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Posted By: Morgana FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/13/13 03:17 AM
As mentioned previously the ending originally written for this story was (to me and a couple of others) flat.

So this time we see just a wee bit more... smile1

Comments?
Posted By: Annie B. Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/13/13 02:56 PM
I love it! This expansion really enhanced the story.

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“Lois Lane is no one’s prize. She’s an intelligent, loving woman, to be respected and treasured - not a possession to be put on display like a trophy.” He took in a deep breath, gently squeezed her hand and continued. She’s the woman I love who I hope one day will accept me as her husband.”
Yes!

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“I will marry you Clark Jerome Kent.”
smile1
I like this revision, especially Clark's response to Luthor's objectifying of Lois. One note, I think you are missing a quotation mark there though.

I like the ending a lot. I was expecting it when they went in the elevator. No way was he actually going to easily get past the crazy media.
Posted By: LMA Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/13/13 11:28 PM
Wow--I loved this story thumbsup .

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“*Mrs.* Lois Lane-Kent.” The names fit together like perfectly preserved pages in a love letter, scented faintly of red roses, its heady bouquet making even the most tentative of lovers blush. This last name was a perfect fit, this name meant warmth, laughter and a great deal more. Clark, with all his maddening Midwestern quirks was her best friend, partner and everything else in between. He understood her as no one else before. Putting up with Mad Dog Lane moods, chocolate and caffeine propelled investigations and hair rising, sometimes heart stopping schemes.
Loved this! Very heart-warming, and seemed to capture where Lois' emotions really were...

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Lord knows, Clark was a handsome man.
wave I'll definitely agree with her here.

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She studied the man before her, his lips parted, however no words ushered forth, too overcome with emotions; he was seeing the woman he cherished with all his heart and soul adorned in a wedding dress … a wedding dress she was wearing for *another* man. He took one firm step and then another as he came closer and looked down at her. With infinite care, like he was touching a precious, fragile gem, his hand cupped her cheek and he whispered with that familiar sexy rumble, “Lois, I had to come. We’ve said some pretty harsh words to each other over the past few months…”

Lois placed a small trembling hand over his larger one and then entwined her slender fingers with his. The reassuring familiarity and warmth gave her courage to answer. Her fine brown eyes filled with pain, sadness and shame for realizing too late just what this man meant to her. “Fighting over this situation was wrong. I … I’ve missed you so much.”

“So have I. Lois, I came to say…”

Her voice sounded so small and young, “Yes?”

“Please, don’t do this to yourself … to me … to us.” He whispered and then, at the last, his voice broke and the transformation of warrior king into a young prince was complete. He stood entreating one last time for the hand of his lady.

Tears sprang afresh to her eyes and suddenly she didn’t care about the make-up or the designer’s lacy confection of a wedding gown. All she wanted was to be held by the man before her. Words, so many words, kept shuttling about in her mind. All of them useless, empty and pale in comparison to the three words this tender, loving man so richly deserved to hear.
Gotta confess--I read this part at least three times in a row--just beautiful blush . Loved it--don't know how else to articulate how moving it was clap

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The strong, clean masculine scent of his cologne which always reminded her of fresh cut wood and wide open blue skies, enveloped her at the same time as his strong arms. At last, the uncertainty and sadness vanquished from her once aching heart. The long denied words emerged, joyous and clear, “Clark, I love you!”
Looking up at Clark, she knew these words had touched him, like a nurturing balm to his soul. He was shedding tears now, tears of profound relief and rejoicing. What was he thinking? She prayed those simple words had given all the dreams of his life substance and form. Now they had *hope*.
Please substitute what was just commented previously and put it here also--GREAT! So much feeling here btw them...

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But for once, prudence and convention were cast aside; as he leaned down and tenderly brushed his lips to hers. The kiss held love and deep, abiding ardor, her heart jumped and she felt a happy trill of desire. *Definitely* not the innocent kiss of a friend, but the kiss of a man wishing for a deeper, richer relationship, one of an intimate natu
Great Kiss=Me dance .

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“Lois Lane is no one’s prize. She’s an intelligent, loving woman, to be respected and treasured - not a possession to be put on display like a trophy.” He took in a deep breath, gently squeezed her hand and continued. She’s the woman I love who I hope one day will accept me as her husband.”

“I will marry you Clark Jerome Kent.”
Clark standing up to Lex+Great Foreshadowing=Me dance (again!).

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Releasing her hands and backing to the center of the roof never taking his eyes off of her, he removed his glasses and his lips turned into a sheepish, almost frightened smile. Suddenly he began to move, spin at an impossible speed and suddenly stop.

Lois’ eyes grew wide, than a tiny gasp of surprise escaped her throat, taking in the sight of the man before her and realized she had indeed been saved by a warrior king…
Awesome ending! The perfect way to end it, really...Great!

Really enjoyed your story--thanks so much smile !

Laura
Posted By: Morgana Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/15/13 04:49 AM
AnnieB:

It seems a lot of people liked that particular line. It took the help of all my betas to put that one together!

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Happiest. Revelation. Ever.
What a nice thing to say! It was fun to write a situation where Lois was completely taken aback by Clark's actions. After all the things that had happened to her that day, what's one more log on the fire?

John Lambert:

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I like the ending a lot. I was expecting it when they went in the elevator. No way was he actually going to easily get past the crazy media.
Yeah, the media are like a bunch of locust when they are closing in on a juicy story! Since Lex didn't jump, all the excitement would be inside the building, not outside.

LMA:

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Wow--I loved this story [Hyper] . I didn't get a chance to read the original version, so can not compare the two, but I REALLY enjoyed reading this story tonight! LOL--Originally I sat down with a snack to enjoy while reading this, and snack was completely forgotten about, I was so enthralled--until now, that is [Clap]
Well my dear, I really enjoyed reading your comments! Someone once said that feedback is love and reading these comments from yourself and the others was very gratifying indeed! It validates all the quiet hours of writing and re-writing a particular scene or description.

It simply made more sense to me for Clark to go directly to Lois and declare his love for her before she exchanged vows with Luthor.

In this fic Superman is never mentioned, not even in the final scene. That was intentional, the relationship is between Lois Lane and Clark Kent, not a man flying around in tights.

Oh yes, one last point. The term warrior king has caused a few PM/e-mail comments. During the entire Zara/Ching arch Clark was forced to change from innocent human to First Lord of a struggling world. Seeing him in the black garb of First Lord I realized Clark's nobility never got the full recognition it deserved. So he had to take on the persona of a warrior king in order to win the woman he loved.

Besides ... he looked so hot in that black jumpsuit! wink
I loved this story the first time round. I was completely taken by the image of Clark striding into Lois' room and acting all 'knight in shining armour'.

I love the update, and the ending. Especially that you get in another reference to Warrior King.

*swoons at the fantasy in her head*

Thanks for the mention, although I didn't really do much except suggest the elevator. smile
I missed the first version so I can't compare them, but I liked this WAAAAAY better than the kryptonite cage.

I guess it comes down to whether Clark is more concerned about catching Luthor and going as Superman or stopping the wedding, hoping for something more and going as Clark. He'd agonize about the decision plenty later, whether Lex got away or jumped, but I can't see him leaving Lois at the altar in any circumstance. Clark would choose Lois over Luthor every time.

I did see Mad Dog's eyes flash momentarily at Clark when he said that "Lois Lane is no one's prize" but they softened as he continued.

Thanks for the great story!
I don't remember seeing the original post of this story, but this version was fantastic!

No Kryptonite cage! smile1

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Lex Luthor’s wealth and status deemed his wife wear such a ring. Was it a foreboding symbol of their pending marriage?
Yes! Yes! And again, YES!

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Yesterday, during the rehearsal dinner, Lex had kissed her hand and called her beautiful. Sadly she didn’t feel that way; he had fixed her with the gaze of a hunter keenly studying its prey. No doubt in eager anticipation of their wedding night.
help Ew…

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Instead of the perfectly composed Ellen Lane, standing before her wearing a black polo shirt and charcoal pants and looking better to her than if he were sporting a hand-tailored Armani tuxedo, was the only person she truly wanted to see right then…Clark!
Yay! hyper What a perfect way to contrast Clark and Luthor.

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“Oh no Clark, letting that … that snake oil salesman near me was a mistake. From now on it’s *us*, as a couple, the way we were supposed to be. Starting right now ...”
*happy sigh* Now if only Luthor stays dead long enough for them to actually get married. No clones need apply.

Great story. Thanks for sharing!!
Posted By: Morgana Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/18/13 08:17 PM
Katherine Kent:

Feedback! I didn't think an expanded version of a story already posted would generate so much good stuff! wave
Posted By: KenJ Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/18/13 09:01 PM
Hi Morgana,

As you well know, I don't usually leave FDK on a story that I helped with, but I do make the occasional exception.

I just wanted to thank you for letting me have a part in helping with this story. It is always fun working with you and this story was no exception.

Go girl!
Posted By: Morgana Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 11/23/13 06:13 AM
KenJ

Working with you is always fun! dance

Just think, we still have a few more stories on my hard drive to complete. Now that will be a cause for celebration!
What a great story! I loved so much of the imagery throughout the entire piece; the poetic language just flowed all the the way! I love the idea of Clark coming to the wedding himself and seeing her beforehand -- good thing they were a bit faster with the evidence in this universe!

Such gorgeous wording -- here are a few of my favorites:

"The power emanating from him struck her almost like a physical thing; this power was comfortingly familiar, yet strangely frightening."

"The visage of warrior king held for a moment, but was fast melting away like the morning mist, to be replaced by a gentle prince."

And I loved the paragraph about Lois-the-treasured-possession melting away to become Lois-Lane-The-Reporter -- very powerful! And wow, when Clark decides to put it all on the line, he reveals everything, doesn't he? smile I sure hope she took it well!

Wonderful story and beautifully done!
Posted By: Morgana Re: FDK: Countermeasures - Expanded Version - 03/22/14 01:24 PM
Thanks! Glad you read this! It was a very fun story to write, almost, but not quite like a fairy tale. There were several people who mentioned the Warrior King.
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