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Joined: Jun 2004
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One may place any comments here if one is so inclined.


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Beth-Ann seems not to understand police. In that situation police would always open up with maximum fire power. Heck police often do mass shootouts of people they only think have a gun. No police alive would try to negotiate after being shot at while trying to go in and arrest someone, they would always massively open fire.


John Pack Lambert
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Very engaging tale of these original characters. I liked the sympathetic POVs of Randy and Beth-Ann.

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Kerth
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Kerth
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Wow, Terry, the first two chapters are *very* different in tone. It worked, though!

Corrina.

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Pulitzer
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Agree with Corinna. This chapter is very different in tone. Arianna is selfish, greedy and inhuman. A poor leader who does not inspire loyalty from her employees. I almost felt sorry for Beth Ann...almost.

Well done. When is the next installment?


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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If you want loyal people following you, you have to make them loyal somehow. Arianna has chosen to use fear and money, and those aren't the best choices for long-term success. In fact, they're just about the worst choices. Look at the Mafia and how they fell apart in New York when the Feds got a couple of wise guys to testify against the big bosses.

We'll see some of the fallout from this failed mission in the next chapter, which will be up in a few minutes. Happy reading!


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing

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