It wouldn’t bring Clark back, and without that, everything else seemed pointless.
She had thought that twice before though, only to find the tears streaming down her face again an hour later, so it was probably just a matter of time.
*sniffle*
She just wanted to sit at her desk and pretend he was just off returning a video or having his teeth cleaned for the third time this month.
LOL awwwwwww
She took a breath and sighed, then turned her head back to its previous position without acknowledging the sound.
Wow. Yeah, but makes sense.
She stepped back, flinching at his voice. But he mistook her movement for assent, and glided into the room, landing within an arm’s reach of her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She cringed. How could she ever be okay again?
“You should go,” she said woodenly.
Love this awkwardness and pain.
“Don’t touch me,” she said, stepping back.
He looked as if she had struck him.
Ooh! Is she mad at him for not saving Clark??
“I know you’re grieving too. But I can’t. I can’t share him with you tonight.”
Whoa...
She stepped back and held up a hand to stop him. “I’ve told you again and again that whatever you can do is enough. That you don’t owe the world anything. I’ve told you that you can come to me if you need someone to talk to. And I know I should say all those things to you again tonight. But I can’t. I can’t even look at you. I know that’s not fair. I know you don’t deserve that. But you need to go, before I say things I can never take back .”
“Lois, I-”
“Where were you?” she cried, unable to hold back any longer. “Where? How could you let this happen?”
Oooh! Powerful, especially the first paragraph!!
She didn’t wait for him to answer, her grief swelling in her, erupting out of her. “You’ve saved me a hundred times! You’re never too late to save me! How many bullets have you caught that were meant for me? Where were you?”
OH!
Now, Clark... now is the time to spin into Clark!
“You made me think I was invincible. We were invincible. He told me over and over to be more careful. He worried about me constantly, and I never listened to a word he said. But he was right. I should have been more careful. He was trying to protect me! He died for me, and he never even knew! I never even got to tell him!” She was yelling now, her voice echoing in the quiet apartment, ringing in her ears.
“Tell him what?” Superman asked, his voice soft and gentle, his eyes full of grief, stoking the fire of her rage. How dare he come to her for absolution? How dare he pretend he didn’t know?
Damn... this is intense. And Clark... dude... I know you’re kinda grieving yourself (haha double meaning) and shocked by her reaction, but... change already!
“I hate you,” she said quietly, her voice barely a whisper. “You ruined everything. You dazzled me, and made me blind. He loved me. And I couldn’t even see him because of you. He told me he loved me, and I asked him for you! I asked him to send you to me instead! What the hell was wrong with me?”
He looked stricken, shocked by her mention of that night that they never discussed.
This is intense and I’m upset, but also... Hah! I mean... of all the times to be called out on this behavior... only Lois and Martha, really, are the ones able to do it, and I LOVE that she’s doing it without knowing. But... oh, it’s sad.
“And Mayson cut in. And I LET her. Because I thought we had time! I thought we had time to get it right. I told Perry it was okay, because I could never lose him. And I came home that night, and I was thinking of him. Not you!” she shouted at him, and he flinched.
Love it!
Her face twisted in anger. “And then YOU showed up,” she went on, her voice hard with anger, dripping with vitriol. “And you smiled at me. And you flirted with me. And I asked you to dance instead. And you said, ‘This isn’t dancing.’” she intoned, her voice high and mocking, edged with loathing.
“And you floated me all around my living room. And you looked at me like you loved me. But you don’t love me! You never did. HE loves me. Loved me,” she corrected sofly, all the anger draining out of her. “And I love him. And I never even got to tell him.”
Whoa!!!
“Oh, my god,” he said softly, obviously stunned. “What have I done?”
Yeah. Exactly, Clark... what have you done???
“Lois, look at me,” he said softly, after a minute of tense silence. He was kneeling on the ground in front of her, she realized. His hand rested on her shoulder, thumb stroking gently. “Look at me, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
GAH! I love the “sweetheart”! Also... he had better have changed!
Something was different. Something wasn’t right. His eyes were the same, but his hair was different, falling in soft curls over his forehead. Her eyes roamed his face, from his hair, to his eyes, down his jaw, to the collar of the soft gray shirt that lay at his throat.
*lets out breath she’s been holding* Whew! He changed!
“I’m sorry,” he said, and she had never heard him sound more sorry. “I should have told you. I wanted to tell you a million times. I thought we had more time too. I wanted us to get it right. And then I was going to tell you. We were so close. I was going to tell you.”
“You’re alive,” she said, pulling her hand back to her chest, where her heart was hammering.
Ooooh! Love the apology... now what’s going to be her reaction???
His face faltered. “Clark Kent is dead Lois. A whole room full of people saw him gunned down. I had to pretend to die or reveal my secret. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t put my parents at risk. I couldn’t put you at risk. You’re already too closely associated with Superman. I worry all the time about people using you to get to me. If the world knew…”
“You’re alive,” she repeated. She couldn’t process anything more.
Love it...
I should have come straight to you. I’m sorry.”
*deep breath* Yeah, you should have...
“Lois, you’ve seen bullets bounce off me before. This was no different, I promise. I was only pretending.”
“It’s different,” she said. “It was different.”
He nodded, his eyes gentle. “I know,” he said softly. “Come here.”
Gah!!!
“No! No, Lois,” he said, holding her tighter. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He touched you, and I was furious. I rushed him. You didn’t do anything but stand there being beautiful. That’s not your fault. How could that be your fault?”
LOVE the “I was furious” part! Not sure how I feel about the beautiful part...
“I wish I could, Lois. But under the circumstances, I don’t see how I can,” she said softly, quoting him verbatim. “I always wondered what you meant by that. What circumstances,” she continued. She shook her head sadly, eyes filling with tears again. “I’m so sorry, Clark. I don’t know how you don’t hate me. Why in the world did you stay friends with me after that?
Oooh powerful!
Of course you preferred that version of me to the one who fought with you and-”
“I didn’t though,” she said, a soft whimpering cry escaping despite her best efforts to rein in her tears. “I was dazzled by him, but it was always you I came back to.”
Yay!!
She saw the kiss coming just seconds before his lips touched hers. He dipped his head and met her gaze, his eyes filled with love. And then his lips were on hers, and her heart felt like it would explode. She reached up and wrapped her hands around him, one curving around his neck, the other burrowing in his hair.
His lips tugged and caressed, and she met him at every turn, desperate for his love. Desperate to show him how much she loved him.
He stilled and pulled back to look into her eyes, his thumb stroking her cheek. “Lois, I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I’m so sorry we didn’t figure this out before. I’m so sorry. I thought we’d have more time.”
And then she realized what he was doing. Why he was loving her so gently and thoroughly, memorizing the taste and feel of her.
“No,” she said softly. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Lois, Clark Kent is dead.”
“No!” she said her hands on his chest, shoving him away, not wanting to hear what else he would say.
You tell him, Lois!
She wheeled on him, furious. “Help me, Clark! Don’t just shoot my ideas down! Are you really just going to give up and walk away without even trying?”
“I’ve been trying to figure this out all day!” he snapped back at her.
Ooooh!
“I can’t believe I spent all night being interviewed by detectives and none of them asked why there was no blood on my dress, on my hands.”
Hah! Right?
“Or you were wearing a bulletproof vest!”
Clark’s jaw dropped.
“We’re trying to come up with all these crazy explanations of how you recovered, when the obvious answer is that you were never shot. There was no blood.
I mean... how come no one else thought of these things?? <G>
He handed her the vest and took a step back. He smiled at her and hesitated.
“What?” she asked.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this in front of you,” he said. He gave her one more smile, and then disappeared into a blur of red and blue. When he stopped spinning, he was Superman. All traces of Clark gone.
She stood agog, unable to formulate a response. He stepped forward and kissed her hard and fast. “I’ll be right back.”
She nodded, and he shot out the window, a gust of wind ruffling her hair.
“Wow,” she said.
Wow is right!
She took a fortifying breath and reached for the shirt. “We don’t have time right now,” she said softly. “But when this is settled, I have…a lot of questions.”
Haha!
“I love you,” he said, and she was surprised to hear the timidity in his voice. As if he still wasn’t completely sure what her response would be to that.
Awwwwww!
She handed him his shirt, and he put it on over the vest. Then he put on the jacket as well. Her hands trembled, seeing him in that suit again. Seeing the bullet holes.
“I’ll just…find a pen,” she said, turning to look for one and trying to hide the quiver in her voice.
“Hey,” he said softly, catching her arm before she could walk away. He pulled her back gently, hugging her.
She needed to keep moving. If she was working, her brain was too busy to remember the grief she’d been drowning in for the last twenty four hours.
Poor Lois!!
When he raised his eyes back to hers, she was looking at him in amusement. He raised his eyebrows, clearly unsure what part of this situation she found funny.
“I could never figure out if you were nearsighted or farsighted. You were always sliding your glasses down to look at things.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes at herself.
She pulled away after just a few seconds, and his eyes were bright and laser focused on hers. “And you’ll fly us into a building,” she finished playfully.
awwwww
“Are you my girlfriend?” he asked softly, interrupting her.
“Am I...not? Do you not want...” she asked, suddenly self conscious. They had made a lot of declarations of love today, and talked about having a life together, but they hadn’t exactly defined their relationship.
He laughed softly and smiled at her. “Oh, yeah. You are definitely my girlfriend if you want to be.”
LOVE this!!
He smiled down at her with a twinkle in his eye, and she couldn’t help taking a step toward him. His hands went to her waist. “No more secrets,” he said quietly, and she smiled up at him invitingly. He raised his eyebrows and paused, giving her a chance to back away, and when she didn’t, he leaned forward and captured her lips in a tender kiss. Her hands slid up to his cheeks, holding him in place.
“Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. It’s about damn time,” she heard Perry say, her lips curling into a smile without leaving Clark’s.
Awwwwww!
Lois watched as his gaze swept slowly around the apartment. When his eyes met hers again, she felt her breath catch.
“I thought I’d never see this place again,” he said, his voice low and reverent. “Thank you.”
Awwwwww!!
his shampoo to wash her hair, and her heart clenched at the familiar smell of it. Suddenly she couldn’t stand to be away from him, even long enough to shower.
GAH!! Love this detail!
“Well, we’re thrilled,” Martha said, and Lois could hear the sincerity in her voice. “You’re like family. We always hoped you two would find your way.”
Awwwwww <3
She looked up at him as she sat back, and smiled when she saw his head lolled back against the sofa, eyes closed, his breathing shallow and steady. She stroked his cheek and whispered his name, but he didn’t stir.
LOL aww he still falls asleep at the end. <g>