FDK: Mea culpa 1/3 - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Quote

No, her life had ended anyway the second Clark’s life was over. It didn’t matter if she would end in prison, on death row, or if she was lynched by a mob. Her body might be alive but her soul had died.

Without Clark she was merely existing.

She was completely caught up in her despair never noticing a movement nearby.

Oh, is Clark alive? Please let him be alive! Poor Lois. Oh, Poor Clark. Of course Luthor was behind it all.

By the time I got to the end, I had forgotten that this was just part 1. I was expecting her to just lay down and not get up or for someone to sneak up on her and shoot her or something, then end abruptly on a wham. I'm relieved that there's more time to resolve the story.

It's kind of heartbreaking to see Lois slowly remember what happened, then finally remember that it's Clark who she shot. I like the way you have remixed the amnesia arc to have Lois (attempt to?) assassinate Superman.

There are several spots throughout the story where you have left out spaces in between words and in between sentences. You should do a quick read-through to fix those for readability.

After a long absence I come back and almost run away from what appears to be a deathfic...

But then I remembered that this is a 3 part story, so it has to be more to this than just Lois remembering what happened.

Quote

She was completely caught up in her despair never noticing a movement nearby.

Who is it? H. G. Wells? Oh, let it be him! It has to be fixed!

Andreia

Quite the cliffhanger you've left us with! Good thing there are two more parts left. There's no way Lois could ever forgive herself if she had killed Superman!

Posted by folc4evernaday

Quote

Poor Lois. Oh, Poor Clark. Of course Luthor was behind it all.

Yes, Lex is very evil.

Posted by mrsMxyzptlk

Quote

By the time I got to the end, I had forgotten that this was just part 1. I was expecting her to just lay down and not get up or for someone to sneak up on her and shoot her or something, then end abruptly on a wham. I'm relieved that there's more time to resolve the story.

Does that mean I had you completely tied up?

Lois is a strong woman, I think the thought of what Clark would want would stop Lois from ending her life, at least for a while.

Quote

There are several spots throughout the story where you have left out spaces in between words and in between sentences. You should do a quick read-through to fix those for readability.

I have no idea how the spaces got lost. I have reread the whole thing several times and I was sure I found all spots perhaps I forgot so save the document while working on it...

I think/hope I have found everything now.

Posted by Ultra Woman

Quote

Who is it? H. G. Wells? Oh, let it be him! It has to be fixed!

No it isn't H.G. Wells...

Posted by groobie

Quote

Quite the cliffhanger you've left us with! Good thing there are two more parts left. There's no way Lois could ever forgive herself if she had killed Superman!

No Lois wouldn't forgive herself, even if she wasn't responsible.

Thank you all for the feedback. The next part will be up in about 10 hours I think. I'll reread it again when I got some hours sleep and some breakfast.