|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58
Freelance Reporter
|
OP
Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58 |
LINKS: Table of Contents Thanks everyone for reading, and everybody who's commented so far! You've made me feel really welcome and gotten me excited about continuing this story as a series! Constructive criticism is welcome. I only ask that you provide an example of ways I can fix what you think is wrong. :3 Note: If you check the Table of Contents, you will find this series now has cover art.
~Pris ================================== One time, I met Dean Cain. He picked me up and joked it wasn't too late for me to marry Superman. It was awesome.
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 266
Hack from Nowheresville
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 266 |
I really like how you're playing this gender switch. In my experience, they're usually really good or awful, kwim? This one is one of the good ones! Can't wait for part 3. Tara
Rose: You're NOT keeping the horse! Doctor Who: I let you keep Mickey, now lets go! Doctor Who, The Girl in the Fireplace
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
I like your cover-art from the TOC. I was wondering how Clara (Super Woman) was going to get away with having Cat, Louis, and Lex see her without her soda-bottle glasses. <Why should we have to be one or the other?> Cat had said in that long ago Met U lecture. <People ask me why I dress the way I do. Why I don’t dress like the smart professional I am. My reply is why shouldn’t I dress the way I do? Should what I’m wearing matter? I’m a beautiful woman. It’s not conceit, it’s just a fact. People look at me, and they assume I’m shallow and stupid. I wear a leopard print dress, and they assume I’m shallow, stupid, and easy. But that’s camouflage. If they want to underestimate me, let them. I am a modern woman in an urban jungle, and if my prey can’t see me coming, that’s their own fault.> I love this whole speech! Yea, Cat! I was a bit disappointed by the switch of Claude to Claudia, as I was hoping the only gender switch would be Lois and Clark. I was thinking you might have Claude buddy up with him and then hire a some woman to seduce Louis and steal his story to give to Claude. “There was this reporter a while ago, Claudia. She was from France. Anyway, apparently she and Louie spent a night getting really cozy, if you know what I mean. The next day, Claudia was telling everyone about Lou’s mommy issues and claiming he was a one minute man. Come to think of it, that probably didn’t help his shining personality any.” It sounds like Claudia did a number on Louis, but I guess we won't be getting any Messenger Hangar confessions of vulnerability from Louis to Clara. So, will Clara become sympathetic to Louis via rumor only? Because so far we haven't seen any direct examples of his dropping the jerk guard with Clara. “See!” Cat said. “It’s perfect for you. It just needs to be hemmed a little, since I’m taller. But if we get you some really high heels…”
“I can hem it, if you don’t mind,” Clara said, not relishing the thought of trying to walk in such tall shoes. Hmmmm. Does this mean no high heal boots for Super Woman? Clara landed on the roof of Cat’s apartment building, and finger-combed her hair, glad that whatever made it impervious to everything but heat vision also made it tangle-free. Ooooh! I'm envious! She’d need to cut it soon, she mused. It was ridiculously long again, reaching her waist. She was lazy about cutting it, since it involved setting up angled mirrors. And most people never noticed how long it was anyway, the way she wore it braided and pinned. Yikes! That is long. So, did Clara bring the sewing machine back with her from Smallville? No, she didn't, did she, since she landed on Cat's roof. I was going to wonder if Martha helps her out with the costumes or if she made it by herself. Her parents had gotten them for her when she was fourteen and accidentally saw through the shower stalls during gym. Sounds like a homage to Smallville. Louis cleared his throat, reminding himself that this was just business, and even if Clara Kent was a knock out, he was no good for her. So he’d best keep his distance. Awwwww. Poor Louis, that he thinks so poorly of himself. “This is going to work, Clara. All you have to do is say your line, and get Luthor to come over to us. I’ll handle everything else and you can go gossip with Cat or whatever it is you two do.” And the sexist pig is back. That earned him another hard look from Clara. “I’m staying. If I’m helping you get to Luthor, I should get some of the credit.” Yea, Clara. Atta girl! The man came down the stairs. He was debonair in his tuxedo, possessing a cultured face and hair a shade between chestnut brown and honey blond. His blue eyes twinkled, and Clara couldn’t keep herself from smiling. Lex Luthor was exactly her type. She usually went for older blond men with strong features, and Lex was absolutely that… Oh, no. Not Clara. I can't look... <<peers through fingers>> Lex seems even more of a chauvinist than Louis, seeing Clara only as a woman and not as a reporter, especially with that closing line: Once Clara had returned the sword to its display stand, Lex ushered them back toward the ballroom. “Come, Mr. Lane. I have a feeling my announcement is going to interest you.” Only it's only going to interest Louis, but not Clara? Pig! This story is still fun. I don't know how you'll wrap up the Pilot in only two more parts. I'm curious to see what other twists on canon you have in store for us.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
ROFLOL!!! I turn my back for a minute, and some gang will have her tied naked to a telephone pole!" Hey, gang member. You wanna try? Louis tapped his foot impatiently while Clara shut down her computer and gathered up a truly hideous monster purse that was big enough to qualify as a diaper bag. I can so see this. And I’m reminded of Brenda Leigh Johnson or “Brenda, just Brenda” from The Closer. Clara slid the dull beige monstrosity over her shoulder, and fell into step with Louis as he headed to the elevator. She gave a little hop halfway there, trying to keep up with Louis’ long strides. Yep, you’re still being a jerk, Louis. Ooooh… A man saying that to a woman. Let’s send Louis to the sexual harassment classes. LOL. Clara turned those brown eyes, so much like Lucy’s, into full guilt trip mode. Louis was sure she was doing it on purpose. “Do you always flirt, if it will help you get a story?” Wait a minute. Who said this? The following paragraphs seem to indicate that it was Louis, but this paragraph seems to indicate Clara. And who said this? Perhaps you could add a little more explanation here. Louis grimaced, and Clara viciously repressed a stab of hurt. Awww…. Clara snorted. “You think I’m pretty. Okay, Lou. I’d love to go to the ball with you.” So much waffiness, I’m grinning ear to ear. Clara wondered how many people at the Daily Planet fell for Cat’s leopard spots. She was willing to bet pretty much everyone but Perry. Yes, I think you’re right. Clara picked up a deep blue dress, and went behind the screen standing in the corner to try it on. This sounds so Cat to have a screen. I like that you made the dress Clara wore red. “I can run home and do it right now Surely Cat has a needle and thread? Ah, I see. She had to go to Smallville. Her parents had gotten them for her when she was fourteen and accidentally saw through the shower stalls during gym. Oops. Love your double entendres. Lex Luthor was exactly her type. She usually went for older blond men with strong features, and Lex was absolutely that… It could be interesting if she falls for Lex. “I can order dinner in three hundred and fifty-seven languages. I can speak about twenty of those well enough to get around. And about ten fluently, though my accents aren’t all that great.” This might be a little bold for her to say this to someone who doesn’t know about her super side. I’d scale it back and then have her think about what the truth is. Great part. I loved it. Hmmmm. Does this mean no high heal boots for Super Woman? But those darn high heels are soooo impractical.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58
Freelance Reporter
|
OP
Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58 |
Originally posted by StarKat: I really like how you're playing this gender switch. In my experience, they're usually really good or awful, kwim? This one is one of the good ones! Can't wait for part 3.
Tara Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. :3
~Pris ================================== One time, I met Dean Cain. He picked me up and joked it wasn't too late for me to marry Superman. It was awesome.
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58
Freelance Reporter
|
OP
Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58 |
Originally posted by VirginiaR: I like your cover-art from the TOC. I was wondering how Clara (Super Woman) was going to get away with having Cat, Louis, and Lex see her without her soda-bottle glasses.
<Why should we have to be one or the other?> Cat had said in that long ago Met U lecture. <People ask me why I dress the way I do. Why I don’t dress like the smart professional I am. My reply is why shouldn’t I dress the way I do? Should what I’m wearing matter? I’m a beautiful woman. It’s not conceit, it’s just a fact. People look at me, and they assume I’m shallow and stupid. I wear a leopard print dress, and they assume I’m shallow, stupid, and easy. But that’s camouflage. If they want to underestimate me, let them. I am a modern woman in an urban jungle, and if my prey can’t see me coming, that’s their own fault.> I love this whole speech! Yea, Cat!
I was a bit disappointed by the switch of Claude to Claudia, as I was hoping the only gender switch would be Lois and Clark. I was thinking you might have Claude buddy up with him and then hire a some woman to seduce Louis and steal his story to give to Claude. “There was this reporter a while ago, Claudia. She was from France. Anyway, apparently she and Louie spent a night getting really cozy, if you know what I mean. The next day, Claudia was telling everyone about Lou’s mommy issues and claiming he was a one minute man. Come to think of it, that probably didn’t help his shining personality any.” It sounds like Claudia did a number on Louis, but I guess we won't be getting any Messenger Hangar confessions of vulnerability from Louis to Clara. So, will Clara become sympathetic to Louis via rumor only? Because so far we haven't seen any direct examples of his dropping the jerk guard with Clara.
“See!” Cat said. “It’s perfect for you. It just needs to be hemmed a little, since I’m taller. But if we get you some really high heels…”
“I can hem it, if you don’t mind,” Clara said, not relishing the thought of trying to walk in such tall shoes. Hmmmm. Does this mean no high heal boots for Super Woman?
Clara landed on the roof of Cat’s apartment building, and finger-combed her hair, glad that whatever made it impervious to everything but heat vision also made it tangle-free. Ooooh! I'm envious!
She’d need to cut it soon, she mused. It was ridiculously long again, reaching her waist. She was lazy about cutting it, since it involved setting up angled mirrors. And most people never noticed how long it was anyway, the way she wore it braided and pinned. Yikes! That is long.
So, did Clara bring the sewing machine back with her from Smallville? No, she didn't, did she, since she landed on Cat's roof. I was going to wonder if Martha helps her out with the costumes or if she made it by herself.
Her parents had gotten them for her when she was fourteen and accidentally saw through the shower stalls during gym. Sounds like a homage to Smallville.
Louis cleared his throat, reminding himself that this was just business, and even if Clara Kent was a knock out, he was no good for her. So he’d best keep his distance. Awwwww. Poor Louis, that he thinks so poorly of himself.
“This is going to work, Clara. All you have to do is say your line, and get Luthor to come over to us. I’ll handle everything else and you can go gossip with Cat or whatever it is you two do.” And the sexist pig is back.
That earned him another hard look from Clara. “I’m staying. If I’m helping you get to Luthor, I should get some of the credit.” Yea, Clara. Atta girl!
The man came down the stairs. He was debonair in his tuxedo, possessing a cultured face and hair a shade between chestnut brown and honey blond. His blue eyes twinkled, and Clara couldn’t keep herself from smiling. Lex Luthor was exactly her type. She usually went for older blond men with strong features, and Lex was absolutely that… Oh, no. Not Clara. I can't look... <<peers through fingers>>
Lex seems even more of a chauvinist than Louis, seeing Clara only as a woman and not as a reporter, especially with that closing line: Once Clara had returned the sword to its display stand, Lex ushered them back toward the ballroom. “Come, Mr. Lane. I have a feeling my announcement is going to interest you.” Only it's only going to interest Louis, but not Clara? Pig!
This story is still fun. I don't know how you'll wrap up the Pilot in only two more parts. I'm curious to see what other twists on canon you have in store for us. Thanks for the thoughtful comments! Glad you like the cover! I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. I had a lot of fun designing Clara's costume. And yeah, I felt that it was more likely that Clara would have to wear a mask and ditch the glasses, because Clark can get away with always wearing them, but speaking from experience as a woman who prefers glasses to contacts, people will not SHUT UP about how you should wear contacts or just be blind during formal events because your glasses just hide your face/clash with your dress/etc. etc. Lol yeah, I think Lou is implying he'd sleep with someone for a story. I made that choice, because in canon Louis goes out of her way to emphasize to Clark that she WOULDN'T do that, so I thought it would be an interesting comment to make here, on society's different expectations for men and women. After all, if Lois slept with someone for a story, she's a dirty ho, but if Louis does it, he's not a nice guy, but more people are goig to focus on his dedication to the job than anything else. But yes, he is totally lying. Thanks for catching the missing paragraph breaks! I've gone back and fixed them. Lol yeah, with the 'mommy hand me down' comments, Louis is trying to get out of admitting that he does think Clara is pretty and distance himself from her, but he's also in a bit of a pickle, since he's still in the middle of trying to get her to come to the ball. Cat - YES. YES GOOD EVERYTHING YOU SAID. I just have a whole lot of Cat Feelings that can't be contained. >_> Re: Claude to Claudia - I thought about doing what you said, having Claude stay a male reporter with a female accomplice, but in the end I decided it was better to just switch Claude than to make up a female OC who wouldn't have instant name recognition with the readers. Claude/Claudia is the only other genderswitch in the series though, if that makes you feel any better. Everyone else is staying the same - including Linda King, who is now Lou's old college girlfriend. I think there will be some direct discussion of Claudia in the hangar, but it'll come about differently, since it won't be so much a tearful confession as much as Clara using the opportunity to ask Lou questions, knowing he'll probably answer since they're tied up and, as far as he knows, about to die. Lou unbends a little soon, too. I'll not spoil it for you, but hopefully it's believable... And lol, I'm going to get the pilot done in two more parts because I'm skipping every scene that the gender change doesn't affect, and counting on everyone to know what's going on since it's a rewrite of an episode XD But they are -long- parts. I think the story will finish out at close to twenty thousand words. Thanks again for the thoughtful comments!
~Pris ================================== One time, I met Dean Cain. He picked me up and joked it wasn't too late for me to marry Superman. It was awesome.
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58
Freelance Reporter
|
OP
Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58 |
Originally posted by Classicalla: ROFLOL!!!
I turn my back for a minute, and some gang will have her tied naked to a telephone pole!" Hey, gang member. You wanna try?
Louis tapped his foot impatiently while Clara shut down her computer and gathered up a truly hideous monster purse that was big enough to qualify as a diaper bag. I can so see this. And I’m reminded of Brenda Leigh Johnson or “Brenda, just Brenda” from The Closer.
Clara slid the dull beige monstrosity over her shoulder, and fell into step with Louis as he headed to the elevator. She gave a little hop halfway there, trying to keep up with Louis’ long strides. Yep, you’re still being a jerk, Louis.
Ooooh… A man saying that to a woman. Let’s send Louis to the sexual harassment classes. LOL.
Clara turned those brown eyes, so much like Lucy’s, into full guilt trip mode. Louis was sure she was doing it on purpose. “Do you always flirt, if it will help you get a story?” Wait a minute. Who said this? The following paragraphs seem to indicate that it was Louis, but this paragraph seems to indicate Clara.
And who said this? Perhaps you could add a little more explanation here.
Louis grimaced, and Clara viciously repressed a stab of hurt. Awww….
Clara snorted. “You think I’m pretty. Okay, Lou. I’d love to go to the ball with you.” So much waffiness, I’m grinning ear to ear.
Clara wondered how many people at the Daily Planet fell for Cat’s leopard spots. She was willing to bet pretty much everyone but Perry. Yes, I think you’re right. Clara picked up a deep blue dress, and went behind the screen standing in the corner to try it on. This sounds so Cat to have a screen.
I like that you made the dress Clara wore red.
“I can run home and do it right now Surely Cat has a needle and thread? Ah, I see. She had to go to Smallville.
Her parents had gotten them for her when she was fourteen and accidentally saw through the shower stalls during gym. Oops.
Love your double entendres.
Lex Luthor was exactly her type. She usually went for older blond men with strong features, and Lex was absolutely that… It could be interesting if she falls for Lex.
“I can order dinner in three hundred and fifty-seven languages. I can speak about twenty of those well enough to get around. And about ten fluently, though my accents aren’t all that great.” This might be a little bold for her to say this to someone who doesn’t know about her super side. I’d scale it back and then have her think about what the truth is.
Great part. I loved it.
Hmmmm. Does this mean no high heal boots for Super Woman? But those darn high heels are soooo impractical. Thanks for the lovely feedback! Yes, I loved the idea of Clara having a hideous purse! XD Re the quotes: Clara says both of them. No one else has mentioned anything, so I think I'll leave them for now, but if it confuses anyone else I'll go back and make it clearer. I'm actually not sure yet if Clara is going to fall for Lex or not. Right now she likes him and thinks he's charming. I'm going to see where the story takes me. I do know she's not going to realize he's a crook for quite a while. The A-plot demands that. Clara's languages: I think as she hasn't invented Superwoman yet in this scene, and given how she's a bit careless when she firsts gets to Metropolis with the bus and the flying around in her own clothes, and the upcoming manhole rescue, that she'd be a bit less than prudent here. Lex is charming and handsome, and maybe she wants to show off a little, and have someone appreciate her after spending a day with Lou acting like she's an idiot. And yeah, I think Superwoman's boots are going to be pretty much just like Superman's, except they'll come up to just above her knees. I keep imagining her getting heels caught in unfortunate places otherwise, and/or breaking a heel when she's picking up super heavy things. Thanks again for such thoughtful comments!
~Pris ================================== One time, I met Dean Cain. He picked me up and joked it wasn't too late for me to marry Superman. It was awesome.
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292
Kerth
|
Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
Uh-huh, new chapter? As soon as the elevator doors closed behind Louis, Clara sped over to Cat’s desk, grabbed one of her business cards, and frantically punched the listed home number into Cat’s desk phone.
“Cat Grant.”
“Cat,” Clara said with some relief. “Will you help me?” Yay! That might be the start of a wonderful friendship! <Why should we have to be one or the other?> Cat had said in that long ago Met U lecture. <People ask me why I dress the way I do. Why I don’t dress like the smart professional I am. My reply is why shouldn’t I dress the way I do? Should what I’m wearing matter? I’m a beautiful woman. It’s not conceit, it’s just a fact. People look at me, and they assume I’m shallow and stupid. I wear a leopard print dress, and they assume I’m shallow, stupid, and easy. But that’s camouflage. If they want to underestimate me, let them. I am a modern woman in an urban jungle, and if my prey can’t see me coming, that’s their own fault.> Love it, love it, love it! That's the kind of Cat I'd have loved to see in the series! Clara wondered how many people at the Daily Planet fell for Cat’s leopard spots. She was willing to bet pretty much everyone but Perry.
Maybe even Perry. Probably not. He's not the Editor in Chief of the world's greatest newspaper because he can yodel... “There was this reporter a while ago, Claudia. She was from France. Anyway, apparently she and Louie spent a night getting really cozy, if you know what I mean. The next day, Claudia was telling everyone about Lou’s mommy issues and claiming he was a one minute man. Come to think of it, that probably didn’t help his shining personality any.” Claudia? Couldn't it have been Claudine or Claudette? Anyway, I like this kind of twist. Clara came out from behind the screen, wincing in sympathy. “Poor Lou.”
Cat snorted. “Poor everybody else. We’re the ones who have to deal with him. Gotta love Cat's pragmatism here. Clara started to protest, but Cat held up a hand. “You can pay me back by being my emergency seamstress, alright?” She winked. “Now get going, so we’ll have time. And call Louie and tell him to pick you up at my place. He knows where it is.”
That gave Clara pause. “Have you and Lou… you know?”
Cat patted her hand. “No, but not for lack of trying on my part. You’ve gotten further with Louie in one day than I have in five years.”
Clara blushed yet again, but Cat was kind enough to pretend not to notice. Wait, no stories about bongo drums and swinging from the chandelier for half the night? Cat must be really warming up to Clara. Nice touch. Very nice touch. Making a decision, Clara took the glasses off and put them in her purse. “I don’t absolutely need them. I can see well enough to get around, I just won’t be able to see details.” Very interesting. I don't know what's going to happen with her alter ego, but it sure is going to be different. Making a decision, Clara took the glasses off and put them in her purse. “I don’t absolutely need them. I can see well enough to get around, I just won’t be able to see details.” See something you like?
The only known quantity that moves faster than light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292
Kerth
|
Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
“No, you’ll never get his attention that way. More… forceful. He likes strong women.” Louis looked Clara up and down. “You’ll have to fake it.”
“Hey! Lou! What is that supposed to mean?” Do you really want to know? It occurred to him that Clara might not be as naïve as she first appeared. He’d have to keep an eye on her. Took him long enough. Clara laughed. “Mr. Luthor! You scoundrel! That’s one of the cheesiest things anyone has ever said to me!” Where, oh where did she pick up that language? At Great-(great-great-)aunt May's? “Where did you learn to waltz?” Lex asked.
“From a Nigerian princess,” Clara said proudly, glad she had an opportunity to show him that she wasn’t, as Lou said, right off the turnip cart.
“Really?” Lex’s brows rose. “I admit I’m intrigued.”
“I did some traveling before taking a job at the Daily Planet. Adanma’s family hired me to teach her English, and when she needed a partner for her ballroom dancing lessons, I was around.” She smiled. “We had to take turns leading.” Another nice little twist. And love the bit about taking turns leading! “So do you speak Nigerian?”
Clara nodded. “I can order dinner in three hundred and fifty-seven languages. I can speak about twenty of those well enough to get around. And about ten fluently, though my accents aren’t all that great.” Show-off. “You are a singular woman, Clara Kent,” Lex said in French.
“Thank you, Lex,” Clara answered in the same language. “You’re a very charming man.”
Lex switched to Italian. “I’m impressed. And that doesn’t happen very often.”
Without missing a beat, Clara picked up the new language, starting to enjoy the game. “You’re pretty impressive yourself, though maybe I’m more easily impressed.”
Chinese now. “Are you teasing me, Ms. Kent?”
“Maybe a little,” she answered in Japanese, testing him.
“And now you are challenging me?” Lex said in Japanese.
Clara laughed, saying again, “Maybe a little.” Love that little interplay, with Clara once again doing a little more than just raise to the challenge. Clara frowned, stopping and inadvertently making Lou stumble when he was unable to budge her into the next step of the dance. “I wasn’t interviewing him, Lou. We were just chatting. It was nice. *Lex* is nice.” Nice move, girl. Lou stared at her. Then he said, “Nice will get you eaten alive in this town.”
Clara shrugged. “I’ve been to plenty of places where being eaten alive is a real possibility, and I’m still here.” Touché. Even if it's highly unlikely anything on Earth can eat her alive without any kryptonite around. It was a breathtaking view. Clara would love to live somewhere with a balcony like this. It would be like having her own personal landing pad. Now don't you get any ideas, missy. Luthor is scary with a capital S. And probably a capital C, too. It was a breathtaking view. Clara would love to live somewhere with a balcony like this. It would be like having her own personal landing pad. I sure hope Clara gets the hint that she's not seen as a professional, but merely as some kind of eye candy and/or trophy to be won. Great, great, great chapter! I can't wait to see the next part! Do you have a posting schedule?
The only known quantity that moves faster than light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,020
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,020 |
Loving this story. It would be great to see this follow more of the Season 1 episodes, but I wouldn't want to wait two whole years before they got together ... Now, I wonder what Louis will think of Superwoman when she turns up, and I wonder whether Clara's smll infatuation with Louis will quickly turn to love, or not. And I'm really curious to see how Lex will respond to Superwoman. I can't see him thinking of her as an enemy, more as a seduction challenge, so would he put her through those tests? And Jason Trask, would he be as convinced that there was an alien invasion with it being a super-powered woman. Maybe he'd acuse her of wanting to distract all the men of the world with her skin tight costume making them all think with the brain in their pants! Anyway, keep posting please.
KatherineKent/Victoria Lois: "You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you. It's because I'm completely in love with you." Clark: "And I love you ... Did we just make up?" Lois: "I think so."
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
Columnist
|
Columnist
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624 |
I like the interaction between Luthor and Clara. I can see him wanting to pursue her, but I hope she doesn't fall for it.
On a totally unrelated note, I've got a question for you, Pris. What does the emoticon you keep using mean? :3 It makes me think of a cat face, but I've never seen anyone use that before, so I'm not sure I'm looking at it right.
"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I turn my back for a minute, and some gang will have her tied naked to a telephone pole!"
Perry raised a brow. "You been thinking about Clara naked, tied to a pole?" no I won't, I will bury the message. she could see there were in some kind of private office. I think that should be "they were". “Have you seen the view from here? This is the tallest building in Metropolis. I must confess a certain pleasure in knowing that everyone in the city has to look up in order to see me." I hope Clara thinks about this arrogance. Too bad she did not hear the seize the high ground line.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
he’d hadn’t been very nice to her today. That should either be "he hadn't" or "he'd not", "he'd" is he had, so you are saying he had had not. Pris' grammar is quite good. I think this is just a slip. It's far easier to see mistakes in others' writing than it is your own.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292
Kerth
|
Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
Originally posted by Classicalla: he’d hadn’t been very nice to her today. That should either be "he hadn't" or "he'd not", "he'd" is he had, so you are saying he had had not. Pris' grammar is quite good. I think this is just a slip. It's far easier to see mistakes in others' writing than it is your own. Too true, I can vouch for that.
The only known quantity that moves faster than light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58
Freelance Reporter
|
OP
Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 58 |
Originally posted by Lara Joelle Kent: Originally posted by Classicalla: [b] </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">he’d hadn’t been very nice to her today. That should either be "he hadn't" or "he'd not", "he'd" is he had, so you are saying he had had not. Pris' grammar is quite good. I think this is just a slip. It's far easier to see mistakes in others' writing than it is your own. Too true, I can vouch for that. [/b]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Longer replies to other comments later, as I'm about to dash off to work, but I wanted to say thanks for spotting the typos (and vouching for me !) and I'll be sure to go back and fix them later this evening. :3 Oh, and the ':3' face I'm fond of using is just sort of a cute smiley. In my head I think of it as 'little cute guy'. I use it when I think someone/something else is cute and/or when I am trying to be cute /if that makes sense? The more extreme version of the face is x3 - for when something is SO CUTE OMG.
~Pris ================================== One time, I met Dean Cain. He picked me up and joked it wasn't too late for me to marry Superman. It was awesome.
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I should have been more up front that I really, really like this story. I was not trying to be overly critical with my comments. I am sorry if I came across that way.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I neglected to comment enough on my favorite parts earlier.
I like that Louis actually picked Clara up for the ball. I am tempted to say that he comes off as more sympathetic than Lois from this. However, I think he would come up a lot worse off than Lois if he just has Clara show up. Plus, he is trying to use Clara more than Lois ever tied to use Clark.
I really liked the scenes in the taxi cab. I guess they make sense since Louis does have to prep Clara for the cornering of Lex, but they were still very fun.
I am really looking forward to seeing if Clara figures out what is really going on with Lex a lot faster than Lois did.
Hmmm, I really hope she figures out during the test scenes if not before. Well, we shall see.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I have to say to date this is the best geder switch of the main characters in the story I have ever scene, bar none.
Even all my gruming about the amount that Clara is interacting with Lex shows that this is good.
It might help that this is the closest to canon I have ever scene someone do the story. However I think that is what makes it work so well.
I also have to say leaving almost all the other characters unchanged is helpful.
Actually I just realized another reason why "I've Got a Crush on You" is such a fun one to do. You get to give new aliases to Louis and Clara. Hmm, that alone might be a reason to have Clara go to do the undercover work first. Louis using the unemployed sailor outfit just seems to work. It would also lead to a new but still funny dynamic when Clara recognizes Louis in disguise.
Clara:Louis, I can totally tell that is you.
Louis:It's Lenny, Lenny King.
Clara:I can see through any disguise you use Lenny.
Louis:Like you could ever pull off a disguise. By the way, did you hear that Superwoman put out another fire. She is so awesome.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I also have to say I like the cover art. It reinforces my view that Clara will have to get used to slightly immodest clothes. I guess wearing a mask as Superwomen makes sense since Clara has not held as closely to the glasses as Clark.
So you are going to do "The Rival". Interesting. I am wondering if Linda King will go the way of Rachel Harris or Claudia.
One possibility is Linda King being a former associate of Clara's. Considering Linda's getting Clark to take her to the rail station because she was "new in town", it would work better if she was someone Clara had known in the past.
On further reading I see you are keeping Linda having a connectiong to Louis. That will be interesting. It will change the dynamic, but it will if anything make the sense of betrayal even worse. This will be very interesting.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
“I can order dinner in three hundred and fifty-seven languages. I can speak about twenty of those well enough to get around. And about ten fluently, though my accents aren’t all that great.” This might be a little bold for her to say this to someone who doesn’t know about her super side. I’d scale it back and then have her think about what the truth is. But in canon I am pretty sure that Clark says that line to Lois.
John Pack Lambert
|
|
|
|