Since DJ is off cavorting with Mickey and the gang, it falls to me to post this part. Don't be fooled into thinking I actually *wrote* any of it. Honestly this is DJ's story. I'm just the world's most intrusive beta on this one. Instead of making suggestions, I get to flat-out tweak parts on a whim. She didn't really get a chance to haggle with me on this part since she's out of town. Be afraid. Be very afraid. devil

From Part 10:

“Oh, come on, Lois. The guy was always running off to take care of some mysterious agenda. And he had the absolute worst, most unbelievable excuses I’ve ever heard. Don’t tell me you bought any of those.” He eyed her appraisingly. “Is that why you guys are on the outs, right now? You finally found out what he was hiding?”

The conversation was quickly finding her more and more uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“You’re right. It’s not,” he apologized, having the decency to look abashed. She made a motion to stand up from the couch and he stood up behind her, reaching out to stop her from leaving. “Please don’t shut me out again, Lois. Please give me another chance. I can be the man you want. I know I can. I’ve thought about you every day since I left Metropolis, hoping for another chance at this.”

His words were having the oddest effect on her. They seemed to be warming her from the inside out. She felt a little dizzy. What was wrong with her? She loved Clark, didn’t she? But, yet, she *couldn’t* love him, could she. She felt so confused. It had to be the wine... or maybe the fact that her brain was scrambled right now.

Dan moved in closer to her, so close that she could feel his breath on her skin. He placed a soft kiss next to her lips.

“Just one more chance, Lois. Please?”

**********
Part 11
**********

Clark stopped in front of Lois’s apartment door. Surely Scardino couldn’t still be in there, could he?

After the incident at STAR Labs, Clark had gone with Dr. Klein down to the police precinct and had given the police a statement about the shooting.

Once the police found out the details from Dr. Klein about what had been happening there the past two days, they had given the doctor a police escort to his home and assured them they would have a patrol keeping an eye on things tonight.

Clark had decided Superman would go back by Dr. Klein’s house later tonight to check on things and make sure he was okay.

Right now, though, he wanted to see Lois – but not if Scardino was still there. Clark looked down at his watch. It was late. Dan was probably gone and she was most likely getting ready for bed.

But just to make sure... Clark lowered his glasses and took a cautious peek through the front door. The sight that met his eyes flash-boiled his blood.

Scardino was standing behind Lois; he was leaning down close to her – too close. And then...

He kissed her! Son-of-a... The opportunistic sleazeball had kissed her. And Lois had let him.

Dan’s lips began to move and Clark listened in, ‘...more chance, Lois. Please?”

Clark continued to watch, frozen in place, as Scardino pulled Lois down to the loveseat with him. He ran his hand up her leg, bunching up the fabric of her delicate, black dress. The hem of her dress lifted higher with each movement of his hand, exposing the silky smooth skin of her legs until Clark could finally make out one shapely, freshly-shaven knee, showing just below the hemline.

Clark couldn’t allow things to proceed any further. He thought he had lost Lois once to Dan. He wouldn’t let it happen again. He put his fist to the door and pounded fiercely.

**********

Lois felt like she was drowning. Dan was kissing her and touching her and before she realized it, they were on the couch together. She vaguely felt the hemline of her dress crawling up her leg and then Dan’s hand on her outer thigh. That was enough to finally snap her out of her thoughts and get her full attention. But before she could reprimand Dan, there was a knock at her door.

A decidedly angry-sounding knock.

Clark...

Without so much as a word she pushed Dan away from her and got up from the couch, leaving him to think about what he had just done. Part of her wanted to give Dan a good slap to the face for his brazenness and give him a piece of her mind, but she certainly didn’t want to give Clark the satisfaction of hearing that... if that was Clark.

She walked over to the door and peeked through the peephole.

Yep.

She took a few deep breaths, composing herself, and then she opened the door.

“Clark. What are you doing here?” she asked, putting a little breathiness into her voice.

The tic was working in his jaw. “I thought I’d come by and go over some of our notes on the story with you.” He glanced purposefully over her shoulder at Dan. “I didn’t think your dinner guest would still be here.”

“Hey, Kent,” Dan acknowledged him with fake cheerfulness. “What a surprise to see you here,” he continued dryly. “Lois and I were just catching up on old times, weren’t we, Lois?”

“Uh, yeah.” She was still more than upset with Dan for the little stunt he had pulled just a moment ago - kissing her like that – but her reporter’s instincts were telling her that there was also more than a good chance that Clark had seen that kiss and what had followed, if he’d been... watching. The timing of his knock at the door had been a little too coincidental.

If so, that would give her the upper hand.

And she was never one to squander having the upper hand. “Old times. Not that they are that old.”

“I don’t know,” Clark mused. “Several species of insects live and die in a month’s time.” He gave Lois a pointed look. “It seems that a lot of things can live... or die... in a month’s time.”

His meaning wasn’t lost on her. If their love, their relationship, had died, it was because of him, not her. certainly wasn’t her fault. “Yeah, and some tortoises live to be over a hundred, just goes to show you that some things last longer than others,” she quipped.

“Well, I guess I’d better be going,” Dan said, walking over towards the door. He wasn’t stupid – he could see the storm brewing. “I’ll have my office fax you all my notes on Project Nirvana and I’ll come by your office in the morning and go over them with you...” he hesitated for a moment before adding the compulsory, “both of you.” He turned and flashed Lois a smile. “Goodnight, Lois. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.” He looked away from her to smile smugly at Clark. “I’ll be seeing you around, Kent.”

Clark stepped aside as Dan went out her door and then he slipped inside before she had time to refuse him entry. She shut the door and took a deep breath, bracing herself for the conversation to come.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked flippantly before murmuring, “As if I didn’t know.”

“I told you - the story,” he answered, going over to take up residence on her loveseat. “He was here awfully late, wasn’t he?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, is it?”

“Look, Lois, I didn’t come here to argue.” The tic was working in his jaw again.

“Then why did you come here?” she bit out at him.

“To talk...”

“Oh, yeah, about the story.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yes, about the story. And... about us.”

“There is no us, or so I’ve been informed.”

“There is still an us. Or do you no longer consider us to be friends or partners, either?” His voice held just a trace of bitterness.

“Don’t try to put this on me, Clark. I still considered us a couple until I woke up this morning. You’re the one who put an end to that, remember?”

“Do you think I wanted to? Is that what you think? Because I can tell you that...”

“No. I don’t think that’s what you wanted. I think that’s what you decided - all by yourself.” She folded her arms and bit the inside of her lip to try and keep her tear ducts from over-reacting.

She knew she wasn’t going to win him over like this – didn’t even know if she cared about winning him over... at least right now. But she wasn’t through with him yet, either. She had a point to make and she was going to make it now.

“If you really loved me, Clark, you wouldn’t be doing this to me.”

“You don’t...”

“Don’t interrupt me, I’m not through yet.” She hardened her voice a little as she spoke her next words, “You wouldn’t dump me and tell me that we could no longer be together but then constantly keep telling me how much you love me and how much this hurts... and you wouldn’t interfere with me trying to move on... if you really loved me. How can you tell me that we can’t be together and then expect me to just go on like nothing ever happened between us – just go on as your friend? It doesn’t work like that. You’re being selfish, Clark.”

“What?” he exclaimed, jumping up from the couch.

“You heard me. You’re being selfish. You can’t have me or won’t have me, whichever it is, but you don’t want me to be with anyone else either. You can’t have it both ways.”

“I know that. Things have just gotten so complicated.” He moved to stand closer to her. Did he know that having his body in such close proximity to hers was making it hard for her to concentrate? She knew from her journal that he had broken up with her – but in her heart it was as if they had only begun dating. Her heart was still to the point that she had loved him so much that she had been willing to put her life on the line to save his parents.

It wasn’t good when your heart and your mind were at war with each other. It was difficult to see which warring faction was going to win out.

This time it was her mind.

“Well, here, let’s see if I can make things simple enough for you. I refuse to stay a spinster for the rest of my life, pining away after someone I can’t have. If you don’t want me, then I’m going to find someone who does. Is that simple and uncomplicated enough for you?” She raised an eyebrow in challenge to him.

And then he did something that totally caught her off guard.

He kissed her.

He bridged the remaining distance between their bodies before her mind even registered she could register what was happening. He wrapped his arms firmly around her and drew her in for a forcefully passionate kiss.

The kiss caught her so unawares that she stumbled backward, the bend of her knees backing up to her coffee table. Clark’s arms tightened around her, steadying her as his hands smoothed urgently over her back and shoulders.

Her mind was protesting furiously, screaming angrily that he couldn’t dump her one day and then kiss her like this the next.

But her heart...? Her heart was totally wrapped up in the emotion of the moment. It was loving the feel of his soft lips against hers, the possessive yet gentle strength in his arms and hands as he held her against him protectively, and the heat that was building between their bodies.

Her heart wanted more – demanded more.

And she soon found herself responding to his kiss. Her arms reached behind his back, her hands groping his body passionately as she returned his kiss with fervor. “Oh, Clark,” she whispered softly against his lips.

Clark deepened the kiss, drawing her in tighter against his body. His lips captured hers again and again, until he could hear her panting between kisses. His own breathing had become just as ragged. Her hands scorched his skin wherever they touched him. The taste of her lips and tongue intoxicating him.

He loved her – wasn’t sure he could live with out her. And he was absolutely certain that he couldn’t stand to see her with someone like Scardino.

I want you,” he murmured breathlessly into her mouth.

Damn he was a good kisser. Lois’s mind swam. His lips were so firm and sure in their movement against hers. Oh, how she wanted this, how she wanted him...

Wait... He wanted her? Just like that? As if he could flip a switch and suddenly everything would be okay – just because he wanted it to be? He had seen her with Scardino and it had made him jealous.

It’s not going to be that easy, Clark, she thought ruefully. This one moment had erased her doubts. He wanted her – and she wanted him. But she had to make sure he never did this to her again. She had to make sure he knew for certain that this was what he wanted. And until she knew that for sure...

Lois forced herself to focus and let her mind take control once again. He was not going to treat her emotions like a yo-yo. He had to make a clear choice.

She tried to pull back from him but he didn’t seem to want to let her go. She finally broke contact with his lips long enough to utter a single word, “No.” It came out as a soft cry, sounding a little sorrowful as if it were mourning the death of something.

That broke the spell. He pulled back from her, his eyes filled with concern. “No?” His heart clenched tightly in his chest, berating him for the fool he was.

“I can’t. I can’t do this, Clark. It’s not fair. You have no idea how much part of me wants to. The part of me who remembers loving you... like it was yesterday. Then there’s this other part of me – the part that knows the truth. And that part of me says that I can’t do this.” She stepped away from him, straightening and smoothing her clothes. “Like I said before – you can’t have it both ways. We’re either together or we’re not. And you said we’re not.”

“I know I said that, but if you would just...”

“I think you should go, Clark,” Lois interrupted him. She couldn’t talk to him right now. Not like this. Emotions were running too high. They both needed time to cool off. “We’ve got a busy day tomorrow and I still have a lot of information that I need to write down in my journal.”

Clark was sure she did have a lot to write down... including her re-emerging feelings for Dan.

He sighed in resignation and allowed her to escort him to her front door. He smiled sadly at her and restrained himself from reaching out to touch her cheek. “Goodnight, Lois. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow. At the Planet.” She emphasized that last part.

**********

Clark mentally kicked himself as he left Lois’s apartment building. What was wrong with him?

He was an idiot.

First of all, he had finally managed to break down Lois’s barriers and she had fallen in love with him. Then he had proposed to her, and she had figured out his deepest secret. Finally, when she had come to terms with everything and was willing to accept his proposal, he had messed it all up by deciding it was too dangerous for them to be involved.

And a small part of him – very small - still felt that way... sort of.

Just look at the current mess Lois was in with her head injury and memory loss. This was his fault. If he had been more careful, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt. If he hadn’t frozen her in the first place, there wouldn’t have been damage already, contributing to the problem.

It was his fault.

But...

If he hadn’t been around... if he had decided a long time ago that it was too risky for them to be together...

She could have already been dead.

Yes, Lois took risks, knowing that he was Superman, knowing that he could protect her – or at least thinking she thought he could. But she took risks anyway. She had always taken risks. And people might try to use her to get to him, but people had managed to threaten her anyway, without him having anything to do with it. Miranda, the Prankster, and Barbara Trevino were a few examples that came to mind.

It might be dangerous for her, for them to be together, but wouldn’t it be just as dangerous for them not to be?

What if Lois did become involved with some ordinary human guy - Clark flinched – like Dan? Then Clark wouldn’t be able to live here in Metropolis any longer. He’d have to move. He just wouldn’t be able to see her with another man. So say he moved – to some other city, New York maybe. Clark had heard that the ‘Daily Bugle’ was a pretty good paper to work for...

Then what?

Who would be there to save Lois when she got into trouble then? The normal human man she had chosen to love instead of himScardino? Clark wasn’t discounting the love of any normal man. He knew their love was just as powerful as his own. He had his parents’ love as an example of that. But an ordinary man just wasn’t as capable of protecting Lois as Clark was. A regular man could only do so much.

Clark could do more. – Superman could do more.

Would he feel any better if something happened to her, that it wasn’t because they had been involved?

Of course not. That was ridiculous! How could he have been so stupid? How could he have not thought through that decision?

Because he hadn’t been thinking rationally.

It was all like a dream, like someone else had been thinking for him. He had been reasoning and acting solely on emotion. He had been so afraid when he had seen Lois lying unconscious on the floor with that gash on her head. He could have lost her so easily. If her injuries had been just a little worse, she could have died. He would have failed to protect her.

He had felt so responsible, so guilty. And he had let those emotions, that guilt, drive his actions that night.

And now he had possibly done irreparable damage.

He thought back to the kiss he had seen Scardino give her. It was possible that Clark had done what he realized he dreaded almost as much as losing her - driven her into the arms of someone else.Had he driven her into Scardino's arms? If it wasn't Scardino, would there be someone else later who would kiss and hold her? How could he let that happen? How could he fix this?

How could he fix this?

He wasn’t sure. But he knew he had to find a way. She still loved him. He had felt her love in their kiss. It wasn’t too late.

There had to be a way.

**********

Lois sat down on her bed, cross-legged. She opened her journal and stared down at the blank page in front of her.

A blank page.

Just like the rest of her life if she didn’t get her memory back.

She put her pen to the paper and then hesitated. What did she want to write? Her mind spit out a couple of options.

<Why I should have chosen Dan...>

<Why Clark is an idiot...>

<Why Lois Lane... still loves Clark Kent...>


She sighed long and deep as she flipped back a few pages and looked down at the notes she had written last night. The notes that told her that Clark said they couldn’t be together. The sentences that told her he had broken her heart. The words that tried to fill-in where her memories were absent.

She wouldn’t remember any of it... if she just tore the pages out of her book. She wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning like she had this morning... and proceed through the rest of the day feeling like crapher world had been shattered.

It was tempting - but only a little. If she tore those pages out, she wouldn’t remember what she had torn out, - or why.

Maybe she could tear them out, put them someplace and tell herself not to read them until later.

No, that wouldn’t work... obviously... she had tried that this morning already. She had told herself not read beyond a certain page in her journal but she hadn’t listened. She had read those pages anyway. She was simply too curious. If she had access to the pages and knew about them, she would read them.

She knew herself too well.

Besides, what would be the point? It wouldn’t change things between her and Clark.

Would it?

<*I* want you...>

He had really seemed like he did. Like he wished things were different. She had felt it... in his kiss. He had wanted her, needed her.

<If she had access to the pages...>

Lois looked back down at the pages she held in her hand. She had the power to give him that chance.

Did he deserve a second chance?

It was her choice. Clark couldn’t make this decision for her or take it away from her. She didn’t really have anything to lose by giving him another chance. But if she didn’t give him one, she had already lost.

Maybe she could tear them out and give them to someone? Maybe Star could keep them for her... No. No, that wasn’t a good idea. There were things written on those pages about Clark and Superman. She had done her best to “encode” what she had written, in case anyone should read them, but it would still be better to keep them private.

But, if not Star, then who?

Clark. She could give the pages to him. She could take them over to him right now, foist them upon him and tell him she was willing to give him a second chance.

No. Not a good idea. If she put him in the equation that would take away her control. He could simply refuse her proposal right then and there. No. She had to be the one making the decision this time. She had to be the one with the control.

She thought about it for a few moments before making her decision. She gathered a few select pages from her journal in her hands and carefully tore them out before turning to the back of the book to tear out a couple of blank pages.

After writing a short note on one of the blank pages, she stacked it together with the other pages, folded them, and put them inside an envelope. She sealed it and wrote ‘Personal and Confidential’ on the outside. She was about to write Under that she wrote ‘Do not open until’... until when? She marked out the last word, ‘until’, and let the sentence stand. When she realized she had no idea how long she would need to avoid the contents. There was no way putting a date on it would stop her from opening the envelope. She frowned. What would fail to draw her interest? She thought for another minute and then wrote:

‘Do not openTax info 1995’.

Would that work? Would that be enough of a deterrent? She didn’t know.That should do the trick.

She went to her closet and pulled out her memory box. There were notes in her journal that told her to reference this box each morning to get a bearing on certain things. Lois pulled up on the contents until she came to the bottom of the box. She then slid her envelope inside, letting the other items settle down on top of it.

Now at least she still had her notes – even if she probably wouldn’t remember where she had put them tomorrow. But there was still the issue of Clark to deal with. She had to give him a heads up. If she didn’t, he would get all worried when he saw her tomorrow and she couldn’t remember anything about their break-up.

She let out a soft sigh and felt a smile creep onto her lips. He’d probably insist on dragging her to the doctor’s office, first thing, to figure out what the problem was.

Yes, she definitely needed to let him know what was going on.

Lois went over to her phone and started to pick up the receiver... no. She didn’t want to call him. She just couldn’t deal with telling him anything in person. Lois glanced over at the other blank sheet of paper that she had torn out of her journal. Yes. A note. A note would be much better.

After scribbling a quick note on the blank page, she folded it and put it inside an envelope. She sealed it and wrote Clark’s name on it. She grabbed a piece of tape and headed for her front door, intending to leave it for Clark to find in the morning. She had told him she’d see him at the Planet, but somehow she just knew he’d be by in the morning anyway.

Reaching out to stick the note on her door, Lois narrowed her eyes as an idea came to her. No, she wouldn’t leave it here. She would drop it by his apartment, instead. After what he had put her through, he deserved to have to think about this all night tonight.

Lois went back inside to grab her jacket. She had an errand to run and then she had some writing to do.

**********

Clark was lying in bed, trying to figure out how to quiet his mind long enough to fall asleep.

That’s when he heard it - a feather-light noise coming from his front door.

He leaned up and tilted his head, listening closer, but he didn’t hear anything else. Leaning up a little further, he peered through his front door but didn’t see anyone there. He started to dismiss it and lie back down, but since he wasn’t falling to sleep anytime soon...

Clark got out of bed and threw on a shirt, grabbing his glasses as he headed towards his front door. He saw the white envelope long before he was close enough to pick it up. A quick burst of speed and he was standing next to his door staring down at the envelope in his hands.

It had his name written on it – in Lois’s handwriting.

He tore open the envelope with shaky fingers and took out the paper that was inside. The message written on it was short and sweet.

He looked again – definitely sweet.

Do you want a second chance? Prove it to me tomorrow. I’m editing my journal. – Lois

**********


Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.

Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis