I feel for you, Lynn.
I think that most mothers expect motherhood to be different than it actually is. Thankfully, most of the time, reality is not nearly as difficult as it was in your case. I consider myself blessed that I have two healthy children.
Actually, my reality was the opposite of yours. My daughter acknowledged my presence all right. So much so, that for the first six months, I didn't have as much as 30 seconds without her. She didn't accept anyone but me, not my husband, not her grandparents. Feeding her was a disaster, because she wouldn't breastfeed without wailing for at least half an hour before finally latching on. When we'd finally gotten through the ordeal of getting her fed, she would be hungry all over again. And of course she wouldn't drink from the bottle.
While she took up all my time, everyone else seemed to ignore me. They would gush about the sweet baby in my arms, but I felt like I had ceased to exist. I think I came pretty close to having post-partum depression, then.
It was a though time. Rewarding, but at the same time demanding so much.
I hope your son is giving you something back now, in his own special way that is so difficult to read for outsiders.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Last edited by bakasi; 02/18/22 03:38 PM.
