A Book Report on the Book “Ben-Hur” - Kerth Challenge #5 (1/1)

A Filk Based on the Song “A Book Report on Peter Rabbit” from the musical “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown”

By Lynn S. M.


Disclaimer: Many parts of this filk were taken verbatim from the lyrics of “A Book Report on Peter Rabbit” by Clark Gesner who, in turn, drew heavily from the source material of the Peanuts comic strip, which was written by Charles Schulz. This filk is intended as a loving tribute both to Peanuts and to Lois & Clark (which is owned by Warner Bros. and DC Comics). This filk was written in response to the Kerth Challenge #5; it was not written for profit.

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[LUCY]
A book report on the book “Ben-Hur”, “Ben-Hur”, the book “Ben-“

[LINUS (overlapping)]
A book report on the book “Ben-Hur,” the book “Ben-“

[SCHROEDER (overlapping)]
A book report on the book “Ben-Hur,” “Ben-“

[CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)]
A book report on the book “Be-“

[ALL take huge breath and then sing]
“-en Hur.”

[LUCY]
Judah Ben-Hur is this stupid book
About this stupid Ben-Hur who was
Friends with some stupid Roman soldier
[She counts the words so far]
Hmm. 80 to go.

[SCHROEDER]
The name of the book about which
This book report is about is
Ben-Hur which is about this
Ben-Hur.
I found it very-
I liked the part where-
It was a-

It reminded me of "Lois & Clark"
And the part where The Fox had his head on a stump
For the lackeys of Tempos to whack
And then his Merry Men swung from the trees
In a sudden surprise attack.
And they captured the Baron and all of his men
And they made him walk back to his home on his own
And the baron spoke to a sorcerer and all
Who would call down a curse if the baron would fall
So the Fox and his lady forever would rue -
Judah Ben-Hur did sort of that kind of thing too.

[LUCY]
The Roman soldier’s name was Messala.
[counts to 23]
Ohh!

[LINUS]
In examining a work such as Judah Ben-Hur, it is important that
the superficial characteristics of its deceptively simple plot
should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substantial
fabric of its deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the
sociological implications of societal pressures so
great as to drive an otherwise moral Ben-Hur to
attempt acts of revenge which he consciously knew were
against the law. I also hope to explore the personality Tribune Messala in his conflicting roles as soldier and lifelong “friend”.

Judah Ben-Hur is established from the start as a benevolent hero and it is only...

[CHARLIE BROWN (overlapping)]
If I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is no good at all.
I'll get a fresh start tomorrow
And it's not due till Wednesday
So I'll have all of Tuesday
Unless something should happen.
Why does this always happen,
I should be outside playing
Getting fresh air and sunshine,
I work best under pressure,
And there'll be lots of pressure
If I wait till tomorrow
I should start writing now.
But I if I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is
No good at all.

[LUCY]
The first name of Ben-Hur was Judah
[counts to 30]
Yes!

[SCHROEDER]
Down came The Fox on his head- smash!
And Tempos fell like a sack full of lead- crash!
The Baron took him back to his camp- ah!
To have him die.

[LUCY]
35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40. Yes!

[SCHROEDER]
Just then an axe flew in- whing!
It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing!
And then it looked like the baron would win- ah!
But not for long.
For in Lois ran.
Just like Ben-Hur.
Who ran a lot
As you can tell
From the story
Of Judah Ben-Hur
Which this report
Is about.

[SALLY/SNOOPY]
Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Reading Ben-Hur...

[CHARLIE BROWN]
How do they expect us to
Write a book report
Of any quality
In just two days?

How can they
Conspire to
Make life so mis'rable
And so effectively
In so many ways

[LUCY]

There were lots of folks
In the crowd

Such as soldiers and sailors
And mothers and fathers
And soldiers and children
And butchers and bakers
And cousins and good friends
And soldiers, more soldiers, more children
And soldiers, more soldiers, and children.

[LINUS]
Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on him
by his deeply rooted rivalry with the heathen Roman conquerors.

[SALLY/SNOOPY]
Ben-Hur, Ben-Hur, reading Ben-Hur...

[CHARLIE]
If I start writing now when I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking which is not good at all.
Not good at all. Oh.
First thing after dinner I'll start

[SCHROEDER]
The name of the book about which this book report is about is Judah Ben-Hur, Judah Ben-Hur.

All for one. Ev'ry man does his part. Oh.

[LINUS]
What drove an otherwise moral Ben-Hur to perform acts of revenge? Revenge! Sociological implications. Societal pressure. Simple plot

[LUCY]
Judah Ben-Hur is this stupid book about this stupid Ben-Hur was friends with some stupid Roman soldier. Soldier. Soldier. 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82.

[SNOOPY/SALLY]
Ben-Hur
Reading Ben-Hur. Reading Ben-Hur. Reading Ben-Hur. Reading. Reading.
Ben-Hur, Ben-Hur. Reading Ben-Hur, Must read Ben-Hur. Do or die!

[LUCY]
And they were very, very, very, very, very, very
Happy to be home.

[SCHROEDER/SALLY/SNOOPY]
The end.

[LUCY]
...94, 95. The very, very, very end.

[LINUS]
A-men

[CHARLIE BROWN]
A book report on Judah Ben-Hur. Just start writing. You can do it. Nothing to it. Got to start-

Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur!

[SCHROEDER]
Judah Ben-Hur was a lot like Superman. Judah Ben-Hur was A lot like Superman.

Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur!

[LINUS]
Sociological implications joined with familial condemnations

Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur!

[LUCY]
Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Judah Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur!

[SNOOPY/SALLY]
Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur! Ben-Hur!

[CHARLIE BROWN]
I haven't even started yet!

[ALL]
Judah Ben-Hur!


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