Oh, heavens. I can't believe I missed part four. I read parts five and six, but figured you glossed over the parts that wouldn't be different from the episode.
I missed out on a lot. This is a powerful segment.
The description of how Lois automatically functions, giving a clear concise story despite her wandering thoughts.
The description of what Clark is experiencing is also well-done, as is the way in which he is rescued.
Her conversation with Perry was well-done, although Perry's conversation with Martha and Jonathon was the weakest segment. I can picture Perry giving a well-laid story in the same manner that Lois did with the police, and that is how you write it. But I felt he got off-track when he said:
“Clyde Barrow, apparently,” Perry told them. “Look, I’ll call you when I find out more, okay? Clark was a good kid.”
I can't see Perry giving speculative information to the grieving family. Maybe he would make a promise. "I don't know all of the details, but I can promise you that when I find out you'll be the first to know.
Also, I felt like Martha panicked too soon. It doesn't make sense for her to fly off the handle just from Perry's tone-of-voice. But perhaps when she gets thinking she could get concerned. But only after she realizes how much time has passed since the shooting. I don't know.
The description of the doctors is also well-done. You are certainly a word-smith on this segment.
And Lois's reaction is poignant.
Finally, I enjoyed your explanation on how the clones were done. Very creative. Also quite plausible for this canon.
An excellant part I'm glad I didn't miss.
Elisabeth
