If you were a new parent, how did you feel when you found out your were going to have a child? Fear? Joy?

If I found out something like that tomorrow, it would definitely be HORROR

Seriously, I think it depends on
a) the character of the person
b) the circumstances she is under (I think you're talking for a woman, aren't I right?)

But I'm not the person to answer your question, since I haven't been even close to that situation.

AnnaBtG. (whose first thought about such a matter would probably be 'WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?')

A woman adopting a child

Well, I'm not a parent, so I can't answer from personal experience per say, but some very close friends of mine are in Russia right now picking up their adopted daughter and I'm watching their three older (biological) children while they are there, so I can tell you what I've observed from them and other parents I know.

Number one, they are elated. They were in love with her from the moment they saw a picture of her and heard her name. Adoption is a long process, and when they finally heard that a match had been made, they were overwhelmed. This is their dream come true. At the same time they had some fears (What if there are legal complications? What if she is sick? What if there are travel or accomodation problems? What if she is scared of us and won't come to us? What if she doesn't adjust well?) For a first time parent (biological or adoptive), I'd imagine there would be other fears. (What if this is too hard? What if I'm a bad parent? What if she gets hurt or sick and I don't know what to do? What if it's too stressful? Will my life ever be the same? etc)

Parents' fears definitely depend on their experience and their circumstances. A rich person wouldn't worry about money, but a middle income family might and poor family definitely would. An experienced parent would worry less about their own capability than someone with no experience. A parent who was raised in a terrific, loving family would worry less about creating a loving home for their child than someone who had a rough childhood. You get the picture.

Since you say this character is adopting, I'd say they are not prone to the stricken, "oh god" feeling that surprise pregnancies can induce. One additional feeling is probably relief. Many families try for years to adopt with no success. Being matched with a child is an incredible moment. It makes it suddenly feel real in ways it hadn't before. The type of adoption can affect the parents' feelings too. If they are adopting a newborn domestically they may fear that the mother will change her mind. If they are adopting an older child (either foreign or domestic) they may worry about what the child has been through and how that will affect them physically and emotionally.

I hope that was some help.

Annie

Yes

I knew my life was about to be totally changed, and I didn't have any real idea of what it would change into (first child, obviously, although there was a toned-down version with the second child).

And then for the first week or so after my son was born, it didn't seem real to me yet -- I kept waiting for his real parents to show up and take him away

PJ

Speaking as a mother who has two biological children, finding out about the first one was disbelief, followed by 'this isn't real', and ended with 'Oh, my God!' when I felt the baby move for the first time. It was followed by a heck of lot of impatience. With the second child, who was planned, impatience came first. Then incredible and total joy when the pregnancy was confirmed.

Also, as a mother of two adopted children, fear tops the list until you're holding the final adoption papers. We were excited to become parents again, but anxious to have the final decision on paper. Both our adoptions were private ones, so the wait wasn't as bad. And with a four year age difference between all our children, each time we had to reconcile our feelings over becoming 'new' parents again. With our last son, we had to buy everything new having long gotten rid of all our baby items after firmly stating we were done expanding our family.

Simply stated I think we've been through every emotion there is. It all depends on the circumstances involved. Obviously with adoption there's at least a bit of planning involved and probably the earnest desire to be parents. But I'd still imagine anxiety, fear, and curiosity to overwhelm any parent who adopts.

Hope this helps.

Hi, I'm not old enough to be a parent, but my family's waiting to get the call to go to Russia and get my new sister. My other sister was adopted from russia and one of my brothers is from bulgaria. I'd say fear of delays and concern if your kid is okay in the other country are some of the strongest emotions we're feeling. My brother's adoption was delayed so thats real to us,not just a vague possibility. But we're also elated, we've bought lots of stuff already, her bed's set up. Our pediatritian looked through her records, there's alot of iffy stuff to worry about. Because my parents have been through this before they're not as concerned about the trip to russia, but they've disscussed so many issues around me that I think someone adopting for the first time fron another country would be overwhelmed by the details of the trip. I still remember my mother telling me someone had stolen her wallet while she was in a store, luckily for her, the person translating for her raced after the theif, who dropped the wallet on the ground and ran. We think she dropped it so that even if they had caught her they had no proof she had done it. This post has gotten a little odd, and I seem to be telling you more about the middle of the adoption process so i'll just stop now :rolleyes:O oh, I forgot, we got a videotape of kayla as while as a picture, another parent had taped kids at the orphanage when they got their kid. having a video made us feel like we had met her, we saw her play. I think that caused stronger emotions faster than a picture could, but, I'm not sure.