Hey guys,

Sorry for disappearing. I hit a rough patch in life and just sort of shut down on a lot of things.

Because you FoLCs are such wonderful people, and were always so lovely to me, I kinda feel like you deserve a better explaination but its hard to talk about.

I guess I'll just come out and say the worst.

I came so very close to trying to kill myself.

When my... plan... (for lack of a better word) didn't work, I thought of all the people that I would hurt by following through, and my friends were on that list, and you deserve to know. My friends here, you should know, and be proud of the fact that you helped save a life. Thank you, you gave me hope, just by being yourselves. I've never met a nicer community of people than the FoLCs here.

I'm a whole heap better now, and I kinda like to think that maybe I've beaten the hardest enemy to beat out there, myself. Or least won a major battle.

And I'm glad I didn't do it ya know, cause life is beautiful and I'm not going to lose sight of that again.

Anyway this is horribly awkward to talk about so...look over there! *points* Its the ficus! *hides*

(And this is just between us yeah? A couple of my RL friends were cruel about the whole depression thing, and it hurt.)

I missed you guys,

Jenni (although I answer to Jackie now as well, its all Dave's fault for renaming me lol)

Sorry to hear that you've had such a painful time, Jackie. But...welcome home!

LabRat

Jackie, I'm so sorry you've had such an horrible time. Welcome home!

Tricia

Jackie, I'm so sorry that you've had such a hard year. it's very good to hear from you again and to know that you've beaten the "beast". All the best.

carol

Depression is hard to talk about to people who have not lived through it. I'm glad you trusted us enough to share with us. I hope you feel that you can find friends here whenever you are down.

<Sends hugs.>

Depression is such a very hard thing. I'm glad you're feeling better, Jackie. Thanks for sharing with us. And welcome back.

Ann

Welcome back, Jackie!

I'm so sorry you've had a rough time of it. You need your friends by your side when you have depression. You let us know if you ever need anything, and I'm glad you're back!!

JD

Oh, Jenni, I’m so glad you didn’t succeed. I understand the pain that can cause someone to feel this way and have been close myself. I’m also a psych nurse. And, once, on these boards, I felt someone was suicidal and I began trying to urgently contact her (and had some other people that I knew were her friends also trying). We have since become friends. She has graced me with thanks for saving her life. I don’t know that I did that, but I do urge anyone that thinks a friend or acquaintance is suicidal to contact them or get them help! Now!


And, yes, life is beautiful - no matter how difficult it sometimes seems.


It’s so sad that so many people won’t try to understand depression. And life has a way of... how should I say this? Of... making people realize their mistakes.

Thank you all so much for your support and understanding =)

Welcome back, Jackie. I wish you all good things as well. I went through a depression during my second year of college--not a fun or happy time. I am so glad you have moved onto more positive times as well. Take care.

Mona

I'm very glad you're here. I know how hard it is to fight your way out of the abyss because once I also had a "plan", as you called it.
It was a terrible time and it seemed like I had no other options in life. I was under much pressure to finish my degree in nursing, but I never wanted to be a nurse and was only catering to my parents expectations, since I wasn't financially independent and felt that I would disappoint them if I quit. Still, I couldn't cope with the suffering I saw at the hospital during my internships and I felt helpless and unconfident all the time. I cried a lot during that time. It never seemed to stop. And one day I decided it would be a good idea if I wasn't alive...
It was my dad who said something that made me snap out of my stupor and abandon that idea. Ironically, he still doesn't understand why I quit nursing and is not happy that I'm studying something that probably won't get me an easy job. But after that experience, or after waking up from that nightmare and deciding that I really want to be here, alive, I no longer care. I can choose my life and how I live it, even if my parents aren't happy about it.
I'm happy I'm still here, as I'm sure you are. And don't pay attention to those who don't understand. They don't deserve it. You know better. It doesn't matter which are the reasons that lead us to such despair, just that we pulled out.
I wish you all the luck in the world and all the best with your recovery .