DJ and Sue here. We're back!
If you missed part one, you can find it here:
PART ONE Here is the
Table of Contents .
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From Part 1:
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Clark was scaring her. Something really was wrong. She could tell by the look on his face. Why didn’t he just come out and tell her? “What is it? Just tell me!”
“That night that I... froze you. That happened almost a month ago.”
It was a good thing he had asked her to sit down because if she hadn’t, she was sure her legs would have given way beneath her. As it was, her head was swimming and her vision was spotting and flashing. A month ago? How was that possible? She’d forgotten a whole month? No. That wasn’t possible. The room blurred and darkened.
Clark reached out to catch her before her body slid from the chair she was sitting in. “Lois? Lois!” He picked her up into his arms and carried her out of the conference room into Perry’s office.
“Chief!” he bellowed.
“Clark? Lois?” Perry said, eyeing Clark as he carried an unconscious Lois into his office. “What in the Sam Hill is going on? What’s she doing here? I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I told her to stay home?”
“Something’s wrong. She doesn’t remember anything that’s happened the past few weeks. When she came in just now she was all confused and when I tried to explain what had happened, she passed out.” He heard the shakiness in his voice. It wasn’t bad enough that he’d been careless enough to let her get hurt when Bob Fences had fired up that micro-transmitter – now it seemed there was going to be even worse repercussions.
Clark shifted her in his arms a little so that her limp head was resting gently against his shoulder. “Dr. Peterson had scheduled her to come by his office later this afternoon for a follow-up appointment, but I think, under the circumstances, maybe I should go ahead and take her back to the hospital. Can you reassign my stories, at least for today? I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”
“Already done. You call me the minute they find something out, okay?”
Clark nodded at him and left his office with Lois still in his arms, headed for the elevators. Once inside he pulled the emergency stop button. He needed to make a quick change. Superman could get her to the hospital a lot faster.
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PART TWO:
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Lois woke up in an unfamiliar room. She blinked several times as she realized she was in a hospital room and that beeping sound nearby was a monitor sounding out her own heartbeat. She looked to her left just as Clark lifted his head.
"Hey," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"
She pushed herself up on her elbows. What had happened? Why was she in the hospital? She wiggled her toes and fingers to establish that there was nothing wrong with them. There was an IV in her right arm and a small monitor clipped to her middle finger. She was in a hospital gown. Who had undressed her? She looked over at Clark again and then she remembered - Clark was Superman. He had frozen her and...
"Clark! Your parents! Are they okay? Did it work?"
His face fell and her breath stuck in her throat. It hadn't worked. Nigel and Jace had killed them after all.
"My parents are just fine," Clark said, feeling the dread rise up in him. How much had she forgotten now? "You're in the hospital because you passed out at work this morning."
"So you took me to the hospital? Isn't that a little extreme?" Why had she passed out? She squinted her eyes shut and concentrated.
"You don't remember talking to me this morning at work?" he prompted.
<That night that I... froze you. That happened almost a month ago.>Oh god, she remembered now. A month ago? How could that be possible?
"Oh," she answered softly. "Yes, I remember that now." She let out a frustrated sigh. "I remember that I don't remember anything." She put one hand to her head and groaned. "I really did cut my hair, didn't I?"
"Yes."
"How long ago was that?"
"That was almost a week ago."
She felt an urge that couldn’t be ignored and swung her legs over the right side of the bed. She focused on the door a few feet away. It had to be a bathroom.
"What are you doing?" Clark asked.
Lois ignored him, grabbing hold of the IV pole next to her bed to drag it along with her. She had only taken one step when she realized there was a substantial breeze at her backside. It was the wide-open back of her hospital gown – ugh, who made these things? She reached with her left hand to awkwardly pull it closed.
"Where do you think you're going?" he persisted.
"To the bathroom. I suddenly remembered that I drank a lot of coffee this morning." She tried to look somewhat dignified as she shuffled across the cold floor, clutching her gown tightly closed and pulling the IV pole along with her.
Under different circumstances, Clark might have smiled. Right now it was just too painful. He had hoped that when she woke up she would be back to her old self. Even if that meant she’d be spoiling for a good fight after what he’d said to her last night.
He knew he was right. If anyone found out that Superman and Lois Lane had a romantic relationship... The thought of another Jason Mazik using Lois to control him was enough to send him into a cold sweat. He was certain his heart had stopped when he saw her lying so motionless on the floor after the explosion. It had haunted him and caused him to reconsider their relationship. Was he willing to risk her life for his own selfish needs?
It had broken his heart to even think about not being with her. What if his dad was right? What if it wasn't possible for him to marry or have a family of his own? What if it was simply too dangerous? And here was the proof of all those dark prophecies. Lois had been hurt, almost killed, and it was entirely due to him. His selfishness, his desires, his foolish overconfidence in his own abilities.
It had almost destroyed him to actually have to tell her that he couldn't be with her. Was he going to have to tell her that they couldn't be together all over again? He had spent all of last night remembering the pain and anguish in her eyes as he broke both their hearts.
The ache inside him intensified and he wearily sat down to wait for her to come back.
As she washed her hands Lois looked at her reflection in the mirror. Yep - the hair was still short. There was still a bandage on her forehead. And there was an entire month of her life that was lost to her. What had she done for the past month? Why on earth had she cut her hair? How had she come to terms with Clark's secret? Why was he being so weird now? What had happened in the past month between them? There was such a marked difference between his gentle touch just before he froze her and the guilty expression on his face now.
She opened the door and came back into the room. He stood up, looking as if he were ready to come around the bed to help her if she even looked like she might stumble.
"So how did I get this concussion?" she asked as she carefully sat down on the bed.
“Superman was trying to save an island from being fried, so he destroyed this micro-transmitter machine. But it caused a malfunction and the machine blew up. He was trying to save you and the two criminals from being caught in the explosion.” His face blanched and she could see his pain and worry. When he spoke again his voice was barely a whisper, “But I wasn’t careful enough and you got hurt.” His eyes looked a little glassy and there was self-doubt and blame in his voice.
“I’m sure it wasn’t his... your fault,” she told him softly. "I bet you saved us all. Obviously you did or I wouldn't be here." She reached out and touched his cheek affectionately. “Don't look so worried. You've had amnesia before. Only you forgot everything. I'm only missing a month." She took her hand from his cheek to cautiously feel the bandage on her forehead. "So is this what caused my amnesia?”
He shook his head. “The doctor says you’re suffering from anterograde amnesia – it’s a form of amnesia where you can remember everything up to the point of the trauma...”
“But that doesn’t make sense. The trauma was from the head wound I received... what, yesterday? So why don't I remember that or anything for a month prior to that?”
Clark winced as if he’d been slapped. “I shouldn't have let you talk me in to freezing you.”
“What do you mean? Are you saying that it was the *freeze* that caused it?” she exclaimed in disbelief.
“It’s possible that my freezing you was a catalyst. I told you it was dangerous. I tried to warn you that it could cause arterial ruptures, brain damage, I didn’t know what else. Obviously it must have caused some damage and then when you hit your head and got this concussion it aggravated an already unstable condition.” It was hard for her to look him in the eyes... they were so full of regret and pain.
“Clark, it’s not your fault. I asked you to do that. It was my decision.” She was certain it had been the right decision. Clark’s parents were alive because of it. “So I was fine for a month and now I'm not?" She shook her head. "I don't buy that. Something else happened. I can feel it. What was so traumatic about the last month that I don't want to remember it?" She studied his face closely, seeing at once that he looked more tired, more guarded than he had yesterday - or her yesterday, at any rate.
What had happened in the last month between them?
Clark focused on the toes of his shoes and tried to think of a way to answer her. It seemed an impossible task.
"Why are you avoiding me?" she asked softly.
He shook his head. "I'm not avoiding you."
"Yes, you are. You won't even look at me, Clark."
In response he turned his head and gave her a weary smile. "I'm not avoiding you, Lois. I'm just worried about you."
His words set off a feeling of panic inside her. She had an odd sense of vertigo, like she was looking over a high cliff and she reached out to him, suddenly wanting the comfort of his arms around her and desperately afraid that he was going to turn her down.
"Clark," she said in a hoarse whisper as her hand touched his shoulder, "I'm scared, Clark. Would you please hold me?"
He hesitated for a moment and then rose to sit on the edge of her bed. She sat up, wrapping her arms around him and he trembled. This was exactly what he wanted and it was exactly what he couldn't have. Clark closed his eyes and pulled her close against him, letting his chin dip to rest on her shoulder as he inhaled the clean, familiar scent of her hair. I love you, he thought. Lois, I love you so much. I'm so sorry...
"What have I forgotten, Clark?" she whispered.
"Nothing that won't come back, I'm sure," he answered.
"Have you kissed me in the last month? Have I forgotten that?"
"Yes." He shut his eyes tighter, feeling a tight sensation in his throat and chest at everything he was giving up for her sake. She didn't remember, didn't know, about the night on Spencer Spencer's island when he had bared his soul to her. She didn't remember any of those kisses and, somehow, her forgetting them now made it seem as if none of that had ever happened. The ache in his chest increased.
Her lips moved against his neck and he went to pull away. This was too much. He couldn't hold her like this. Not ever again.
“Clark,” she whispered, tightening her grip on him. She brought her lips up from his neck towards his mouth. He watched with guilt-ridden hunger as her lips parted to taste his...
And then he turned away. “The doctor should be here any time to check on you.” He shifted uncomfortably on the bed before finally standing up. Clark couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at her. He was certain she was staring in bewildered amazement at his back. “It’s good that you’re awake so you can hear what he has to say.”
“What I really want to hear,” she said evenly, after a moment’s hesitation, “is what memories I’ve lost from the past month.” Clark had something to hide. She was sure of it. He said he wasn’t trying to avoid her... but he was.
And it scared her.
“Had we come to terms with me knowing... what I know?” She loved Clark. She knew that. But yet there was an underlying feeling of anger, right there below the surface. It had been nagging at her ever since she had woken up that morning. She had managed to push it out of her mind, but when he had pulled away just now, it had come flooding back. “I want the truth, Clark.”
“Not here, Lois. Not like this. Once the doctor comes in to talk to you and releases you, I’ll take you home and we can talk then. Okay?” His voice was almost pleading with her as he finally turned around to face her.
Clark hated that he was going to have to relive last night... again. He was going to have to tell her again, that they couldn’t be together. He was going to have to see that pain in her eyes all over again. He wasn’t sure he could do that to her... right now. She had so much she was dealing with.
He would put it off as long as he could.
Then another thought hit him. She didn’t even remember the proposal! If she remembered nothing after the freezing, then she didn’t even know...
“No. That’s not ‘okay’,” she snipped, her fears confirmed – he was hiding something from her. “Clark, those are my memories, too. And I have a right to them. And right now, I need to know. I have this vague unsettled feeling and...”
The door opened and a kind-looking white-haired man walked in. “Ms. Lane? I'm Dr. Peterson.”
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“Can I get you anything?” Clark asked her.
Lois turned in a slow circle in the middle of her living room. It didn't seem all that different, but it felt odd to her. Like that plant in her bedroom - whatever had possessed her to buy it? She couldn't have had it very long - it was still in good health and she was murder on plants.
"Where did that come from?" She pointed at the plant.
"From Star, I think. She said something about needing a plant in that corner for your feng shui."
"Star?"
"Your new neighbor. She's a psychic." There was just a hint of smug glee in his words. She was immediately certain that he had teased her more than once about her new neighbor.
Lois rolled her eyes. "So she gave me a plant?"
"You two seemed to have hit it off." Clark shrugged.
Yes, she thought. He's definitely teased me about her.
"So when are you going to tell me what really happened?"
Clark looked away and blew out a sigh. "I should fix us something to eat," he told her. “Come on, Lois, you haven’t eaten all day. Let me go fix you a sandwich or someth...”
“Why are you avoiding this? What are you hiding?”
“I’m not hiding anything...”
“Yes, you are,” she said adamantly. “I ought to know. You hid being Superman from me for two years. Either you come clean with me right now about what’s happened the past month, or you leave. It’s your choice.”
Clark thought about just leaving. They could deal with this tomorrow. But that was only delaying the inevitable. He was going to *have* to be honest with her at some point. Leaving now would only increase her frustration and anger. He could tell her that the dating thing just hadn’t worked out because he didn’t want to put her in jeopardy. He didn't have to tell her about the proposal. There would be no hurt feelings. No fight. His would be the only heart broken.
"What if..." He cleared his throat nervously. "What if you're right and you don't remember because it was something traumatic that happened between us? What if your subconscious did this so that we could start fresh?"
Lois looked at him in disbelief. Oh god, it must be bad. Part of her didn't want to know, but her curiosity won out. “I don’t want to start fresh. I want to know what happened. I want my memories back. Besides, if you tell me what happened, maybe it will jolt something loose and I’ll start remembering things on my own.”
"Let's sit down," he suggested. "This might take a while..."
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Lois sat in stunned silence at the end of his “debriefing”. He had proposed to her? And then he’d been upset when she turned him down? How could he have expected her to react any differently? But it seemed like things had begun to turn around from there until last night.
His eyes had been glassy and full of pain as he told her how he had told her that they couldn’t be together.
Her head throbbed dully along with the growing ache in her chest. Was this how she’d felt last night? No. She had probably felt worse because all those memories had been real to her then, ingrained in her psyche. It had hurt much worse last night.
And yet, this was horrible enough.
“And so that was it?” she questioned. “You didn’t give me a chance for rebuttal... didn’t wait to hear my opinion on the matter... didn’t even kiss me goodbye?” she exclaimed loudly, bitter anger replacing the hurt. “You just left!”
Clark flinched, knowing that he deserved her anger. Had it worked? Had his being completely honest shook loose her memories? He wavered between shame and relief. She couldn't possibly be this mad unless she actually remembered, could she?
"I'm sorry," he told her. "I know it sounds callous. But I know I was right, Lois. We can't be together. It's just too dangerous."
“What about me?” she asked raggedly as angry tears came to her eyes. “What about how I feel? Do you even care? You sit there and tell me about proposing to me and how much you love me and how much I mean to you... but then you don’t even give me a chance to reason with you? You don’t even listen to my side of it?”
“I can’t. You would have only tried to change my mind and I couldn’t let you do that. I can’t take the risk...” He looked away, hating himself for making her cry.
“This is so unfair! So one-sided. It seems to me that since *I’m* the one taking the risk, I should be the one to decide whether that risk is worth it. It’s my life you know. Just because you’ve saved my life once or twice doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for me. When two people love each other, they talk things out, they make decisions *together*.”
“See, I knew that’s what you would say,” he muttered.
“And you had to know that I'm right about this,” she retorted.
Clark stood up impatiently. “Oh, yeah, it’s *always* about you being right, isn’t it? It’s not about what’s best for you.”
She stood up, too, smarting at the tone of his words. “I do not have to *always* be right! But I am right about this!”
What irked him was that he knew she was right. He should have sat down with her and listened to what she had to say. But he hadn’t. He loved her so much and he had known that if he gave her the chance she would change his mind.
“Lois...” he started wearily.
“You know what, Clark? I think I’ve had just about all the stimulating conversation I can stand for one day. I’m tired and I think it’s time for you to go home.” Her legs felt shaky and she sat back down, unable to look at him.
“Maybe you shouldn't be alone...”
“I’m a big girl. I don’t need a babysitter. Just go." She blinked back frustrated tears, unwilling to cry in front of him.
Clark wanted to reach out and touch her, but he held himself back. It would only confuse things. He didn’t want things to be like this. He hated that she was so upset. But he knew he was right – they couldn’t be together.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up for your doctor appointment.” Dr. Peterson had said there were a few more tests he’d like to run before they could decide on a course of treatment for her.
“Don’t bother. I can take a cab,” she mumbled. As if. The doctor had only ‘recommended’ that she not drive. She wasn’t about to let Clark drive her there and, while it might be better if she took a cab, she’d make that decision in the morning.
She heard Clark sigh softly and then walk away. A few seconds later she heard her door shut. Her eyes closed tightly to squeeze back the tears that had already started to slip out.
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Clark looked down at the key he held in his hand. He leaned his head back against the hallway wall next to Lois’s front door. This was worse than last night. An emergency had called Superman away last night. Actually several emergencies. He’d had a busy night.
But not so busy that he hadn't replayed their final words over and over. He couldn't shake the memory of the pain in her eyes and the ache in her voice. He had consoled himself that he at least he hadn't had to withstand the fury of her words.
Clark swallowed to work loose the lump in his throat. He hefted the Jeep key he held in his hand once.
He deserved every word she had lashed upon him.
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To Be Continued...
