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#3656 - 06/23/03 06:23 AM Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
Krissie Offline
Beat Reporter

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 484
Loc: The near side of the back of b...
Well, here's a mixture of A and B-plot. No big smoochies, I'm afraid, but CJ and Lois do get to talk a bit... and they follow another lead.

Chris

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#3657 - 06/23/03 07:49 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
HatMan Offline
Member

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 2564
Loc: Third star to the right and st...
great post, chris. you've really got a deft hand with characterization. i love what you've done with bibbo, and you've done an impressive job with tessa, too. lest i forget, you seem to be equally skilled at characterizing your settings. you've got a good eye for detail, and it really helps the reality of the story.

btw, nice job with tessa's stage name. i like the reference. wonder what city in michigan she's from... wink

i also really liked l&c settling their non-argument. very sweet.

but wow, poor tessa. where do you go when even the police... yeah, i can definitely see her ending up at the metro club and being grateful for it.

speaking of which, i like the way you've balanced out toni, the way she was only ambiguously evil in the ep. good job.

nice little cliffhanger at the end, too. wonder where that'll go.

looking forward, as always, to seeing more of this. smile

Paul
_________________________
When in doubt, think about penguins. It probably won't help, but at least it'll be fun.

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#3658 - 06/23/03 08:56 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
mariadferdez. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 3846
Loc: Puerto Rico
Hi,

Great piece. grumble Tessa story is very sad. We still don't why she run away.
The police taking money for protection and prostitution. Luthor have a big business.


Quote:


"They told me they'd been watching me. That they'd continue to watch me, and if I didn't do exactly what they said... Well, they made it clear that whatever happened, it wouldn't be good. And then... And then they said that if I wanted to make some real money, a pretty girl like me, they had connections. If I knew what they meant." She shuddered. "I knew what they meant, all right. The way they were leering at me. They'd pinned me against a wall, and one of them... I can still feel his hands."
eek Can does men still be watching her.


Quote:

Then again, Taylor hadn't lasted very long at the head of the family business, so maybe she hadn't been hard-hearted enough to be a success.

"I still miss her," said Tessa. "She was my first friend in Metropolis, and she helped me when I needed help most." A tear crept down her cheek, and Tessa swept it away absentmindedly with her hand. "I wish I could have helped her."

"Maybe you still can," said CJ.

Tessa frowned, genuinely confused. "How?" she asked. "She's dead. He killed her."

"Who, Tessa?" asked Lois. "Who murdered Toni Taylor?"
Was really Tony Taylor a boss mafia?

Where was her brother? Why went she die she didn't have relative?

Did Tess saw Luthor or the murder?

confused The have to star cleaning the police department. Does Henderson is a good guy.

More soon, please.

MAF thumbsup
_________________________
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF

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#3659 - 06/23/03 09:39 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
ChiefPam Offline

Pulitzer

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 3643
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Brilliant descriptions, Chris, of the neighborhood, the bar, Bibbo, and Tessa. And I liked the second-hand portrait of Toni, too.

Good scene with Lois & CJ, too. Sounds like Lois has learned a few things about herself she's not too comfortable with -- good thing CJ's already forgiven her for them

Write more!

PJ
_________________________
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K

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#3660 - 06/23/03 10:15 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
Tank Offline
Merriwether

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 1999
Loc: The edge of civilization, Minn...
Good solid instalment all around.

As the others have said, your characterizations of Bibbo and Tessa were well drawn, and your eye for setting is quite good.

But the most impresive thing was the cliff-hanger at the end. It wasn't a wham influenced one, but it was an attention getter. Now all the gentle readers will have to 'tune in' next time just to find out what Tessa has to say.

Tank (who still has hope that Chris will allow Lois to cut her hair so we know that there really is a chance for the Lois and CJ relationship to succeed - unless you are planning for it to fail?)

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#3661 - 06/23/03 11:01 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
merry Offline
Member

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 767
Loc: usa
Great part Chris
ditto others
more soon please
merry

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#3662 - 06/24/03 06:12 PM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
RetroRose Offline
Member

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 197
Loc: Portland, OR
Another great part Chris!! smile1 )
_________________________
"Well, let's see, so far I've been given a glimpse of ritual crop worship, treated as your girlfriend, and I insulted your parents. No, I couldn't have planned this. Mmm, mmm." -- Lois to Clark, 'Green, Green Glow of Home'

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#3663 - 06/24/03 11:27 PM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
TriciaW Offline

Pulitzer

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 2992
Loc: Sydney Australia
Chris

An excellent part! smile1

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Tricia cool

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#3664 - 06/25/03 06:56 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
KathyM Offline
Features Writer

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 941
Loc: sunny California
Well, I keep falling behind in both reading and commenting on stories these days... notworthy But I'm still here, even when I don't appear to be.

This is going beautifully. Progress moving along on the a-plot front...nice little cliffhanger you've left us with here. laugh Will we find out with the next posting?

And of course the b-plot stuff is just wonderful. The smoochies, the conversations...

I'm looking forward to more of everything, as always. smile

KathyM
_________________________
"Our thoughts form the universe. They always matter." - Babylon 5

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#3665 - 06/26/03 08:31 AM Re: Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (17/?)
Krissie Offline
Beat Reporter

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 484
Loc: The near side of the back of b...
Thanks as always for the comments!

Maria: you're right. We don't know why Tessa ran away, but you are never going to find that out in this story! After all, it's not really about her. Hope that isn't disappointing. smile And, oh yes, Luthor definitely has a big business!

Are men still watching Tessa? Probably not.

Some of your other questions will be answered in part 18. Plus, I think you'll find out if one of your earlier guesses was right or not. (Cryptic, me?)

Pam: thank you! Glad you seem to approve of what I did with Lois's faults. Well, she isn't quite perfect, is she? Just perfect for Clark (or, in this case, CJ).

Tank: if it makes you feel better, you can imagine Lois nipping out for a trim between scenes somewhere in this story. I'm not mentioning her hair style again, so I'm sure it would be safe to do so. However, I'm saying /writing nothing more on the subject wink .

RetroRose:
Quote:
And I really like this "mature" realationship CJ and Lois are having...... it still has all the charisma of LnC but I am loving how they deal with thier issues!!!
Do you know how happy it makes me that you think that? I was worried that people would find it boring!

Paul, Merry, Tricia and KathyM: thanks for posting, too!

Chris

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