"Don't, Clark. Please, just…you don't have to do that."
He was visibly confused. "Do what?" he asked, stroking her side again.
"You've already got me," she whispered, struggling to keep her emotions in check. "You don't have to tell me that you love me to get me into bed."
*********
Clark reeled back as if he'd been slapped.
"Oh my God. Lois – you don't really think…oh, God. I would never…How could you think?" He pulled her close, hugging her and resting his head on hers.
Clark tried desperately to regain his equilibrium as he waited for her to say something. Only a moment ago, he was making love to the woman of his dreams, trying to rationalize away all of the reasons they weren't ready, and now he was faced with the reality that she didn't even realize he was in love with her. It was too much to comprehend.
The idea that she thought he'd only told her he loved her in order to get her into bed sickened him. He berated himself silently, telling himself that he was as bad as the others, so focused on what he was feeling that he neglected to understand what she was feeling.
How could she believe that he didn't love her? How could she not know? And how could he have been so stupid? Even if she had known that he loved her, they weren't ready for this. Their relationship was so new, so fragile, how could he have been willing to jeopardize it so carelessly?
He had been so lost in the moment that he hadn't been thinking clearly. It had been real this time, not an act performed for someone else's benefit. There could be no one watching this time. Unlike even the spectacular kisses they'd shared on the boat, there was nothing to cast doubt of the reality of this moment.
No, this time she had been kissing him because she wanted to. There could be no other explanation. He had thought that she had realized how much he loved her and that she felt the same way.
But she hadn't known. She hadn't understood anything. She hadn't realized that he was in love with her. She thought he was no better than the rest, and that he – like all the others – would break her heart.
"Oh, God, I hate him," he said suddenly, unsure if he was talking about Paul specifically or about all the men in her past.
The intensity in Clark's voice seemed to startle Lois. She flinched, then pulled away and watched him as she seemed to take in the unexpected words. "Who?" she asked, obviously confused.
He ignored her question, choosing to address the bigger issue. "Lois, I told you once that it's not just something men say to get women in bed, and I meant it. I know that some men do, but not all men. Not me."
Lois dropped her eyes from his, focusing them on an invisible spot on the comforter. Clark's heart clenched as he watched her, hoping he could undo the damage he had done.
"Lois, look at me. Listen to me," he said urgently. He waited until her eyes met his to continue. "I love you. I love you so much, and I have been in love with you for so long. This is a dream come true for me because you are everything I have ever wanted in my life. You are a part of me. And I would never, *never,* say that just to get you into bed. This is not about sex, Lois. This is about how much I love you. Don't you know how much I love you?"
"Clark," she whispered, her eyes pooling with tears as she seemed to contemplate what he had said.
He had just poured his heart out to her, telling her how much she meant to him, and her only response had been to whisper his name. Did she feel the same way? Was there any hope at all?
"Lois," he prodded, his voice strained.
"I love you, too," she whispered, the tears that had been threatening to spill over pouring down her cheeks. "I thought…. I thought that you couldn't love me. I thought that this was still just a game for you."
"It was *never* a game for me," he replied quickly. "I've loved you for so long. I've always loved you. This week…. This week has been the best week of my life because, for once, I haven't had to pretend. I haven't had to hide my feelings for you. Everything I've said, everything I've done this week has been real."
"How could I have been so blind?" she whispered, reaching to stroke his cheek. He leaned down and captured her lips in a sweet kiss.
Lois slipped one hand around his neck, her finger trailing over the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. Clark's heart thudded in his chest as Lois snuggled closer, pressing her bare skin against his.
During their conversation, Clark had been so focused that he had been almost unaware that she was nearly naked in bed with him. With their conversation over, awareness came rushing back.
His hands began to roam her body, sliding over her soft skin as his lips sealed to hers. He rolled partially on top of her, careful to keep most of his weight balanced on the bed. She reached for him, tugging him more fully over her. She brought one foot to rest flat on the bed and rubbing against his leg and hip as she drew her leg slowly forward.
His lips left hers finally, only to trail opened-mouthed kissed down her neck and across her shoulder. She sighed happily, her soft sounds encouraging him to continue. Her fingers on one hand threaded through his hair, while the other hand ran up and down his back slowly, memorizing the feel of his body.
She loved him. She was going to make love to him. Slowly, the implications of that decision began to dawn on her. Earlier, when this was just a one night stand, she was eager to make love to him. She had thought there was no hope for a future with Clark, so she was desperately reaching for temporary happiness. But now…. Now that she knew that he loved her; now that there was a future for them beyond just tonight, she was torn. She still wanted to make love to him. Her body was telling her in no uncertain terms that this was exactly what it wanted. Her heart wanted it too. She wanted to make love to him, to be as close to him as she could possibly be, to share everything with him.
But her mind wasn't convinced. This wasn't just about one night anymore. This was about much more. They had a future now. And this one night had consequences. Were they ready for this? Now she wasn't so sure.
“Clark,” she said, already regretting what she was going to have to do.
Clark moaned quietly, mumbling her name as he kissed his way across the base of her throat and begin lavishing attention on her other shoulder
Lois closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the sensations for just another second before saying his name again, louder this time.
Clark finally seemed to process that she was trying to get her attention and not just encouraging him. He raised his head, the passion is his eyes igniting a fire in her stomach. For a moment her resolve slipped and she desperately wanted to complete what they had begun.
But the thought of ruining everything by rushing into something they weren't ready for was enough to put a damper on her rising temperature.
“Clark,” she started again, hesitantly.
“What, honey? What is it?” he asked, the passion in his eyes slowly being replaced by concern.
Lois took a ragged breath and chewed nervously on her bottom lip. She was sure that Clark would stop if she told him too, but a part of her was still afraid that he would be angry. She knew that he loved her, believe him when he told her that, but she knew how men reacted when things went this far and then the woman put a stop to them. Even if he wasn't angry, he'd be disappointed, and she so wanted to make him happy.
Clark must have read the confliction in her eyes because he smiled tenderly and brushed a kiss across her lips before saying, “Whatever it is, you can tell me. What's the matter, Lois. Talk to me.”
“I'm just…. I'm not sure. I mean….Can we just take this slow?" she asked softly. "I don't know what I want anymore."
Rather than looking angry, Clark looked crestfallen. “You don't know what you want? I don't…. What do you mean?” he asked quietly.
“I'm just not sure we're ready for this. I'm sorry, I just…. I don't want to ruin everything by rushing into this.”
If Lois had expected him to try to change her mind or to yell at her, she couldn't have been more wrong. Instead, he looked relieved.
“So, you don't mean that you don't love me? That's not what you're confused about?”
Her heart clenched at his sincere concern. “No,” she said softly, stroking his cheek. “I've never been so sure of anything in my life.”
He let out a breath she hadn't realized he was holding, and smiled again.
"I love you, Clark. I'm just not sure I know what that means yet. That doesn't mean I'm not ready for a relationship with you. I just need some time to get used to this. To get used to us.”
"We can take it as slow as you want. I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as you need."
She smiled timidly, and watched his gaze drop to her lips. She felt her pulse pick up in anticipation of the kiss she knew was coming. But his gaze returned to her eyes and she saw the hesitation lurking there.
"Clark," she whispered, sliding her fingers into his hair and tugging him forward, "we don't have to take it that slow.”
His face broke into a grin as he lowered his lips the rest of the way to capture hers.
*****
Clark handed the desk clerk their door keys, then turned his attention back to Lois. His arm was settled securely around her waist and her head rested on his shoulder. Their luggage sat at their feet.
He removed his arm from her waist and picked up their bags, carrying them to the lobby area. He sat down and tugged her arm, silently asking her to sit beside him. She came immediately, snuggling into his embrace.
“Do you see Jimmy anywhere?” he asked her, surveying the hotel lobby.
She shook her head, then spotted him rushing out of the elevator, suitcase in tow.
“I'm coming, I'm coming,” he said, out of breath, as he rushed toward them.
“It's fine, Jimmy. We've got plenty of time,” Clark assured him. “The hotel shuttle won't be here for another couple of minutes.”
“Oh,” Jimmy said, still panting from his run. “I thought I was late. If I have a minute, I'm going to run and grab something to eat from the vending machine. Do you guys mind watching my bag?”
They shook their heads, and he was off again.
The second Jimmy disappeared, Clark's mind drifted back to last night. He squeezed her shoulders gently. She snuggled closer, laying her head on his shoulder again and sighing contentedly.
“Are you tired, sweetheart?” he asked, rubbing her upper arm soothingly.
“A little,” she said softly.
“I'm sorry. I should have let you get more sleep last night.”
Lois laughed softly. “Don't apologize. We can sleep on the plane. And even if I'm tired now, it was worth it, and I'm not one bit sorry.”
Clark sighed. “It was pretty incredible wasn't it?” he asked, shifting so he could look at her. “I mean…I've never…wow.”
“Yeah, wow,” she agreed, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
He tried to find the words to tell her what he was feeling, but failed. He shook his head helplessly.
“I know,” she whispered. “I don't know what to say either.”
She settled back into his embrace, and his thoughts drifted back to the night before. After they had confessed their love for each other, they had spent the rest of their night exploring their new relationship. They had stopped short of intercourse, although they had come close at times. Lois had told him that she wasn't ready yet, and he not only respected her wishes, he saw the wisdom behind them. Their love was so precious and new that he didn't want to endanger it by rushing things.
But though they may have stopped shy of completing the act, there was no doubt in his mind that they had made love. Every touch, every kiss was a testimony of their love. They had given each other such incredible pleasure. At points he thought his heart would burst from the love he felt for her. He had thought before that he couldn't love her anymore than he already did, but he had been wrong. He loved her even more now. It was far and away the most incredible night of his life. The idea that there would be more nights like this was overwhelming.
Lois' small hand slipped into his larger one, twining their fingers together. With the fingers of her other hand, she gently stoked the back of his hand and arm. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
The bellman announced that the shuttle would arrive momentarily, and Lois and Clark reluctantly pulled apart, gathering their belongings.
A sudden motion out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he looked up to see Paul step out of the elevator, a sleazy brunette obviously wearing clothing from the night before draped across him.
Clark rolled his eyes and surreptitiously looked at Lois to make sure the sight hadn't upset her. Lois smiled and shook her head. “I'm fine, Clark. You know, I don't even think I can hate him anymore.”
She laughed at Clark's stunned expression. “Just think about it. If he hadn't appeared, who knows how long it would have taken for us to get to this point.”
“Well, when you put it that way, I guess I owe him a lot,” Clark said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and pressing a quick kiss to her cheek.
Clark cringed as he heard Paul and the brunette approaching. He seriously doubted Paul would stop to talk to them, but he was just in too good a mood to want to deal with him at all.
“Well, looky- looky,” Paul said, stopping in front of them. “If it isn't the love birds.”
The woman on his arm giggled, causing Lois to shoot Clark an amused look. He rolled his eyes in response and forced himself to be polite. He wouldn't allow Paul to spoil this wonderful morning.
“Good morning, Paul.”
“Why don't you go check out for me, doll?” Paul asked, handing her his keys and patting her on the butt. She pouted for a second, then flitted off to do his bidding.
“She's something, isn't she?” Paul asked, checking her out as she walked away. “I know you think you're happy, Clark, but I don't envy you a bit. Never settle down, that's my motto. Always keep "em guessing. A different woman every night.”
Before Clark could tell Paul that he'd heard more than enough, another voice broke in.
"Paul? Paul! I'm so glad I found you! I'm in town for an LNN regional meeting and I came in a day early to surprise you. I missed you this week … I'm sorry that I couldn't be here and you had such a boring conference."
“Jennifer! Hi!” Paul's eyes darted back to the front desk and his eyes grew wide as he saw the brunette had already checked out and was on her way back. “I had no idea you'd be here. What a surprise.”
“I know. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, I'm surprised,” he said nervously.
His woman of the moment made it back to the group just then. “All checked out,” she announced, immediately attempting to resume her position on Paul's arm.
Paul blanched and disengages from the woman as if she were on fire. But the exchange had not gone unnoticed. Jennifer's eyes narrowed and her voice immediately became serious, no hint of the ditzy act she had put on at dinner. "And just what do we have here?"
Paul fumbled for an answer, clearly beginning to panic, "Jenny, baby, it's not what it looks like … she's an old friend, a colleague … someone I barely know. I don't even like her!"
"Hey!" the brunette responded, furious.
Paul looked frantically around the room for some idea, until his fell on Lois and Clark, who still stood nearby, watching with great amusement. "Lois, Clark, tell her! Tell Jennifer how much I've missed her this week,” he begged, shooting Clark a look that clearly meant for him to help him cover.
"I'm confused, Paul," Lois says. "Didn't you just get done telling Clark and I that you and Jennifer had an *understanding* and she didn't care how many other women you slept with this week?"
"WHAT?" Jennifer exclaimed, murder in her eyes. "That's *it*, Paul. We are through! I will not be made a fool of!"
She stormed off, leaving a stunned Paul to watch her go, his mouth agape. He hesitated for a moment, then took off after her. “But, Jenny, honey … you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! Please, give me another chance … I'll do anything …!"
Lois and Clark burst out laughing as his pathetic pleas faded off. They grabbed their bags and headed for the door where they could see their shuttle arriving.
Just then, Jimmy came bursting back into the room, carrying some sort of sugary breakfast item obtained from the hotel vending machines.
He took one look at them and furrowed his brow. “What's so funny?” he asked, grabbing his bag.
Lois and Clark just laughed harder.
“It's a long story,” Clark said, opening the door. “We'll tell you about it on the way.”
<<< And they all lived happily ever after. Well, until Playing for Keeps, of course. <G> >>>
