FDK: Beneath the Surface (2/14) - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Feedback here please.

And the intrigue grows! What is Dr. Goldberg doing to those kids? I look forward to finding out.

And now there's Linda King. Poor Lois is not having a good day.

Ah, the plot does thickens below are my thoughts and comments:

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Unfortunately, Clark wasn’t having any more luck with them either and using his telescopic vision was of no help. From this angle inside the Jeep, he was only zooming in on their backsides, and teens in jeans and hoodies all looked the same. “No, they’re all facing the wrong way to catch a glimpse at any of their faces from this position. We should move closer to see what’s really going on in there.”

Kids didn't wear hoodies in the early ninties. They wore shirts tied at the waist. Yes, even athletes in school. Hoodies did not make the fashion scene big time until the early 2000's.

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“I don’t see why not. Just remember to take it easy until then. The injections…”

Lo-is! Couldn't you have waited a minute or two? What makes you think Clark fell asleep?

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“Maybe.” Clark paused to consider a new plan for tonight. “How about we give him another hour and if he’s not gone by then, we’ll come back tomorrow to get a sample? Perhaps earlier in the night before he returns. It looks like the samples are all being stored in the large freezer over there against the wall. Hopefully, they’re still in there tomorrow. Plus, I think we need to get some supplies before we come back.”

“Supplies?” Lois wondered.

“If we take the whole sample he’s probably going to notice,” he reminded her. “We should find out what supplies we need for extracting and storing a partial sample, and we’ll need to find someone we trust to analyze it.”

I'm not a big fan of breaking and entering, but if Lois and Clark are going to do this, than they need to be equipped for the job. Which in this particular case, means bringing the right supplies to the party.

Ah, Why not get Bernie to analyze the sample? If you can't trust him, than you are both in big trouble!

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“Spare me the Smallville pep talk. I wasn’t just scooped; a hideous part of my past just reared its ugly head,” Lois fumed.

So why didn't she ask him where he was?

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Lois rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Clark. I’ll play nice, for now. We should get back to work and not waste any more time on Linda King. We’ve got a few hours left, and you never did get a chance to tell me what happened at STAR Labs,” she said, grabbing his arm and practically dragging him up the stairs.

Clark smiled as she hauled him up to the newsroom. He loved the idea of Lois’s jealousy, making her extra possessive of him. It was rare occurrence.

Linda King is back in town and on Lois' case. Not good. She's making eyes at Clark, DEFINITELY not good! Your writing style is fresh and straight forward. I can easily 'hear' Lois and Clark. Perry's southern accent is not that far behind. To see an established story (The Rival) given an additional layer is going to be fun to read.

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Originally posted by Morgana:
Kids didn't wear hoodies in the early ninties. They wore shirts tied at the waist. Yes, even athletes in school. Hoodies did not make the fashion scene big time until the early 2000's.

I'm going to have to disagree. Like Superman, Hoodies have been around since the 1930s. Hoodies have been popular with athletes since Sly Stallone wore one in "Rocky" in the 1970s. In the 80s and 90s, it also got picked up by the skateboarding crowd. In the cool middle-of-the-night air of February / March, even teenage boys would wearing them as they should to keep warm, instead of tied around their waist.

I love a good A-Plot with inter-weaved B-Plot, and this is a good one, which builds slowly to an exciting climax. /

The spoilage police are dragging me off before I say anymore./ Nan, you've got new competition with chickberry.

I love it when Lois gets jealous and possessive over Clark.

Not idea what the doctor is doing. But it is something fishy.

Andreia