Since I'm not going to get any sleep with a 3yo on a frosting high...

Rock. Hard place. Me.

Oh my God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!

Drop the towel, baby, drop the towel.

Okay, you know how that people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma?

Bear overboard! I think he's drowning.

Thirteen bathrooms in this place ... and I threw up in the coat closet.

Okay, obviously you don’t know much about the U.S. government.

And I'm going to go get drunk.

Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags.

If I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick!

Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!

Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I don’t do porn.

That’s always appropriate!

What a weird way to kick me when I'm down.

And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don’t read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!

Well, at least you didn’t rent yours from a store called It’s Not Too Late.

They’re just uh…ground beef smileys.

What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.

...the more I worried about it the more I couldn’t sleep. Y’know? I was like, if I fall asleep now I’ll get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now I’ll get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldn’t fall asleep.

I tried attacking two women; did not work.

Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and I’ll get the furniture polish!

The floating heads do make a good point.

My guy has diplomatic coupons. Your guy can’t even say coupons.

Did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?

That’s right I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I’d pee on anyone of you!