Oh god.

I think my vision is still too blurred with tears to give you much in the way of comments, but this story was absolutely heart-wrenching and beautiful. You write Clark's (and Lois') pain so honestly.

Yeah, I'm going to have to restock my Kleenex supply.

Jessi

wow, so beautifully sad....


I cannot tell you how much I cried, because my computer has crashed after the tears flooded the keyboard....

Oh my gosh, that was so sad. My vision is all blurry too. The most heart wrenching part was him reliving when Brian had been alive. Their interaction as a family was so sweet and real. To have it torn apart like that! Oh dear. I'll start crying again. It'll have to suffice to say I think you did a heartbreakingly wonderful story for your class. I'm sure they won't even get that it's Lois and Clark with the names changed. They'll be sobbing too hard!

Laura

I thought it was really sad too. Heartwrenching, but really genuine. I feel like Clark's voice really came through. This was really great, thanks for sharing it with us.

alcyone

Evil woman, throwing innocent bunnies in there!!!!

*giggles*

You already know what I think of this story - I've told you it made me cry, I've told you I think you're a meanie. And it's all meant as compliment.

You've done a wonderful job with this 1st person/present fic, Sara! I hope you'll try it again!!

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tattle!

He talks and he walks, and he is only 1... Boy, he is a Superbaby!

The kid knows the pleasures of life already! “Choc-ate” Aaaa… Cute!

I loved this metaphor!

Those are very scary bunnies...

Oh boy, she is just seeking for comfort. She needs you, lunkhead!

Oh, you had me crying! I loved the way you finished the story, nice ending!

I don’t know why you are so scared, I loved it! The fiction reads beautifully! Your first person was really good!

Heartbreaking, Sara. And so beautiful. Your story is so full of the unsaid; like how Brian's accident really happened, for example. But that doesn't matter. What echoes now is the miraculous memories of the little boy, and the constant, painful reminders that he is no more. And there is the guilt, and the blame, and the silence, and the door that closed between Lois and Clark. And the small crack as the door opens a little.

The title is so innocently meaningful. The little boy died when Clark was gone because he had had to run off to buy some fabric softener. And afterwards, Lois wasn't able to do the laundry any more. The little boy's scent was the last thing left of him, and she couldn't wash it away. But finally she did, and then she was ready to set off on a long journey that would hopefully bring her back to Clark.

So beautiful, Sara. And so reverberatingly sad.

(And please forgive me for saying it: thank you for posting a deathfic where the person who dies doesn't have to be Lois.)

Ann

That was horrible! (in a good way)



I hate deathfics when their kids are involved.

Very moving.

Sara, this is a strong, beautiful fic. It's wonderful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Beuatifully written and incredibly sad. The worst nightmare for any parent. Great job with the first person/present tense. I thought the voice was just right as well.

BJ

Beautiful. I'm sitting at my desk at work sniffling and trying to keep the tears from falling from my eyes.

You did a really great job with this. Thank you for sharing it with us even if it was heart wrenching.

You owe me one, Sara! I was at work, all properly bored so I hop to the boards and find a story by you. Obviously, I go to read it (secretly). And there I am! And then the story... So heartbreakenly beautiful!

Gotta say... what will you do with the other two stories you need to write for you class? Eh????

Saskia

Hi,

Beautiful story!

Aww, Sara... what a heartbreaking story. Beautifully written.

Good luck with your workshop!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Lovely, Sara, and so sad, of course. But I love how understated the emotion was - how you allowed the readers the space to find their own reactions to this piece.

I adored dressing my baby boy in overalls, and I still have several pairs of of the tiny ones that I never could bring myself to pass on to my nephews. The picture you painted of Clark looking at those little overalls and knowing his baby would never outgrow them was just completely heartbreaking.

But thank you for giving them a little hope at the end and giving the readers hope that Lois and Clark might not only survive this terrible thing but survive it together. Beautiful work

C.

Sara -

You pulled my heart open and let the bad stuff in.

And then you followed it up with a little bit of hope.

Perfect. Except for the names, don't change a word.

It was beautiful.

While most boys do talk later than girls, it still isn't outside the realm of normal. My neice was very verbal at a very young age; by her first birthday she spoke in sentences. As far as walking goes, none of my babies were running on their first birthday, but they did manage to cruise from one object to the next. Still, it isn't unheard of to see a baby walking at one.

Elisabeth

So well written, but so incredibly sad. Still, every word of it was perfection. You should be very proud of that piece of writing!

I know of babies who talk when they’re one, and there are those who walk… But I’ve never seen a baby walk & talk! Of course it’s not unheard, but it is not average either.

Wow, your niece spoke in sentences by her first birthday?!

Wow! I really wasn't expecting such an overwhelming response to this – and certainly not all those tears! (Really, I swear!) As evil as it sounds, I'm glad I made y'all cry. It means I did my job right. I'll find out tomorrow what my class thought of the story – and I'll let you guys know what they said.

Dedecasale – thank you for pointing out the bunny metaphor! I'm quite proud of it myself. *g* And thank you for the kind comments about my first attempt at first person pov and present tense. That means a lot!

Jojo and Sas – Sorry for making you cry at work! *tries not to snicker* Glad you enjoyed, though!

I wish I could respond to everyone else individually, but I just don't have that many tissues (or band-aids in Terry's case )! Thank you all SO much!! All this great feedback has really made my week and made me a heck of a lot less anxious about my workshop.

As for such an early walking, talking baby... I did do a tiny bit of research on that, so it's all technically possible. *g* Though I suspect that'll be the first thing brought up in workshop – something I may have to think about editing... for the non-L&C version, that is.

Sara

ohh god how sad!
I know it's been many years since you published this story but I HAD to comment. What a terrible situation and what a magnificent way to put it into words.
I had to go hug my son after reading.
Thank you very much for such a sad and at the same time beautiful story.