Lois & Clark Forums
Posted By: Female Hawk FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 05:41 AM
This is for you, Alisha. smile

I'm not sure if it's *exactly* what you had in mind, but I hope you enjoy it.

I'll include Alisha's prompts at the end of part 3.

Thanks!

Corrina.
Posted By: mozartmaid Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 06:17 AM
Ooh! This is fun! I like your Lois' voice -- lots of little deadpan comments that are really funny. I didn't expect the turn in drama at the end of the part with Henderson's daughter on the line! Obviously Clark is going to have to get out of there somehow -- anyway, looking forward to the next part!
Posted By: DW Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 06:55 AM
Ooh, this is great! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and I LOVE your Lois! and her interaction with the greenest greenhorn. smile1

smile
Posted By: scifiJoan Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 08:36 AM
Great start! You do a great job with Lois' thoughts and you've created an intriguing situation.

Joan
Posted By: EmilyC Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 08:41 AM
Excellent start! I was as anxious as Clark to see him shake Lois and unleash Superman. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. How long do we have to wait until the next part? wink
Posted By: Framework4 Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 09:18 AM
Very interesting start. Looking forward to more.


My remarks below are about a truly minor point and are not to be considered as criticism of the story.

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"Henderson called," Perry says. "He's really worried. He said that if there is a hint of a confrontation tonight, the police are going to consider putting the city into lockdown."
I have a question, what do you mean by a "lockdown"? I'm in the USA and the term is not in common usage, at least in Oregon, and what it sounds like...
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"Anyway," I say airily, "everyone knows that lockdowns don't apply to emergency services."
is the Police imposing some sort of city wide curfew and applying the curfew to adults.

If so for readers in the USA a paragraph of background might be useful as currently such a curfew can't be imposed except by the federal Government and then only under very limited circumstances. And while the Metropolis of L&C is not in our universe it is normally treated as if it were a part of the USA.
Posted By: KathyB Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 09:58 AM
When you said that you were putting TMTY on hold while you posted your ficathon story, my response was something akin to this: smile1 smile1 smile1

A very nice intro to the story. I love how Clark is standing up to Lois in his quiet, low-key way, and her shock at realizing he's not the least bit afraid of her. The set up definitely raises the stakes for both of them -- not only does Lois have a burning need to get the story, but Clark needs to get out there to be Superman. It would be easy for Clark to just leave Lois after extracting a promise that they both know is false, but after just two weeks, he's already putting her safety above his own needs.

Looking forward to part 2! (Even if I'm twitching over wanting part 12 of TMTY at the same time. wink )

Kathy
Posted By: Alisha Knight Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 11:10 AM
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Originally posted by Female Hawk:
This is for you, Alisha. smile

I'm not sure if it's *exactly* what you had in mind, but I hope you enjoy it.
I didn't really have much in mind when I filled out my requests, I just threw together a couple of little ideas that I thought would make a good story. So far you've done a really great job, I very much enjoyed this part and am eagerly looking forward to the rest! thumbsup

- Alisha
Posted By: Lara Joelle Kent Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 12:26 PM
Wow. Just wow. I can't wait to see what happens next. The intro implies that Lois knows about Clark's big secret, but maybe I'm reading it wrong? Anyway, great story, and probably the best A-plots since - well, I dunno. But I think it has to be a big name in the fandom. laugh
Posted By: Laurach Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 08:43 PM
Oh I've fallen in love with Clark all over again. Lois is quintessential Lois! Love it so far. Laura
Posted By: AntiKryptonite Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 08:53 PM
I'm very intrigued by this story and the differences between it and the Pilot. Who would have thought that changing something as simple as one decision--to partner them together--could have so many different effects?

Lois sounds exactly like her with so many funny lines and thoughts that I laughed all the way up until the last couple paragraphs. The way she always has a plan--but a very vague one in terms of details--was perfect.

I really like the way we're seeing Clark through her eyes, though we have the advantage in that we know his secret. I absolutely love her thoughts as she hears him turning her down without insulting her and realizes that he just isn't afraid of her.

What's very interesting is how the interactions between Lois and Superman will play out. She's obviously fallen for the superhero as she did last time, but without (maybe?) the love at first sight from Clark, this could be quite different.

I'm definitely enjoying this and looking forward to seeing where it goes.
Posted By: EvelynC Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/01/11 09:34 PM
Definitely enjoying this! At least if we have to wait on TMTY, we are getting a great prize in its place!!! Great job so far; can't wait to see exactly where you take this and us and how you get there. smile1
Posted By: bellarase Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/02/11 12:04 AM
I am seriously in awe of your writing talents! Wow!

your Lois is hilarious - love her!

Cannot wait until part 3!
Posted By: Female Hawk Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/02/11 05:51 AM
MozartMaid

Quote
lots of little deadpan comments that are really funny.
Thanks. I didn't set out to write something funny, but I was a bit cornered by Alisha's requests wink

DW Initially, this was going to be a 1 parter. Then I started writing and realised it was getting really big, and I needed somewhere to put a chapter break. So - the dramatic ending wasn't really planned!

Joan

The intriguing situation is due to Alisha's requests!

Emily

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How long do we have to wait until the next part?
I had planned to post daily, but today I got engrossed in writing TMTY. Hopefully part 2 lunchtime tomorrow (Oz time.)

Framework Good point. I'm sure that somewhere (fanfic, TV show, book), I read about the concept of locking down a city (or part of a city.)

It is more realistic that it would be just a few streets, rather than a large area. I didn't actually explain that - I probably should have.

I was thinking lockdown = a police-imposed clearing of the streets.

Thanks - I'll try to make it clearer before it goes to the archive.

Kathy I've always enjoyed Lois realising that Clark is so much more than she figured. laugh

Alisha I'm so glad you enjoyed the first part. My initial reaction to your requests was smile1

Corrina.
Posted By: Darth Michael Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/02/11 12:12 PM
Okay, maybe it's because I read it after another day at work, but still... that's my reaction:

jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop
hail hail hail hail hail

It's just... perfect. It's funny and strong and Lois and Clark and... well, I'm out of emotiocons because of the 15 emo limit, so. wow.

Michael
Posted By: Classicalla Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/06/11 04:22 AM
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When something finally penetrates that torpid country mind, he can move quickly -
I’m always amazed at how city folks - including Lois in this story - assume us country “bumpkins” are idiots. I’m very reminded of Survivor and how Russell thinks Ralph is an idiot and I’m betting Ralph just might win the game. (And Russell was the one that got voted off - not Ralph.) Okay, I’m off my soapbox and back on track...


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And the wail of the lockdown siren pierces my ears and shatters my carefully laid plans.
Is there actually such a thing? It kind of sounds like a good idea, but I can see panic arising. I remember when I was little that curfew sirens went off reminding folks under 18 (or maybe it was 21 then) that they couldn’t be on the streets anymore. Oh, I see that you posted the answer above. Considering what I just said about curfew, it's not really such a stretch as to think of a lock down. I live near several chemical plants and we have sirens that announce spills. (Fortunately, we've never had one dangerous enough to kill, but once, years ago, when I lived elsewhere, my parents had to leave in the middle of the night because the area was evacuated.)

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"Clark?" I say, draping my tone in blatant invitation.
I love how vivid you’ve made this.


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Its rancid aroma assaults my nostrils, and my examination explains why. It has solidified.
Oh, my Lois, just how long has that milk been in there?


I loved Lois' realization that Clark isn't afraid of her.


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With a mighty effort, he gathers himself. He wipes his eyes. He looks into the camera. "Please," he begs shakily. "The Deathblades have my daughter. They have Maddy. She's only five years old. They say they will kill her at ten o'clock unless I take all the cops off the streets. If I do that, many people will die. If I don't, m...my daughter will die."
Ah-oh!
Posted By: Female Hawk Re: FDK - With a Source (1/3) - 03/06/11 08:09 PM
Michael Glad you liked it, Michael. I had fun writing it.

Classicalla I'm a country person at heart, and I also grate a little at city attitudes. However, it does work the other way, too. Lois would be out of her depth in Smallville.

I can answer the lockdown question more fully now that Alisha's requests have been posted. I needed LnC 'trapped' which wasn't easy because how do you trap Superman? With K, I guess, but it's early in the show, so Lois doesn't know the secret. Therefore, I fell back on Clark's aversion to breaking rules.

Thanks to both of you for leaving FDK!!

Corrina.
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