Don't have much time this morning, so this comment is way too brief
BUT
was so impressed by this! Great writing and a Lois who seems so "Lois".



c

Wow, Susan - this was great!

So great, in fact, that Carol made two threads

I can't wait for the next part to be up.

Really loved this line:

The lead up was great too...

Breeze... Splash... Fire... Tornado... Flood... Volcano... Lois.

And I gotta say... I *love* the way Lois delivered her message! Very clever

Can't wait for more,

Dave

LOL! I LOVED the pound of Camembert!

Great start! I'm really looking forward to more.

Irene

Ooh, this is good!

Excellent beginning, very good characterization, and I love your phrasing!

I liked that so much I read it out loud <g>

<g> but I think you wanted "cheesiest" there... either that or "most cheesy"

Wonderfully vivid images!

Very logical progression here, from her being angry, to hurt, to finally jump-starting her brain.

And the cheese shipment...

So, good plotting, great phrasing, terrific humor -- I cannot wait to see the rest of this, Susan.

The only thing I'd change, really, would be the line about actresses in Bally's commercials. When I'm reading about Lois, I don't want to be distracted by Teri <g> But that may just be me

PJ

I like

Nicely set up.

Tank (who almost feels sorry for Clark... almost)

A package of stinking camembert cheese! Very clever, Lois!

And the levels of anger that Lois felt....of Biblical Proportions!

This is going to be a fun-filled and clever revelation.

gerry

Hey, welcome, Susan! And what an introduction! Loved it.

Okay, so when are you posting part 2??? (You'll learn soon enough that we're an impatient lot around here )


Wendy

Susan, great start! I'll be following this story with interest. I loved your descriptions of Lois's anger and her realisation as to why she hadn't cared about the lame excuses before. Most of all, though, I loved the shipment Clark received at the end.

The Bally's gym thing didn't disturb me, but that's because I didn't get the joke. I'm an oversea's folk who doesn't, in any case, watch much television. I think, though, that if I had understood that this was a Teri reference, I would have found it distracting.

Thanks for making me laugh.

Chris

First of all, welcome!

Very clever start! I love stories where Lois calls Clark out on his stupid excuses.

The gym thing also escaped me, but I don't watch much tv.

Right back at ya.

Great start
Jen

Hi,

Great start.

:rolleyes: He is dead.


Love it!

Something Stinks!LOL Love it. Laura

I like this alot. What a great idea! Loved the cheese shipment & not attached. Go Lois! But bad for Clark.

Caryn

Thank you all so much for your speedy and positive feedback! I’m overwhelmed by your kind words and hope the rest of my story lives up to your expectations.

Pam wrote:

__________________________________________________________________________
<g> but I think you wanted "cheesiest" there... either that or "most cheesy"
___________________________________________________________________

Thanks for catching that. It’s funny how many times I’ve read this, convinced that I typed “cheesiest,” but it was actually never there! I’ve fixed that error.

and also:
_______________________________________________________________________
The only thing I'd change, really, would be the line about actresses in Bally's commercials. When I'm reading about Lois, I don't want to be distracted by Teri <g> But that may just be me
___________________________________________________________________

That line shows you just how long a few pieces of this story have been languishing on my hard drive! I think you and Krissie are right about that point. I’ll make an adjustment to this and remove the reference to Bally’s.


Maria wrote:
___________________________________________________________________
Was this Lois idea of warning the rat that she thinks Clark is?
___________________________________________________________________

Be on the look out for a direct quote to that effect in a later part. I love that you caught that!

Irene wrote:
_________________________________
LOL! I LOVED the pound of Camembert!
_________________________________

and Laura wrote:
_________________________
Something Stinks!LOL Love it.
_________________________

The phrase “something stinks” and the idea of an actual shipment of cheese prompted this story to form in my head. But then I thought, what would happen if the worst excuse from the entire show had occurred at the worst possible time for their building relationship? I’m glad everyone’s enjoying it so far!

Susan Young
groobie@charter.net

But Susan... You never said when part 2 would be posted!!!

Irene

Yes, she did! In the story part: Cool start, Susan! Can't wait to see where you go with it.

Bethy

Susan

WOW, an excellent start!

Tricia

Dear Susan,

From one cub reporter to another, well done on part 1. You've got a lot more courange than me.

I look forward to parts 2 onwards.

To misquote something I'm watching on TV, "don't stop ... carry on!"

Regards,

SNL

Nice! I live for Mad Dog Lane and more to this story...so give give!

~Lois Lane Wanna Be (who tends to be one of the impaitent readers that Wendy described )

LOL! Brilliant idea for Lois's revenge - boy, how Clark must be regretting his lame choice of excuse - and absolutely perfect last line. My other favourite line was 'gingerly balanced between love and hate' - delightful choice of words.

More!

Yvonne

MDL

Oh my goodness! This is awesome!

The whole level of anger description, cheese talk . . . I love those descriptions.

I must read the rest!
(off to read)

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!