~~From Part 2~~
All the stupid excuses, all the disappearing acts, never seeing Clark and Superman together, Clark never being around in dangerous situations but Superman always there in time, the strong resemblance and her feelings for both men; it all made sense. Clark Kent was Superman. Her partner and best friend was also the same superhero that saved lives. Clark, the man she loved, was Superman.
"Oh God," Lois stammered out loud, "You're-"
************
~~Part 3~~
Clark had just finished sending Perry Lois's part of the notes when he her heard her respond with yet another 'Oh my God'. This time, however, it was her added word of 'You're-' that he knew what her distress was about.
He had been watching her for some time now, actually since his e-mail had been delivered fifteen minutes ago. He was sure by her facial expressions during that time that her initial shock of knowing he saw her original e-mail had worn off and the realization that he was in love with her sunk in. But now as he watch anger cross her beautiful features he knew her world was turning inside out.
But for him it meant no more secrets between them. He just hoped she'd give him the chance to explain everything.
************
Lois was angry and hurt. But dammit she still loved him. Her first instinct was to explode, drag Clark into the conference room and demand he explain why he'd been lying to her for a year. However, something in her told her to do the unexpected.
Before she set herself into action, she saved Clarkâs e-mail, encrypted it and sent it to her home computer. Then closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and pushed her chair back. As she slowly stood to her feet, Lois finally re-opened her eyes only to have them land on Clark. Suddenly she felt she didn't know the man before her anymore; but yet at the same time she did. She was just having difficulties meshing Clark and Superman into one person.
Methodically her feet moved forward until she was only a few feet away from him. She watched him look up and lock onto her gaze. She could see the mixture of emotions in his eyes that she was sure was reflected in her own. She loved him so much but she was also so hurt that he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her the truth long before now. But they had wasted too much time and she didn't want to do that anymore.
"Clark?"
"Lois?"
They both started at the same time, revealing a shy, scared smile from Lois and a hopeful expression from Clark.
"You first-" they both began again, a nervous laugh hanging between them.
"Fine." Lois took charge and forged ahead. "Clark, we need to talk. I mean really, really talk. No more questionnaires and no more e-mails. You and I have a lot of things to say to each other and I have a lot of questions I need you to answer."
"I know. But Lois, are you sure you're up to-"
"Don't you mean, am I too upset to talk about," Lois made what would soon become an all to familiar flying gesture between them symbolizing their shared secret of Superman, "about you know, you?"
"Yeah."
"Well I'm not really sure how I feel yet. I'm mad. No I'm angry, but more than that I'm hurt."
"Lois-"
"I know, Clark. But not here," her eyes pleading with him to understand they needed to do this somewhere where she knew she could break down and let him help her find their way to each other, "okay?"
"Okay. Do you want to come over for dinner? We could talk then," he looked more nervous than Lois had ever seen him.
She knew he was waiting for her answer. She thought about what he had just suggested. Was it wise to be at either of their apartments? She guessed with the subjects of their impending discussion, they needed to talk somewhere where they could be alone and comfortable with each other and Clark's apartment was such a place.
"Okay." Lois reluctantly turned, but was glad she did as her voice cracked. "I want you to know this isn't going to be easy."
"I know. Lois, I swear I'll answer anything you want to know. I'll help you through this as much as you'll let me."
A single tear fell down Lois's cheek as she heard the sincerity in Clark's words. She knew he was just as scared as she was and that thought soothed her a little. She had to get out of here to think; she had to get out of here before she crumbled completely.
Lois grabbed her jacket and purse then paused to gather strength she wasn't sure she possessed. She turned to Clark once again.
"Clark, I really want this to work, whatever *this* is."
She heard his reply of "So do I Lois, so do I. More than anything," as she hurried up the ramp, blinded by tears, to the elevator.
************
Clark watched Lois until the elevator doors closed, shutting her off from his view. He had promised himself a long time ago he would never make her cry. He raked a hand through his hair. It was going to be a long night. But he would do whatever it took to make everything right. Because deep in his soul he knew that *they* were right.
Looking at his watch he noticed he had just enough time to do some shopping for dinner and some very needed flying. He stood up, loosening his tie as he made his way up the stairs to the roof of the Planet. With a heavy sigh, he spun into his alter ego and cause of Lois's tears. No, he knew that wasn't exactly right. It wasn't Superman it was the lack of truth on his part.
Taking off into the sky, Clark hoped and prayed that the Gods would smile upon them tonight.
************
It had only been a half hour since Lois had left Clark sitting at his desk. She had started off with no destination at all, knowing only she needed to walk. She needed to think.
In that time, her memories of Clark and Superman had merged enough for her to accept the dual identity. She couldn't stop wondering how she never saw it. Some investigative reporter she was. What did she expect though? It had taken her a year to realize how special Clark really was. She'd have to sharpen up on her skills before she missed anything else.
Lois smiled for the first time since her deep musings began. She loved him. There was no doubt in that. And she realized it didn't matter that he was also Superman. She loved him. *All* of him.
Lois's last thoughts reverberated in her mind.
She loved him and that was enough. The rest they could work through *together*.
As she wiped at the remnants of her tears, she looked around at her surroundings. She was standing outside of Clark's apartment. Unbeknownst to her, her heart had directed her feet to him.
She took a deep breath and headed for his building. After several determined steps she found herself looking at his door. She raised her hand to knock, faltering for a moment. Finally meeting her resolve, she took their future into her hands and knocked.
Now if only the rest of the evening would go that easily.
************
Clark exited the market after gathering groceries for the most important dinner he was ever going to cook. For the past hour, he had been flying around the world hoping it would help him think. He knew his part of *tonight* was going to be the key of what happened between Lois and him.
During his flights, he had only stopped twice, both for a 'Help Superman' call. He had also done his nightly patrol early so he could focus everything on Lois and nothing on the world.
Now he was making his way to his apartment to make everything just perfect. He decided to forego Superman and walk home as Clark. It would just make it easier if he was Clark for the rest of the night.
God, when did he start talking about himself in the third person? The day he became Superman. He'd be the first to tell anyone that he had an identity crisis, especially when it came to Lois.
How did everything seem to get so complicated? When he fell in love with Lois Lane. And she fell in love with Superman. Which he knew he contributed to by visiting her so often as Superman. It wasn't all her fault for not knowing, he had led her to believe that he was two different people.
Maybe he should have just told her his secret when they had become friends and seen what would have happened. But he knew his own ego of wanting her to love him for him and not because of Superman had kept him from doing that.
Would she understand that?
He shook his head clearing the clutter in his mind. After a few minutes he arrived at his apartment. Taking out his keys, he slowly opened his door. As he started to descend the four steps leading into his living room, Clark caught sight of a shadow out of the corner of his eye. He lowered his glasses preparing to use his x-ray vision to identify what the shadow was, but before he had the chance, it revealed itself.
Clark had stopped dead in his tracks as Lois stood before him, his Superman cape wrapped around her.
<Oh boy!>
No, this was not starting out to be a good night after all.
************
Lois watched Clark's reaction to her unexpected appearance. She knew he'd be bewildered and a little shocked to find her waiting for him in his own home. But when she had made that vital decision to charge forward and found he wasn't home, she decided to use the key Clark didn't know she had and let herself in.
She had done a lot more thinking while pacing around his apartment waiting for him. She went through the last year in detail, made herself see things through his perspective and found she didn't like what she concluded with, especially about herself.
Now that she knew Clark was Superman, her reaction to his first declaration of love was unforgivable. That wasn't exactly a true statement. It shouldn't matter that she just now found out. Her behavior was unforgivable. Plain and simple.
When Clark avowed his love for her that day in the park, her reaction was one of dismissal. She refused to believe that her, Lois Lane, could ever have feelings for a hack from Nowheresville when she could have Superman. Only to turn around and tell Clark as Superman that she'd love him even if he were an ordinary man without powers. Hence, the most unforgivable part.
How could she have said that?
She couldn't deny she treated him so differently in his two separate personas. But she also knew rightfully she wasn't the only one at fault for that. Clark had made her think he was two different people and had done a damn good job.
But she knew that wasn't the point. The point was she had been selfish and completely vain, and hadn't known what she had right in front of her. Actually she had known but hadn't the courage to confront it. She almost did but that was before Clark had retracted his declaration. So denial became a wonderful thing. It was safer that way.
But that was until today. Now everything was upside down from what it was yesterday. Or maybe for the first time in her life it was all right side up. She loved him. He loved her. God, she was lucky he still loved her.
She was still a little hurt; egos had a way of holding on to things like that, but nothing was going to make her turn her back on love. She knew why he kept his secret from her and could understand it. She had known for the last half hour that *they* could get through this together. She just needed to let him know that.
That last thought brought Lois back to the present. She realized her eyes were still looked on Clark's and neither of them had moved an inch since he walked through the door. She knew he was probably trying to contemplate her appearance in his cape more than anything.
It hadn't been until discovering the secret compartment, by accident of course, had the decision to wrap his Superman cape around herself come into play. She wanted to make a point, wanted to let him know that she was hurt for his deception, and Clark's expression proved he had received the message. But it was also more than that-she also wanted him to know she accepted him...all of him.
This time she was going to speak first and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.
************
Clark stood there looking at Lois. At first he was bewildered when he saw her in his apartment, but after realizing she was wearing his cape, the emotion went out the window to be replaced with something he wasn't sure how to describe.
He was still staring into her eyes and could see the hurt he inflicted on her by his deception. He could also see the residual anger but the small smile playing at her lips caught him off guard. He was sure the smile had something to do with his cape wrapped around her and was sure it symbolized more than he was aware of.
He knew he was in trouble, just how much he wasn't sure of. But he was sure he was about to find out.
For the life of him, he still couldn't bring himself to break eye contact with her; he was sure she would disappear or his life would end if he did, which in his opinion were the same thing.
He watched her move to his left, as if telling him, he had her permission to continue into his own apartment; that it was as safe as it was going to be. He took the invitation skeptically, making his way through his living room to the kitchen to set down the groceries he still had in his arms. When had he lost total control here? And they hadn't even said a word to each other.
That was about to change. The silence was unnerving him. He had to know where they stood. He had to know if she still loved him. He knew that was selfish considering he didn't deserve her love for his deception. He supposed, more than anything, he just needed to know if he had destroyed that love and if he had, could it be repaired?
Clark hadn't realized his back was to Lois until he felt a pair of small gentle hands run up the expanse of his back to his shoulders, stopping and to his surprise, staying there. His body immediately relaxed to her touch. He could hear her heartbeat start to accelerate but that wasn't the only sound he heard. That of a small sob caught his attention. She was crying and he knew it was because of him.
What had he done to her?
He slowly turned to face her, bracing himself for an out lash he was sure he would be receiving. But what happened next was beyond anything he ever imagined, let alone any reaction he ever expected from her.
************
To be continued...
