Chapter 3
We Have a Lot to Talk About

The following morning found the investigative team of Lane and Kent at Star Labs, trying to glean as much information as they could about Superman's illness from Dr Klein. At first, the doctor had been extremely reluctant to discuss the matter with the two reporters, but out of mutual respect, and in an effort to help the man who was a friend of them all, Klein did relent and relayed what little he knew concerning the Man of Steel's leukemia. Lois was disheartened by the lack of anything concrete which could be done for the superhero and shocked by the reality of his impending death. Clark, sitting by her side, kept his head down, hiding his feelings.

"So that's it? There's nothing he can do?" Lois questioned the doctor, who had now, after his brief explanation, lapsed into an uncharacteristic silence. She'd stolen occasional glances at her partner while Klein was speaking, only to find him withdrawn, his eyes downcast. If her guess was right, Clark was finding it difficult to listen to his prognosis one more time and was afraid to reveal the depth of his involvement. After all, the scientist was unaware that the man of whom they spoke was actually in the room.

Bernard shifted some papers around on his desk, seeming somewhat harried by Lois' belligerent manner. "Well, there is one way," he ventured, then hastily added, "but I don't think it's even possible."

Clark's ears perked up at that, though in this guise he couldn't afford to seem too anxious. Lois, on the other hand, had no problems with showing enthusiasm for any morsel of hope.

"What?! Dr Klein, if there's anything that you or Superman can do, then you need to tell him."

"Ms Lane, I shouldn't even be discussing this with you," he bridled. "There is such a thing as doctor/patient confidentiality, and I'd say I was skating on thin ice right about now."

"It's okay, Dr Klein. You know we'd never do anything to jeopardize Superman's position." Clark could no longer keep quiet. If there was something he could do to save himself, he needed to hear it... now!

"And we promise, we'd never use anything you told us for a story." Lois was quick to add, realising that Klein was quite aware of their... well, her reputation. "We're not going to print anything of this. We just care about Superman and want to help as much as we can."

Klein looked at the two young people who were sitting a little more eagerly forward in their chairs. The doctor might not have the best people skills, but he did recognise sincerity when he saw it. "I know, Lois, Clark." Taking a deep breath, he reluctantly delivered his new theory. "Look, Superman has a type of cancer that's very similar to leukemia. It also resembles a certain type of leukemia. It's a type that responds well to bone marrow transplants. However, Superman can't very well receive marrow from humans. He'd have to have marrow from another Kryptonian."

Clark released the breath he'd been holding and with it went the small flicker of hope he'd been feeling. A marrow transplant was not a possibility for him.

"That's it?" Lois almost shouted. How dare this man give them false hope like that!

"Well, unless Superman knows of any other Kryptonians on this planet... yes." Klein looked almost as miserable as Clark, while Lois was directing a very curious glare at her partner.

"Are there?!"

"Not that Superman knows of," Clark said quickly.

Strangely, that seemed to satisfy the fiesty lady reporter, Bernard observed. "Lois, I'm sorry, but Superman's biology is a little different from ours. His donor would have to match his blood group, and that means another Kryptonian...." Dr Klein's attention wandered for a few seconds as he mixed something in his beaker. "And yet, there is just a chance... and you know, I don't believe it would matter...." He sipped a little from the glass, proving to his two visitors that the blue liquid wasn't a chemical mixture as they'd thought. Suddenly Bernard chuckled. "Maybe he should get a girlfriend really quick!"

"What?!" Lois and Clark asked both at the same time.

Once again, Bernard almost squirmed in his seat at the sharp questioning, looking distinctly uneasy. "I shouldn't really say any more...."

"Dr Klein, please?" Clark's tone was pleading and Bernie found he couldn't resist.

"Okay, but you must understand that this is still theoretical.... I've been looking at some tests, and, from what I can deduce, a child of his could supply the needed marrow to save his life, even if the child were half human." The doctor hadn't been lying when he'd told Superman he would work on this nonstop. Every minute he could spare, he'd spent investigating this alien illness. When he'd finally had to give up on finding a traditional cure, he'd moved on to more radical treatments, which had led him to the prospect of a transplant.

"What?" The two chorused again, while they exchanged shocked glances.

Bernie took another slug from his beaker for courage, then putting it down alongside a number of others, he faced them. "Superman has healing properties because of his special powers. If he were to father a child, I believe these properties would be passed along in the genes. Even though the child would only be half Kryptonian, since only Earth women are available, there should be enough uncontaminated antigens to reverse the effects of his disease." After all Bernie's intensive studies, he'd reached the conclusion that it was as simple as that.... Cut and dried!

"So you're saying that if Superman has a child, said child could save his life?" Lois ground out, after she'd closed her mouth, which had dropped open with shock.

"Yes."

"Dr. Klein, how is it even possible for him to produce a child with an Earth woman?" Clark clenched his hands on his thighs, trying to recover from this stunning news. He'd always assumed he could have children with an Earth woman, had actually hoped this might be so, but he'd never known for certain.

"Superman is very capable, Clark. He has all the same parts as a man."

"No, no. You just said his biology was different." Clark was now sitting on the edge of his chair. Unconsciously, he'd given up all pretence of having only a friendly interest in hearing what Dr. Klein had to say.

"Yes, but only slightly. Let me show you." Dr. Klein retrieved a few samples from a locked refrigerator. "This is a small sample of my blood." He put the samples in the magnifier and pulled the image up on the screen. "And this is Superman's." The second sample appeared beside the first one. "Both blood samples have all the same components but the composition is a little different. For example, Superman's blood has less iron than a human's, but they are remarkably similar. Think of it as being a new blood group, if you like."

Bernard deftly removed the two slides and entered two others. Lois and Clark watched enthralled as two twisting strands of DNA showed up on the screen. "Now the one on the left is human DNA while the other belongs to Superman. As you can tell, there's only a minute difference here... an extra DNA marker." He pointed to a section on each image. "One small detail separates two races of human beings."

"Superman is human?" Clark asked with his eyes lighting up. All his life, that was the one thing he'd wanted to call himself.

"He's indeed Homo sapien. This hiccup in his DNA is what allows his race to live under what I theorize is probably a red sun on his home planet. Of course, that's purely conjecture, but according to the amazing information being sent back from some of the latest space probes, astronomers believe that red suns are not uncommon...."

"Dr Klein, I'm sure that's very interesting, but we're here to find out how to cure Superman." Lois ruthlessly dragged the scientist back on track.

"Superman! Right, Ms Lane!" the doctor gulped and sent her a penitent grin. "As I was saying, it's also what allows him to process yellow sunlight into solar energy, giving him his super powers. To cure Superman this particular property would have to be present in any bone marrow to be transplanted." Bernard left the projector and came to stand in front of the reporters. "But yes, Superman could father a child with an Earth woman as easily as any other male, and as this Kryptonian gene appears to be dominant. I'd stake my reputation that it would be passed along to any of his progeny."

Clark could only stare at the data before him. He had hardly taken in what Bernie was saying beyond hearing the word 'human'. It was official. He was human! That one statement made him feel so good he almost forgot he was dying of cancer.... Almost.

Perched on the chair close by him, Lois noticed his bemused reaction and suddenly she understood why he'd never told anyone about himself, even close friends. He was afraid people would label him a freak. Being as she'd worn several labels over the years, and some very uncomfortable ones at that, she could certainly understand his hesitancy. And she was also ashamed to admit that regardless of all the good the superhero did for the people of this world, there would be quite a few who would view him differently if it became public knowledge that Clark Kent was an alien. Jason Trask wasn't the only weirdo out there.

But right now, there were more pertinent points rolling around in her mind, to which she needed answers. She returned her attention to the images on the screen. "Wouldn't a child have to be a certain age before a marrow donation could be taken?"

"Normally, they'd have to be about six months or older, Ms Lane. However, I believe a child of Superman's would have enough 'super' genes to make it possible for a transplant to be done at about six weeks old...."

"Dr Klein," Clark emerged from his trance to interrupt. "Perhaps Superman wasn't super when he was a child."

"Clark, you don't know that!" Lois warned.

"Actually, Clark, I'm hoping that he at least wasn't invulnerable and that his baby wouldn't be either, otherwise it would make the procedure more problematic. What we require are the remarkable healing powers and I'm sure that any child of his would carry those same wonderful abilities. So we wouldn't have to wait. And I don't think it would take a very large amount of clean bone marrow to stimulate Superman's body into producing more good marrow, especially if his own regenerative properties were boosted too."

"Why haven't his own healing properities kicked in this time?" Lois couldn't help but feel cynical. If these healing properites were so wonderful, Superman shouldn't be sick at all.

"In my opinion, the kryptonite he ingested is keeping his system just weak enough to let the damage take place. I've considered pumping out his stomach, or even putting him on dialysis to clean out his blood, but the toxin has been in his system too long. I thought the irradiated iodine pills might work, but any effect they might have had has been eroded by the spread of the cancer." Bernie shrugged helplessly. "Ms Lane, I've asked myself that same question a hundred times lately, but I honestly don't understand it. All I know is that it's happening and the only thing that I can think of that could save him is a bone marrow transplant. Stronger, healthy cells would take the place of his diseased cells and allow his system the valuable time it needs to heal itself. I'm sorry, I wish I had something more positive to tell you." Bernard's shoulders drooped and almost shamefacedly he excused himself and left the room.

****

Lois and Clark walked side-by-side out of the labs in contemplative silence, both processing the information they'd received. Actually, Bernard didn't realise how right he was when he theorised about Superman's healing capabilities, Clark thought as he climbed into Lois' Jeep. He hadn't been invulnerable when he was a young kid; he'd even broken his arm falling out of a tree, but he had mended very quickly. His mom and dad had had a terrible time trying to stop him removing his plaster cast far too early. It seemed pretty logical that a child of his would inherit the same power.

His partner, meantime, was reflecting upon another part of the data. Lois was stuck on the idea of Superman, aka Clark, producing a baby. The idea definitely had merit, but how did one go about that? She threw Clark a searching glance when she'd safely pulled out onto the main road.

"You know, the bone marrow transplant idea doesn't totally suck!" Lois injected into the silence.

"Lois, babies don't just drop out of trees!"

"No, and I guess you can't just advertise for some woman to have a baby for you, huh?"

Clark laughed softly, relaxing back against the headrest. "No, thanks for trying though." He suspected that her eyes were damp with unshed tears and he reached forward to squeeze her arm, offering comfort and gaining a little for himself. "Let's just move on. It's been nearly two months since I was diagnosed and most of the time I feel fine. Maybe I should start having a little fun. There are a few things I'd like to do before I start getting too weak."

"Too weak?"

"Yeah. Dr. Klein told me that as the disease progresses, I'll grow weaker. He thinks I'll lose my powers in about twenty four months or sooner."

"Could you do the chemo then?" she asked hopefully, grasping at straws.

"Maybe, but I suspect that by then the disease will be too far along."

"What about a really huge, mega dose of radiation? Like shutting yourself into a reactor?"

Clark wanted to smile. Leave it to Lois to keep churning out the ideas to help him. "I tried it, but it didn't work. In fact, I think it just pissed the leukemia off -- I was sick for two hours straight. I didn't know a stomach could hold that much."

Now he did laugh, feeling it was time to lighten the mood a little. He'd been over the possibilities a million times in his head and with Bernard. He'd really gone through it one more time just for Lois' benefit, but now his head was hurting from thinking so much. He could use a little light relief.

"Gross," Lois chuckled.

Clark grinned some more when he saw her smile. "I've really missed you," he added warmly. Even after their chat in the conference room, they'd spent far too much time either treating each other warily or arguing about one thing or another. He'd also been terrified he'd lost her for good when she'd discovered his deceit.

It appeared Lois might be physic because she came back at him very quickly. "Yeah, well, you could change your mind. I haven't yelled at you for lying to me yet."

"Yell! Please yell. I've missed that too." They both laughed and settled into a pointless discussion about the attributes and the benefits of getting angry. Clark was already beginning to feel better.

****

At the close of his sixth month with the disease, life took a distinct turn for the worse for Clark. Although, he tried to deny it for a number of days, Clark eventually had to admit that he was growing much weaker and the bruising was back big time. On his monthly medical check up, he'd broached the subject with Dr Klein and had at once been subjected to the whole gamut of tests one more time. Bernie had soon discovered that the disease had kicked into overdrive and Superman's life expectancy of five years had been cut in half. Clark was devastated. He would die in about two years, if he were lucky. It was time to start making his time count.

Clark adopted the habit of flying home every weekend and it didn't take his parents long to realise that Clark's condition had deteriorated. When he arrived at the farm on his third visit, they'd sat him down and with a little gentle persuasion and a lot of unconditional support, he'd finally broken down and told them about the progression of his illness. Martha and Jonathan had been desolate, yet, as always, they'd put their own pain aside in order to comfort Clark.

In the quiet times by themselves, they tried desperately to grasp the fact that they'd soon lose their son. Neither found that easy. Their feelings ran from disbelief, fury and helplessness to dread and acceptance. But they showed nothing of this to their son. For Clark, there would always be a reassuring smile and hug from his mom, while his dad provided encouraging shoulder squeezes and understanding pep-talks. Between them, they kept Clark moving forward.

At work, with the enthusiasm and drive that seem to belong to those who know their time on Earth is finite, Clark began to shine. His work had never been better, both surprising and inspiring his partner to such an extent that they'd finished off three major investigations in as many weeks.

But Lois was worried. Clark's behaviour had changed drastically. He'd started to be overly friendly, even for Clark. He clowned around a lot more and refused to talk about his illness, unless it was a tasteless joke. Lois also noticed he didn't leave the newsroom as much to be Superman. Something had changed and she was going to find out what.

****

Lois paced around the conference room. Where was her partner? They'd arranged to come in earlier this morning, to review their interview with the mayor before leaving for City Hall. She checked her watch again and discovered that Clark was now twenty minutes late.

This had been a mistake, as Clark had hardly been a reliable timekeeper over the last week. Their colleagues were starting to notice... Perry certainly was. She was fairly sure though that the Chief was cutting her partner a little slack because of his condition. Of course, he would never admit to that, knowing Clark didn't like those sorts of considerations.

The elevator doors slid open, catching her attention and she was about to march out of the conference room to confront Clark when she noticed his sickly pallor and the dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked exhausted. Maybe he'd been out doing Superman duties, but she'd already checked the news channels and there were no reports of any superhero activities. In fact, those had been pretty sparse over the last few weeks, almost as if Clark were too tired to be Superman. Yes, something was definitely going wrong for her partner, and she wasn't going to remain in the dark about it.

Instead of meeting Clark in the newsroom, Lois waited for him to come to her. She wanted to say what she had to say in private. She saw Clark lift his head wearily and search the room. When he caught her eye, he smiled in embarrassment and made his way to join her. He'd lost the little lift in his step, and Lois felt a momentary pang of sympathy, but she buried it quickly. She had to find out what was going on.

"Clark, where have you been?" She launched her verbal attack at him. "You're nearly a half-hour late. We hardly have any time left to plan this interview!"

"Sorry, Lois," Clark answered, feigning nonchalance. "I was off being Superman." He made the flying signal in the air with his hand.

"Uh-huh," Lois said, just as vaguely. "What was it?"

"What was what?"

"The Superman stuff... catching criminals, rescue from a fire...."

"Just regular stuff," Clark shrugged off her questions. "But I'm here now, so what do we want to say to the Mayor?" He moved over to the computer and started scanning through the files.

"Clark, I've already checked the wires, and there haven't been any Superman sightings, so where were you?"

"Not everything I do gets reported, Lois! Now would you look at the time?" Clark indicated the conference room clock as he stood again. "You know, we're going to be late for the Mayor and Perry will kill us if we lose this interview. We should go."

Clark turned and left the room, heading for the elevator. He was being difficult, and Lois was fuming.

Okay, Superman, you've escaped this time, but you can't run forever. You are going to talk to me whether you want to or not, Lois decided as she strode after him. If he wouldn't tell her what was wrong, she'd go to the person who would know.

****

Later in the evening, Lois sat in her Jeep outside Clark's apartment. She'd just come from a visit with Dr. Klein, where she'd had to employ all her best interview skills to drag the latest details of Superman's case from the very reluctant doctor. Yet, as before, Dr Klein's resolve had been no match for Mad Dog Lane's persistence and he'd eventually admitted that the leukemia was progressing much faster than he'd anticipated. He'd refused to disclose -- or maybe he didn't exactly know -- just how much longer Superman had to live; however, since he was fairly worried that Superman might find himself in trouble during one of his rescues, he did warn her that he expected the super powers would start to dissipate over the next few months.

Now, Lois would be the first one to admit she wasn't the best student in science, but even she knew enough to read between the lines. Clark's life span had been reduced considerably and the 'stupid lunkhead' was trying to be strong about it all, but failing miserably.

She remained immobile in the cocoon of her Jeep as the unfamiliar feelings of guilt assailed her. So many times over these past weeks Lois had ranted and raved at Clark about his long-term deception over his secret identity. She'd fought hard to fuse the images of the two men into one reality. Yet, just when she thought she'd got her head around it, something would happen, or some memory of how she'd made a fool of herself with his two different personas would creep like a canker into her mind and she'd find herself snapping sarcastic remarks at him in revenge.

But, regardless of her own ambivalent feelings, she couldn't help but notice when Clark had started to act strangely and to deduce what might be the cause. She'd taken to watching her friend closely, had even challenged him on his behaviour a couple of times, without success. However, Lois wasn't to be deterred and her single-mindedness had led her to Star Labs.

Well, the doctor had confirmed Lois' suspicions that things had gotten worse for Clark, and now she had to deal with that information the only way she knew how. She was here to see if she could talk to her partner... and this time he wasn't going to run away from her because just maybe there was something she could do to help.

The door of her Jeep seemed to creak ominously as she opened it, but she ignored the shiver that ran down her spine and made her way up the sidewalk to the apartment of her friend, knowing that, whether he admitted it or not, he needed someone to vent on. Tonight, dual identities and deceit would have to take a back seat, Clark and Superman both needed Lois Lane's support.

****

"Hi." Clark answered the door, and his eyebrows rose at the sight of Lois carrying a large flat box and a video. He quickly covered his surprise with a smile and acted a little happier than he actually felt.

"Hi. Want some company? I've got a video and pizza."

"Sure." Clark stepped aside and let her in. The uncomfortable notion that Lois' visit wasn't purely a social call assailed him. He really wasn't in the mood for company tonight, yet he knew that if he refused, she would take offense, and they'd be off on another of their interminable arguments. He certainly wasn't up for that.

The food was spread out on the coffee table so they could eat in comfort as they watched the movie -- 'Lethal Weapon 3' -- one more time. While the pizza was being consumed both pretended to be engrossed in the on screen action, but the minute she'd finished her meal, Lois steered the conversation towards her real reason for being here.

"Clark?"

"Huh?" He slowly pulled his attention away from the movie to look at her.... Only that wasn't the exact truth. His mind hadn't really been on the TV screen, it had been totally blank -- he'd been zoning out a lot these days.

"Why didn't you tell me you got bad news from Dr. Klein?"

Clark tossed his napkin on the table and got up angrily. "Did you go ask him about it?" He snatched up the rest of the garbage to take it to the kitchen. This was just like Lois -- always butting in where she had no business to be! If he'd wanted her to know he was sicker, he would have told her.

"Clark, don't do this!" She was right behind him at the kitchen counter.

"Don't do what, Lois?" he asked as he whirled back to glare at her. "Tell you my state of health is none of your business? Well, it isn't!" He threw his hands up in frustration. Just once he'd like for her *not* to dig deeper.

"I've told you before I just want to be here for you." She deliberately kept her voice low, offering Clark a listening post should he want it. He had to be so confused and scared right now, but before she could think of anything else to say that might placate him, he was shouting something else at her.

"No. I remember very clearly one of the things that you mentioned. You told me you hated for the world to lose Superman.

Lois bit at her lower lip then. She had told him that. They'd had a silly fight about a month after she found out who he really was and she'd finally let her resentment over his duplicity get to her. They'd been on a stakeout where Clark had calmly used his super vision to check out the warehouse they were watching. Suddenly, all the times he'd pretended he couldn't see, couldn't jump... couldn't even open a peanut butter jar swamped her and she'd exploded, throwing out the fact that her main concern was Superman's fate and not that of her partner.

Until she'd blurted out those words, Lois hadn't realised she was in so much pain over the fact that Superman was dying. Almost from that first meeting in the colonists' space-transporter, she'd been convinced she was in love with Superman, but finding out that Clark was the man in blue had thrown her emotions into confusion. After that mind-blowing revelation, she'd felt so hurt and humiliated she didn't know what to think any more.

To make matters worse, she couldn't deny that her heart was aching for her friend, the Clark she'd come to know at work and in their off-duty hours. But she'd been so mad with that friend for keeping her in the dark that on this particular night, she'd informed him that she hated for the world to lose Superman, merely in a defensive effort to hurt Clark.

And it had. It had cut him deeply. He'd fallen silent and it wasn't long before he made up an excuse to leave. He didn't come back to the stakeout, and for the next few weeks their quarrel had simmered on, until Perry had warned them that they were professionals and they ought to keep their private life out of his newsroom. So they'd been forced into calling a truce, and in the calm that followed, Lois finally allowed herself to leave her bruised feelings behind and to really look at the man under the Suit. She began to see Clark in a whole new light.

"You're right. I did say that. Not my most shining moment," she finally admitted, looking directly into Clark's eyes. "Clark, I know that hurt you and I'm so sorry."

"You're just sorry your ideal man was an illusion." Clark moved away from Lois, still unable to believe she was being sincere. To tell the truth, he wasn't sure how he'd expected Lois to react. Yes, she'd be mad, but the way she hurt him that night was... vindictive... or.... defensive. He was perfectly aware that Lois had been deeply wounded by what she saw as a huge lack of trust on his part, and Lois' philosophy was always that the best line of defence was attack. He'd witnessed it a thousand times, but, right now, he didn't know if he had the strength to accept that -- he had his own demons to fight. Yet she wasn't about to let him off the hook, because she'd come around to stand in front of him.

"No. I'm sorry I didn't stop to see the wonderful man my partner is."

Clark opened his mouth to throw out another smart retort, but closed it again when he saw the earnestness in Lois' eyes. Could she really mean what she said? Had she at last come to accept him for who he was?

"Clark, I'll gladly admit I was a fool. I let my 'moony-eyed cheerleader' attitude over the flashy superhero run away with my good sense." Lois shrugged self-consciously. "Who would believe it? Mad Dog Lane has a 'moony-eyed cheerleader' side. Wow, I can't believe I even admitted that. Clark, I did what I always do. I latched on to what I wanted to be real and true and pushed everything else aside. Now, while I can't lie and tell you I've worked this whole Superman business out in my head, I will tell you that I want to help you, the partner and friend I see suffering."

He turned and stared out the window into the darkness. What he wanted more than anything was for Lois to look at *Clark* in her 'moony-eyed cheerleader' way, but that was probably never going to happen. And he couldn't deny that he'd seen pain in Lois' dark eyes... pain for a friend, and maybe that was enough. More than anything, seeing others suffer because of him was tearing him apart... and this was Lois... his best friend.

Breaking the deafening silence, Lois reached out and touched his arm. "Clark?"

Fear and frustration were dammed up within Clark's soul, but at Lois' touch they overtook him and he started to shake. Clark's crossed arms hugged his body in an attempt to still the trembling.

Lois brought her other hand up and gently rubbed his folded arms. "It's okay to admit you're scared... even for Superman." she said experimentally. "And it can only help to let it out," she finished on a whisper.

Clark's chin dropped in defeat to his chest and his shakes gave way to shuddering as his whole body convulsed with pent-up emotions. When a sob escaped his mouth, Lois turned him around and wrapped him in her arms. He needed her... so much.

His hands clutched her back. "I don't want to die," he whispered.

"I know," she said, fighting to control her own tears as she held him.

Clark finally allowed himself to cry for the things he'd never have or get to do. He cried for all the things he'd miss or never experience. And he cried knowing this was the only way he'd ever get to hold Lois Lane.

Lois stroked his back and shoulders as his body began to calm, then gently removed his glasses so she could wipe away his tears without obstruction. Clark turned his face into her neck and grasped her tighter, as if she were his lifeline to the world. With sorrowing compassion, Lois simply readjusted her hold and gave him the time he needed.

It was much later when Lois drew back enough to see his face. "Come on, let's go back to the sofa, so you can lay your head on my lap. You look like you're about to drop."

"I am tired," he admitted with the ghost of a smile.

She took his hand and led him back into the living room, settling on one end of the sofa and pulling Clark down beside her. He curled up like a small child as she encouraged him to use her lap as a pillow, then she began to softly massage his head.

"That feels good," he told her after a few moments.

"Close your eyes and enjoy it."

"Can't. If I close my eyes, I see…" He stopped and swallowed hard, unable to finish his harrowing thought.

"It's okay. Just relax a little if you can."

There was another silence which he ended with a penitent admission. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Shhh."

Lois didn't want to talk about the fact that he didn't have long to live. It was too painful... for both of them. And she still hadn't reached any conclusion about whether she was hurting more because Superman was dying or because Clark was. The thing was, it shouldn't really matter anyway as they were the same person, weren't they? She'd worked out that Clark made Superman who he was. Without the farm boy from Kansas, the man in tights would be nothing more than a shell. Yet, didn't it also follow that Clark was the man he was because of his alien differences?

She still found it all very confusing and she hadn't yet surrendered all of her anger. Only she was no longer sure what outraged her most... the fact that Clark -- Mr Greenjeans, was also the 'God in tights' who, by the way, was supposed to stand for truth and justice, but who had blatantly been dishonest with her by pretending to be two totally different men, or with the fact that fate was about to rob her of them both.

And in the face of that terrible truth, wasn't she being incredibly selfish to hold onto her anger? Whatever guise she thought of him as, he was still her friend and he was still dying. There was no confusion in her soul about that -- she hated the fact that soon she'd be saying good-bye to that friend.

Clark's steady breathing told her his exhaustion had gotten the better of him. He was sleeping, so she propped her feet up on the coffee table and laid her head back. She'd stay here tonight and let him rest.

****

Somewhere nearing three in the morning Clark awoke. His super hearing had alerted him to a gang fight down in Suicide Slum and according to the police reports there was every chance there could be fatalities if the situation couldn't be contained quickly. He had no choice, Superman was needed.

Clark was grateful for what little time he'd had to sleep and he was well aware that it was due to Lois' ministrations. At least, he felt less tired, he decided as he climbed to his feet, careful not to disturb his sleeping partner. He smiled down at her, then his smile changed to a frown. Poor Lois would end up with a very stiff neck if she spent the rest of the night in that awkward position. Clark slid his arms beneath her and carried his precious bundle through to his bed. There he laid her down and she immediately rolled over, snuggling under the covers. He would thank her in the morning for being there for him, he thought as he stood back and spun into the suit. Then in a blur of colour he disappeared.

Nearly an hour later, Lois sat straight up in bed, gasping for air. She'd dreamed they were burying Clark... and it seemed so real... so terrible. She thought they might have been in Smallville, but since she'd never visited the cemetery when she'd been there, she couldn't be sure. All his family and friends were present, standing in the endless rain by the grave beneath the trees. His parents were inconsolable. Jimmy was torn apart, while Perry cried silently.... And she just felt so empty... as if she'd lost something that she'd never really had.

It took her a minute to realize where she was. Clark must have put her in his bed. She fell back with a sigh of relief, letting her racing heart calm down. He was still here, still alive. Slowly she drifted back to sleep.

A very different dream wakened her as early morning sunlight seeped in through the window and warmed her face. She quickly pushed back the covers and got out of bed. When she stepped into the kitchen after a detour to the bathroom, she found Clark cooking eggs for breakfast. He looked up and smiled at her.

"'Morning."

Lois stared at him, trying to reconcile the images she'd just seen in both her dreams. It was as if her subconscious mind had given her the answer to his problem. Clark frowned at her expression.

"Lois, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Now that was just too close for comfort. In that instant, she knew what she had to do. "Clark, I want to help make you well."

"You did more for me last night than you'll ever know."

"Not that. Well, that too, but I mean... more."

"More?" He lifted the pan and poured the eggs on the plate. "I'm doing all I can."

"Not quite." She pushed her hair back out of her face. This was probably the craziest thing she'd ever contemplated doing, but when had Lois ever let that deter her. "You can do one other thing."

Clark looked up at her as he picked up the plates. "What other… thing?" Clark stopped and stared at her He set the plates on the table before speaking "The baby thing?! You're serious?"

"I've never been more serious in my life."

"And what? You're volunteering your services?" he quipped with a half laugh, attempting to joke her ridiculous suggestion away.

"Yes, why not?" Lois really wasn't feeling as confident as she sounded, but she'd made her play and she wasn't about to back down.

"Lois, we can't do that."

"Why not?" she repeated.

"Why not? Because bringing a child into the world for such an idiotic reason is ridiculous. How can you even be considering it?"

"Idiotic reason? Your life is idiotic?" she confronted him as Clark sighed and glanced away from her. "And I'm considering it, Clark, because a child of yours could save your life."

"Or the child could lose its father and you'd be on your own. Lois, Bernard's theory is only speculation."

Lois froze at Clark's first statement. She wasn't really sure if she could handle that scenario. In fact, she hadn't really thought past the marrow transplant stage. But, as always, Lois refused to contemplate defeat, so she buried that particular outcome in the back of her mind and tackled his second point.

"He doesn't think so. He thinks it would work. And if it does, you will heal. No more being scared or being sick or swallowing pills." She snatched up one of his now ten different medications laid out on the table in preparation for Clark taking them. "Wouldn't that be the best? Clark, one tiny detail could save your life."

"Tiny detail? Lois, a baby is not a tiny detail. This child might come into the world for one particular reason, but it wouldn't end there!" Lois might have tunnel vision, but her partner would always care about how his actions would affect others... especially if that other happened to be his own baby. "The baby would be alive; a little person alive, thriving, and in need of constant attention. You and I would have a child to care for… for life. A baby wouldn't cease to exist because a little marrow had saved its father's life."

"I know that." Lois insisted with a certain amount of bravado.

"Do you? Do you know how much responsibility a baby really is? You'd be someone's mother, and, correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never given the slightest indication that being a mother was high on your list of priorities."

"Maybe not, but I'm not intractable. I can change! Are you saying I couldn't do this?" Lois' arms had folded over her chest, shutting herself off defensively.

Clark noted her reaction and decided that perhaps he best back-pedal a little. "Lois, I think you could do anything you set your mind to. But I don't think you've thought this through. A lot of my friends back in Smallville have kids and, though I don't have a lot of practical experience, I know being a parent isn't easy. You'd lose sleep, change messy diapers and listen to hours of crying. Then would come the 'terrible twos' and, before you could draw breath, it would be time to start school. There would be PTA meetings, homework, school plays, and on and on. It's endless work; endless, hard, tiring work. And what happens if I die anyway? Then you'd have to raise this child on your own."

"Don't be silly. I'd always have your parents," she said to break the tense mood. She thought it had made him angry, but soon she saw his lips quiver.

Clark laughed softly and shook his head, unable to hold back. Once more the famous Lane reasoning had surfaced... and, in this case, she wasn't wrong. There was never any doubt his parents would be there for her. "Don't try to make this sound so… so…"

"So what? So easy? Clark, it is easy."

"No, Lois, it's not. We can't do this. I can't do this."

"Can't do it period or won't just because it's me?"

"No... period! I don't want you doing something you will probably regret just because you feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you. I just don't see why I have to lose you if I don't have to."

Clark stared at her for a searching instant. "Oh, I get it. You're willing to do this to keep Superman from dying."

Lois stepped up to him and slapped his face as hard as she dared. "How dare you accuse me of being so shallow?" It was a totally impulsive reaction, even though she couldn't deny that just last night she'd thought herself foolish for not knowing which man she'd miss more.

But her dreams had proved that Clark wasn't just her partner at the Planet, or the farmer's son from Smallville. He wasn't just Superman, the treasured hero, either. He was all those things and so very much more, and it was the whole man that Lois wanted to save. With her help, a son wouldn't have to die; her partner and friend wouldn't have to suffer as cancer ate away at his body and the world would be spared its superhero.

So with all these reasons churning round in her soul, his sarcastic comment stung her with incredible pain. It took a lot for Lois to offer such undeniable generosity and Clark's words hurt. She turned and stormed into the living room to find her shoes.

Clark put a hand to the skin she'd just branded, stunned by her action. Then he twirled to go after her. "Lois, wait."

She halted at his words and walked back to meet him with a glare. "No, you wait. I am willing to do this for you -- not Superman, not Clark, just you and I don't care who you think that is." As Lois threw out each of his names she accompanied them with a finger poked into his chest. "And, just maybe you should explore your own feelings about that because I don't think you're too clear on just who you are either. But don't ever accuse me of being shallow enough to do this so just part of you can survive. 'Cause, you know what? Both of you will die if I don't."

She turned again and started toward the door, jerking up her bag and jacket on passing, but she paused at the top of the stairs. "I'm headed to Star Labs to talk to Dr. Klein, regardless of what you think. Your smart-*** comment didn't change my mind, so the option's still open. Take it or not, it makes no difference to me." She slammed the door as she left, knowing that last part was a lie... it did make a difference to her.

Clark stared at his closed door, which happened to be shaking infinitesimally at her abrupt passing. Seconds later, he had to remind himself to draw breath. Now that his partner had gone, he felt kinda lonely and without much enthusiasm he returned to eat his eggs -- Bernie had stressed the importance of his eating regularly.

Lois sure had given him a lot to consider and, boy, she'd certainly put his whole existence into a different perspective for him. Not that he was remotely contemplating taking her up on her suggestion. Still, he had time to eat breakfast before she could get to Star Labs. Maybe he'd just fly over there and see what was going on.