Don’t Lose The Baby
(Or The One With The Baby On The Bus LnC Rewrite)
This is my LnC version of a Episode of
where Joey and Chandler look after Ross’ son Ben when he has to go to the hospital. None of the characters are mine and neither is the story I have just adapted it no infringement intended.
Don’t Lose The Baby
(Or The One With The Baby On The Bus LnC Rewrite)
Lois and Clark have been married for two years and have a six-month-old son Michael who looked like a little Clark. He was sat in his high while Clark tried to feed him his lunch but was getting more on his face and bib than in his mouth.
“Tut Clark, you make more mess than him.” Lois sighed. “Here let me…”
“I got it.” Clark said. “I finally get a chance to feed him.”
“OK.”
“Hey guys what’s happening.” Jimmy said walking in the back door with Jack.
“Don’t you knock anymore?” Lois glared at them.
“No! C.K. you want to join us for basketball.”
“No thanks.” Clark said giving Michael the last spoonful and cleaning up his face.
“You know you’ve become a real bore since you had this kid.” Jack commented.
“Priorities change.” Clark said and took Michael from the chair.
“Hey buddy, come to uncle Jimmy.” Jimmy said taking him from Clark.
“You guys hungry? We were just about to have lunch.” Lois said.
“Are you cooking? Cos I’m not that hungry.” Jack said and bounced the basketball.
“Huh that’s funny can I see the ball?”
“Sure.” He gives the ball to Lois who takes a knife to it. Clark, Jimmy and Jack all look with open mouths. She puts the knife down.
“Ow damn it.”
“What? What’s wrong?” Clark jumped up.
“I sliced my hand.” Lois’ hand covered in blood Clark grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her hand.
“We’ll she be OK?” Jack asked.
“Yeah we just have to go to the ER it’ll need stitches and maybe a Tetanus shot.” Clark said.
“You know it’s not that bad I’ll be fine. Who’s hungry?”
“We’re going?”
“What about Michael we can’t take a baby to a hospital.”
“We’ll watch him?” Jimmy smiled.
“Huh I don’t think so.”
“Lois you have to have that looked at.” Clark said.
“I’m not leaving my baby with Dumber and Dumber.”
“We can handle. We want to don’t we?” Jimmy looked at Jack.
“Well I was looking forward to playing basketball but I guess that’s a bust.” Jack answered.
“He’ll be fine Jimmy’s great with him.” Clark reassured her. “Come on let’s go.”
“You’ll have a great time with your uncle Jimmy and uncle Jack, won’t you Mickey.” Jimmy said and Michael giggled.
“It’s Michael. He’s not a giant mouse.”
“Sorry. Look we’ll take good care of him won’t we?” Jack nodded.
“See now come on.” Clark took Lois’ good hand.
“Alright there’s milk in the fridge, put him down for a nap at two and if you take him out make sure he ware’s his hat and there’s extra diapers in the bag. And don’t go anywhere without Tigger it’s his transition.”
“Lois he’ll be starting school before we go.” Clark said.
“OK bye baby mommy loves you.” She kisses Michael’s cheek. “Anything happens to him and I’ll kill the both of you.”
“We will don’t worry about a thing.” Lois gives Michael one last kiss then they leave. Jack turned to Jimmy.
“What have you gotten us into?”
“Come on we’re going out.” Jimmy begins to get Michael ready to go out.
***
Jimmy and Jack are at the Jack has Michael in his arms and a bag and baby gym over his shoulder. Jimmy is pushing the stroller with the car seat in it, two more bags slung over his shoulder and a baby carrier with a large bear in it.
“I don’t know if we packed enough stuff.”
“Look it’s a known fact that chicks love guys who love babies. It’s the whole sensitive thing.” Jimmy looks around and sees a group of woman across the street. “Aim at that pack over there maybe one will break free.” Jimmy pointed out and Jack turned Michael to them. “Whoa forget them we got one.” A woman is stood at a florist and is looking at them she smiles and walks over to them. “OK give me the baby.”
“I got him.”
“Seriously.”
“Oh seriously you want him.”
“Hello.” The woman cooed to Michael.
“Hello.” Jimmy and Jack echoed back.
“Who’s this little cutie?”
“Don’t think immodest but me.” Jack said and smiled the woman smiled back.
“You want to smell him?” Jimmy asked.
“Err I assume we’re talking about the baby now.” Jimmy looked confused.
“Oh yeah get a whiff of his head he has this great baby smell.” Jack removes Michael’s hat and the woman smells his head.
“I think it’s great that you guys are doing this.”
“Well we are great guys.” Jack smiled.
“My brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopted. Which agency did you two go through?” Jimmy and Jack’s face dropped.
***
Lois and Clark are sitting in the ER waiting to be seen.
“How much longer is this going to be.” Lois complained.
“I’m sure they get around to you soon.”
“I don’t even know why we’re here.”
“You need to have it seen to.”
“I won’t really have to get a shot.”
“Maybe why?”
“I don’t like needles.”
“You’re joking right?”
“No!”
“You went through 36 hours of labour and your afraid of a needle.”
“Why’d you think I went through all without any pain relief?” Clark looked at her and kissed her.
***
Jack and Jimmy are walking down the street Jack is not happy. Michael is now in the car seat that Jimmy is carrying.
“Oh good job Jim next time we want to meet chicks let’s just go to the park and make out.” Jack said. “Taxi, taxi.”
“Hey, hey get a look at that talent.” Jimmy said looking at a blonde and brunette getting on a bus. Jack looks at them and a cab pulls up.
“Just practicing. You’re good, carry on.” They run over to the bus Jack pushing the stroller and get on the bus they sit next to the woman.
“Hi.” Jimmy said.
“Hi.” The woman echoed.
“Oh he’s so cute.” The blonde said.
“Could you tell him that cos he thinks he looks too pink.” Jack said set the car seat next to him to him.
“So what are you out doing today?” the brunette asked.
“Oh we’re not out. We’re just two heterosexual guys hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend.” Jimmy said.
“You done?” Jack asked Jimmy nodded.
“So how come you’re babysitting?” The blonde one asked.
“Well his mom sliced her hand and his dad had to take her to the hospital. So natural we gave up our Saturday to look after little Mikey.” Jimmy said.
“That is so good of you.” She smiled.
“Well we are good guys.”
“Oh this is our stop.” The brunette said.
“Oh ours too, we live in the building by the… hydrant.” Jimmy pointed out the window.
“You know it?” Jack said sarcastically. They all got off the bus.
“So you want to go to Tony’s?”
“Oh yeah they love us over there.” Jack smiled.
“Hey where’s your baby?” The brunette asked. Jimmy and Jack smile and look in the stroller it’s empty they look at each other shocked then they look at the bus. They run after the bus.
“Michael! Michael!” Jimmy shouted.
“Oh great maybe he’ll here you and pull the chord.” Jack said as they chased after the bus dragging the stroller.
They round a corner and see three buses.
“Oh my god what are we going to do we’ve lost Michael Clark id going to go mad.” Jack said.
“Clark?! You’re worried about Clark are you forgetting who his mother is?”
“OH shit. Lois will kill us. What are we going to do?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Ooh we could call for Superman he could find him in know time?”
“He’ll tell them.”
“What choice do we have?”
“We’ll call the bus company.” Jimmy went over to the booth and dialled. “Come on. Hello can you put me through to the Metropolis bus department. Thank you… Hello my names James Olsen I work for the daily planet and I’m writing an article about Metropolis’ public transport and was wondering what someone should do if they were to leave a baby on a bus… huh I don’t know anyone that stupid.” Jack grab’s the phone.
“Hello we left a car seat on a bus today. It’s blue plastic with a handle and little sail boats on it and clips on to a stroller oh and there was a baby in it…he wants to speak to you again.” Jack gives the phone back to Jimmy.
***
“Well Mrs. Kent you haven’t hit any nerves so we’ll just stitch this up and give you a shot.” A doctor told Lois when she was final seen.
“Great.” Lois grumbled.
“Don’t watch OK you want to hold my hand.” Clark said.
“Don’t patronize me Kent.” She said the looked at the doctor who had a needle.
“I’ll just numb the area.” Lois grabbed Clark’s Hand.
***
Meanwhile Jimmy and Jack ran into the bus department both out of breath and talking at the same time.
“We called about the baby on the buss. I she here?”
“He’s here.” The man behind the desk said and Jimmy and Jack hugged each other the man looked at them. “ I’m assuming one of you is the father.”
“That’s me.” Jimmy said
“I’m him.” Jack said at the same time. The man looked at them suspiciously. “Err actually we’re, we’re both the father.” Jack put his arm around Jimmy who cottened on and rested his head Jack’s shoulder.
“He’s back there.” The man pointed Jack and Jimmy ran through a door where there were too cribs they each look in one talking to the baby in it.
“Hey Michael remember us.” They then turn and look at the other baby.
“Please tell me you know which one is our baby?” Jack said.
“Well this one has boats on his t-shirt and this one has superman shields and Michael was defiantly wearing boats.”
“OK.”
“Or shields.” Jack looks at Jimmy annoyed. “Oh that one’s defiantly Michael he has that cute mole on his top lip like C.K.”
“Hey Michael it’s uncle Jack.” Jack put his hands into the crib then drew them back. “OK the mole came off. What are we going to do?”
“OK let’s think about this we’ve got Superman or boats.”
“Well Lois had a crush on him so…”
“Nah she gave that up when she got engaged to Clark. But the car seat had sail boats on it.”
“OK boats it is.” They pick up the baby with boats on his t-shirt.
***
Lois and Clark arrive home from the hospital. Lois’ hand is bandaged up.
“Jimmy, Jack, Jack, Jimmy, Michael!” Lois called franticly. “They’re not here. Something terrible has happened I know it.”
“Lois calm down they probably just went for a walk Michael’s stroller has gone.”
“Huh you’re right.” Just then the door opens and Jimmy and Jack walk in carrying Michael. “Oh there’s my boy. Mommy’s missed you.” She kissed his cheeks. “Where have you been?” She turned on Jimmy and Jack.
“We went to the park.” Jimmy said.
“Oh OK I’m sorry.” She looked at Michael. “Do you need your diaper changed?” Lois cooed at him while she laid the changing mat on the sofa and Michael on the changing mat.
“Do you want me to do it?” Clark asked.
“No I got it. Could you hand me a diaper?” Clark went into the box and took out a diaper and wipes and handed them to Lois. “Thanks. Did you have a good time with uncle Jimmy and uncle Jack?” She began undoing the poppers of his vest.
“He rode the bus today.” Jimmy smiled Jack hit him.
“Big boy riding the bus…” Lois lifted up his legs and looked at the writing on the diaper. “I have a question. Why does it say department of human resources on his butt.” She held Michael up and showed the writing on the diaper. They both smiled nervously.
“Huh you, you are going to love this?” Jimmy gave a nervous laugh.
“Take Michael.” Lois handed Michael to Clark and Got up. “Come here.”
“Run Jack.” Jimmy said and they both ran out the back door Lois close behind Clark laughed.
THE END
If there are any FRIENDS fans out there you will probably have noticed a lot of the guest stars on it were guests on Lois and Clark.
Morgan Fairchild (Miranda) (Nora tyler Bing)
Elliott Gould (Dr. Vincent Winninger) (Jack Geller)
Penn Jillette (Darren Romick) (Salesmen)
Denise Richards (Angela) (Ross and Monica’s Cousin)
Larry Hankin (Dr. Martin Solsvig) (Mr. Heckles)
Sean Whalen (Skip Wallace) (Pizza delivery Boy)
Beverly Garland (Ellen Lane) (Monica’s poker playing aunt)
Larry Poindexter (Dr. Maxwell Deter) (Fireman)
Just to name a few.
