/me bites lip nervously

Not the story so much that bothers me as who it was and what she admitted about their relationship pre... revelation of who he really was.

Thoughts?

/me runs and hides

Carol

Well, that's a different take on Lex. And we know he's out of the picture. I can see why Lois is a bit gun-shy.

Nononononnonononononononononono nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Erm... What? Bad, Dan. Bad. Can he get beaten up a bit by Trask. Just a little instead of Clark? Please? Pretty please?

/takes a deep breath/
Okay. The prose was good. The rest... Well, suffice to say, I feel a bit

Cool!
I mean, sure her history sucks but excellent background information and Clark is very perceptive!

I can overlook Lex being her first, I will just ignore it. Bad Dan (which is good though).

Keep writing!

Natascha

Ooooo, that's how Lex fits in! I can't believe I'd forgotten about him, LOL. (Wishful thinking? )

I don't see anything in here to be nervous about. I actually like the spin on Lex.

Oh, and mad props to the Dairy Freeze hickeys, LOL!

Hi Carol

SO Lois likes them bad boy types, ya?The girl's a gangsta at heart.

Poor Lois, she can't escape troubled relationships in any universe.

Lois's story works for me - seems like you got all the right elements. Lex is nuts and Dan is a jerk: check and check.

Other than that, I can't wait to find out what happens next! (You'd think everyday posting would be enough for some people...)

Amber

/me peeks in nervously but doesn't see anything TOO bad...

Karen - depends I suppose. Any idea who his doctor is .

Michael - see my response to Kathy [I think] below re Lex. I'm not sure I got Dan across right. His thinking was that her reluctance to sleep with him was a symptom of something more wrong in their relationship - and he was right in a sense at least.

Natascha - see below.

Kathy - /whews as Kathy's okay with it/ Was worried about everyone, but you in particular for some reason . Is it the Dairy Freeze thing that was deleted? It's been YEARS since I've seen the non-extended version of the pilot [and I always based fic on the extended version too] so I'm not sure what's deleted and what's not - though if it's something in script but not in either version then... um yeah. That's exactly what I meant . Um, the pissing match is all your fault and that's all I'm saying about that .

HG - That's exactly what i was thinking - he's an early Lex. He's not as evil as the show - yet. I'll edit to make it clearer - I'm seeing him running around campus leading the police on a merry chase and that they were already closing in on him even before the call from Lois - maybe they already suspected him of what she did and more - forced ODs etc maybe. He 'rabbits' and ends up in a building with the bell tower on it and in the end decides that 'Lex Luthor will not live in a cage'. Yeah, Dan's not always the sharpest tool in the shed .

SJH - LOL!

Blue-ROMan - nope, not usually.

Amber - hehe. You'd think it would be wouldn't you?

More posted in a few...

Carol

Carol, the deleted scene I was referring to isn't in my copy of the Pilot script, darn it, so I can't quote it verbatim. But originally, I recall there was supposed to be more to the "I've got you all figured out" "Didn't take you very long" conversation when L&C are eating Chinese take-out in the newsroom. In the snip I recall seeing (an early script version?), Lois says something very much like what you have Clark say in this chapter -- describing what she thinks he was like as a younger man. It was something like, "You were the kid in the back of the classroom who knew all the answers, but never raised your hand. You read Jack Kerouac over and over, and always dreamed of going on the road yourself."

Fortunately, though, the Dairy Freeze line was in the show. From the Pilot, when Lois asks Clark to be her escort to Lex Luthor's ball:

Of course, the great thing about it was the parallel description just a year and a half later, when Clark asks Lois out in "The Phoenix":

Awwww.