Another late update. Sorry. I had a very busy week. Only three more parts after this. I may, at some point, write an extra part to fill in the time gap here. I have something in mind but I'm not sure when I'll get to it.
The More Things Stay the Same
Part 5
The weeks following Lois’ accident seemed to fly by and soon a month had passed. She had yet to regain any of her lost memories but she had seemed to settle back into her life as it was – well most of it anyway.
She was still sleeping in the guest room.
Clark missed his wife something fierce but he wasn’t about to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. Their life at home was… cordial. He felt like they were living around each other rather than living together. Lois mostly kept to herself. She would eat with him if he cooked something or ordered take out but then she’d go right back to working on her laptop or reading or watching television on her own.
His attempts to make conversation didn’t get very far. After the first few weeks of her asking a lot of questions to get caught up on her life, she just sort of stopped talking to him. She wouldn’t blatantly ignore him but neither would she go out of her way to spend time with him. It was like they were married strangers and, he supposed, that is exactly what it felt like to Lois.
But he felt like he’d lost his best friend.
She didn’t know him anymore and she didn’t seem interested in getting to know him. He’d tried to get her to go out with him on dates, to have fun together and maybe rekindle her forgotten feelings for him. But she always claimed to be too busy or too tired or, lately, simply not interested.
They weren’t even working together anymore. Once she was given the go ahead by her doctor to start working full-time again, Perry had tried to put them back together as a team – as they had always been. But Lois insisted that she worked alone and wouldn’t hear-tell of having a partner. Clark figured it was best not to press the issue but now he was wishing he had. At least if they were working together, maybe she could get to know him again.
The only times she seemed genuinely happy in his presence was when she saw him as Superman – which wasn’t often. He tried his best to avoid her without making it obvious or being rude. The way she acted whenever she did see the hero was far too reminiscent of their early days together – when she only had eyes for the man in tights.
Clark had not yet told her about his secret identity. With the way things were between them, he wasn’t sure she was ready to handle that information. It was too big of a secret to share with someone he didn’t trust. And he was horrified to admit that he didn’t trust his wife right now. Because she wasn’t the Lois he’d grown up with or even the Lois he’d come to know and trust through years of working together the first time around. That Lois had proven herself trustworthy a thousand times over. She was his best friend, his confidant. She knew him almost better than he knew himself.
But this new Lois was actually the old Lois – Mad Dog Lane Lois who put her career before all else. She was the Lois he had first fallen in love with, yes – fiery and passionate as ever. But the softer edge she’d shown him as their friendship developed was, once again, locked behind an impenetrable wall. And, this time, he wasn’t sure even the Man of Steel could knock it down.
As much as he wanted to say she was still the same trustworthy woman he’d come to know back then, he didn’t know that for certain. And with their married life already so strained and not even a solid friendship to get them through – he wasn’t sure their relationship would survive that particular revelation at this time.
Clark sighed as he finished typing up a last-minute article for the morning edition. Superman had saved another woman from an assault and attempted rape earlier that evening. There had been a string of similar cases within a ten-block area uptown. Clark was wondering if they were all connected. The perpetrators of the crimes were all younger men, a few still in high school, and the police suspected gang activity but they were having trouble pin-pointing the group given that most of the gangs stayed out of that district due to the higher security afforded by the upper middle class. The suspects themselves weren’t talking and, even with Superman actively patrolling the area, the incidents hadn’t decreased. Women in the area were being advised not to go out walking alone after dark.
Clark hoped he could get Lois interested and maybe they could work together to find out what was going on. It was the exactly the sort of story she would usually jump right into and it could be a way to start building back the bridge between them.
He sent the article on to the night editor and shut his computer down before grabbing his briefcase and heading for the stairs. He’d leave from the roof and pick up dinner on his way home. Lois used to love take-out from that little place in Hong Kong. Maybe he could recreate some of the memories they’d once shared.
After a quick trip to China, he landed in an alley near the brownstone and walked the rest of the way. Lois wasn’t downstairs but he could hear her moving about up in her room. He set the food down on the table and went up to let her know he’d brought dinner.
“Hey, I’m home,” he announced, knocking lightly on the open door. Then he noticed the suitcase on the bed. Lois was pulling some clothes out of her dresser. “What ’cha doing?”
Lois sighed and placed a stack of shirts on the bed before looking up. “I’m packing,” she answered bluntly.
“I see that. Is Perry sending you out of town?” Clark asked, though it was unlike Perry to send Lois somewhere without talking to them both.
“No.” Lois turned back to the dresser to retrieve another stack of clothes.
Clark took a few steps into the room and frowned as he noted the number of clothes and other items she was packing. “You’re not packing for a trip…” he said slowly, hoping he was wrong but feeling his heart sink as the reality of the situation became apparent.
“No, Clark,” Lois answered, looking at him directly. “I’m leaving.”
Words failed him. He felt himself shake his head and open his mouth several times but his mind seemed to have stalled out. This couldn’t be happening.
He’d told himself over and over that at least she wasn’t being brainwashed by that scoundrel, Deter. At least she wasn’t about to run away to France with her doctor.
But no… she was still leaving him. Only this time it was truly of her own volition.
How had he not seen this coming? It didn’t seem to matter how many things they changed in the timeline – some things just insisted upon staying the same. And it looked like this was another one of those cases. But what could he do about it?
“Look, I know what you’re going to say,” Lois continued before he could pick up the pieces of his shattered mind. “But I’ve given this a lot of thought and the fact of the matter is that I’m no closer to regaining my memories now than I was a month ago. Chances are, I’m never going to remember the life we had together and this –” she waved a hand between the two of them. “This married, living together thing… it’s just not working. We’re like strangers living under the same roof. I don’t know you.”
Her last words startled Clark into responding. “Well, you haven’t exactly tried to get to know me. You won’t spend time with me. Every time I ask you out you come up with an excuse not to go. You won’t even let Perry partner us up anymore.”
“I work best alone. I always have.”
Clark shook his head and sat down on the bed in front of her. He reached for her hands but she pulled away and crossed her arms over her chest. He sighed and voiced his thoughts anyway. “Lois, I’m not going to argue that you don’t do great work on your own. You’re brilliant. But you and I have worked together for years. You’ve seen the work we’ve done together. We make a great team and I think if you’d just give us a chance, you’d see that.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because I like things the way they are. I like me the way I am. I’m out there, doing what I do best and I don’t like having to be bogged down by a partner or a husband or anyone else who thinks they know what’s best for me. I won’t let someone else tell me how to live my life. I didn’t take that from my father and I’m certainly not going to take it from you.”
“Lois… I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. I’m just asking you to give me a chance – give us a chance. I know you don’t remember but… I love you, Lois. I’ve loved you since the beginning.”
Lois sighed and turned away. “I know. And I’m sorry, Clark, but I just don’t feel the same way.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to leave.”
“Yes. I do.” Lois moved around him to put a stack of clothes into her suitcase.
“Why?”
“I’m not happy here.” Lois punctuated her words by stuffing more items into the case. “At work, I’m great. Nothing has changed there except a few updates in the computer system. I know who I am and what is expected of me. But here? Here, I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. All around me I see reminders of things that I’m supposed to remember, but I don’t. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t be that person. I can’t be the wife you expect me to be. I don’t know her.”
Her voice grew soft, almost a whisper, as she paused in her packing. “When I’m here, I don’t know who I am.”
Clark shook his head. “You don’t have to try to be anyone. Not for me. Just be you. And if you’re not happy with the house we’ll change it. We can put away the reminders you don’t want. You can make it your own. Show me who you are now – who you want to be.”
Lois tilted her head and considered him for a moment. “What if you don’t like who I am now?”
“Impossible.” Clark replied with conviction. “There is no part of you that I could not love. Stay, and I’ll prove it to you. You don’t have to love me back right away. Just stay. Give us both time to rediscover each other.”
Sighing, she turned away. Her next words were barely audible. “If only it could be that simple. The truth is… I have feelings for someone else.”
If he hadn’t already been sitting, Clark might have fallen over. Why? How could this be happening? Once again, he found himself unable to speak.
“It doesn’t matter who,” Lois continued in a normal voice. “I’m pretty sure it’s unrequited. But I can’t make myself stop having feelings for him anymore than I can force myself to have feelings for you. I’ve tried to ignore them but they keep coming back and it bothers me because, technically, I’m married and I shouldn’t be having those feelings for a man who isn’t my husband. But there they are and I can’t see any way to make this right except… to leave.”
She finished putting her things in the suitcase and closed it, pushing down hard to coax the zipper together. The she went into the bathroom with a smaller bag, presumably to gather her toiletries.
Clark sat on the bed, numbly. He didn’t know how to respond. His wife was in love with someone else? No. Not in love. She said she had feelings but she didn’t really specify… did it really matter though. She had feelings for someone else and she felt nothing for him. And she was leaving… What could he say? What could he do? Surely there was some way to convince her to stay. But what?
Lois came back into the room and hoisted her suitcase off of the bed. “You don’t have to worry about me doing anything… you know… unfaithful. I don’t plan on acting on my feelings. At least… not until after the divorce.”
Clark’s head shot up at the last word. “Divorce?! Lois, no. Please.”
“I’m sorry, Clark. I really am. I don’t want to hurt you. But I’ve got to think about what’s best for me.” She turned to the door and Clark rose mutely to follow her out and down the stairs. He was still reeling, his mind grasping for the right words, the right gesture, something, anything to fix this.
Lois paused by the front door but didn’t turn to look at him. “I’ll be staying at my mother’s apartment, uptown. She’s away for a few weeks and asked me to house sit. Hopefully that will give me enough time to find my own place.”
She reached for the doorknob and Clark knew he had to do something. He couldn’t just let her leave without trying. He touched her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. Her eyes were sorrowful but determined. She was choosing this and nothing Clark said was going to make her change her mind. He could only plead.
“Lois… Please.” He lifted his hand to her cheek and let it linger there.
For half a moment, her eyes changed – recognition, curiosity, wonder – and then it was gone. She stepped back, away from his touch. “I’ll see you at the Planet,” she said, and then she opened the door and left.
Clark watched her go long after the door was shut. He watched her load her things into her jeep, buckle herself in, and drive away. He watched until she disappeared around a corner and then he allowed his vision to peel away the buildings to watch a little longer, until he lost her in a sea of red tail-lights.
Then he collapsed.
He’d lost her. And this time, he wasn’t sure if he could get her back.
Comments can go here.
