Comments - Lost Innocence, Part 1/4 - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Here's where you can be merciful, or not.

Not.

Just kidding, Roger - I really enjoyed this!

I'm fascinated by the way you can take scenes which we all know very well, but give new insights by the way you deal with them.

There's some terrific dialogue in here, as well as some even better introspection. Loved this:

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In the end, Clark had made his feelings quite clear when he couldn’t tell her he missed her as well. Instead, he had merely said goodbye. Goodbye, not good night. It wasn’t so much the words that had told her it meant more than a simple end to a phone call. The tone of his voice had been one of resignation and sadness. He had been saying goodbye to the best friendship she had ever known in her life. Clark no longer considered her a friend.

Well, Lois, you know what to do about it, don't you???

Post more soon, Roger!

Wendy (who points out to Roger that, now we know he can write, he will be continually hounded to death for MORE!)

I love angst, totally, especially when it's well earned, like here. And I never get tired of the Lois/Lex wedding torture.

That said, I love that you are giving Clark his due here, Roger. Love that you are letting him hate her- why wouldn't he? And letting him yell at her, a nice long, you-had-it-coming type of speech.

I'm hooked- write more, Ok?

CC-

Wow Roger! Wonderful! I love all the angst and introspection.

And you were going so great, but then this came:

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************************

In a way, that's okay. If we had gotten the next scene... but no! You made it worse.

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tbc...

What's that doing there?

Now post more!

Saskia (who warns about her 2x4 if I have to wait too long for part 2...)

Hi,

Great start.

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In a fierce, but quiet tone he continued, "But that’s not the only reason I can’t come to the wedding. We can’t be friends anymore because you don’t trust me. You care more for your criminal fiancé, someone you know almost nothing about and who makes Al Capone look like an amateur, than for the person you call your ‘best’ friend.

Finally, Clalk said what he is thinking.

Great start RL, What they said. More soon. Laura

Hey Roger,

Great start!

Looking forward to more..

~Liz

Ahh, Roger, this story is fantastic. You're poignant display of human, and super-human understanding is incredible. Clark finally has the opportunity to tell Lois everything that everyone knew, but her. I'm glad you did these scenes, and you did them in such a way that the characters never deveated from their origins.

I'm very excited to read the next part, and I'm excited about the progression of this story: fast paced, but not rushing. Very well written!

-Jo

Hey, Roger, this is terrific. I think we've seen from our comments on other stories that we have similar opinions about Lois and her behavior during the BaTP arc, so I *know* I'm going to enjoy this.

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Lois had performed numerous investigations on far less evidence in the past, but for some reason unknown to Clark, she refused to even consider looking into Luthor’s past. How could she be so blind?

Yeah, Clark, I'd like to know the answer to that one too... :rolleyes:

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In wry amusement, she realized the bride’s side of the aisle would be virtually empty, with only her mother in attendance.

But then during the wedding episode, her mother actually sits on the groom's side.

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When he received the invitation to Lois’ wedding in the mail, he was tempted for a moment to accept for Lois’ sake even though he was disgusted with the pairing, but seeing what she had done to Clark made it clear that he couldn’t possibly attend.

Actually, I've never been quite sure of Perry's motivation on this. I mean, I think it's terrible that Lois said "no" to Clark in the park, simply because it was Clark. But she didn't think she loved him, and she was very gentle with him...until she had a brain-freeze and asked him to contact Superman for her. [Linked Image]

But this would all be between her and Clark, and Perry wouldn't be involved at all, or even know about the Superman triangle of it. Perry might feel sorry for Clark, knowing about Clark's feelings for Lois, and he might feel that Lois was making a mistake, but since we're the only ones who know exactly *how* Lois hurt Clark, why is Perry unwilling to go and show Lois his support? After all, this is supposedly a man who loves Lois like a daughter. Shouldn't he respect her choice, even if he feels that it's the wrong one?

And the elaboration of the conversation in the car was wonderful. Lois may not have noticed this right away, but I sure did...

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"Sorry, Lois, but I’m just an ordinary man who loves you and wants you to love him back."

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She’d seen a side of Clark she never knew existed, hopeless and bitter, a man seemingly on the edge of a breakdown, a man who was a far cry from his usual optimistic and friendly self. Had she done this to him?

You betcha, Lois. If you've realized this in time, maybe I don't need to get out that 2x4 after all...

...but on the other hand, after reading that Lois has now decided that she just won't think about Clark anymore, obviously I do need it. Aargh! And 3 parts to go - who knows what boneheaded thinking both Lois and Clark are going to go through before this resolves. Looking forward to reading more...soon, I hope!

Kathy

Roger

A wonderful start!

You did an excellent job of portraying Clark's emotions. His conversation with Lois is extremely well-written.

I'm looking forward to seeing where this is headed. They're both so hurt at the moment.
Please post the next part soon.

Tricia

Roger,

This was exceedingly well written! Thank you so much for posting. Now, as for your posting schedule. Please follow CC's example, and post daily. Whatever you do, DO NOT listen to any posting schedule advice from Labrat. (I'm hereby issuing a gag order on her, forbidding her from offering any comments regarding posting frequency to new writers!)

I loved this story. Thank you for having Clark speak his mind with Lois! Your introspection is right on target, for both Clark and Lois. I'm still a little undecided about Perry's actions during the original arc. Not so much over whether he would or would not attend the wedding, but why, if he loved Lois like a daughter, did he not tell her his own suspicions regarding Lex? Well, I have no idea if your Perry intends on saying anything to her, so I'll just sit back and wait to see what happens. Don't keep me waiting long!

More! Soon!!

- Vicki

Roger, a good start in yet another of those frustrating BaTPHol rewrites.

Being Lois obsessed I've always hated these episodes for the damage it did to Lois' intelligence and common sense. It was basically character assassination.

The saving grace in fanfic is that ususally Lois gets a clue before she gets too involved. In the series I was disappointed that Lois rejected Lex only because she realized she loved Clark more and still didn't have a clue as to his real nature.

Looking forward to seeing where you take this.

Tank (who wonders how stupid Roger will make Lois before 'rescuing' her)

Oh wow, Roger!

This is wonderful! I'm completely and totally hooked!
It felt good to see/read Clark telling Lois his view of things! I especially liked the unintentional hint he gave her: 'comic book character'. I'm really looking forward to what she'll do when she remembers that snippet!

Wonderful job, want MORE

Sira -

Well, this has to be one of the most eagerly awaited first fanfic in a time.

And I see we're not going to be disappointed either.

Some very nice insightful introspection on this one, Roger; interesting to see 'behind the scene's, so to speak, on the movitations and thought-processes of various characters during this period.

Oh, dear, they are hurting though. Fix them soon!

LabRat

Nothing I can say which hasnt already been said, except -

[quote]Wendy (who points out to Roger that, now we know he can write, he will be continually hounded to death for MORE!)[quote]

My thoughts exactly.

Sara (Glued to the screen till she sees P2.....)

Wow! As a first time writer, I'm grateful for all the responses. Thank you, thank you!

Wendy, CC, Saskia, Vicki, and LabRat. I'm glad you liked the angst and introspection of this story. I love those as well. The whole point of this story is that I thought the show did a bad job letting Clark express his feelings. Considering how dramatically his life was being crushed, he seemed rather stoic and at times almost emotionless. Then afterwards, everybody sympathised with Lois. This was my opportunity to let Clark "let it all out" the way he probably would have wanted to.

Maria, Kathy, and Sira: So you think I've been giving Lois hints of some kind. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm just not saying.

Tank said:

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Tank (who wonders how stupid Roger will make Lois before 'rescuing' her)

Rescuing her? Bwahahaa! What makes you think I'm rescuing her?

LabRat said:

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Well, this has to be one of the most eagerly awaited first fanfic in a time.

Part 2 is coming up soon...

RL,
great start
ditto others
I see part 2
merry