FDK: A Valentine Story - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Beautiful, Ann! Wonderfully romantic, cute, unusual, and humourous. That last para was just perfect.

No worries on the lack of a beta, either. I only saw one tiny typo:

Quote

where she *know* the showdown

If there was anything else, I was too distracted by the wonderful writing to notice.

Yvonne

Let's see, we can change - no, that's already perfect. How about - no, I don't think so. Wait, we can - no, we need to leave that alone too. Oh, I know! The adjective - no, it says what it says the way it should say it.

Shucks, Ann, you don't need a beta for this story! It's marvelous the way it is, typos or not! I knew you could write. And now that you've given us this scene, which takes Lois from depression to the edge of anger to astonishment to reasonable acceptance and drags the reader along by the scruff of the heart, we're all going to bug you for another and another and another - well, I'm sure you get the idea.

Seriously, it's a marvelous story. I never could have written it, so I'm glad you did. It says so many things about Lois and Clark and their relationship and I wouldn't have minded seeing this in the series.

Thank you for the lovely present, from you to all of us. Happy Valentine's Day!

Wonderful, Ann.

Not just beautifully written, but a graceful Valentine puzzle, leading to a very orginal revelation.

I loved it.

c.

Wow...

My heart is still racing a bit, Ann! That was wonderfully romantic!!!! *sigh*

I should be doing homework, but I couldn't not read your first story... and I'm a sucker for waffy, romantic stuff.

He's gonna tell her!! He took off his glasses and he's going to tell her!!

Quote

It was wrapped in something big, red, and silky. A piece of silky red cloth. A cape.

Superman's cape.

OMG! He really *is* going to tell her!!!

Quote

His eyes searched hers. What was that expression in them? Fear? Yes... they were fearful. Begging. Pleading with her.

Awwww!!! Poor Clark!

Quote

"I always wanted to be Clark to you, Lois."

This line, Ann... stopped me dead in my tracks. That is... just perfect. And I'll swear I *heard* him whisper it. Perfect. *melts into a waffy puddle of goo*

Quote

He almost jumped, reminding her of a splendid stag, magnificent but skittish, ready to bolt.

Beautiful sentence!!! And it describes Clark perfectly!

Brava!!!

I meant to tell you long ago when you mentioned in one of your AFTS feedback posts that English wasn't your first language. I was stunned. You have a terrific command of the language *and* grammar. I wouldn't have guessed if you hadn't said anything.

Now... as for this story... It deserves a great title! Maybe another line from the poem that's fitting?

Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you on posting your first story, and also for having written such a brilliantly waffy vignette! It put a smile on my face, something I sorely needed.

Sara

That was so...sniff, sniff. That was a wonderful Valentine's story.

I'm reading very little fic these days - RL and other things getting in the way of reading stuff here - but I was told I had to read this, and I'm so glad I did.

Ann, this is really, really lovely! Very nicely done and, as others have said, you don't need a BR! Your command of English is impressive, and your writing skills excellent. I know I'll be adding you to my new author nominations for next year!

Wendy

Echoing Wendy here on not having a lot of time to read fic right now. But glad I didn't miss this one!

Great story. Love that poem. And your writing skills are fantastic.

You MUST keep writing!

Ann, this was so perfect. Your writing is absolutely beautiful — as everyone else has already said, I would've never guessed English wasn't your first language!

This is such an incredibly creative way for Clark to reveal his secret to Lois. *loves* And your Clark! Oh, Ann, he's so raw and real and unsure of himself and I fell in love with him immediately, even while my heart was breaking. Your characterization and spot-on dialogue were just ... gah, I don't even have the words to describe what a visceral chord they struck.

Quote

"I always wanted to be Clark to you, Lois."

What's that? Oh, nothing — it's just my heart cracking for this man.

Quote

"I wanted you to love me," he said, so low she almost couldn't hear. "I wanted you to love me for myself."

!!! At this point, I want to physically grab Lois and make her hug Clark to reassure him.

Quote

"I'm - I'm the man I am with you", he insisted. "When I am with you, that's when I'm really myself. I don't think I've ever been myself before. Before I met you. Before I - before I started being with you."

... Beautiful. Heart-breakingly beautiful.

Quote

Half-turning away from her, he raked his fingers through his hair, then buried his face in his hands.

"I'm... I was so scared," he whispered. "Scared that you would reject me, now that I'd finally found myself, thanks to you. I didn't know if I could live without you," he added bleakly. "And I didn't know if you would have me if you really knew me."

And the honesty, the admission of fear ... *loves* Seriously, Ann, this was fantastic. The angst, the perfect ending, just everything. I so hope you consider writing more — you're too talented not to!

Ann

This is a wonderful story.

It's excellent and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Tricia

Hi,

Echoing all the other poster's comments. Great, romantic story and, yes, now you need to write more.

Yours Jenni

I loved it!

Each word is full of feeling and beauty. [Linked Image]

It's... magical! [Linked Image]

Quote

The night was young. Everything was wonderful and overwhelming to two brand new lovers. The full moon rose over them, bathing their skin in glittering silver light. In the morning, the rising sun would caress their bodies with its golden rays, set in rose-colored clouds. For a moment, for a night, for a time defined by the era of love, for two brand new lovers, heaven reached out and touched the Earth. And for a moment, for two loving people, everything was right with the world.

This paragraph is indescribably sweet and romantic. [Linked Image]

I've no words to compliment you enough.

Hail Ann!

Andreia

Ann, I'm so excited you wrote a story! I knew it was just a matter of time

And what a story to debut with! This is beautiful and you've set it at such an important - and emotional - turning point for them: the beginning of their romance. They are in love, but question so much (themselves, each other, their faith in this love which is so new and in so many ways incredibly scary), and they don't know how to handle their feelings...

ahhhh

And I have to quote some things here (even though Sara's post covers most everything!!)

Quote

He was fun, tender, caring... a brilliant reporter... cute... no, make that darn good-looking... no, heck, knock-down completely gorgeous! God! And a spine-tingling kisser...

I love this paragraph! It's perfectly Lois... she's mad and her thoughts are all over the place and she's thinking all these things and then correcting her thoughts

Quote

*This coyness, Clark! Speak for yourself!* Fuming, Lois ran up the stairs, needing to get rid of some excess adrenaline before facing the infuriating farmboy.

I don't know, but if I were her, I would be wondering if the infuriating farmboy was naked.

Quote

she saw the rose hanging from her door handle. It was wrapped in something big, red, and silky. A piece of silky red cloth. A cape.

Superman's cape.

Lois' breath caught.

*Her* breath caught!! I'm dying over here!

Quote

"I always wanted to be Clark to you, Lois."

Oh wow... still haven't got that breath back yet!

Quote

But suddenly the slow manner of dressing was too much for him, and he whirled. The next moment Clark stood before her, complete with glasses and loose hairstyle, all traces of Superman gone.

Great paragraph, the change back and then the confrontation:

Quote

"I'm - I'm the man I am with you", he insisted. "When I am with you, that's when I'm really myself. I don't think I've ever been myself before. Before I met you. Before I - before I started being with you."

"But you didn't show yourself to me, Clark. Maybe you were yourself to you when you were with me, but you were not yourself to me. I never really got to see you."

Half-turning away from her, he raked his fingers through his hair, then buried his face in his hands.

"I'm... I was so scared," he whispered. Scared that you would reject me, now that I'd finally found myself, thanks to you. I didn't know if I could live without you," he added bleakly. "And I didn't know if you would have me if you really knew me."

No, Clark... noooo....

Quote

I want you to love me, Lois. Shouldn't I be prepared to love you back? But how can I love you if I keep lying to you - if I keep feeding you a pack of lies about the man I'm asking you to give your heart to?"

GREAT!!!

Quote

His whole body quivered, tears welled up in his eyes, and he reached for her, crushing her against him, devouring her mouth with his own. They were rocking, hugging, kissing, touching, moaning, sobbing; and she, too, found herself crying as they kissed, their tongues dancing as their tears mingled. She caressed and stroked his face, his chest, his neck, his back, his shoulders; and of their own volition, her hands started unbuttoning his shirt, finding the firm unyielding spandex underneath. With an effort, she tore her lips away from his, and, staring into his eyes, she wordlessly asked him a question. Relief, joy and awe shining out of him like a sun, he answered her from his heart:

"If you want me, Lois, I'm yours. All of me."

Then he whirled, slowly and gracefully. The Superman suit lay by his feet, neatly folded. His tie was gone, like his glasses, but he still wore his pants and his shirt. His shirt was open, the way Lois wanted it. And she was pressing her body against his, snaking her arms against his, feeling the soft skin of his chest and back. Shivering with pleasure, he caressed her with equal tenderness, kissing her luminous skin and cupping her breasts in his hands.

The night was young. Everything was wonderful and overwhelming to two brand new lovers. The full moon rose over them, bathing their skin in glittering silver light. In the morning, the rising sun would caress their bodies with its golden rays, set in rose-colored clouds. For a moment, for a night, for a time defined by the era of love, for two brand new lovers, heaven reached out and touched the Earth. And for a moment, for two loving people, everything was right with the world.

Okay, only wanted to pick out a sentence or two, but whatever. Forgive me. These final paragraphs were awing and I had to quote it all! First of all, you described this embrace wonderfully! I had the clearest mental picture of the two of them in each others arms, exploring. Her pain finally vanishing in light of the revelation and his fear finally vanishing in light of her acceptance and her promise to him. Simply beautiful

Ann, again, this is fantastic, and you HAVE to write more! I love how you were able to do the revelation at such an important point in their relationship, have the background of Valentine's Day to give the story even more romance, and still keep it and incredibly believable vignette! Every line is important and filled with meaning and every word spoken so loaded as well. It only had to be this long and still you managed all this romance at this crucial time for them. I think I'm now talking in circles. And babbling.

Okay in a sentence:

AWESOME first story... the first of many

~NICOLE

Well... that was... better than amazing.

I was told I had to read this fic. Just about ordered to do it, and I'm glad I finally put everything else aside to read it. Better than amazing, Ann. Much, much better.

It was sweet and waffy and sugary and wonderful and all that. And just about perfect.

I wont quote too much, since I'm sure that between Sara and Nicole the entire story's been quoted in this thread (

), but...

Quote

Maybe Clark was a mistake... another one.

That line is just... it's perfect. Absolutely. Unequivocally. Perfect. Of course Lois is thinking that. Of course she's worried. Of course.

And this line...

Quote

Clark's shoes. And, of course, in each shoe a rose, each bearing its own card and its own cryptic word: "but", "world".

Just cracked me up. <G> The image of a rose in each shoe just tickled my funny bone in a very good way. <g>

I have to confess I don't recognise the poem, but that's no big surprise, I was never a poetry buff. <g>

Anyway... yep. Story is fantastic. Better than fantastic, but I said that, right? <g>

Great stuff.

Dave

Wow, wonderful story! I admit, I was a bit disappointed.. I was expecting Clark to be wearing a lot less clothing... But I guess he bared himself another way. I love how he exposed himself (as Superman!) to Lois and her reaction. And the trail leading up to him was wonderful to see. Great story!

Oh, Ann!!! I just adored this!! I haven't been reading fic in an awfully long time thanks to some issues with time :p but after reading the fdk folder for this, I couldn't but read it. And boy, am I glad I did! Your writing style is just wonderful, and I loved how original this was

This was such a treat, I really loved it. Thank you for the V-Day uplift, and I hope you're already working on your next story!!

Sara

Wow, people, I'm so blown away by your awesome feedback! And to think that many of you are my idols too, having written Lois and Clark stories that I totally adore.... What can I say? I'm speechless, blushing and grinning like an idiot!

But.... As incredibly flattered as I am by your requests that I write more stories - and I'm not saying that I never will - I ask you to please understand two tiny problems I have with that. The first one is about - yup - the English language. Do you know why I brushed past that episode where Lois found Clark's glasses in the mail so quickly? Not because I wanted to. No, because I truly, honestly couldn't write more. As I was trying to, I realized that I don't know what Lois's mail(box?) would even look like, where exactly it would be located, not to mention what the darn thing would be called. Is it a mini-locker? A cubicle? Where exactly is it? Inside the front door (street door?) leading into that little "hall" thing (ante-room?) leading into the stairwell? Not having English as your first language is one thing, but not living an American life, not knowing all those million humdrum little details of ordinary American life - let alone not being able to name those little details - is quite another!

Oh, and in order to write a story, I, at least, need something to work with. That thing about Clark's clothes being left all over the place, with a rose bearing a single word sticking out of each garment, is honestly the only workable L&C idea I've had since I joined these boards. We'll see when I have another.

And to end this "prelude", a few words about the story itself. Seeing that I have been telling all and sundry that I want Clark to tell Lois his secret, that I want him to feel guilty about having lied to her, that I want Lois to forgive him very quickly, and that I want them to, ahh, get to know each other really well, it was quite obvious what the general plotline of my story would have to be like. I was surprised to see how, well, not easy it was to write the more intimate parts of my story. Suddenly I was very grateful that I was writing it for the PG folder - not that I ever considered anything else.... But seeing that I have been nagging a few writers on these boards to make Lois and Clark more intimate than the writers themselves may have been entirely comfortable with.... Please accept a belated apology from me.

Okay, now on to my thanks to each of you who wrote in and gave me such amazing feedback:

Yvonne: Thanks a billion for starting this thread, for being so appreciative, for pointing out that very irritating grammar mistake, and for being graceful enough to call it a typo!

Terry: Writer of the most Terry-fic stories, thank you ever so much for praising me for this tale and for saying that you couldn't have written it yourself!

Carol: I'm so glad you enjoyed the puzzle which is a part of this story, and that you liked the revelation, too.

Sara: What can I say? You have almost no time to even read this story, let alone write any sort of lengthy comment on it - and yet you give me all of that???? I'm so, well, so flattered you wouldn't believe it.... I'm speechless. Thank you, thank you and... well... THANK YOU!!!

Oh, and thank you so much for pointing out that grammar mistake (and for telling me how to correct it) and for pointing out the missing quotation marks. I've decided to keep that "split" paragraph the way it is, though, because there is a mood change at the "split".

Oh, and Sara, did I tell you how much I appreciate your telling me that my story made you smile?

Sheila: Thank you so much for telling me that I made you cry a little. I hope I made you smile, too!

Wendy: Wow, I'm so unbelievably flattered again. You are an amazing writer who have more or less left this fandom for the time being, you have almost no time to read any fics these days - but you took the time to read this? And you liked it so much that you are going to add my name to your new author nominations for next year?

Capes: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, for telling me you liked it and for insisting that I must keep writing!

angelic_editor: Thanks a million for your wonderful praise, for liking my writing in general and for appreciating my portrait of Clark in particular!

Tricia: Thank you for telling me you find my story beautifully written and romantic!

Jenni: Thanks for liking my story and for telling me I should write more!

Andreia: Thank you so much for the wonderful praise, and thanks a million for those lovely icons!!!

Nicole: Ah, Nicole, what can I say? Your amazing comment had me blushing, grinning and rolling on the floor! Your comment on Clark's writing skills, the way they manifested themselves in those one-word messages to Lois, made me laugh so hard that I'll bet I either lost or gained a year to live.... and your exhortation to Lois that she should perhaps consider what Clark might be wearing now that all his clothes are in her possession was another joke that made me do the equivalent of a week's vacuum-cleaning of rolling on the floor! And you quoted all of the twenty-five last lines of my story. Oh, wow, I'm so totally blown away by what you wrote about this, Nicole!

David: I'm so, so glad that you enjoyed this. And I'm particularly happy that you enjoyed the silly image of a pair of shoes with a rose sticking out of each shoe, because that is actually a small favorite of mine in this story.

Karen: So sorry to disappoint you by making Clark overdressed, but I guess he was wearing his birthday suit at the end of the story, so you'll have to imagine that!

Sara: So glad you enjoyed this, and I'm so incredibly flattered that you took the time to read it even though you say you haven't been reading fic for a long time.

Once again, people: Thank you, thank you, and thank you. You guys are awesome!!!

Ann

This was a nice story. The idea of the roses with the cards was fabulous

Regarding the non-native-English speaker part - I know the feeling, but you know what's a way to improve and learn stuff? Writing!!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

After a long, long time I'm checking out the boards again... and I'm so glad I did! Because I immediately found this little gem of a story.

Ann, this was absolutely great!

Ursie

Ann,

Hi,

Beautiful!

MAF