FDK: Giant Killer: 3 - 01/23/06 09:49 AM
RL is getting interesting again. I will read and post on this as soon as I can.
James
James
Re: FDK: Giant Killer: 3 - 01/23/06 11:34 AM
Wow, Julia killed two of the Jils, and she isn't even a psychic! Unless she's the kind Mark is. I hadn't realized that she was tall until this section when Alan finally commented on her height. So I was still picturing her as a petite "possible psychic"--especially with as empathic as she seemed re the trols and Jils she was pointing her blaster at.
That brings up an issue I mentioned in the FDK for part one, Nan. You did give some physical descriptions in part 2, but that was a little late for introducing a main character. You need to find a way to move those to the first time we encounter the character so we can have a rough, brief sense of age, size, and coloring within the first scene. Those initial images stay with readers, and without them, we make up our own, which may not fit: like Julia's height.
Man, poor Alan must be beat to pieces. Has he had a chance for his ankle to heal since the last adventure? Now his face is all beat up. Someone needs to teach him how to protect himself. That, or he needs to start wearing football pads and a helmet.
That brings up an issue I mentioned in the FDK for part one, Nan. You did give some physical descriptions in part 2, but that was a little late for introducing a main character. You need to find a way to move those to the first time we encounter the character so we can have a rough, brief sense of age, size, and coloring within the first scene. Those initial images stay with readers, and without them, we make up our own, which may not fit: like Julia's height.
Man, poor Alan must be beat to pieces. Has he had a chance for his ankle to heal since the last adventure? Now his face is all beat up. Someone needs to teach him how to protect himself. That, or he needs to start wearing football pads and a helmet.
Re: FDK: Giant Killer: 3 - 01/23/06 07:26 PM
"Julia killed two of the Jils, and she isn't even a psychic..."
That's why she's called the Giant Killer. She's a normal woman with a strong instinct for survival and a brain to match. Which is why she's the only woman in the galaxy that Mark will want a permanent relationship with.
I'll see what I can do about the descriptions a little later. I'm on my third day of the stomach flu and still feel pretty awful.
Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll do my best a little later, when I'm over this thing.
Nan
That's why she's called the Giant Killer. She's a normal woman with a strong instinct for survival and a brain to match. Which is why she's the only woman in the galaxy that Mark will want a permanent relationship with.
I'll see what I can do about the descriptions a little later. I'm on my third day of the stomach flu and still feel pretty awful.
Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll do my best a little later, when I'm over this thing.
Nan
Re: FDK: Giant Killer: 3 - 01/23/06 10:36 PM
Yeah, I thought that made her a good match for him. I hadn't realized you had the stomach flu, Nan. My husband finally got over it, and if yours is anything like his was, I'm not surprised you're not feeling creative. Don't worry about fixing that now. I figure it's something you can do in a final draft.
Re: FDK: Giant Killer: 3 - 01/24/06 07:25 AM
Yeah, I can definitely see the attraction for Mark later. I can also understand her hatred of the Patrol.
Feel better soon!
James
Feel better soon!
James