We haven't done this in a long time, but I'm back. And since this episode was so completely horrifying, I won't even try to be cute. It's enough of a struggle to even speak because I just don't have the words to describe how much I hated this episode.

Lana and Clark find a baby and become pseudo parents? WTF???

Can you think of a more ridiculous what-is-the-point-of-this premise? Why? Why do we want to see Lana and Clark as parents? I mean, I get all of the meteor-rock induced memory losses and flash-backs and personality changes that let all two of the Lana and Clark 4-Ev-R fans (coughMillarcoughGough) live their fantasies of these two being in luuurve and having a relationship. But are there really people out there who are so hooked on this couple that they needed/wanted/fantasized about this scenario?

It's like, the creators *know* that Clark and Lana have no future beyond high school, so they are trying to cram in an entire lifetime relationship before graduation next week. Are they checking off a list? Clark and Lana kiss. Check. Clark and Lana dance at the prom. Check. Clark suffers Lana's death. Check. Clark and Lana have a baby (sans sex, mind you). Check. How much money do you want to bet that before the show goes off the air, we get a scenario with Lana in a big white dress and veil and Clark at the end of the long aisle with stephanotis pinned to his lapel?

Okay, in a million years you will never be able to make me understand why the producers and directors and writers and janitors and photocopy makers ever thought this was a good idea for a show, but heck, whatever.

So now tell me how in the world I'm supposed to believe a pair of 18-year-olds are able to bond so completely with a baby/child/teenager that they knew all of 72 hours (by my calculations) that when said child is lost to them (sorry, Spoiler. But hey, nothing could be worse that this epi anyway), they are devastated? For crying out loud, after Evan The Freak Baby/Kid/Teenager was gone, Clark was packing up his stuff! How much stuff could a 72-hour-old person accumulate? From what was expressed on all sides, you would have thought that Evan was a blessed child delivered to a childless couple after years of longing, adored and cherished through childhood, and the very center of his young parents' universe.

In fact, the more I thought about it, I actually became kind of offended. I'm not sure how to say this properly. But the kind of devotion and sorrow Lana and Clark expressed (did you all get that line about Lana feeling disconnected until Evan came into her life and gave her a purpose?) for this miniscule-duration relationship kind of insults the real devastation suffered by parents who lose a child. Such a loss is quite possibly the cruelest pain humans can suffer, and by treating a 72-hour relationship in the way M&G did, I don't know. It made me mad.

Only good thing to come out of any of that mess was Clark's poignant conversation with his parents about his concern over ever being able to have children. But this discussion could have been born from a gazillion other story premises. All they needed to do was call me and I would have tossed out a few that were waaayyy more believable. For free.

Sidebar - the kid who played Evan-the-Teenager annoyed me to no end. He suffered from that affliction of never being able to fully close his mouth. Plus he whined. And whined. And whined.

Do you think if I wrote to John Glover and suggested that he re-shave his head, he'd take my advice? I know that long hair = evil for Lionel, so the new growth signals his return to the dark side. But he just looks so much better with it short.

Yeah, Genevieve almost bit the dust. Oops, sorry. Another spoiler. But oh well, like I said, this episode did so much sucking I don't think knowing what happens next could ruin it more.

Lex - twinges of the Evil peaking out. Bad Lex!

Chloe - cute hair.

Lois? Oh where art thou, Lois?

Okay Daddy Mac, I double dog dare you to tell me you liked this episode or that you bought the premise and were touched by the tender relationship that developed between Papa Clark and Mama Lana and their freak-a-zoid baby/kid/teenager. Go on. Just try.

Lynn

I won't say much because I could rant forever about this right along with you LOL. I agree Lynn, this was total garbage (and I think I'm understating).

The only "semi-watchable" part for me was near the end with Lionel and Genevieve, at least it showed a tiny hint of continuity (which obviously remains a completely foreign concept to TIIC). The rest of it was just too horrible for TV.

I wanna know *why* in the world were Lana and Clark even in a car together at the beginning?? Are they spontaneously "back" together now? And where was Lana's so-called "boyfriend" through all this? Made *no* sense, none of it, not one single second. Puke is about all I can say. *ENOUGH* of Lana already, shouldn't she be running off and marrying Pete sometime soon???

I did feel they were taking yet another page from L&C and twisting it *very* badly. Though this was a storyline we never actually got to *see* on L&C, dare I say it, this god-awful episode of Smallville almost made me glad (in a way) that L&C never got a chance to do the "rapid-aging-baby" thing. Don't flame me, JMHO ... I never thought that would work out (even if it were handled *well*) and this just proved it.

Oh please bring Lois back, at least she gives us something interesting to watch through all the horror. I almost didn't watch tonight after I saw the previews and now I'm really sorry I decided to try and stick it out! Just proves that you should always trust your gut I guess LOL!

Oh, you're not alone in heaving a sigh of relief that little gem never made it on screen, Supergem. I was appalled. I think Tank might have had a coronary if it had happened. <g> A few of us might have joined him. For me, it almost made up for the fact that LNC got cancelled, knowing they were going to do that if it hadn't. Certainly made it easier to deal with the pain.

In fact, I was reading Lynn's post and was going to ask if Tim Minear was involved in this show. He did manage to resurrect the Awful Idea - or the bones of it - for Angel and it turned me off that show completely. (Well, that and a few other appalling decisions like them taking over W&H, but I digress...)

Sounds like you guys got the awfulness by proxy there. Yuck!

LabRat

First of all, I'm so stunned and appalled, I don't know where to start. I mean, I saw how you titled the thread, Lynn, and I knew there was going to be trouble.

But how could you?

Seriously, what sort of black heart do you have? And you have, once again, missed the entire point! It's lucky I'm here...

Evan the baby/teenager/object of love thingy is a symbol! Also, a symptom, if you will, of the total alienation of Clark and Lana from the rest of the world.

See?

Clark- the alien- who wants nothing more than to go to the prom and *not* be possessed by evil cheerleader queen princesses just once! And who, also, fell from the stars, orphaned from an entire planet, yadda yadda. Get it? Al-ien-ated.

Lana- orphan, orphan, and did I mention? Orphan. And, also, she has a really ancient witch/Countess who wants a rock/tattoed something on the inside of her soul. Think that doesn't make her feel out of place, walking the halls of Smallville High (Go Crows!), sad little twisty stick things holding back her raven-black hair??

Have you no heart, MacDad??

Enter Evan. He is theirs. He ties them together. Ties them to the planet. Ties them to...

Ok. I admit it. I haven't actually watched the episode yet. I have it on tape, though! So, I feel strongly that makes me somewhat qualified to disagree with you.

Heh. Sorry.

All I know is I saw the last five minutes. And what looked to be *another* meaningful hug. Lana all eyes-closed, slightly furrowed brow, 'I think I love him, but does he have secret?.' Clark all arms full of Lana, staring off blissfully yet sadly, 'I'm so confused. Are we breaking up or what?'

Oh, and Lionel being really, really baaaad. Which... yay!

Ok. So, false alarm then. I'll be back when I have an actual idea of what I'm commenting on.

CC

edit: It belatedly occurs to me- I should just go ahead and disagree with everyone's take on the season finale, as long as I'm here. Though from the previews, it looked so Lana-centric I felt a little queasy. But cool shot of Clark in the artic doing the primal scream thing! Very Superman-y of him.

edit again, because I can't stay away: So, if I followed the comments right, Evan died? Which means Clark has lost both a wife and a child this season. Kind of interesting, in a completely depressing sort of way, isn't it? Thank goodness for Krypto.

OK, yet again, I missed the episode. LWV Board meeting got changed from Thursday to Wednesday this month, and where I usually forget to tape CSI, this time I forgot to tape Smallville. Again. Third episode in a row. How many people like me do they lose when they do these long hiatuses?

Anyway, I'm just posting to say that I'm over here giggling my fool head off reading these posts. And while I was bummed to miss the Prom ep last week, I'm ... so not bummed to have missed this one. Lana and Clark. Yuck.

Can't wait till CC actually watches it to see if she will fight the good fight, or will she come over to the dark side and agree with her MacDaddy.

Maybe Television Without Pity could do a recap of our epic Lynn/CC debates? They do a pretty cool job with the episodes themselves ...

And on that note, off to TWOP to find out what I've missed these last three weeks.

Kathy

Hi guys!!!
Welcome back!!!!

Anyway, I just really wanted to let you guys know how much I've missed these threads!!!!!!!

S (who admittedly has done much more lurking than posting lately )

I completely agree with everyone else, this episode was horrible. The plot was completely unbelievable, for all the reasons already mentioned by others. And they never explained why Evan was aging so quickly, not even one of their usual oversimplified and bizarre kryptonite mutant explanation. And how in the world did Evan learn to read and speak overnight?

Aside from all the plot issues, the scene that most bothered me was the one when Lana and Martha were in the hospital room with Lana holding the baby. Why was Martha peering over Lana's shoulder with her hands behind her back? She looked like she had never taken care of a baby before and didn't want to touch the baby lest she upsets him, as opposed to a mother of a teenager. Plus, she looked like she was only mildly interested in the baby as opposed to a woman who really wants children.

And then there was not a single scene of Martha or Jonathon taking care of the baby. Who in their right mind would leave a newborn baby with Clark, a teenager who had zero experience with babysitting? Yeah, Jonathon was in the barn but still ... They make taking care of a baby sound so easy.

Simba

I have it taped (bcoz I always tape it and then depending on the reviews decide whether to watch or not).

So should I watch it or not? I think I'll wait for CC

I forgive Smallville a lot...
even Lex calling his OWN house "the mansion"
But this episode was so bad it was down right hilarious.

Kids...
they blow up so fast.

Allie

LOL, Allie.

My opinion - don't waste 48 minutes of your life watching this episode. If you skip it, you will certainly not have missed anything crucial to continuity. Learn from the pain of those who have suffered before you and run. Run for the hills!

But for those masochists in the crowd who are still tempted, I can sum up what you need to know going forward. Lionel is back to being bad. Lex is now leaning on the bad side of the line, his true nature showing blatantly.

Clark still loves Lana. Oooh, big shocker there.

Genevieve had Dr. Crosby killed and is in possession of one of the The Stones of Krypto-Power.

That's pretty much it. Certainly not enough to warrant the eye-searing agony of watching this epi.

Except for CC, of course. She has to watch it because she has to come back and admit that I'm right. *g* You all will know when she's watching because we'll hear the giant sucking noise coming from somewhere in the south-eastern US.

Lynn

to both Allie and Lynn.

I have to agree with you, Lynn, that this episode isn't worth the time it took to hit the TiVo button. But part of what made it interesting was being able to comment live on IRC. Ever watch Mystery Science Theater 3000? If Joel ever did this episode, it'd rank up there with the classics.

There are just so many things wrong with this episode that many of you have already covered. Just what were Clark and Lana doing together anyway? It's not like they're really going together, is it? Please have it not be true?

Where were the Kents? The Kents have got to be some of the lousiest parents ever. Martha's first instinct, in any logical world, would have been to take care of Evan. What went through their minds to leave this baby, er... child, er... teenager, er... WMD with two teenagers who were probably younger than Evan was when he went kerblooey. And where were child services? Does finders-keepers apply to teens? Can anybody perform scientific experiments on orphans at a whim? Hmm, maybe that explains Lana?

Of course I knew this episode was trouble the second I saw that Lana was in the first scene. Oh no, run for it! It's Lanaville again. I'm greatly disturbed that Lana will be featured in the season finale. Why couldn't it be someone we actually liked?

We, as L&C fans, were incredibly outraged at the tortures TPTB put us through to keep L&C apart. Smallville is just the opposite. We have four seasons of TPTB putting us through incredible tortures by threatening to put Lana and Clark together. I thought that this would be the breakthrough season with Lana and Clark not even in the same scenes for most of the season and with the introduction of Lois Lane. But alas, it was too good to last. Clana are virtually inseparable and Lois disappears faster than chocolate in her pantry even though she's supposed to be living with Clark.

I suspect this torturous episode was designed to help Lana and Clark bond together in a way that will just set us up with the inevitable scenes we'll have to suffer through in the future. Aren't M&G the only Lana-Clark shippers left in this world? Maybe they're writing for an alt-Smallville audience? Maybe somewhere there's a world where Lana is liked, Chloe isn't a doormat, teenage Clark is actually played by someone who isn't pushing 30, Lois Lane can cook, odd-numbered Star Trek movies are good, and William Shatner can write, direct, sing, or act. Nah, what are the odds?

Can somebody please explain to me why I watch this show? LOL! At this moment, I can't come up with a good reason.

EDIT: Ooh, I just thought of one. I watch so I can appreciate the fine debates between Mac Daddy and Daddy Mac on these threads, which are inevitably more entertaining than the actual show they're commenting on.

Love the title of this thread! And ITA!!

I have to jump in Mac Daddy's corner on this one, even though I have tried to put my Benefit of Doubt glasses on when watching SV lately.

I was tempted not to watch, I mean Lost is on ABC for crying out loud. But since I record them both, I watched it. I cringed, but I watched it. I think I can only watch epis that Lois is in for now.

I really want to write for TV- because they are the best recyclers in the world. "Would you like a side of Clana with your mythos?"

Does this sound wrong to anyone? I know, this is probably out of context but when I think about Lana it all comes down to the quoted part. Every tiny fact of her whole character and her interaction with Clark is somehow connected to events from her past - when she was all of 4 years old. That whole deal with Lana having issues about her family (& dead friends from the past) got too much for me through her parents' death, Henry Small, Emily etc until it blew over with some sickening quote about her leaving for France.

But to focus a tiny bit on the episode which I haven't seen yet and definitely won't for another few weeks While I think that inventing a teenage Lois Lane in the Smallville show was a mistake, she's probably the only girl that makes watching the show fun nowadays.
Oh and I could certainly do with a shorter hairstyle from John Glover too, he's worth a few ogling glances despite his age