I'm hoping I can tap into the expertise here to fill in the blanks on a story I'm working on. One of my male characters is considering proposing to his girlfriend. And he's dreaming and fantasizing about what it might be like to be married to her. Seeing as I'm not a man, I have no idea what sorts of things a man might fantasize about when it comes to thinking about and anticipating being married - not just living together, but actually in a legal, loving, life-long (we hope) marriage relationship. I'm wanting to bet that physical intimacy plays a big role, but I'm sure there are other things that us ladies wouldn't expect, and I can use all sorts of ideas...

Guys, can you give me some ideas from your own experience? If you are married, tell me what you used to think about before you got married. If you aren't married, well, current thoughts will do Ladies, might you talk to your husband, boyfriend, brother, or any other male friend you might talk to, and let me know what he says?

You can post your answer to the boards, if it's okay with the forum moderators, but please do write me privately too - I don't always have the time to check back here every day, but I do check my email every day!

Thanks for your help

Melisma (going back into hiding here under her Rock)

Melisma,

Well, I asked my husband. Here's his answer (such as it is). He said, "I thought about being together, having someone to share my life with... about having children and raising a familiy." Then he laughed and said, "I didn't think about all the arguements!"

For all I know, men have many deep and profound thoughts about marriage. As the dearth of answers to your post indicates, the problem is getting men to talk about them!

- Vicki

Thanks, Vicki - although, I did give the guys permission to write me privately as well as post here... And I also crossposted this to several mailing lists and fandoms. And I've gotten a good number of private replies from both men and women who know about men - thanks to all of them, although I would still like more replies. I have a little bit of place to start, so it's a help even so...

Of course, it would be great to see a good long discussion thread, too... <hint hint>

Melisma (grinning under her Rock, going back to plotting her story...)

Off the top of my head, thinking back more than 15 years...

1. Marriage = house = yard = big dog (That one worked out.)
2. Unlimited backrubs (Not so much)
3. A best friend I'll never move away from (a big deal for someone in the military)

The thing that always seems to stand out to my DH is the fact that he has someone to look after him. Not that he's incapable of taking care of himself or would expect me to run around after him, but it delights him to no end when I pick up toothpaste when he's out or remind him to take his vitamins. He likes that someone cares enough to be concerned with his well-being.

Children were also important to him and I think when he looked forward to marriage he looked forward to being able to provide for me and our family. He always pictured the nice things he could give us and how happy it would make us. The role of "provider" was a big part of it for him.

Hope that helps! Good luck with your story!

Hi Melisma,

Just curious, What happen to "Hack"?
or
This is for "Hack"?

MAF

No, this isn't for Hack - although I must assure you that Hack hasn't been forgotten, just put on the backburner for a while. This is for a fic that I started long before I even dreamed up the premise for Hack, and to which my muse has been drawn again...

Thanks to all of you for your ideas so far - I've come up with some ideas as a result, which you'll prolly see once I get my work up on my website eventually...

Melisma (going back into hiding here under her Rock)