Like everybody said - the sadness and poignancy and beauty of this is almost beyond words. Who can comment on this in such a way that the comment brings out more meaning than Wendy's masterful prose is already giving to us?
But at least I must call attention to some things that make me draw my breath again and again as this marvellous story enfolds itself before my eyes. I stand in awe at the way Clark almost can't say "I do" in the chapel because of the terrible words about him and Lois that he can't bear thinking about:
If he allowed himself to concentrate on what he was doing, then saying the vows, promising to love her until death parted them, would finally tear his heart into tiny pieces.
And the way he can't kiss Lois right away after the ceremony, because he needs to just look at her first:
He let go of her hand and brought his palms up to cradle her face, then paused. He needed to look at her. Needed a minute just to look at his wife.
His wife.
He needed to imprint her features on his brain. To remember forever how she'd looked right at this moment - weak, pale, trembling and far from the vibrant, energetic human dynamo that was Lois Lane - but never more beautiful.
And then, the way he actually kisses her:
Slowly, almost reverently, he lowered his head and captured her lips with his own. She trembled beneath his hold, but slid her arms around him, parting her lips and inviting him to kiss her properly.
Closing his eyes, he leaned into her, tasting her, feeling her, learning her. Memorising her.
Engraving the essence of her on his soul.
And the way he refines the desperation he feels within himself into love beyond words or measure for his wife:
If only this was like the fairy-tale, where the kiss from the handsome prince would awaken the beautiful princess and make her well again.
If only.
He was Superman, and he hadn't been able to do a damn thing to save her.
All he could do now was show her, with his lips, with his hands, with everything he was, how much he loved her.
And the way Clark's unhappiness makes Lois want to comfort him:
His eyes were so sad. If only there was a way she could take that away for him... but there was nothing she could do.
And the way she realises what it will mean to Clark if she doesn't let her parents know about her dying:
"Lois, no matter what, you can't not tell them!" he exclaimed. "How do you think they'd feel just finding out... after? Getting a phone call from the hospital - or more likely me! - telling them their daughter's dead? And realising that we'd known all today that it was probably going to happen?"
He was right. As her husband, he'd have to be the one to call her parents. How could she do that to him? On top of everything else he was being dumped with!
"I'm sorry, Clark." The words emerged as little more than a whisper. "This... marriage idea of mine... it's going to leave you with a whole lot of hassle."
And the way Clark gets the chance to say, again, that there is
nothing he wouldn't do for her:
"You think I care about that, Lois? Sure, being your... widower is going to mean I get to do all sorts of fun stuff. Stuff that's going to tear me apart little by little, more painfully than Kryptonite can. But do you think that for one second I mind doing anything for you? That there's anything I wouldn't do for you?"
And then his final declaration of endless love:
"Lois... if there was any way... anything I could do..." He took a harsh, shuddering breath. "If I could swap places with you, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
And after this, Lois gives
her ultimate gift of love to Clark. The gift of not asking him to kill her. People, have you considered Lois's situation, of what it would mean to see and feel your body fall apart on you like that? A friend of my mother's was feeling tired so she saw her doctor, and was told that she had a very aggressive form of cancer of the pancreas, and that she had exactly one week to live. I have often wondered what that week must have been like for her. What did she think every night as she went to bed? What did she think as she woke up each new morning, yet another day gone from what had been a week to live? What new pains and fears assaulted her every day? How much worse did she feel each morning than she had the night before, and how much worse was the end of each day compared with the beginning of it?
My mother's friend had to suffer through the systematic break-down of her body in one week. In Wendy's story, Lois has to watch and feel the same thing happen to her body in twenty-four hours. How scared would you be if that happened to you? In Wendy's story, Lois thinks to herself that she is afraid of the pain, and she is afraid of not being able to breathe. That was what my father said, when he was so ill after his heart attack, that nothing scared him more than not being able to breathe.
But when Lois has given up, when she has nothing but four unspeakably horrible hours of complete bodily anguish and breakdown to look forward to, and when she knows that Clark could spare her this inhuman horror by using his superpowers to kill her so quickly and
gently, then she gives him the ultimate gift of her love, the gift not only of not asking him to kill her, but also the gift of not telling him that she really wants him to do this. Because nothing, nothing could be more horrible for him than knowing that Lois's last wish would be that he should kill her.
Ahh, Wendy. I don't think we have ever seen Clark and Lois's love for one another portrayed so heartbreakingly beautifully before. You have crammed what seems like a lifetime of choices and emotions into twenty-four short hours - well, really only twenty so far! And in the three last parts or so, Lois and Clark have had more than a lifetime's share of epiphanies, and they have learnt more about life, death, hope, despair, fear, grief, joy and love than many of us can can ever hope to come by in a lifetime. Your story is about the human condition, enacted by two fallible people whose courage and love shines a thin beam of light and warmth even into the shadow of the valley of death. Even if their fight is useless, even if the darkness must claim at least one of them very, very soon, they will keep trying. For each other. Beacuse they love.
Ann
