quote:
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you try it 'just cause'
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I could never understand this one. I mean, I sort of understand the rebelious teenager thing, but otherwise, why do something that is just plain icky? Are there actually children out there who haven't smoked but who actually *like* the effects and smells of cigarette smoke?
Okay, I feel I need to clarify...no...correct this, if only to make myself feel better. I was making short of my reply (even though it ended up being pretty long anyway
).
The first time I tried a cigarette, I was 16 or 17. My friend and I were always avid non-smokers, but we were curious. We also wanted to be able to one-up those people that said "don't knock it til you try it" when we'd say it was disgusting.
I didn't like it then. It wasn't until I was 19 or 20 (don't recall exactly) that I started smoking. I found out my best friend (different friend
)had been smoking when she was hanging out with her other friends. It upset me quite a bit and I asked her to quit. We used to go for long drives and just talk the night away or sing along to the radio. So one night, shortly after I'd asked her to quit, we were going for one of our drives and she told me that she was going to quit. The half of a pack she had left would be her last. If you ask me why I said it, I still couldn't tell you, maybe I was curious again or thought it looked cool...I don't know. But I said, "Good! I'll help you smoke it." Maybe I wanted to help her get rid of it faster or something. I could just puff on it and not really inhale. Well she ended up "teaching" me how to actually smoke the cigarette (there's apparently a technique or two
) and I found that the cigarette (well, the nicotine, really) relaxed me and even gave me a little buzz, a light-headed feeling. My friend never did quit smoking and what's worse is, I started.
Though, we would only smoke on our drives. It was our time together and our little thing.
Then my parents got divorced.
I didn't handle it well at all (in fact, I don't think I'll ever be as close to my mom again because of it
). With the divorce, the stress of school and some other emotional problems, I ended up dropping out of college (well, technically I "took a semester off"...and I'm finally back 3 years later
). Everything all together was kind of overwhelming and there was this little side habit I had of smoking. Well, the smoking ended up helping me a little. It took the edge off the stress and other 'traumas'.
Now, I'm much better emotionally, but I'm hooked. As much as I'm disappointed in myself for being a smoker, I'm just not ready to quit yet. But I will someday.
So, Sara, if we ever meet, I'm sure we'll find a little spot where we won't disturb the others and I'll be happy to spend some quality time with you.
LOL El! I'll look forward to it!
Sara (who really didn't mean to get that emotional...or tell everyone more than they probably wanted to know about her life
)
