Good morning everyone! Sue and DJ say "hello"! Ready for part 8?

Table of Contents

From Part 7:

Oh, Clark, how could you?

She felt a tear trying to escape from the corner of her eye and she reached up to brush it away, determined not to give in. This was why she didn’t let people inside. This is why she had carefully constructed a wall around her... but Clark had managed to worm his way inside it.

And look what had happened.

She walked back over to the table and picked up her journal. How would she feel in the morning, when she woke up and read the words she had penned on these pages? She bit her lip; she knew exactly how she was going to feel – like she had been punched in the gut.

Lois walked into her bedroom and retrieved her *list* from her nightstand. She glanced through it. Items one, two, and three would remain as they were. She needed to know she had amnesia, that she knew about Clark and that she had cut her hair. But, after that, she needed to make some revisions. She marked through items four through seven and moved her pen down to the space below and began to write.

4. You have a new neighbor named Star. She's responsible for the plant in your bedroom. Note - apparently she is a reliable source for information on your private life. Because of her you discovered something important - see item five.

5. Clark proposed to you. It's true. You confirmed it with Perry and then managed to get Clark to admit it, just before you forced him to tell you things that had happened the past few weeks - including the fact that the night you got that bump on your head, he broke up with you. He gave you the stupid reason that it was too dangerous for Superman to be with you - people might use you to get to him. But, yet, he still somehow thinks it's okay for the two of you to be friends. What's the difference? Girlfriend... friend-friend... it's the same! Well minus a few things that you'd really rather not give up.

Lois paused there, realizing her mind had begun to drift. She was thinking about how it felt to kiss his lips and feel his strong arms wrapped around her, to feel the quickening of his heartbeat when he held her in those arms.

Focus, Lois. You're mad.

Clark had been incredibly dense and she was going to make him pay for it. She looked back down at item five and added one more sentence.

For more information on this, see pages fifteen through twenty of your journal.

6. Blue suit located at cleaners and picked up. Scratch that one.

7. Milk is fine - for another three or four days - but make a note when you go to pick up a new carton to get some fish food, too.

8. You have a dinner date with Dan Scardino tonight at six o'clock - it's for some information about Project Nirvana (see journal). He's coming to your apartment to pick you up. Remember to take your journal and take good notes.

9. Your medication that Dr. Peterson prescribed to help with your memory is in a little brown bottle in your medicine cabinet. They are liquid filled capsules, honey in color. You take one each night at bedtime.

She taped the note to her alarm clock and then proceeded to go retrieve her pill bottle from the cabinet. It was time to take one of those pills. The sooner she got better, the sooner she could put this whole mess behind her and get on with her life.

With or without Clark.

**********

PART EIGHT:

**********

Clark peered through the building, watching as Lois taped a note to her alarm clock and left her journal on the nightstand next to her bed.

He was sorely tempted to fly in there and take the journal – not to keep it - just long enough to make some alterations to it. Why had he agreed to tell her? Now she was upset and she was going to wake up and start each day, upset.

And if she hadn’t had amnesia would she wake up each morning any happier? - his mind berated him.
It was true. It was his fault she was upset – lost memory or not.

He withdrew his vision from her apartment and shoved his hands in his pockets, choosing to walk home rather than fly. He was going to have a difficult time getting to sleep tonight.

**********

Lois was walking hand in hand with Clark. The air was crisp and a light breeze was blowing, causing a shiver to run through her.

Clark put his arm around her. “Chilly?”

“No.” She shook her head, but when he tried to pull his arm away, she snuggled in closer. He was so warm. Clark was always warm. She remembered a time not too long ago that he had given her his coat to keep her warm. It had been bitter cold out and she had protested that he would freeze. But he had insisted, and he had seemed to manage just fine. Now she understood why.

They walked a few more paces through the beautiful scenery of Centennial Park. It seemed like Clark was leading them towards the fountain in the center of the park. It was one of the few places in Metropolis where you could see an unobstructed view of the night sky. But not tonight. When Lois looked up hoping to catch a glimpse of some twinkling lights, she saw instead a blanket of darkness. She couldn’t even seem to locate the moon. It looked like a storm might be coming.

As the fountain came into view, Clark gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Lois, I’ve been thinking.”

He had been thinking? She wondered what about. She knew what she had been thinking about - how was she going to tell him that she knew? Or was she even going to tell him? Maybe she would try to get him to reveal it himself. “Me too.”

“What about?”

No. The time wasn’t right. Plus, she wanted to see what was on his mind. “You first.”

“Okay.” Was she imagining it or had there been just a little tremor in his voice? Was he nervous?

They were almost to the fountain. Lois could hear the gentle splashing of the water as it trickled down the platforms into the basin below.

She heard a soft sigh escape from Clark’s lips before he began speaking again. “Sometimes you think you’re immortal and you start to think the people around you are, too.” The tenderness in his eyes was almost tangible. “It just takes a second to realize how wrong you are about everything...” He went silent for just a moment before continuing, “What I’m trying to say, Lois, is, I almost lost you. And I feel... ashamed.”

“Ashamed? Why?” He better not tell her that he was ashamed for having to accept her help, or something else equally as ridiculous. She’d put a stop to that nonsense right here and now.

“I kept pushing you away even when I promised I’d stop. If you died without ever knowing why, I’d never be able to forgive myself. Because I love you.”

Oh god. He had said it. He loved her. The anticipation in his face made her want to tell him she knew his secret. It made her want to throw herself into his arms and forget the rest of the world. But she didn’t. She restrained herself... mostly. Her hand came out and she affectionately smoothed that rebellious strand of hair from his forehead. It was so hard not to touch him further. He was worried about her dying without knowing the truth? She could have died right then and there from the way he looked in his all black ensemble. She wanted to touch him everywhere, all at once.

She didn’t return the words, though. She didn’t need to. He already knew. She had told Superman that if anything happened to tell Clark that she loved him.

So she waited – almost patiently – because she could tell he had more he wanted to say. He placed his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her arms until finally taking her hands in his, and then he led her over to the fountain.

The look in his eyes amazed her. They held a fear that she had never seen before. No, wait, she had seen it, but she couldn’t place when or where she had seen it before.

But beyond that fear, there was joy, excitement... and hope. She could definitely see the sparkle of hope in his eyes. What was he about to tell her? Was he going to reveal his secret to her?

Butterflies took flight inside her. He was! This was important. Is that why his eyes held fear? Was he afraid of what she would think when he told her? Part of her wanted to tell him not to be afraid, but part of her – a very small part – whispered in the back of her mind, ‘Yes, Clark, be afraid. Be very afraid, because you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.’

Through his hands and body movements, Clark urged her to sit down next to the fountain. She indulged him and sat down, watching in fascination as he seemed to try and gather his thoughts. She felt like the sole spectator of a play written especially for her.

He really was going to do this! He was going to tell her.

Her stomach knotted up as she watched him open his mouth and then there was a loud crash of thunder overhead, accompanied by a bright flash of lightning that illuminated Clark’s face.

A couple of raindrops hit his glasses about the same time she felt one tickle her skin as it ran down her cheek.

She fought to contain a frown. She had been right about the storm. What terrible timing!

Clark let out a frustrated almost-chuckle and looked up at the sky. “Come on!” he shouted at the powers that be. “Gimme a break.”

Lois couldn’t repress a giggle. “You wanna go back?” Please say no. Please, god. If he didn’t tell her now, would he ever work up the nerve again?

“If the earth opened up at my feet, I wouldn’t move until I’d said this.” He flashed her a smile that held more confidence in it than she had expected to see. She watched in shocked fascination as he knelt down in front of her.

Wait a minute! Wait just one minute. Since when do you need to kneel down on one knee to tell someone a secret? Perhaps he didn’t want to seem like he was looming over her when he told her? Or...

Oh... he wouldn’t! Would he?

And then she realized when she had seen that look of fear in his eyes before. It was a fear of rejection. She had seen it in his face when he had confessed his love to her to try and keep her from marrying Lex.

Lois felt a little lightheaded and dizzy. She was cold and shivering, soft raindrops pelting her face and dampening her hair. But when Clark said her name his voice pierced through her soul like molten lava. “Lois...”

This couldn’t be happening!

She watched, her anticipation growing, as he reached inside his jacket pocket to withdraw a small, black box. Oh... my... god. He was! He was going to propose to her.

Her mind swam. No. No, she wasn’t ready for this. This isn’t what she had been expecting at all. She still hadn’t come to grips with the fact that her partner and her best friend - the person she cared the most about in the entire world – had been lying to her and had been moonlighting as a superhero the entire time she had known him.

She looked down at the box, watching as he slowly opened it. No. Please, Clark. She loved him but she wasn’t ready for this.

The sparkle of the diamond flashed brightly against the darkness surrounding her. No.

“Will you marry me?”

She peered through the rain into Clark’s face; she could barely see his eyes through the water droplets covering his glasses. But it didn’t matter. He couldn’t hide behind those glasses, not tonight, not anymore.


Lois’s eyes flew open.

Clark is Superman.

She knew that was true. But what about the dream? Was it a dream? Had Clark really proposed to her? Of course not. It was only a dream.

But it seemed so real...

She glanced over at her alarm clock. She couldn’t read the time – something was covering the display. She reached over and turned her lamp on so she could see what it was.

A note?

**********

Clark glanced down at his watch as he walked up the stairs inside Lois’s apartment building. Superman had been busy, already that morning, but he still had plenty of time to check on Lois and get to the Planet on time for work. Chances were she didn’t want to see him this morning.

But he had to see her.

He walked up to her door and raised his hand, holding it poised to knock on her door. But he didn’t knock.

What state of mind was she going to be in this morning? Had she read her journal yet? He closed his eyes briefly, exhaling a soft sigh. There was more than one way to find out. For a split second his hand rose to his glasses. Just as quickly he brought his hand back down.

He knocked on the door and stood there, for what seemed like an eternity. Oh, how he wished she would greet him this morning how she had greeted him yesterday morning. But he was pretty sure he had ruined any chance of that happening.

Just as he was getting ready to knock again, he heard her unfastening the locks on the door. She undid all the locks except the chain. The door came open as far as the chain would allow and Lois peered out at him. Her eyes wouldn’t meet his and he felt his hopes sink.

“Just go on to work, Clark. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Oh.

Why didn’t she want to talk to him? If she didn’t want him around right now, that was fine, but he had to know why. Was it because of her journal? Or because she remembered something?

“Do you rememb...”

“No. I don’t remember,” she snapped. “I read my journal.” She shut the door and he could hear her refastening the locks. He sighed wearily and turned around to leave.

It was going to be a long day.

**********

Lois leaned her head against the door and let out a shaky breath. Had she really needed to be that mean to him? The look on his face had almost softened her... almost.

And the way he’d looked in that black shirt. Oh god. Almost as good as the night he’d proposed to her. That alone had almost kept her from shutting the door in his face. Damn, the man looked good in black.

Wait a minute...

Her mind flashed back to her dream. She could see the clothes he was wearing – all black. Black slacks, black shirt. He looked so...

“Clark! Wait!” She disengaged the locks again, even the chain this time, and threw the door open.

He hadn’t gone far. “What is it, Lois?” His voice sounded weary and hurt. “I’m gonna be late for work.” He had stopped but didn’t turn around to look at her.

He was upset but she refused to let it bother her. She had every right to be irritated with him. And if he even thought for a second about denying that fact, she’d remind him of it.

But it was her choice whether to talk to him or not – and right now she needed to talk to him.

“The night you proposed to me... were you wearing all black? Were you wearing the same black shirt you have on today?” She tried to keep the excitement out of her voice but, in doing so, her voice ended up coming off sounding needy and a little unstable.

“What?” he asked, turning to face her, his face confused.

“Just answer the question,” she snipped. “Was I wearing a dark shirt, tan slacks and boots? And you were wearing all black?”

His eyes grew wide. “You remembered that?” Clark felt a jolt of giddiness flow through him. He had given her a lot of details last night about his proposal, but he hadn’t told her that. He hadn’t described what they had been wearing. He looked down at his shirt – it was the same one.

She nodded at him. “Yeah. I remembered, I guess. I dreamt about it last night.”

“That’s wonderful!” He reached out to touch her but pulled back at the last second, trying awkwardly to figure out what to do with his hands. He settled for crossing his arms in front of him. “So more things are coming back to you. Do you remember anything else?”

“No. Just that. I remember walking with you through Centennial Park and seeing you kneel down in front of me. I remember you opening the ring box and asking me to marry you.” The beginning of a smile was trying to stretch across her face. “You know when you stand like that, you look like you should be in your *suit*.” The almost smile broadened.

Clark looked down at his arms folded across his chest and smiled back at her, letting them unfold and hang loosely at his sides. “But that’s encouraging. I was afraid your dream and memory of me reviving you yesterday had just been a fluke. That drug Dr. Peterson prescribed must be working.”

“I guess. It’s a shame I can’t forget it again now, though.” She paused before continuing, “All of it. Maybe not knowing wouldn’t hurt as bad,” she mused, her voice raw and quiet.

He wanted to tell her that he had thought that same thing last night. He had tried to get her to just forget what had happened. But it wouldn’t do any good to say that now. It would only make her mad. Besides, if he knew Lois – and he did – she didn’t really mean it. She would want to know the truth of what had happened, no matter how bad it hurt.

What she really wanted was an apology.

So that’s what he would give her. He would give her one every day – every time she woke up and remembered what had happened. Until she could find it in her heart to forgive him.

“Lois, I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you. Surely you know that...”

“No. I don’t know that,” she interrupted him caustically. “Unfortunately your pig-headedness got in the way and didn’t allow us to explore any other options. And I’m sorry to say this right now, but I’m not really interested in exploring any other options...” she paused before she said the next two words, but she was mad, so she didn’t stop herself. She went ahead and said them – just to hurt him, “... with *you*.”

She could tell from the look on his face that her words had triggered the desired effect – to her distress though, she realized it didn’t make her feel any better. It actually made her feel worse.

But the stubborn streak in her wouldn’t let her back down now. He had hurt her and now she was going to let him see how it felt. She was going to look forward to her date with Dan Scardino tonight. Let Clark find out what it was going to feel like to see her with someone else. After all, surely he didn’t expect her to become a nun and join a convent? Had he thought about how he would feel when she moved on?

Maybe it was time he learned.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for my doctor’s appointment.” She began to slowly shut the door between them as she continued, “And I still need to tidy up my house before I come in to work since Dan is coming by tonight.”

**********

Lois sat up on the table with a little help from Dr. Peterson.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

“Uh, yeah. I think so. What happened?”

“You passed out. I turned around to write some notes down in your chart and you collapsed. I just finished checking your vitals, everything read within normal limits. Have you been under any emotional stress this morning?”

Emotional stress. Yeah, she would call it that. “You mean other than waking up to find out I’ve lost my mind?” she asked, her voice laced with sarcasm.

The doctor smiled pleasantly at her. “I think you might want to consider having someone pick you up. My assistant can make the call for you if you’d like. Mr. Kent, perhaps?”

Lois barely heard him. She was still trying to remember what had happened. She had passed out? That just didn’t seem like her. She wasn’t weak-kneed like that.

Yet the proof was there, in her own mind. She remembered sitting there listening to the doctor and then... nothing. Lois tried to shake her head a little to clear the haze that was still there. She still felt a little fuzzy but other than that she seemed to be okay now. “No. No, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re probably just tired. With a concussion a person’s body needs a lot of rest to heal itself. Did you stay up late last night?”

She smiled weakly at him. “Uh, doctor, I think you’re asking the wrong person here. I’m the one who can’t remember anything, remember?” She put her feet down on the floor and tried tentatively to stand up. Her legs felt pretty sturdy – so far, so good. “But I did wake up this morning feeling pretty tired.”

“Yes, well that’s just part of having a concussion. It just takes the body a while to get back up to speed. Still, I’m not sure you should be driving in this condition.” Dr. Peterson moved to open the door. “Why don’t I have my assistant call...”

“A cab. Tell her to call me a cab. I’ll come back for my car later.”

**********

Clark looked up for the sixth time in five minutes when he heard the elevator door ping.

It was Karl from Travel.

He looked back down at his watch. Judging by the time her appointment had taken yesterday, Lois should be arriving any moment. Although, since more of her memory had come back, maybe the doctor had decided to do some further testing this morning?

Clark smiled sadly at the thought of the memory that had come back to her last night. Both memories she had recalled had been about him, about them. Of the memories she had lost were these the most important ones to her?

Or maybe they were just the ones with the strongest emotional attachment and that’s why she had remembered them first.

Or maybe it was just random. But it did seem encouraging that they went in chronological order. Maybe the memories would come back to her gradually, starting with the oldest memories first?

He looked back down at his computer screen in front of him, only to hear the elevator door ping again.

Still not Lois.

A phone ringing caught his attention. It was Lois’s phone. Clark walked over to her desk and picked up the line. Since they were working on the STAR Labs story together, someone might be calling her with information – hopefully Dr. Klein.

“Daily Planet, Clark Kent.”

“Kent?”

It was Dan Scardino. Clark rolled his eyes. “Scardino,” he greeted him abrasively.

“Sorry. I thought this was Lois’s number.”

Clark bit his tongue. “It is. She’s... not here at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?” Yeah, like taking a message that Scardino was sorry but he needed to cancel his dinner plans with Lois tonight...

“Uh, no,” he said flatly. “Unless...” His voice had taken on a mocking tone, “You can tell me what kind of wine it is that she likes. See ya around, Kent.” And then all Clark heard was dial tone.

“Perfect,” he growled. Lois was infuriated at him and she was having dinner tonight with the competition. A dinner with wine. Should she even be drinking given her current mental state? Was Scardino low enough to take advantage of the situation?

“Clark, where are you and Lois at on the break-in at STAR Labs?”

Clark jerked his head up, startled. He hadn’t heard Perry walk up. Perry was frowning at him, holding a template of the afternoon edition in his hands – it had a big blank spot on page one.

“Well we know the drug that was stolen was the same drug the DEA was trying to link to Intergang,” Clark responded as he tried to collect his thoughts. “It was code-named Project Nirvana. Dr. Klein confirmed that for us. But, unfortunately, we aren’t far enough along to write anything up. Dr. Klein was supposed to get back to us with more detailed information, but we haven’t been able to get in touch with him yet.” Clark glanced down at his message pad. Dr. Klein had actually tried to call him first thing that morning, but he hadn’t been here... Superman had been called away on an emergency. Clark sighed. Figures.

“Clark, you know I trust your instincts on this one, yours and Lois’s. And I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now with Lois, but I can’t continue to distract the publishers with smoke and mirrors for much longer.” Perry looked down at the template in his hands, a grimace on his face. It was going to take some fancy two-stepping to keep the ‘suits’ off their backs for another day. “I can give you one more day but you two have got to get me a headliner.”

“I will, Chief. I’ll keep trying Dr. Klein if it takes me all morning to get through to him.” He needed to give Perry something, some hope, to tide him over until he and Lois could find something more concrete. “Lois has an interview scheduled with Dan Scardino, remember him?”

“Wasn’t he the agent who helped work on Mayson Drake’s death?”

Clark winced imperceptibly. Mayson... another woman with whom he had been too careless. If only he had moved a little faster. Gotten there a little quicker...

“Yeah, but he was also the DEA agent working on the Project Nirvana case. Oh, and get this, I talked to Inspector Henderson earlier this morning, and someone had disengaged the security camera in the room that was broken into at STAR Labs. They’re in the process of checking other cameras in the building to see if any of them picked up anything.”

“Well keep at it, Clark. Let me know what you find out from Dr. Klein and that DEA agent.”

Clark nodded at him as he picked up his receiver. Come on, Dr. Klein, he thought. Be there.

**********

Lois waited impatiently on the curb outside the doctor’s office. There were a million cabs in this city, had the assistant called her one from the other side of town?

She opened her purse and pulled out her phone, just about ready to call the cab company herself and give them a piece of her mind, when she saw a taxi coming down the road. She watched as it pulled into the driveway of the clinic.

Well it’s about time!

She hardly gave the man time to stop before jerking the door open and crawling inside.

“Where to, lady?” the unshaven, ball-cap sporting cabbie asked Lois. He looked like he hadn’t showered in days and the smell in his cab wasn’t exactly reassuring either.

“Metropolis Prison.” A flash of inspiration had hit her back inside Dr. Peterson’s office. She was willing to bet that there was at least one other person besides Dan or Dr. Klein that had information about Project Nirvana. And at least with him she knew she didn’t need an appointment.

It was just a matter of getting him to talk.

**********

Finally!

“Hello, Dr. Klein. It’s Clark Kent. Lois Lane and I spoke with you a couple of days ago...”

“You did?” the doctor’s voice sounded a little confused.

“Uh, yeah, remember... Project Nirvana?” Clark shifted the receiver to his other ear so he could grab his notes from the other side of his desk.

“Oh. Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, I’ve been really busy...”

“Yeah. I know.” He didn’t need Dr. Klein to tell him that. “That day we were in your lab, you were about to tell us more about the drug.”

“Yes.”

Clark waited but got no further response. “Well...?”

“Oh! Now? No, I don’t think that would be a good idea. Better to meet me in person. Can you meet me at the lab tonight? Say six o’clock?”

Clark grimaced, exactly when Lois was supposed to have dinner with Dan. He had wanted the opportunity to be “available” during that time frame, so that maybe he could swing by and check on things... okay, spy on them. He shook his head at himself.

Then an idea hit him that brought a slow smile to his face. Maybe he could convince Lois to cancel her dinner and interview Dr. Klein with him instead.

“Six o’clock would be perfect. Thanks, Dr. Klein.”

**********

To Be Continued...


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