That was very short, but very sad, very poignant.
I felt the broken heart of Clark.

You definitely have to write more.You made me curious to know why Lois ran away, what is that she have to tell Clark and how they will be back together, because that can't ends like that. You have to find a way for Lois to come back.

More, please.

This is very short but a great start.

Poor Clark! I hope you decide to continue this.

Tricia

It's a bit short to get more than a sense of emotional atmosphere, but you've created that quite well, I think. However, the previous two posters felt only Clark's anguish but not Lois's pain. Now that may be all you intended, but if not, you may want to tweak the first paragraph in order to pull the reader into Lois's despair as well.

A grammar point: your first couple of sentences use the present tense and then you switch to the past tense.

good luck with your writing.

c

Yes, I'd agree with Carol, Bgirl. Very nice start, and you write Clark's emotional anguish well. As she suggests, you can beef up Lois's sense of despair too.

I noticed the tense switches as well - fanfic should normally be written in the past tense, and in any case you shouldn't switch tenses. So convert those present-tense sentences - there are some in both sections - to past tense and you'll be fine.

This is a good start, but it's somewhat short. You'll notice that most people post about five or six times that amount, so that's what we're used to here. Give us more next time, and you'll get more comments.

Congratulations on starting your first fic!


Wendy

Congrats on your first try at fanfic. I think you did great! I'm very interested in where this is going. I hope you decide to continue.

Jackie

Hi,

Sad but beautiful!

Hi!

I hope you intend to follow this up!

A nice little germ of an idea. Next step would be to figure out what happened to cause Lois to feel this way. After that's done you can start working on how to help her resolve her feelings and return. During both of these segments I mention emphasis should be on Lois' point of view; she's the one with the 'conflict' in this particular plot.

I didn't really notice a discrepancy between the poignancy of your description of Lois' feelings and that of Clark's, but I shall yield to the majority on that. I think you've got a very good start, and I hope you can find a way to bring it to completion.

Ditto! Laura

Looks very promising.

I hope you continue this. I'll be here reading, that's for sure.

Now you gotta finish!

Thanks for your input everyone! I didn't want to post too much just in case I was really horrible at fanfic But, since it seems to be going okay..........I will write more! I'm not promising it will be fast, but someday I'll finish it, and it will be a LOT longer! Thanks again (my english professor tells me about that tense thing all the time too...guess I have a problem with it lol...calling all betas...teehee)

I enjoyed it. I felt so sad by the end, though Clark's POV was the one that pulled me into my "awwww " conclusion.

I'm just going to say - dido to the above....but I shall repeat one part.

MORE!



Oh, and also. Clark is such a lunkhead.

Don't keep us hanging!! Great and very emotional start!!

--Wanda ("I heart angst") Detroit.