The narrator here, whose name we only know as TMWKTtRS - that's a mouthful, byt the way - started out his career as a burglar like this:

An old lady! With a cat! I don't like this guy, let me tell you! Somebody needs to teach him a lesson!

The most brightly colored spandex this guy had ever seen east of LA!!! Okay, let me tell you, that's what you get for breaking into Clark Kent's apartment!

Well, after two years in the slammer, Mr TMWKTtRS cacomes back to try to rob Clark Kent's apartment again. But, oh, uh...

Not only is he going to try to steal Clark Kent's things again, he is also interrupting his 'host' at a very private moment! I'll say!

But Superman is a fast dresser! He goes from wearing nothing to wearing boots, and presumably a cape, spandex suit, and little red shorts outside spandex suit, in probably less than ten seconds!

Well, after a much longer session in the slammer, Mr TMWKTtRS decided to visit Clark Kent's place of residence again, or maybe he accidentally stumbled on it in his quest for loot:

And Superman and Mr TMWKTtRS are really getting familiar, almost intimate, with each other! Last time Mr TMWKTtRS caught Superman making love, and this time, after Mr TMWKTtRS had stepped on a stuffed rabbit belonging to the fruit of one of Superman's lovemaking sessions, Superman now doesn't even bother to get dressed as he stops his well-known burglar, but prefers to take care of him wearing only boxers and a t-shirt. (You know, I'm glad he wore boxers for this occasion, and not briefs!)

And Mr TMWKTtRS is back in the slammer. He may as well tell his nephew to walk down the narrow path in life. After all, Mr TMWKTtRS is not all that likely to make a fortune out of his attempts to rob Superman, and to turn himself into the celebrity who is not just Mr TMWKTtRS, but rather "The Man Who Kept Trying to Rob Superman"! Ta-daaahhh! (At least Mr TMWKTtRS knows where Superman lives, and there might be some money in that!)

So funny, Mary!

Ann

Lol! This one is definitely on my Kerth list for Best Comedy next year. Talk about a thief with incredibly bad luck!

Nan

Now that's a genuine Queenie That's so hilarious. At first I thought it was Jack you were writing about, but I guess not. And he actually came back for more? Yep, he ain't very bright, huh? But the last part truly showed his lack of wattage. He recognized Superman but didn't realize that he found out his secret identity?

Michael

This was *so* funny. This poor sap just had to be the single unluckiest thief on the planet.

Maybe he could go into business. He can:
1. Contract to another thief.
2. Pick out a place to rob.
3. Since he knows that Superman will be *there* his client-thieves just get as far away from that place as possible.

But with his luck, they will decide to make their arrangment in the lobby of the Daily Planet.

Bob

LOL Very cute!

Rotten luck - but a bit careless of Clark.

I read this yesterday, but didn't have a chance to reply until today (and it's been eating at me: Must write Mary. Must write Mary...).

I, too, thought it was Jack at the beginning. And then I realized this might be the stupidest criminal alive. Not only does he unerringly pick the wrong place to burglarize each and every time, but he's not quite making the connection. Maybe he thinks Clark has hired Superman as his home security system?

A very fun read, Mary.

Oh, Mary, Mary, Mary...



I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud reading this. Absolutely priceless! You almost have to feel sorry for the poor schmuck.

I think my favourite lines were:

And:

Although there were many to choose from. I'm definitely making note to remember this come Kerth time.

Thanks for the laugh. Just what I needed after a morning visit to the dentist.

LabRat

This was a really great, really funny story!

Amber

<snork> Another great vignette!

I thought for sure you were gonna have your thief in jail for a very long time that last time...

...Long enough to be elderly, himself...

...And long enough to get out and decide to rob some "safe" elderly people...

...only to encounter a senior citizen Superman.

And I agree - low wattage, indeed. To know he was trying - repeatedly - to rob Superman, but not tumbling to the fact that he'd discovered a) Superman's address, and b) that Superman must have a secret identity.

Very entertaining!

I love your sense of humor. Hillarious, as always. I so thought that the narrator had figured out Superman's secret identity, though.


Elisabeth

Brilliant, simply brilliant.

James

Thanks, guys!!!

It feels good to be posting vignettes again. =D

Oh, I almost forgot to mention -- the story CarolM told me was about a man who tried to break into a Tae Kwan Do dojo while the owner was present. We had differing ideas of where that idea could lead to in terms of fic; I went with what was obvious to me. *g*

Yeah...If you like, my intention was to name him Harry. But then I decided to go with first person, and, you know, there isn't usually much occasion for a person to go around saying their own name. <_<

THANK YOU!

Bobbart: If he hadn't already sworn off crime by now, I would so make that the sequel. *g*

Glad to be of service, Labby!


Glad somebody caught that. I wasn't sure how well I pulled off the ending.

Thanks a lot, everybody!

I just woke my husband laughing out loud! That was very funny. Thanks for sharing that.

Brava!

You had me smiling through most of this story, although there were a few points that were poignant enough to wipe the smile off my face; namely, when the narrator mentioned all the family milestones he missed.

If the narrator were a bit smarter and just as unscrupulous, you'd think he'd manage to make some money off of what he learned. After all, I'm sure there are a lot of villains in Metropolis who would pay big bucks to learn where Superman lived.

Actually, maybe the narrator isn't as dumb as he appears; after all, he managed to do in three short interactions what it took Lois years to do -- recognize Superman in his civvies. (Admittedly, I'm not sure why Clark would strike a Superman pose when not in uniform -- why he hadn't simply spun into the Spandex before apprehending the thief for the third time.)

A fun story. Thanks for posting it.

Joy,
Lynn

Thank you.

Thanks for the bump, I'm always looking for short stories to read and this one was great.
Poor guy, he is really -reaaally- unlucky

@Lynn: I thought Clark didn't want to be caught by his kids as Superman. Hence his quick glance upstairs.

Cute story.

lol, just checked the archives and noticed this one was posted there last sunday

Just reread this one and laughed out loud again! Excellent story, Mary. You have a definite knack for telling us just enough to give us the whole picture without loading us down with description. It's a rare skill, so please treasure it.

Oh, Harry couldn't have made any money on that book while he was in prison. Federal statutes prohibit any "guest of the state" from profiting from his/her illegal activities, including being paid to write books or screenplays or give interviews. And yeah, I think the crooks would want to know where Superman lived, if only so they could stay far, far away.