The Newlywed Game: 4/4
by Nan Smith
The ringing of the telephone in the Kent farmhouse interrupted Martha Kent's morning routine. She set down the skillet that she had just extracted from its spot on the rack in preparation for making the breakfast pancakes, dried her hands on a piece of ragged towel and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi Mom!" Clark's voice said.
"Hi, honey!" she said. "Your father and I were going to call you this evening. We haven't heard from you in nearly a week. Is everything all right?"
"Everything's great," Clark assured her. Martha cocked her head, trying to interpret the note of elation in her son's voice.
"We haven't seen you in the news for several days," Jonathan's voice said. Her husband must have picked up the extension in the barn.
"Yeah, I know," Clark said. "I've been kind of busy with personal stuff. Lois and I will be dropping by to tell you the whole story, but we wanted to let you know that we're in Hawaii, on our honeymoon. We got married three days ago."
Martha almost dropped the phone. "You did *what*?"
"We got married," Clark repeated. "We didn't exactly plan it and there's a long story behind it, but we didn't want you to worry in case someone phoned you and asked if you knew where we were."
Jonathan appeared in the doorway, the receiver in one hand and a stunned expression on his face. "Uh -- well, congratulations, son," he said, sounding almost as dumbfounded as Martha felt.
"Thanks, Dad," Clark's voice said. "Would you like to say hello to your new daughter-in-law?"
"I certainly would!" Martha said, regaining her voice abruptly. There was the sound of motion and muffled words on the other end of the line and then Lois Lane's voice emerged from the receiver.
"Hello, Mrs. Kent.
"Martha," she said quickly. She had known for months that her son had fallen head over heels for this hard-driving reporter, but the news of their wedding was certainly a surprise, especially for her.
"Martha," Lois corrected, almost as quickly. "I know this is awfully sudden. I hope you're not disappointed."
"Oh, not at all," Martha assured her at once. "Clark's been crazy about you since he met you."
"That's what he told me," Lois said. "We can't really explain over the phone what happened, but I promise we will when we come by."
"We'll be looking forward to it," Jonathan said. "Uh -- when will that be?"
"We aren't sure yet," Lois said. "We have to phone our editor and ask him for a couple of weeks off first, but we'll let you know ahead of time."
"That will be fine, honey," Martha said at once, raising her eyebrows at Jonathan. "You and Clark just have a good time on your honeymoon and we'll hear all about it when you get back. Be sure to take pictures!"
"We will," Lois promised.
They talked a few moments more and finally hung up. Martha looked at Jonathan, trying hard to choke down the laughter that was bubbling up. "Well, that was -- interesting," she said. "I can't wait to hear the story behind it."
"Yeah," he said. He met her eyes, but a faint grin was twitching his lips. Suddenly Martha began to laugh and her husband joined in.
**********
"I told you they'd be happy for us," Clark said. "Who should we call next?"
"Well, it's seven in Metropolis," Lois said, glancing at her watch, which informed her it was just after two A.M. Hawaii time. They had returned from their picnic on Maui an hour ago and, at Lois's insistence, waited until it was six A.M. in Kansas before phoning Clark's parents. "We're going to have a lot of explaining to do when we see your mother and father."
"I know," Clark said. "They'll understand, though. You'll see. Mom and Dad have been hoping you and I would get together for months. Mom knew almost from the time I joined the Planet that I was interested in you. I don't know how she does it. I used to think that she could read minds."
"I love your parents," Lois said. "They're just so down-to-Earth. Okay, let's call Perry next." She stifled a giggle. "I can't wait to hear what he has to say." She punched in the number of Perry's office and listened as the phone rang.
Someone picked it up on the second ring. "White," Perry's distinctive voice said.
"Hello, Perry?" Lois said. She glanced at Clark, who sat down next to her on the side of the king-sized bed. Clark met her eyes with a smile, and leaned forward to kiss her.
Perry's voice emerged from the receiver. "Lois? Where the Sam Hill are you? Are you all right? Is Clark with you?"
"We're both here," Lois said. "We're in Hawaii."
"*What*?"
"I said, we're in Hawaii. We're at the King Kamehameha Hotel on the Kona Coast."
"What in the name o' Memphis are you doin' there? Or do I want to know?"
"Well -- it took us a while to figure it out, too," Lois said. She waved her crossed fingers at Clark. "I was at the airport when Miranda sprayed some of that 100% pheromone perfume from the crop duster. You remember; I wrote it up for you. Superman inhaled the stuff to keep it from affecting everybody in Metropolis. I interviewed him right afterwards. It turned out that Clark was headed for the airport, too, and he talked to Superman on his way out -- just before he went to wash the stuff off. The only thing we can figure out is that Superman had enough of the pheromone still on him that we were both exposed to it. The last thing I remember is leaving the Planet after I turned in my article. The next thing I knew, it was three days later and I was waking up here -- and Clark was here, too."
There was a long silence at the other end of the phone. "Uh -- do I want to hear any of the rest of this?" Perry asked, finally.
"Well, just a little," Lois said. "The only thing we could figure out was that the stuff we were exposed to was stronger than the 2% solution Miranda sprayed us with the first time, so it took longer to wear off. But it turns out that while we were under the influence of the pheromone, we got married."
Dead silence answered her. "Perry?" she asked.
"Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?" Perry asked.
"Yes," Lois said, fighting the urge to giggle. "Clark Kent and I got married."
"Are you thinkin' the Planet's lawyers might be able to arrange an annulment?" Perry asked. "I'm not sure that's possible, considering the -- uh -- circumstances. Of course, since you weren't in your right minds ...."
"No," Lois said. "We don't want an annulment. What we wanted was for you to arrange for two weeks off for us so we can have our honeymoon."
The coughing at the other end of the line led her to suspect that Perry might have inhaled some of his coffee. "Did I hear you right, honey?" he finally managed to choke out. "Are you sure you're really over the pheromone stuff?"
"We're over it," Lois said. "Clark and I just decided to stop pretending that we weren't -- well, attracted to each other. So --"
"Never mind," Perry said hastily. "You've got two weeks. Congratulations -- I think."
"Thanks," Lois said.
"Is Clark there?" Perry asked.
"He's right here," Lois said. "Here, Clark. Perry wants to talk to you."
Clark took the receiver. "Hi, Chief."
"I just wanted to ask you if you're sure about this, son. I know Lois is quite a woman, but she's a handful, even for your old editor. Are you *sure* this is what you want?"
"I'm sure," Clark said. "I've never been happier than I am now."
"Well, in that case, I guess all I can say is 'Congratulations'. Have a good honeymoon -- but I guess that's already started. I'll expect the two of you back at your desks in two weeks."
"We'll be there," Clark said. "Thanks, Chief. Oh," he added, "would you ask Jimmy if he'll drop by Lois's place and feed her tropical fish for her? The spare key is in her bottom right desk drawer."
**********
"Well, he took that better than I expected," Clark said, after he had hung up.
"Perry's a romantic at heart," Lois said. "I guess we're going to have to put up with some ribbing when we get back, though."
"Probably," Clark said. "If we take it with good humor it'll die down pretty fast, though. Nothing is so boring for people to talk about as a normal married couple. They don't have to know about anything else."
"I suppose so -- and I can feel pretty smug about the rest," Lois said.
"We both can," Clark said. He slipped an arm around her, beginning to kiss her neck. Then he paused. "Shouldn't we call your parents, too?"
"I'll tell them when we get back," Lois said. "Unless you want my mother out here giving you the third degree -- or else arranging for a wedding reception that would make a royal coronation look like a two-year-old's tea party."
"*Would* she?"
"Take my word for it."
"Okay," Clark said. "I will. I'd rather concentrate on the here and now, anyway. We'll need to get a camera tomorrow," he added, "if we're going to take those pictures Mom mentioned." He reached over to turn down the sheets. "What would you like to do tomorrow?"
"Well, we could visit the Rainbow Falls," Lois said. "Or the Orchid House. Maybe we could go snorkeling. I've been looking at the brochures they have down in the lobby. There's a lot to do here and since you have that pilot friend, we don't have to limit it to this island. Maybe we could find another deserted beach."
"That sounds like a great idea," Clark said. He turned sideways and pulled her down across the bed. "On the other hand, we don't really have to wait for a deserted beach, do we?"
She giggled, sliding her arms around his neck. "Why Mr. Kent, whatever did you have in mind?"
The End
