The parts where you differ from the Pilot were great. I also liked the way you fleshed out what the characters were thinking and feeling. However, I was disappointed that you didn't stray from the original plot often. You've shown from your creativity that you're a better writer than that. You can write your own dialogue and follow plot bunnies that weren't in the original story even if the overall plot doesn't differ significantly from the Pilot.
For example, you delved into the thought that Clark was steadfastly trying to impress Lois. What you wrote was great, but it would have given you the perfect opportunity to invent your own plot point where either Clark tries to impress her and it falls flat or Clark tries to impress her and scores big points.
The best part was the conversation Lois had with Clark where she was pushing him to tell her why he moved so often.
All in all, this is still great stuff. Keep writing. I, for one, never miss a part.
Elisabeth
