Lois watched Cat drive as carefully as if the car had kittens strapped on either side. Riding with Cat Grant wasn’t normally all that different from riding in a LeMans racer, so the contrast was noticeable.
Lois couldn’t decide if she was grateful to Cat or if she hated her even more for being this kind.
Cat tried to make small talk with her. “Clark is making a late lunch for you, or maybe it’s an early dinner. Said he knows how unimaginative hospital food is. He’s doing some housecleaning, too, but he said there’s not much to do because your apartment is already spiffed up within an inch of its life.”
“Uh-huh.”
They drove silently for a while, then Cat tried again. “Jimmy is covering the auto show for you. He really jumped at the chance for a byline.”
Lois kept her eyes facing forward through the windshield. “I know. Good for him.”
“Lucy’s with him, too. Those two seem to be hitting it off well.”
“Yeah, she told me.”
From the corner of her eye, Lois saw Cat flash a worried glance at her, then Cat appeared to give up on starting a conversation with her for the duration of the ride. Neither woman said another word until they entered Lois’ apartment. “Clark?” Cat called out. “Is that Lois’ dinner I smell?”
He appeared from the kitchen. “It’s simmering on the stove now. Should be done in about twenty minutes.”
“Good. Wish I could stay, but I’ve got work to do.”
He nodded. “I know.”
Cat leaned in and hugged her friend. “Lois?” Cat whispered.
Lois returned the hug, knowing that it might be the last time. She leaned back and looked at her best friend and wondered if they’d be able to remain close after she and Clark got together.
Cat licked her lips and hesitated. “Look, you need to listen to Clark. He has something important to say to you.” Cat let her go and turned to pick up her windbreaker. “I offered to be here for you, but he thinks he ought to say this by himself.” She assayed a wan smile. “Plus I have to go interview the modern idiot.”
“Uh – sure, yeah.” Lois wanted to run to the bedroom but her feet were glued to the living room floor. It was time for The Talk. The Talk where Clark told her that he and Cat wanted to be together, that they had the “forever and a day kind of love” his parents had told him about, the love that Clark had told Cat about during her Met U undercover assignment, the love Cat had described to her. She wondered if Cat would ask her to be in the wedding party and how could she possibly refuse.
And how much damage her heart would endure watching them exchange rings.
They both watched Cat walk through the front door and close it without looking back, then he gently took Lois’ hand in his. “I – Lois, I have to – I need to – we have to talk.”
“Talk?”
“Yes.”
“Just talk?”
“Yes. Just talk.”
Here it was. The Big Goodbye Talk. The one where he told her he thought highly of her but didn’t love her like he loved Cat. The one where he suggested that they could “just be friends.” The one where—
He’d said something she didn’t quite hear. “What did you say?” she asked.
He moved closer and spoke directly at her face. “I asked you if we could have this conversation on the roof. It’ll be more private up there. And the question I have is pretty private.” When she hesitated, he added, “I put the stove on simmer so it wouldn’t start a fire or burn dinner.”
“Sure,” she muttered. He could end it with her up there as well as he could down here.
He led them up the stairwell until it ended at open air. Clark led her a few steps from the door housing, then took Lois’ hands in his and looked deep in her eyes. “Lois, before I ask you that question, I – I have something to tell you. Something really, really important.”
He’s going to tell me he loves me but doesn’t want to be with me forever, she thought, and I’m not sure what to say to that. He’s going to tell me that he wants to be with Cat forever, and I don’t know what to say to that one either.
She decided to preempt him. “I know.”
“You know how – wait, what is it that you know?”
“How you feel about me.”
He blinked a couple of times and frowned a little. “You already know how I feel? About you, I mean?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Well, that saves some time, I guess.”
“It does. I just – I want to tell you that – that I hope you and Cat are happy together.”
“W-what?” His eyebrows lifted to their limits. “Happy together? Me and Cat?”
“Of course. I mean, it’s not the outcome I was hoping for, but I’ve known all along that you and she—”
He waved his hands between them. “Okay, stop right there and listen.”
She turned away to wipe her cheeks without letting him see her do it. “It’s okay, really. I’ve actually been expecting this.”
“Expecting this?” He raised his voice. “When have I given you the idea that Cat and I are an item? What did either of us do to make you think – whatever you’re thinking?”
“Oh, come on, Clark! Everybody’s seen the way you look at each other, the way you two talk so quietly, how well you treat her! And I’ve seen the way she looks at you when you aren’t looking and her heart drains into her belly!” Lois turned to face him again. “She’s so in love with you that she’d take a bullet for you!”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“Of course it is! But she’d do it anyway and be glad to do it! There’s very little Cat Grant wouldn’t do for you!”
“Lois, you’ve got the wrong—”
“And she’s a complete person, a healthy and mentally stable woman! Of course you’d rather have her than – than have broken old me.”
He spun on one heel and stepped away, then closed his right hand into a fist. For a long moment, she thought he would punch the roof access door, but after several deep breaths he calmed down and turned back to face her. “Why do we do this?”
“Do what?” she barked.
“Why do we fight so much when one of us tries to say something tender?”
The tears threatened again. “My – my therapist would tell me that I’m – I’m using anger to push away pain.”
“So being alone with me hurts you?”
“No, it – yes.”
He turned to face her. “Why?”
She sniffed and hid her face in her hands for a moment, then wiped her cheeks. “Because I’m scared. And because I – because I feel – very strongly about you.”
“You’ve already told me that you love me.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, then said, “I’d never stand in the way of your happiness. But – yes, I’ve said that. And I meant it.”
His soft smile would have banished a thunderstorm. “That’s good to know.”
She nodded and looked away but not so far that she couldn’t see him in her peripheral vision. “I’m glad that’s out in the open but you’re not cheating on Cat with me, not ever. Can we go back inside now? I’m getting a bit chilly.”
“If you really want to. But we haven’t gotten to the reason – two reasons, actually – I wanted to talk to you.”
She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Go ahead, Clark.”
“All right. But you have to understand that I haven’t told Cat anything about this, not one word. You’re the first person who’s heard this from me.”
She braced herself mentally. Now it was coming. Now he would tell her that he loved Cat but still wanted to be friends with her. Now she’d get to congratulate him on his choice of partner – shoot, she thought Cat was pretty wonderful too. It was a good thing Lois was straight or there might be some serious relationship confusion ensuing.
He seemed to tense up as he took in his next breath. He pulled off his glasses and slipped them into a jacket pocket, then hesitantly said, “Lois – I’m Superman.”
She exhaled. Her shoulders slumped and she said, “I understand how you feel, Clark, and I – wait – what did you just say?”
“I said, I’m Superman.”
Her head spun to face him. “Superman,” she repeated.
“Yes.”
“You’re telling me that you’re Superman?” she demanded.
He reached out and took her hands. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“That’s not funny, Kent!”
“I’m not trying to be funny. I’m telling you the truth about myself.”
Her jaw fell open and she yanked her hands away. “You’re – you’re Superman?”
“Yes.”
“No – no you’re not. You’re not him, you’re you. You can’t be him!”
“Actually, I can be him, because he’s me.”
“No.”
He reached out to her again. “Yes.”
She lurched backward and her vision narrowed. “No! You can’t be someone you’re not!”
“Lois, listen to me.” He stepped closer and grasped her upper arms. “I am Superman. But Superman is only what I do. He’s not the real me. Clark Kent is who I really am.”
It was a good thing that he was holding her arms, the rational part of her mind whispered, or she might turn and run mindlessly right off the roof. The rest of her mind became a whirling maelstrom of confusion. She knew she was getting hysterical but she couldn’t control herself. “No! NO!”
“Lois, please take it easy—”
The frantic hysteria came out in ascending volume. “No-no-no-NO-NO-NO-NO—”
His arms surrounded her and her feet left the rooftop.
*****
That didn’t quite go as planned, Clark muttered silently.
But he’d had no choice. He couldn’t let her stand there and become hysterical. Once in the air, he had to land someplace where no one would hear her, so he headed just north of the Canadian border to his favorite wooded hideaway. And he had to land quickly – she’d stopped breathing evenly.
The only upside was that she was no longer screaming in his ear.
He set down just below the crest of a small rise surrounded by pine trees. When he opened his arms, she stumbled uphill and went to her knees on a bed of pine needles.
Clark sat down on a fallen log about five feet from her and sighed. “You can breathe now.”
She inhaled, then coughed, then took two deep breaths. “What – where – where is this?”
“Just across the border into Canada from New Troy.”
“Canada?” she burst out. “Why?”
He waved his arm around as if showing off a herd of cattle. “It’s my favorite place near Metropolis. I come here when I need some peace and quiet. And I didn’t want you to continue being – um, kinda crazy in a place where people could hear you.”
She looked around. “You – I don’t feel drugged.”
“You weren’t. I flew you here.”
Lois lifted herself to her feet. “Because you – you’re Superman.”
“Yes.”
She picked up a handful of pine needles and stared at them. “Why?”
“Why am I Superman?”
“No. Why did you bring me here?”
“I just told you.”
“Tell me again. Pretend I just suffered a major shock and I want to make sure I’m not hallucinating.”
“Oh. Um, well, I told you I was Superman, and you started working yourself into a pretty good lather, and I didn’t want anyone to hear you and get the wrong idea. Or the right idea, for that matter.”
“I see. What if I start yelling here?”
“There’s no one around for close to fifteen miles. If you shouted at the top of your lungs, nobody would hear you. Other than me, of course.”
She looked to the west where the sun was almost touching the treetops. “How long will I be here?”
“Until I’ve said what I need to say.”
“Huh.” She brushed her hands clean. “Why didn’t you say it in Metropolis?”
His eyebrows drew down and he tilted his head to one side. “I tried, remember? You went just a little bit nutso and wouldn’t listen.”
“And you’ll take me back when you’ve said what you want to say?”
“Yes.”
“I assume you have a question of some kind nested in this conversation.” He didn’t say anything. She waited about ten seconds before continuing. “Does my return to Metropolis depend on the answer to this question?”
He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I’ll take you back no matter what the answer is.” He gave her a tiny smile. “Besides, I don’t want to overcook your dinner.”
“Well, yeah, there’s that, too, I guess.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Am I allowed to ask questions of you?”
“Yes, of course. Whatever you want to ask.”
“Good.” She closed her eyes for a moment, then locked them on his. “Why didn’t you tell me before now? That you’re Superman, I mean.”
“Um – the subject didn’t come up?”
Her voice went flat. “The subject didn’t come up?”
“No, it didn’t.”
“What were you waiting for?” Her voice went up several decibels. “Were you planning on sending me a registered letter?” She stomped around in a circle as she got even louder. “Were you going to wear a Superman suit come Halloween and tell me then?” She stopped in front of him and put her fists on her hips. “Please enlighten me, wise guy! When?”
He stood, then put his face inches from hers and snarled, “When I was sure you wouldn’t print it!”
She rebounded from him as if she’d been clubbed. “When I – you were sure I – how could you even think that?”
He almost snapped at her again, but the fresh dew in her eyes stopped him. Gently, he said, “I’m sorry, Lois, really sorry.” He slowly reached out and cupped her face, afraid that she’d dodge him – but instead she pressed her cheek into his palm, then turned her head and nuzzled his hand. He sighed. “I should not have said that.”
She swallowed once and said, “Even – if – if it’s true?”
“Even then.”
She grasped his hand in hers and sniffed once, then straightened. “No, you did the right thing. There was a time I would’ve sent the story in, hugged the Pulitzer, and invented a victory dance. I think – no, I’m pretty sure that if you’d told me before the Carlin Building was bombed, I would have done exactly that. But I remember how attentive and – and caring you were to me after I got that nick in my forehead.” She pushed her hair back. “See? It’s the reminder of your love for me.”
“Makes me wish I’d told you earlier and run the risk.”
She dropped her hand and shook her head a little. “If you’d told me after that day, I would never have said anything to anyone. No risk at all.”
“Because of your respect for Superman?”
“No. Well – maybe a little. But mostly because it would have hurt you.”
Her words stunned him. Maybe he could discuss the “forever and a day” thing with her while they were there. Maybe she didn’t just care for him – maybe she loved him as much as he’d hoped she would.
First, though, he needed to get through the rest of her list of questions. “Thank you, Lois. That means a great deal to me. If there’s anything else you want to ask me – anything at all – please feel free to put it out there. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
She frowned a little, then said, “You know, I never suspected. I never had any inkling you were – him. The thought never occurred to me, not once.” She looked down and said, “Am I really that blind?”
“No. You aren’t blind. It’s just – look, I’ve hidden the special things I can do for most of my life. The only people who know besides you are my parents, and they watched me discover and grow into my powers. My dad spent a lot of hours talking to me and helping me control what I can do. There were a few times when I thought I was going nuts.”
She looked up again. “I can only imagine how you must have felt.”
“Sometimes I still feel that way.” He waited for Lois to say something. When she didn’t, he continued, “I’m taking a big risk telling you. Not that I think you might give me away, even accidentally, because I don’t think you would, but—”
He stopped, unsure how to finish. He finally added, “Now that you know, it brings the total number of people in the world who know my secret up to four. Just – four people, including me. I know it’s a big burden, but there was no way to ask you if you wanted to know this secret before I told you what it was.” His shoulders slumped. “If this is too much, I’m deeply sorry.”
“No,” she answered softly, “it’s not too much. It’s a lot, yeah, but it’s not too much.”
“Thank you. Um, I’m sure that’s not all you want to ask me.”
“It’s not.” He wondered why her hands tightened into fists and her eyebrows drew down. “I have another question for you.” Her voice tightened and came out in a lower register. “How many?”
“Uh – how many what?”
“How many women?”
He blinked twice and hesitated before saying, “Not a question I anticipated hearing.”
“It’s the one I need answered.”
“Okay. I assume you’re asking me how many women I’ve slept with.”
“Yes.”
“Just one.”
“No, I mean besides Cat.”
He was startled for a moment, then relaxed and shook his head. “Sorry. For a second I forgot you knew about me and her.”
“Uh-huh. We’ll get to the ‘how many times’ question in a minute. Who was this other girl?”
“What other girl?”
“The other girl you slept with, idiot!”
“I thought we talked about this at the hotel when we were fake newlyweds.”
“That was before we started discussing a relationship! Now talk!”
He lifted his hands palms out and shook his head. “Let me cut to the chase and try to fill in all the blanks. I have never been intimate with any woman other than Cat, and I knew her as Margaret Mayfield when I was a freshman at Metropolis University. And it was just the one time. I wrongly thought that I was in love with her, and it turned out to be a big mistake on my part, one I still deeply regret. And I don’t regret being with Cat specifically. I regret thinking I was mature enough to handle an intimate relationship with any woman. I couldn’t have been more wrong if my nose were attached to my belly button instead of my face.”
He ignored her brief snort of amusement and pressed on. “Not sleeping with a long list of partners – or even a short list – is a conscious decision I made after that night with Cat. I didn’t want to carve off little pieces of my heart and leave them with a bunch of different women. I didn’t want to father a bunch of kids who might also have my powers. And I didn’t want to leave a bunch of women without a full-time father for those children, assuming that I can make babies with human women.”
She blinked. “Human women?”
“Yeah. See, I’m – not from around here. As in, not from this part of the galaxy.”
“So why are you here?”
He grimaced. “My planet was dying – the historical record I saw said it exploded – and my parents sent me to Earth so I’d survive. As far as I know, I’m the last surviving Kryptonian.”
Lois stared at him blankly for a long moment, then finally said, “Yeah, nothing like smacking a girl in the head with a data dump.”
“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want you to think I was dodging your questions or trying to keep you out here after dark when the temperature drops.”
“That wouldn’t bother you.”
“It would bother you. And it gets me to my follow-up question a little quicker.”
“Huh? Oh, right – the follow-up question.”
He grinned a little. “You forgot about that, didn’t you?”
“Can you blame me? I mean, finding out that you – that you’re – you’re Superman – boy, that’s still hard to say.”
“I know. It’s hard to wrap your mind around. Try thinking about finding out that you can do all these weird things and that you can’t control them. And that you can’t tell your friends about any of it or you might end up in the booby hatch.”
Her face changed again. “Oh, good, something else to think about. No, please, don’t back away. I get where you’re coming from. It’s not unlike when I came back from the rehab hospital in Germany. All my friends and family, except maybe Lucy, and then Cat when I went to work at the Planet, treated me like they were afraid of me in about ten different ways. After all, I – I’d shot people in combat. My mother still can’t touch me without flinching just a little – or maybe a lot – and she all but jumps out of her skin if I accidentally sneak up on her.”
He frowned a little. “They’re afraid that touching you wrong or saying the wrong thing might set you off, might send you on a killing spree.”
Lois’ voice softened and she took his left hand in both of hers. “And you know that’s the last thing you’d do, but their fear makes you think about it like the pink elephant in the room.”
He bent and kissed her hand. “I love it that you get me that way. I don’t think anyone else would, beside my parents.”
She nodded and lifted his hand to kiss his knuckles. “And I love it that you understand that part of me. It usually takes another veteran to understand.”
He lifted his head, knowing that his eyes were damp. “This isn’t the question I planned to ask you, but I think it’s appropriate. May I?”
“Yes.”
“If I need someone to talk to – someone to unload on, someone who can take a data dump – can I talk to you?”
She smiled and gently rubbed his hand. “Yes. Just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I’ll come running to see you again. You’ve got a friend, Clark.”
He smiled back. “I’ll call you or James Taylor, whoever’s available.”
She chuckled. “Taylor might have made it a big hit, but Carole King wrote it.”
“How about we make it our song?”
They laughed together, then Lois said, “I’m getting chilly. I think you should ask me the question you planned to ask.”
“You’re sure? I mean, this is already a lot to take in.”
“My therapist and I will have some long non-identity-specific chats about you in the near future, but I think I’ve taken it in as well as anyone could. Please, Clark – ask the question.”
“All right – here goes. And remember, on this subject I’m just as vulnerable as you are.”
He gathered his thoughts and tried to organize them, but Lois broke in and said, “We don’t have all night, Kansas.”
Startled, he looked at her, but her expression was warm and – if he pretended hard – loving. He’d seen her face just before she’d clobbered someone, seen her trying to hold in rage, seen her sharing a good laugh with Cat, but he’d never seen her look this tender.
It almost broke his focus, but he plowed ahead. “Lois, I haven’t said this flat out unprovoked before because I’ve been scared to say it to you but – but I love you.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “And I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you – do you think you might want to discuss marrying me?”
“Ah. Do you mind if I think about it a while?”
“I don’t mind a bit. I’d rather hear how you really felt than what you think I might want to hear any day of the week.”
“Good.” Then she fooled him and smiled. Had it been possible, that smile would have split her face in two. A tear glistened on one cheek and she kissed his hand. “I – I’m honored beyond anything I could imagine. Really honored that the wonderful man who is Clark Kent would even consider asking me to share his life. But I’ll really have to give this some thought.” She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed his knuckles again. “Some very thorough thought.”
He opened his mouth but made no sound. After a long moment, he managed, “Uh – okay.”
She put her arms around his chest as far as she could reach. “Please don’t think I’ll be spending however much time I need just to figure out a good way to tell you ‘no.’ I really need to look at this from every angle I can think of. It’s not unlike being the wife of one of the early astronauts. I did a profile on Louise Shepard and Ann Glenn for one of the base magazines. Those women were terrified every time their husbands went anywhere near Florida, much less went up into space. There was no guarantee they wouldn’t die when the rocket engines ignited. The pressure nearly broke some of them.”
“Huh. I never thought of it like that, but I guess you’re right.”
She kissed his hand again. “Every couple brings their joined pasts into the relationship, but being Superman’s wife, even if that’s not your primary identity, has to be a heavy load of baggage to carry around.” Her head nestled against his shoulder as she embraced him again. “And I’ve got more than enough emotional baggage for both of us.”
He put his left arm around her lower back and stroked her hair with his free hand. “I understand. I can’t say that I like it, but I understand.”
“I’m not sure you do.” She straightened and put both hands on his jacket lapels and held on. “I need to be certain that I love you like you should be loved. And that you can handle being married to an insecure, damaged combat vet with a hair-trigger on her weapon and PTSD looming in the background.”
He smiled. “I think I can help you face those fears and defeat them. Besides, you’d be Lois Lane no matter whose bride you might be.”
She leaned back and softly glared up at him. “I hope you don’t expect me to come when you call me like a housebroken and well-trained puppy.”
“Oh, right. I doubt I’ll be calling to you ‘Hey, Lassie’ and telling you that I’ve fallen in a well and you need to find Timmy to get me out.”
“And you can’t protect me from all the danger in the world. Remember, I’ve done pretty well without you so far.”
“Don’t worry. I promise to let anyone who wants to risk his or her life to shoot at you at least twice. Three times, even, if it’s really long range.”
Her lips thinned in mock irritation, but she couldn’t maintain the expression. After about two seconds, she laughed and buried her face in his chest. “It’s really getting chilly out here. How about we go back to the big city now? I’m ready to eat that delicious dinner you left simmering on my stove.”
He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t want their first almost-lovers’ kiss to live in their memories under these conditions – cold, dark, and standing in a bed of pine needles. Instead, he moved back so that he stood in front of her, put one hand on each side of her face, then lowered his head and gently guided her forehead to touch his.
She seemed to know what he wanted, or maybe she wanted to experience it that way as well. With their heads still touching, she asked, “Clark, can you take me back to the rooftop where we took off? It will make this whole experience – um – I don’t know how else to describe it – stolen time, I guess, a part of reality that’s ours and ours alone.”
He grinned. “Of course. I’ll have to travel pretty fast to keep us from being seen, so make sure you get a good deep breath. And you’ll need to be as close to me as you can be to keep you inside my protective aura.”
She smiled and put her hands on his chest again. “That won’t be a hardship at all. On three?” He nodded and she took three deep breaths as if she were about to free dive into the ocean, then held the last one as he counted off.
“One – two – three!”
And they were airborne again.
Except this time she smiled as they flew.
