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Joined: Jun 2011
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Okay. I am sorry about this one. Here I had a set destination in mind for this story, practicing a little clean-steam, just a one-off, and I'm writing and writing and suddenly that last line came out instead of the one I wanted to write.  I tried to go back and write it the first draft way, but I spent so long cackling maniacally about a twist that I just couldn't do it,  and therefore it's ending up a little darker and longer than I'd anticipated. (Probably more than 3 chapters, but that's where I'm at right now.) Let me know what you think! Un-betaed, so point out any points of confusion. Trying a new format for the back and forth time shifts, but not sure how it reads. And for you light-hearted readers: Don't worry too much. As much as I love WHAM, I didn't intend it for this piece and I won't actually let Lois die. This is more about saving Lois. 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,655 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,655 Likes: 10 |
She turned in his arms with tears in her eyes, and he finally seemed to feel the gravity of their situation. "Clark," Lois swallowed thickly, hating to be the one to knock the smile off his face.
He looked almost sick.
"I'm dying." This last line grabbed me by the throat and won't let go. I'm hooked!  Can hardly wait to read the rest!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
Nice reader incentive, Mouse. I half-expected her to say something about a child or about day care (who knows, that might still show up), but not about her dying. Does Clark have anything to do with it? Did he accidentally pass on some pathogen to her during their time together? Will the cure have anything to do with them being intimate on some schedule?
He'd have to be some determined stalker to chase her for three years. I wonder if Perry is being so patient with her because of her condition? If so, does he suspect that Clark is the young man she spent horizontal time with three years before? You've got to come back and tell us what's going to happen!
You've cornered the market for pins and needles. Now it's time to give us a nice soft cushion to rest on while we scour the boards for the next chapter.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
 I don't believe you on the WHAM. Okay get back here and post the next chapter. 
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
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OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
This last line grabbed me by the throat and won't let go. I'm hooked! Thanks! Glad you liked it! Next chapter should be up in a day or two. Nice reader incentive, Mouse. I half-expected her to say something about a child or about day care (who knows, that might still show up), but not about her dying. Why, thank you. I do love cliff hangers. And also... well, nevermind. Does Clark have anything to do with it? Did he accidentally pass on some pathogen to her during their time together? Methinks it was inspired by some curse mentioned by HG Wells in "Soul Mates" so... maybe? Will the cure have anything to do with them being intimate on some schedule? Feel like I might have to switch boards for that... She's Vitamin-D dependent now  You've cornered the market for pins and needles. Now it's time to give us a nice soft cushion to rest on while we scour the boards for the next chapter. Wow!  Quite the compliment. Don't worry, next chapter is coming soon. I don't believe you on the WHAM. Okay get back here and post the next chapter. You've been editing my copy for too long, haven't you? I'll rephrase: there will be some angst and drama and some WHAM flavoring but I promise it's not a deathfic. Thanks everybody, more coming soon!
Last edited by Mouserocks; 02/16/18 02:25 PM. Reason: making myself giggle
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 332 Likes: 1
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 332 Likes: 1 |
I read this the other day, but wasn't logged in. I enjoyed this first chapter and am looking forward to the second. The ending was actually probably my favorite part. 
"Who's asking? Clark... or Superman?"
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 571 Likes: 12
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 571 Likes: 12 |
I was thinking of WHAM! Then I was like WOAH! I was not expecting that last line. Like someone else said I was half-expecting a child or something in that lines or maybe a fiance. But not the dying. Come back with more, please.
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Joined: Dec 2004
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
What an introduction! But what?! She’s dying!! Can’t wait to see where you take this.
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
To echo Lois: "There's no time for slow." I gently suggest that to avoid more of these guys  you should post the next chapter, and that quickly. I want to know what happens next! Pretty please? With reader incentives on top?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Sorry for the delay! I got super-sick... but got a little extra inspiration from it. And a movie I watched while sick, which has become my new favorite movie. (It's called "Irreplaceable You" and it's on Netflix... but prepare to cry a LOT. Pulling this fic out of that nosedive... or trying to.) Glad you all enjoyed and will be posting chapter 2 shortly! (No more required, I promise, Terry!)
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 179
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 179 |
Belated reading and very belated commenting, but here we go! Mouse, what a wild ride and such an unexpected twist in your first instalment… I love it, although I didn’t relish the last sentence…. "Lola?" He stood up awkwardly, hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure what to do. Uh-ho! "A tic of irritation flared through her at the memory, Bobby and Trask and the lot of them, tricking her into going on that trip in order to have a viable cover. " Huh ??!!?? Quite a different universe out there ! I’m intrigued… ""--you're still green, Miss Lane. You think you can run out there with the big dogs, that you can land a job at a newspaper like the Times or the Planet without sinking your teeth into a story or two first? No. You're gonna want something on your resume. You're gonna want this on your resume. Bobby's vouching for you, so it's time to choose. You want to accompany a team of highly trained agents on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Havana?" How to botch one’s first assignation? "She turned in his arms with tears in her eyes, and he finally seemed to feel the gravity of their situation. "Clark," Lois swallowed thickly, hating to be the one to knock the smile off his face.
He looked almost sick.
"I'm dying." " Oh, no!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837 |
Whooo! I found the story. I read the first chapter right after you posted it and then put it away.
I'm now going to read it all. Hey it's VACAY time now, even for those of us who do work at a job.
Blame SueS for pulling me back in!!!
r/
Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837 |
How about some kind soul creating a TOC for Havana so it would be more accessible? It's now up to 9 chapters. I would if I could remember how.
r/
Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Hi Artemis!  You can find the ToC for Havana here it just got buried lol. Glad to have you back and enjoying! Yay for vacay time (I know I even still have a lot on my to read list- so much going on here lately!) Hope you enjoy the rest of it and looking forward to any comments you might have.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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