Craft: Adverb and Adjectives - 09/25/03 09:54 AM
In my neverending search for articles about the craft of writing, I found this one and thought you might enjoy it. I look back on my early writings and the cringe factor is high. 
Hope you enjoy and add something to your writing skills.
Hope you enjoy and add something to your writing skills.Quote
Adjectives and Adverbs are NOT Good Description by Laura Elvin
Adjectives and Adverbs are Yuck! (aka Be Specific!)
I didn't learn until quite late in my writing career the damaging effect of too many adverbs and adjectives. Now that I KNOW about them, however, I don't see writing the same. Now, it really stands out when I read writing that is littered with adverbs and adjectives, the poor man's substitute for good description.
Example #1:
"Doris walked silently through the pitch black of the deserted, empty house, fingers pushing lightly on each closed door.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
"Doris crept through the blackness of the deserted house, fingertips pressing on each closed door.
"walked silently" becomes "crept" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"pitch black" becomes "blackness" (goodness, black is black! no need to say it was LIGHT black or Dark black or anything else... if it's not black, describe it as something else... if it's black, just let it be black)
"fingers pushing lightly" becomes "fingertips pressing" (specific noun and verb to replace a common verb and a common adverb)
Example #2
Matt, one of the biggest men you could imagine, walked heavily through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes looked quickly at each item left quivering in his wake.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
Matt's behemoth form lumbered through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes darted to each item left quivering in his wake.
"one of the biggest men you could imagine" becomes "behemoth" (simple, yet descriptive)
"walked heavily" becomes "lumbered" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"eye looked quickly" becomes "eyes darted" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
These examples were off the top of my head, but I think you get the idea.
The thing to remember is this: Use specific NOUNS and VERBS to do most of your work. Don't be lazy and coat everything with adverbs and adjectives. Use those sparingly. I'm not saying they don't have a place. They do. But when overused, it is a sure sign of amateurish writing. Worse, however, your works won't leave the same impression on the reader as ones where the author is using specific nouns and verbs to tell his story... to SHOW his story.
I read a line recently in a published novel that had a prepositional phrase, a subject, and an object, all so heavily described that I had to read the sentence over THREE times before I saw what the author was trying to say. What was the important part. Yes, we want to "paint a picture" for the reader, but be judicious in what you're showing him.
Consider some of the following:
"he said in a hoarse voice" ~ versus ~ "he rasped"
"she sunk the knife in fast and hard" ~ versus ~ "she plunged the knife in"
"the big fuzzy dog" ~ versus ~ "the malamute"
"the girl who sits in the front office and answers the phone" ~ versus ~ "the receptionist"
"she quickly took the salt shaker from him" ~ versus ~ "she snatched the salt shaker from him"
Hopefully, you get my point. Be specific; it sets a more descriptive picture in the reader's mind and keeps you from sounding like a hack.
Adjectives and Adverbs are Yuck! (aka Be Specific!)
I didn't learn until quite late in my writing career the damaging effect of too many adverbs and adjectives. Now that I KNOW about them, however, I don't see writing the same. Now, it really stands out when I read writing that is littered with adverbs and adjectives, the poor man's substitute for good description.
Example #1:
"Doris walked silently through the pitch black of the deserted, empty house, fingers pushing lightly on each closed door.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
"Doris crept through the blackness of the deserted house, fingertips pressing on each closed door.
"walked silently" becomes "crept" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"pitch black" becomes "blackness" (goodness, black is black! no need to say it was LIGHT black or Dark black or anything else... if it's not black, describe it as something else... if it's black, just let it be black)
"fingers pushing lightly" becomes "fingertips pressing" (specific noun and verb to replace a common verb and a common adverb)
Example #2
Matt, one of the biggest men you could imagine, walked heavily through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes looked quickly at each item left quivering in his wake.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
Matt's behemoth form lumbered through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes darted to each item left quivering in his wake.
"one of the biggest men you could imagine" becomes "behemoth" (simple, yet descriptive)
"walked heavily" becomes "lumbered" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"eye looked quickly" becomes "eyes darted" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
These examples were off the top of my head, but I think you get the idea.
The thing to remember is this: Use specific NOUNS and VERBS to do most of your work. Don't be lazy and coat everything with adverbs and adjectives. Use those sparingly. I'm not saying they don't have a place. They do. But when overused, it is a sure sign of amateurish writing. Worse, however, your works won't leave the same impression on the reader as ones where the author is using specific nouns and verbs to tell his story... to SHOW his story.
I read a line recently in a published novel that had a prepositional phrase, a subject, and an object, all so heavily described that I had to read the sentence over THREE times before I saw what the author was trying to say. What was the important part. Yes, we want to "paint a picture" for the reader, but be judicious in what you're showing him.
Consider some of the following:
"he said in a hoarse voice" ~ versus ~ "he rasped"
"she sunk the knife in fast and hard" ~ versus ~ "she plunged the knife in"
"the big fuzzy dog" ~ versus ~ "the malamute"
"the girl who sits in the front office and answers the phone" ~ versus ~ "the receptionist"
"she quickly took the salt shaker from him" ~ versus ~ "she snatched the salt shaker from him"
Hopefully, you get my point. Be specific; it sets a more descriptive picture in the reader's mind and keeps you from sounding like a hack.
)advocate the use of SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Dave King and Renni Browne. It's clear, concise, explains )among other things) why adverbs and adjectives should not be overused (overuse is indicative of a novice writer and signifies weak dialogue) and that having a reader run to the dictionary every other paragraph to look up a word throws readers out of the story (and indicates the author is more enamored of their vocabulary than drawing a reader into the story). It's said that you have one chance to make a good first impression. I believe that's true of writing as well. Many's the book I have tossed aside because I'm not hooked in the first few paragraphs. I tossed one night before last because the author was doing more telling than showing (which is a whole nother issue) and I felt like I was standing on the outside looking in rather than being pulled into the story.
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