Now that was an original and charming story! Why don't we see more of your work?

Nan

Hey, Rogue, this is great! I didn't expect to like it that much, since I'm very much a Lois and Clark kind of a Lois and Clark fan. So my favorite parts of your story, I have to confess, were the Lois and Clark parts. All right, the Lois and Superman parts, I guess, but, well, "shit the same", as we say here in Sweden! I really liked Lois here! And Superman, too. And Laurel! (Uh... that name... Do you know of the Greek legend about a girl who was being chased by Apollo, and to get away from the god she turned herself into a laurel tree? Shit the same...)

I loved the way Laurel seemed so close to her parents. Fly Me To the Moon is her favorite song, because it is her parents' song? Now that is sweet!

And 666 is the code for MOM! LOL! I'm not the best Christian in the world, rather the opposite, but I love Biblical references. And there were more here. I loved it when the "boy" of the story (couldn't you have named him, Rogue?) asked Lois how physically compatible she and Superman really were, and she answered:
Hurting me would be like hurting himself... Yes, that's love, but it's also the kind of love that Paul tells the Christian men of Ephesos that they must give to their wives. He tells them that every man should look at his wife as a part of his own body, so that the he can't hurt his wife without hurting himself.

There is just generally a delicious sense of humour permeating this story. The way Superman comes through looking ever so slightly comical once in a while, or maybe it's just the way he makes the "boy" of the story cringe! Well, well... messing around with Superman's daughter just won't do, will it? But even Superman can see this boy is serious. So much so that when the boy is talking to himself, saying
it actually gets Superman there right away to act as delivery boy for the flowers!!!!

And I loved it that Laurel was "mechanically inclined"! Well, with a mother who hates cooking, isn't it somehow logical that Laurel would end up loving to play with carburetors rather than with saucepans? Guess we don't have to worry that Laurel will ever end up unemployed. If she loses that job at the Center for Disease Control, I'll bet she'd be a roaring success as a mechanic!!!!

And then the kidnapping thing, which puts Lois in really good spirits, because


Guess the only thing I didn't much like was the way that the "boy" and Laurel came through looking even more like soulmates than Lois and Clark. But I'm saying that just because I'm the world's most diehard fan of Lois and Clark, not because that is any sort of legitimate criticism of your story!

This was so much fun, Rogue! Thank you so much!!!

Ann

I'm with Ann on this one (mostly, anyway), although I don't mind Lois and Clark playing supporting roles occasionally. I liked the subtle humor in the story, and I really enjoyed the guy's description of what he saw in Supergirl that didn't come through the TV screen.

I know I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of Supergirl's "don't go there" looks. It's a wonder that guy who tried to cut in on the dance didn't fall to the floor in a dead faint.

And, frankly, I don't know why no one else has used this device before. Lois and Clark are so attuned to each other that their "connection" lets both know that the other is alive. Why couldn't it also communicate feelings and impressions and physical sensations? That's a really clever twist, and I'm only sorry I didn't think of it first.

So, when's the wedding? And when's the honeymoon? You know, when Laurel is so tender with 'him' that hurting him would be like hurting herself? You are going to let us know what happens next, aren't you?

Please keep up the good work. I look forward to your next post.

How could I be so dense????? Insert huge smack on forehead here, please! How could I quote Lois saying that Superman can't hurt her without hurting himself, then read how Laurel felt pain when her boyfriend stubbed his toe, and not see how this "can't hurt you without hurting myself" thing will affect the future of these two young lovebirds????

Guess you can bring on the wedding now, Rogue! It's good to know that the groom will be perfectly safe on his honeymoon with Laurel!!!

Ann

Delightful. And she avoided all of Clark's mistakes.

At first, I skimmed thorugh the first few paragraphs, read the name Supergirl and thought I wouldn't like it. So I closed the file. Later, I had nothing better to do and I started reading and...couldn't stop.

The narrator's voice i sso compelling. I wanted to know who he was and how he was relating to Supergirl. I understood early on, as Laurel did, that this guy was treating her like a human being and not some superhero...although he was in awe of her.

So the narrator got to me and so did his relationship with Supergirl. His sense of humour was delicious. Made his observations even more interesting.

And then he had to dial 666 to get to mom. And Lois knew what he meant when he called the number and asked if it was Code 666. "Yes this is Mom" or something like that, she said. ), fix a carburator, get out of a fight with a bunch of rowdy bikers

All in all I enjoyed this a lot.

gerry

Response to feedback:

Thanks everyone, but is anyone spotting any problems with it? It looks OK to me but I know what I meant and what didn't get written in.

=======

Names:

Laurel makes sense to ME. It's a standard girl's name, it begins with L...it's a pun when you realize it can also be written Laur-el.

Why the boyfriend doesn't have a name: it turned into a game for me to see if I could write the whole thing without giving him a name<G>. (and I didn't have a name I really liked for him).

This was written to answer the question of how Lois could survive; but while Lois and Clark share some sensations (I decided) they weren't aware of it until Laurel described it, because the link invovling Laurel is stronger because she is half-human herself. (Does this chain of reasoning need more explaining? I deliberatley mislead people to think Lois's answer was figurative.)

There was going to be a scene with Laurel at work (she's a statistician, she crunches numbers for a couple weeks and then writes a report, it doesn't matter if she suddenly disappears for a while. It was going to be the boyfriend and best friend from her work not knowing the other knew until Laurel gets back and lets them known. I decided it didn't add much and I wanted to get this story finished this year (literally!).

The bar scene only makes sense if electric lights are needed. Does it work or do I need to cover this point? (Either say after sunset or make it windowless).

There are a lot of parallels between Laurel's story and Lois and Clark's, on purpose. Their song is the same. He sent her 11 yellow and one purple flower. (I think I remember that from the show). I thought there were a couple of other points.


So...What doesn't make sense/isn't clear/needs work? I know there are things in there that are clear to me that I didn't make explicit. Please help.

R.C.

Hi RC
I'm not on the boards much these days, but stopping by today was a great vacation reward! I *loved* this story and would like to see more from you.

fave part; both Laurel and Clark really losing their tempers because the other was threatened. So good!

Laur-el, eh? Well, I knew the name must have something to do with that "L" magic in the Lois and Clark universe. And I thought perhaps it was a variation of Lara, Clark's Kryptonian mother's name. But in either case, I thought Laura or even Lara would be a better name than Laurel, since with that name, the image of Apollo chasing Daphne keeps intruding on my mind. The idea of the god trying to rape the girl, you know? And the only way she can get away from him is to turn herself into a laurel tree - and stay that way, mind you! And seeing, too, that Superman and Lois are a little bit like a god and a girl themselves, I really, really don't want to associate that brutal Greek myth with them in any way. That's why the name of Laurel actually made me cringe just a little. You've got to understand that I'm Swedish, too, and I was honestly not aware that Laurel is a standard girl's name in America. But - hey! Laur-el!! That's great!! Thanks for pointing that out to me. Now I like that name a lot!

You say you deliberately misled some people about the link that exists between Superman and Lois, by making Lois talk about it in such a way that it was easy to think about it as a figure of speech. That's how the narrator of the story interpreted it, and that is certainly how I saw it too, so that I could actually even name the Bible verse I thought it was referring to! I felt as dense as a lead-lined wall when I realised that Lois's words were describing the actual, literal truth about her relationship with Superman. So, were you being too cryptic in your way of writing about this? No, I definitely don't think so. You made your point clearly enough, and anyway, I don't much like stories that never let us figure out anything at all for ourselves. Personally, I got a second kick out of your story when I fully realised the nature of the link between Laurel and her boyfriend!

Does it make sense that Laruel's link with her boyfriend should be stronger than Clark's link with Lois? Actually, it you ask me, no. The existence of the link must be a Kryptonian thing, because it is something that Kryptonians have with their life-mates. So Laurel's link with her boyfriend should either be as strong as Clark's link with Lois, or else it should be weaker than the link between Lois and Clark. Of course, since the Lois and Clark universe doesn't exist in the first place, we are free to make up many of the rules for ourselves. Suppose it's true that Laurel's link with her boyfriend really is stronger than the link between her parents, and that it is stronger precisely because unlike her father, she is half human. Does that mean that if Laurel and her boyfriend eventually have children, then their children's links with their life-mates will be even stronger? And after a couple of generations, the Kryptonian element of the DNA makeup of Clark's descendants will be so diluted that they have no superpowers left whatsoever, but they have an absolutely incredibly strong link with the person they love? Can't say I really believe this, but it is a fascinating thought!

Finally, you say that there are things in your story that are clear to you but you couldn't make explicit, and you'd like us to help. Well, Rogue, it's not easy for us to know what was so clear to you in your mind, if you couldn't express it. And I don't mean to sound too ironic. I think the leasson to be learned here is that once you let go of a story, once you share it with others, it is not really, really your story any more, or at least not exclusively so. Because every person who reads your story will read it and interpret it through the filter of his or her own beliefs, wishes, dreams, likes, dislikes and hangups, and that way they will turn it into a story that is different from what you had intended. I'm sure that if you try tell us more of what you tried to achieve, we can give you more feedback and more suggestions as to how you can perfect your story. But believe me: You will never be able to write your story so that every person out there will see exactly the things in it that you would like them to see.

Talking about a story, though, is a great thing. You share your own thoughts with others, and they tell you about the things that they have seen. That way all of us can find more and more of the riches that are hidden in the fabric of that story. If you want to say more about what you really wanted to say with your story, Rogue, then please come back here and talk about it some more!

Ann

This is the first chance I've had to say that I just plain love this! Very sweet and as Nan said, charming.

I'm looking forward to more stories from you!

Irene

That was very nice. I'm always a little suspicious of stories that use the ideas of telepathy etc. that were used in Lois and Clark, because it all seemed a bit inconsistent, but you've handled it very well.

I've been working on my copy, making fixes and improvements (everything from remembering to capitlize Earth when it's the planet to rewordign sections so they make more sense.) I don't really consider it out of my hands until its gets sent to the archive, so if you spot anything then let me know!