Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Original Fiction FDK: Chocolate or Vanilla? (1/1)

My thanks to Bakasi for feedback on this story, as well as the suggestion for improvement.

All feedback appreciated.

Joy,
Lynn

p.s., My story for next week won't be a downer; I promise. (It's already written and waiting to be posted to the Flash Fiction Friday web site.)

The change you made consisted of two small words, yet I think they help the story along quite well. Kudos!

Hi Bakasi,

Thank you for not only reading the original story, but also for reading the posted one. I'm glad you liked the change. I had hoped that the "as usual" addition would help resolve some of the questions you had brought up while keeping me under the 100-word limit. I would never have thought to add those words on my own, but I do believe they make the story stronger.

Thanks again.

Joy,
Lynn

Very nice. You didn't tell us how old the narrator was, whether he or she, or any of the given reasons for the parents' separation. You did, however show us that this child wants a family that is whole, just like every other child desires.

I wonder if the parents got the message? Were they sitting across from each other, one with chocolate and the other with vanilla, and watching their offspring eat some of each favorite flavor blended with the other? Was there serious guilt involved? Was there a third party who might be named as "the other woman/man" in a courtroom? Or did the parents just forget to work at the relationship?

You left all that the our imaginations, you excellent heart-string-tugger you. I am unable to be that concise yet so profound. You did very, very well, Lynn. Congratulations, and thank you for sharing.

Thank you, Terry. I am honoured by such high praise coming from as esteemed an author as yourself -- not to mention one who is an expert heart-string-tugger himself.

One of the perks of a hundred-word story limit is that it forces one to leave out details which one might otherwise include but which are not absolutely essential to the story. I have my own thoughts on how I would answer your questions, but I'd rather you fill in the blanks as you see fit.

Joy,
Lynn