleep on the couch. Now she couldn't ignore the fact that he had other expectations....

She'd known for a while that Clark hadn't really accepted that a baby could save his life, and she understood that he saw this marriage as his opportunity to have some of his dreams come true, if only for the time he had left. Yet, Lois wasn't quite certain whether she'd be able to fulfill this part of his dreams.

She opened her mouth to voice her worries, but he held up his hand. "If… when you get pregnant, I'd want you to slow down a little at work. And I'd want to be part of everything. I want to go to appointments with you at the doctor. I want to put together baby furniture and feed you saltine crackers to combat morning sickness."

Lois gave him a questioning look. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's been reading up," she commented dryly.

Clark, blushed and shrugged helplessly, but he wasn't about to allow her to deflect him from his explanation. "And when the time comes for the birth, I want to be there as well, provided I'm healthy enough."

"Clark, I want some of that, too. I want us to spend time together, get to know each other, and do things together...."

"But?" Clark had a good idea what her objection was going to be. It had been pretty apparent by the look on Lois' face that he'd pushed too far.

Lois smiled at his quick understanding, but had to turn her head to tell him her true feelings. Clark had revealed early on that he loved her and that having a family would give him the sense of belonging he thought would never be his. Clearly, he saw the 'sleeping arrangement' request as a way of making his belonging more of a reality. However, that kind of intimacy was not something she could live with. Not now and she wasn't sure she ever could....

"But, I'm not willing for us to share a bed... even to sleep."

Clark sat quietly, unable to suppress a stab of disappointment. He wasn't sure what had led him to make such a suggestion. It had been a very bold step for him, but maybe the fact that he was dying prompted him to take the chance. And he'd just been thinking a lot about his upcoming marriage lately, or more importantly the lack therein. When Lois had protested so earnestly to their living arrangements, he'd realized his hopes for the future were only a pipedream and he'd never have any semblance of a real marriage, no matter what Lois said. He'd somehow reached the conclusion that at least being allowed to sleep with her would give him something tangible in an otherwise artificial situation. Didn't he have the right to expect his marriage to have some kind of meaning?

"Clark, I'm sorry. I don't have any objections to sharing your bedroom, if you feel you'd like me nearby," Lois rushed on, hoping to wipe the sadness from his face. "We could buy twin beds for your room."

She struck a nerve with that suggestion. "Lois, it will be *our* room. It will be your home from now on."

"I know that, Clark. But you have to remember that *this* was something I never planned…" Her voice trailed off when Clark turned to face her, his eyes revealing the depth of his hurt. She could kick herself, having spent the last few days trying to reassure him that this was *exactly* what she wanted -- she'd said too much.

But Clark quickly collected himself, unwilling to let her see how much that statement had affected him. "You're right, Lois. You didn't want to do this. And I didn't want to have a baby just to save my life either."

Lois stared at Clark for a moment before reluctantly letting go of a slow breath. He was right. He hadn't come up with baby idea, had even fought against it at first. She'd been the one to insist and the only way to get what she wanted was to agree to marry him. However, she'd never said anything about sleeping with him. It seemed at this late stage they'd hit an impasse, and Lois couldn't see a way round it.

Before she could speak, Clark shifted and pulled himself upright on the sofa. "Look, I know I forced this marriage on you and for that, I'm truly sorry. I can't help how I feel and I hate that the idea is so horrible for you…"

"It's not horrible!" Lois objected.

"No. Just the thought of living with me is what bothers you," he corrected her with an edge of sarcasm.

She cocked her brows at him. It seemed she hadn't done a very good job at hiding her innermost feelings, but then those few debates they'd had over the past few days had probably been a real give away.

"Lois," Clark began again in an effort to smooth over this latest obstacle. "I'm not completely unconcerned about your feelings. I *do* know this is uncomfortable and scary, and I meant it when I said I didn't want you to feel that way. So… I'll apologize for suggesting the intimate sleeping arrangements. I'm not even sure why I did. I guess I thought…" He held her gaze as he continued. "it would make it seem real... but that was crazy. I realise it would just be more pretence."

Lois' heart softened when she saw the same raw expression he'd had on his face the night he suggested the marriage in the first place. "Believe it or not, Clark, I'm sorry and I *do* understand your point. Why don't....."

"No, Lois, you don't have to apologise." He smiled slightly and sat back against the cushions again. "And as much as I'd like for you to share a room with me, the thought of twin beds would just… slam home the fact that our marriage is… not everything it appears to be." He was careful not to use the comment he'd made about this not being real again. "How about I put a bed in the loft area for my bedroom and you'll have your own space?"

The fact that Clark was willing to abandon his own desires for the sake of her security touched Lois' heart, and she smiled warmly on him. "Thanks, Clark, I'd really appreciate that. You're a very understanding guy and I'm lucky to have you." Yet even though they'd cleared another hurdle he still seemed a little desperate. Lois leaned against his shoulder in an effort to lighten the mood. "Only I think you still have a *but*."

Clark did have a *but* of his own and he grimaced as he tried to explain. "You see, the Victorian House had only double-bedded rooms left. And our booking was short notice, Lois. They really are busy and they wanted confirmation right away. I just had to... and you did say you'd like to stay there," he finished lamely, his eyes staring dejectedly at the floor, so he had a very good view of Lois' hand sliding unexpectedly into his.

"Clark, don't worry about it. I think that spending one night in the same bed together won't be too stressful for me," she chuckled gently. "Especially since it will be our wedding night. And I really do trust you, so it won't be a problem. For the rest... can we take this slowly, not expect too much of each other?" Lois was relieved to see Clark relax and his fingers turned to clasp her hand. Now her smile broadened as she approached less sensitive ground. "As far as the baby goes, that's something we'd be in together. I want you involved... completely. If I have to go through all the changes, you're definitely going to wait on me, too."

Clark laughed softly. "I really hate to remind you that you may have to wait on me as my disease progresses."

"Then it's settled. We'll take care of each other and we're both going to work hard to turn this relationship into something very... unique."

"I'd certainly like to try," he agreed with a lopsided grin. After a moment, he met Lois' gaze and his expression became more serious. "Are you scared... about the marriage and all?"

"Not scared, nervous. I'm very nervous." And she was surprised that that was really how she felt. Since her biggest worry had been removed, the uncomfortable feeling had eased and that meant her alarm was contained... for the moment.

"I promise I'll do everything in my power never to hurt you."

"I know you will." She placed a warm palm on his cheek. "Just tell me you'll keep fighting and not give up… even if things start to look bleak."

Clark covered her hand on his cheek with his own. "As long as you do the same." She nodded in assent. Clark held her hand as he brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly.

"I will, I promise." She laid her head on the backrest of the couch and looked at him, noticing the threat of tears in his expressive brown eyes. Even before she'd discovered he was Superman, Clark had always seemed so strong and dependable. He was her rock... always there for her when she felt down. So her heart clenched a little tighter at the sight of him holding back his tears. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Are you scared?"

"Of dying?"

"Uh huh."

"I don't know if it's that exactly. More… confused… apprehensive." To tell the truth, Clark found it hard to describe how he felt. Sometimes the fear almost overwhelmed him, but mostly he felt kind of lost.

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I feel a number of things.... I guess I'm curious. You know… what's it like? Will it hurt? What comes after? In the beginning, I'd get mad and think 'why me?' Sometimes, it doesn't seem real... like I'll wake up one morning and find it's all been a bad dream. But it is real... and I've come to accept that. I suppose the only time I get really scared is when I think about leaving everyone behind." Clark lay back next to her and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm more worried about causing someone else pain than I am of dying."

Lois slid her hand through the crook of his arm. Without realizing it, Clark had just summed up how she felt. When she thought about living without him an icy fear gripped her soul. "Now you know how much I feel about losing you."

Clark turned his head to look at her. "You really mean that don't you?"

"I really do."

Clark was about to say something else when his hearing kicked in. He sat up quickly. "I hate to jump up and run, but someone needs help."

"Go!"

He stopped at the window. "I guess I'm scared of not being able to do this anymore, too." He smiled and was gone in a flash.

Lois thought about what he'd said. More than his own life, Clark was afraid of hurting his loved ones by leaving them behind to grieve. She knew in that moment that marrying him and having his baby was the only thing to do. She may not have planned on doing it quite this way or was even sure if this was what she'd wanted for her future, but she'd committed herself and would put just as much effort into her new life as she would a tough case at work... or more! This was her life and Clark's.

Now where did that thought come from? Normally, Lois considered her work was her life.

****

The next morning, Clark felt better about himself and his impending marriage. During his previous night's conversation with Lois he'd discovered that, although she wasn't ready for certain commitments, her feelings for him might run deeper than he'd known... maybe even deeper than she realised herself. He could be wrong, but he hoped that someday his marriage would be the stuff that dreams were made of.

The day was spent making sure everything was taken care of. Clark picked up the marriage license and delivered it to the chapel, checking that their room would be ready for later. He also made sure his suit was ready and took care of the dinner he'd planned for after the ceremony. Then he returned home and packed a small bag. They wouldn't be able to take more than a week off from work on such short notice, so not a lot was needed. And it wasn't as if they'd made any decisions on whether they'd spend more than a night at the B&B.

That afternoon Jimmy treated Clark to a boys' day out. Jonathan came along to the ballgame while Lois and Martha went last minute shopping and traded what they called blackmail material. Clark didn't quite know what that meant but was sure he'd find out in the near future. Since Lois had insisted he couldn't see her before the wedding, they'd decided to meet at the chapel. She'd told him there was so much against them, going into this marriage, that she wasn't about to tempt fate and Clark was happy to let her have that indulgence. After all, this woman was saving his life.