Feedback goes here.

I do hope someone else will try these opening lines with another character. They could fit just about anyone. We could have an entire Cold and Blood collection.

YAY! You posted!

We did have a title challenge once... Something about Heart... Shape of my Heart or something like that - iirc ChiefPam wrote one of them...

I loved this! So wonderfully difficult to figure out who it was - I even guessed Wanda and Lex at one point!

Awesome!

Carol [who goes back to outlining Ch. 3... :p ]

Wow! What a great story! I was assuming it was Superman and Lois - but the last line was the kicker.

So well done.

I wondered if there was an alt-Clark in there somewhere. I was so sure that it was Lois and Superman. I couldn't think of who Lois would value over herself and Clark.

Brava. It was chillingly poignant.


Elisabeth

great story - i was confused at first when i thought it was lois and clark, but i realized before the end it must've been someone else.

poignant and wonderfully written.
so happy you posted!

Very nice. I think the confusion was intentional. It was a nice twist. Keep up the good work.

Very good story. I thought it was Lois and Clark though the whole thing. I thought they were talking about their son. It wasn't until the very end that I realized it was Jor-El and Lara.

Clever twist to a well-done vignette.
At the end we see the reason why the woman couldn't be rescued along with the child which was the 'confusion' if this had indeed been Lois and Superman as we were led to assume.

Two small nits that you might want to address. First you might want to clarify that all that has been written by Laura is because she is a historian once you've made the reveal. Because, as you mention in your notes, Laura's 'profession' isn't necessarily a given in cannon, or fannon. The other, is the reference to the 'S' emblem. Of course, JorEl does wear it, but on Krypton it's not an 'S', it's the crest of the House of El which happens to look like an earth english 'S'.

Tank (who, like everyone else, let himself be led to believe it was Lois and Superman even though he was looking for a twist)

A very nicely written vignette. I love it when the subjects of the piece aren't obvious until the end and you did this very well. I don't know what tipped me off, but I had a niggle that this might be about Lara and Jor-El. However, the similarities between the way Lara viewed Jor-El's strength, his life's work and his family crest and the way Lois views Superman were well done.

Love the reference to Martha and the emotions of love and jealousy that were abhorrent to Kryptonians. I always suspected that their dedication to logic and duty were all a cover.

Thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback. I'm glad it worked.

Tank, I do think I'll change the reference to the crest when/if this goes to the archive. I'm not sure whether Lois would refer to it by the House of El name (and I am trying to lead the gentle readers astray), so I'm thinking maybe just a reference to the famous crest without the 'S' would work.

I can see where Lara's profession is a bit confusing, but since the reveal isn't until the last line, I'm not sure there's anything to be done. It's got to end at the punch-line I think.

Thanks again for all the kind words, everyone!

Be sure to hop over to the challenge thread and read BJ's brilliant drabble with the same opening lines.

that was too cool! I was trying to figure out the premise right to the end... to the very last sentence... alternate universe? clark/lois saving their child? superman somehow saving clark? what? who? very nicely done

Very touching story. I also thought it was Lois until almost the very end. I think the flash of the blonde woman was the giveaway for me, but the pathos infused in this piece overwhelmed my capacity for reason. Beautiful and very evocative. These are the kinds of feelings I wish I could write half as well as you do.

Very nicely done. Your misdirection worked with me, though I kept thinking *something* was off and was looking for the twist. The "blond woman" comment definitely got me thinking this couldn't be about L&C, but I did not see Lara and Jor-El until the final line. And then I immediately scrolled back up to read it again, enjoying reading it again in the proper light.

(And btw, when I did think it was L&C, I was all ready to stomp into the feedback thread and demand that you change your screen name. *g* I should never have doubted you. )

I think the most powerful part of the 2nd read for me was Lara jealously over Martha. We all love Martha and know that she's the best mom that Clark could possibly have ... but of course his birth mother is not going to see it that way.

I also really like the idea that Lara and Jor-El had an L&C type love, and that Jor-El deliberately sent his son to Earth when NK was a possibility (this has always been part of my own personal canon.) The added idea that the colonists abandoned the El's on Krypton when they left, though ... wow. Definitely adds a new dimension to the NK story arc.

Great job!

More feedback! Thank you!

Terry, maybe it's a good thing that it's hard for you to write pathos. They say to write what you know. You know musicians, and I know giving babies up. Not that I'm complaining; it's part of the package and the rewards make up for it, but there is always a season of what I call 'voluntary heartache.'

Kathy, I'm glad that part touched you. One of the hardest parts of fostering, especially little babies, is walking into the first parental visit. Here sits a woman, usually weeping, who has lost costody of her child suddenly and probably recently. Here I come, a complete stranger, carrying her child. She doesn't know who I am, where I live, if I'm a good person, if I even care about her child, whether I am out to 'steal' her child from her. And she's determined to get this child back. At this point she probably thinks she has a good chance. What I know and she doesn't is that I do care, I don't want to steal her child, but the truth is that she probably won't be getting the child back. I have to do what Lara did and focus on the one thing that is my job: keeping that child safe and teaching him to love and be loved.

Thank you all again for your encouraging words.

There are more stories in the challenge thread. Take a peek!

Wow! You had me going for the whole story and I couldn't stop reading until I knew who was telling it. Was it the clone? An alternate version of Lois? I was wracking my brain trying to second guess you.

Thank you for entertaining me so completely and surprising me so delightfully at the end.