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Posted By: BrightFeather Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 10/31/03 11:48 PM
No posting schedule on this one, either. Tomatoes go here.

Laura
Posted By: IreneD Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/01/03 04:27 AM
No tomatoes, Laura. This is brilliant, and it's certainly logical that Rachel's problems won't dissolve instantly with her adoption by LnC.

I see a bumpy, but ultimately liberating ride for young Rachel, and for our heroes.

Looking forward to more,
Irene
Posted By: lynnm Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/01/03 06:35 AM
Oh, my heart is breaking for this poor little girl! How awful to witness something so horrifying and not feel able to tell your parents about it.

I love this line:
Quote
“Rachel, you have two choices: you can either hold my hand, or you can hold on to the stroller.”
Exactly what I'm always saying to my daughter smile . You've really caught the way kids and parents interact. I also like the way you've captured the thought process going through Rachel's mind - how it really only makes sense to a kid but is still logiical by their reasoning.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this unravels. Hopefully with not too much pain for little Rachel.

Great Job!
Lynn
Posted By: daneel Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/01/03 12:33 PM
Poor Rachel wave
Posted By: mariadferdez. Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/01/03 01:25 PM
Hi,

Great start. thumbsup

Quote
Rachel curled herself into a tight ball, being careful not to disturb the greenery around her as the horrifying events played out in front of her. She desperately wanted to call for her daddy, but knew that the attacker would probably reach her to shut her up before her calls of, "Help, Superman" could reach his ears. She bit her lip; desperately holding back tears as the person finished, dug a hole, buried the rock, covered up the disturbed spot with leaves and other debris, and left the scene of the crime. She looked at the body of a small boy, and yanked on a strand of hair. She didn't know if he was dead or alive, but something about his silent form reminded her of the way her first mommy had looked at the funeral.
eek She still need to talk to her parent. The silent is going to make her feel worst.

Quote
"Ms. Lane, if Rachel doesn't want to come here, don't force it--we haven't been making much progress, and it's possible that we've gone as far as she'll let us with art therapy." Dr. Summers walked over to her desk and pulled out a business card. "I don't like to give up on my patients, Ms. Lane, but I can't help Rachel if she refuses to let me; and she hasn't been trying. Perhaps Dr. Jenkins can help her--he's the best child psychologist in Metropolis. I'll forward her case file to him tomorrow."
hyper
Posted By: Nqoire Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/01/03 03:08 PM
Laura,

Wonderful wonderful start. You've certainly caught the issues adopted children have to deal with and you've managed - with excellent taste- to once again bring in the problem of child abuse.

Nqoire (running off because her Muse just woke up)
Posted By: Jenni Debb Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/03/03 12:21 AM
Hi Laura,

This is a very good start. It's very realistic that Rachel will take a long time to heal from the wounds inflicted on her by her stepfather, and I like how you've captured her childhood logic.

What a shame that she's witnessed something so terrible, but it certainly sets up a very interesting A-plot for your readers.

I look forward to seeing where you take us. smile

Yours Jenni
Posted By: Hazel Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/03/03 11:46 AM
Laura, I'd looked forward to reading your next story, after I bowed out of Little Girl Lost due to subject matter. But it looks as if I'll have to sit this one out, too. whinging

I'm sure you realized, when you bravely chose to tackle a delicate topic, that your story wouldn't be for everyone. Good luck on this fic, Laura. I look forward to your next one. smile

Hazel
Posted By: merry Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/03/03 12:47 PM
Laura,
I ache for Rachel
please - not too much pain for her
merry
Posted By: BrightFeather Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/06/03 06:28 AM
Thank you Irene, Merri, Jenni, Lynn, Jose, Nqoire. Hazel, I'm sorry you feel that way. I forgot to say laugh this is for everyone who asked for "more about Rachel".

Laura
Posted By: SuperRoo Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/21/03 03:30 AM
Just wonderin'..... how's it goin'.

Oh I hope everything is going okay on the next installment.

I can hardly wait!
Posted By: Julie S Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/23/03 09:28 AM
I absolutely LOVED Little Girl Lost, and a sequal is only a great treat! More soon please. I find it interesting how LGL and IL both focus on the thoughts and feelings of another person besides Lois and Clark, yet it's great that L&C are not excluded.

Plus I've questioned myself a thousand times how Lois and Clark's life would look once they had children. Interesting to see this. Though if Lois quit her job it would be sad.

Julie
Posted By: BrightFeather Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 11/23/03 09:52 AM
Hey ya'll.

I'm afraid that I haven't gotten past the first scene of chapter two due to the fact that I've been too busy writing research papers and stories for my writing class to write fic. I've got another original story, a ten to fifteen page research paper, and exams to get finished with before I'll probably get enough breathing space to do some writing. Sorry about the delay, but with five classes, it happens sometimes. Maybe we'll get lucky and I'll get enough time during the holiday weekend between writing my paper, writing a new original story, and finishing my felting project for my textiles class to get some writing done.

Thanks for the interest.

Laura
Posted By: Loriel Eris Re: Innocence Lost 1--FDK - 02/04/04 02:15 AM
Laura,

Just read this. I'm so glad we get to see more of Rachel. I really enjoyed this first part, tho I am glad you said there'd be hapy ending. smile

Loriel
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