Dear Yvonne,

I know you are um good friends with George. I want to know how he has been. Has he lost weight? Is he dating? Has he kept in touch with Lois and Clark and their progress? Also is he still doing therapy? If so does he have any free time next week? I was wondering if he would be interested in a Dear George column. You know something like this:

Dear George,

I am obsessed with a good looking actor. It interferes with my daily life. I spend countless hours reading stories and looking up information about this man. I am a happily married woman and I love my husband, however, this obsession of mine takes away time from him every night. What can I do?

Desperate in folcdom

#####################

Dear Desperate,

Get a freaking life! Do you really think you have any kind of future with a person that doesn't know you are alive? Go to your husband tonight and show him a good time. Oh, and stop thinking about the actor while you are intimate!

George

See, I think George would answer this way:

Dear Desperate;

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about an unattainable person, as long as you don't lose your grip on reality. Take down those posters of this actor from your bedroom walls and don't get that tattoo of his name across your chest, like I'm sure you've thought of doing. And I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you'd stop sending him your underwear in the mail.

Meanwhile, a little bit of role-playing fantasy can be a healthy change for your sex life. For all you know, perhaps your husband has his own ideas about some actress. You could take turns acting out scenes together...have fun with it!

George

Um...someone asked me to post this on his behalf:

Gee, who's putting words in my mouth? You really don't have to do that, you know. I have plenty words of my own. Some of them are long, multi-syllabic things that any linguist would be proud of, some of them are short and pithy, but the common theme running through all of them is this: they're mine.

So, Ms Desperate, let's see if I have any words for you. A crush, huh? Well, normally, I deal with addicts and victims of abuse, so unless you consider you fit into either of those two categories, you've got the wrong guy. Try an agony aunt.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, but bitter experience has told me that I suck at relationship counselling, so you're better off without me. Honest. The one time I tried it, they ended up marrying each other, and you sure as heck don't want to marry this actor guy.

Yours,
George

Considering the actor guy Ms. Desperate has a crush on...I'd say she was addicted. But I'm not really qualified to diagnose a pyschological disorder either except to say I share her symptoms, thus I *understand* them. George lives alone with a cat, so he's probably right about the relationship thing.

TEEEEEEJ

LOL OK George thanks for answering the um example letter. However you didn't answer my questions about you. What are you doing? Who with? Did your diet work? When can we talk to you again? If I tell you that I am an addict will that work? Desp...er I mean Laura

George? You there? WAAAAAAAA I want George! Laura