Hate Myself For Loving You
Folc4evernaday
Chapter 5
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The hospital triage room was bustling with activity as medical staff swarmed around the nurses’ station reviewing the catastrophic loss.
“How did this happen?”
“You don’t just die from nothing!”
“Where was security?”
“Who was watching the floor?”Lois blanched as she tightened her hand around the Styrofoam cups in her hand. It had all happened so fast. The piercing sound of the alarms blaring in her ears. Mayson collapsing in front of them and the news that had been on every nurses' tongue.
“Did you hear what happened to Christopher Gomez?”Despite her attempts though she had been hard-pressed to get a statement from the charge nurse on the suspicious death of Officer Christopher Gomez. She took a sip of the warm fluid, letting the sweet aroma of coffee overtake her senses as she looked around the corner where the row of triage beds was.
Mayson has been taken to one of the open beds to recover. She had been in and out of consciousness when the nurses had been looking over her in the lobby. It had only been twenty minutes, but it felt like so much longer. She let out a deep sigh as she took another sip of her coffee, wondering how long it would be for Mayson to wake up.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about the ADA at this point. On one hand, she considered her a colleague and a close acquaintance she and Clark worked closely with but on the other hand there always remained a rift between herself and Mayson. She always felt she had to prove something with Mayson. Part of that came from her uneasiness with the blatant way Mayson threw herself at Clark, but the other came from the open hostility Mayson had toward her. They had talked it through a few weeks ago, and she had thought moved past it but her behavior today left her wondering if there would always be a wall there preventing her and Mayson from having a cordial relationship with one another.
No matter how much she tried to rid the image, she found herself looking at Mayson like she was a mooney-eyed cheerleader that looked saw Clark as another conquest. Mayson herself had done little to show any different side to herself in the last few weeks. Showing up at the Planet to make it harder for Clark to say “no” to invitations to lunch.
Though in hindsight she supposed it had been a blessing in disguise. Had it not been for Mayson she and Clark would probably still be navigating their busy schedules to find a free evening for their first date.
She let out a long sigh as she looked back toward the triage beds a few feet away. Praying for the patience she didn’t feel in that moment, she approached, hoping Mayson would be feeling more herself by now.
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Albie Swanson tapped his foot on the gas, looking over his shoulder as he put the car in reverse to escape the parking lot of the Metropolis General Hospital as quickly as possible. He and Sean McCarthy had barely made it out of the building before the exits had been closed off. He glanced at the clock, spotting the late hour.
“It’s about time for Mr. Gables’ next dose. We’ll stop at the bistro on Fifth to pick up his usual.” Albie said with a nod of his head.
“You didn’t tell me Ms. Drake was still alive,” Sean McCarthy growled out bitterly.
“We’re taking care of it. She won’t get in the way.” Albie shrugged it off. “What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is I have a certain reputation. If it gets out that I had someone just walk away from one of my bombs well, there goes the market value.” McCarthy sneered as his eyes went dark.
“She won’t be a problem,” Albie responded shakily. “Trust me.”
“I don’t leave any loose ends.” McCarthy hissed out with a glaring warning. “Mr. Gables knows that.”
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Clark ran a hand over his forehead, glancing over at Mayson Drake a few feet away from him in the hospital triage bed. Not only had someone he considered a friend been hurt, but the young man that had turned to him for help had died. He was sure foul play was at work here and if it was the last thing he did he would get justice for Christopher Gomez. He had promised him safety. He had promised to look after him. He had failed.
Everything had happened so fast he had barely had a chance to react when Mayson hit the tile floor. The hospital staff had been quick to get help and set her up in triage. A doctor had looked her over and checked her vitals a few minutes ago. Now they were just waiting for her to wake up. If he had been paying attention, he might have been able to catch her before she’d hurt her head, but then he might have been explaining himself to Lois once more.
He let out an aggravated sigh. It seemed the closer he and Lois got the more he seemed to stick his foot in his mouth and dig himself even deeper. Lois seemed to accept his apology earlier, but how long before another disaster pulled him away at the wrong time? It felt like the universe was determined to tear him away from happiness. Every time his life felt like it was finally going where he wanted it to something spurred its ugly head and tore everything apart.
Superman had been created so he could help people, but in doing so he had inadvertently built a glass house around himself that could easily break around him. He knew what he needed to do. The thought had been there from the moment Lois Lane’s lips had touched his last night. He knew how he felt and though it came across in a different way – he knew Lois felt the same way. The problem was mustering up the courage to say the scary words.
A soft moan came from the bed, and Clark looked up to see Mayson’s eyes flutter open.
“Easy,” Clark murmured, placing a hand over her shoulder as she tried to sit up.
“Clark?” Mayson reached up to rub the back of her head.“What happened?”
“Don’t panic,” Clark said calmly, pointing to the bed she was in. “You had a fall in the hospital lobby. The doctor should be here shortly to look you over.”
“Great,” Mayson let out a self-defeating sigh. “As if last night wasn’t bad enough.”
Clark looked at her in dismay, recalling the events from last night combined with today. She’d certainly been through the wringer. He could only imagine what it must feel like to go through it all, being vulnerable. “You’ve been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Yeah,” Mayson stared down at her lap, seeming to think of something.
“You had us worried there.” Clark continued, squeezing her shoulder lightly as he straightened up in his chair. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Us?” Mayson’s eyebrow arched up.
Clark wasn’t sure why her tone mimicked a vulture’s hiss as she spoke. He covered with a quick half-smile and elaborated with Lois’ name. That didn’t seem to calm Mayson at all, unfortunately.
“Oh,” Mayson’s tone was cold as she looked away.
Clark let out a long sigh, recalling how things had been left unresolved when he’d been called away yesterday. As painful as it was, he needed to finish the conversation and set the record straight with her once and for all.
There. He’d done it. The agonizing truth was out there. He hated to hurt her but continuing to let her believe there was hope for something more when his heart was elsewhere was just cruel. Though he hadn’t encouraged anything more than friendship with Mayson, he hadn’t been direct regarding his feelings either.
“And Lois?” Mayson’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
Clark wasn’t sure how much he was comfortable divulging given he and Lois had yet to have that conversation themselves. He opted to be honest without giving too much detail to his blossoming relationship with Lois.
“Is someone I care deeply about,” Clark said gently. It felt like a weight had been lifted as he heard the words escape his lips.
“So much for
just friends,” Mayson’s tone was full of ice as she spoke.
Clark looked back at her in surprise. He knew this couldn’t be easy for Mayson, but the icy tone and sharp dig at him and Lois was a bridge too far. It wasn’t as if he and Mayson had been dating. They were friends.
Taking the cue from Mayson’s demeanor, he opted to excuse himself and head back to the Planet with Lois. Now that he knew Mayson was all right there was no reason to linger at the hospital. Especially given the news that the witness he’d uncovered was now dead.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Mayson, but this is a conversation I’m uncomfortable having. There are certain parts of my life that I choose to remain private…even from friends.” Clark explained gently.
“Except Lois, right?” Mayson quipped, giving him a dark glare.
“The staff here is more than equipped to make sure you’re all right, Mayson. I’m glad you’re okay, but I think it’s best if I leave now before we say something we both will regret.” Clark said, not willing to entertain Mayson’s attempts at starting a fight.
The curtain rustled and to his relief he saw Lois with two Styrofoam cups of coffee in her hand. He smiled, grateful for the rescue.
“Everything okay in here?” Lois asked, looking between the two of them as she handed Clark a styrofoam cup. He took it gratefully, placing an arm over Lois’ shoulder as Mayson seethed.
Clark shook his head, pointing toward the open curtain. “Mayson should be fine. I think we need to give her her space and head back to the Planet.”
Lois nodded and turned to Clark. “Yeah, we should get going then. I’m sure Perry is chomping at the bit for the first draft of all this.”
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Mayson began to stir, hearing a monotone beep and feeling a pulsing pain in the back of her head. She winced as she lifted her head up, feeling a large knot at the base of her skull. Her eyes fluttered open and her eyes were flooded with fluorescent white light.
“Easy,” she heard Clark Kent murmur as a hand cupped her shoulder as she tried to sit up . She turned toward the sound of his voice, surprised to find herself in a triage room with Clark Kent seated a foot away from her.
“Clark?” Mayson reached up to rub the bump on the back of her head she knew was already there, looking around the light blue curtains that were drawn as a divider from the other patients in triage.“What happened?”
“Don’t panic,” Clark said calmly, pointing to the bed she was in. “You had a fall in the hospital lobby. Doctor should be here shortly to look you over.”
“Great,” Mayson let out a self-defeating sigh. “As if last night wasn’t bad enough.”
Clark’s eyes softened as he looked back at her with dismay, “You’ve been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Yeah,” Mayson stared down at her lap, unsure if she should continue this conversation or put a stop to it. But who was she kidding? She was a goner when it came to Clark. She knew it.
“You had us worried there.” Clark continued, squeezing her shoulder lightly as he straightened up in his chair. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Us?” Mayson’s eyebrow arched up with precision as she stared back at him, daring him to say the name she knew was just on the tip of his tongue.
“Lois.” Clark said with a half-smile.
“Oh,” Mayson felt her whole body turn to ice as she turned away from Clark, looking to the curtain where she was sure a doctor would come in at any moment to rescue her from this torture.
“Mayson, yesterday at lunch…” Clark began carefully. “I shouldn’t have left things unresolved like that. I’m sorry. The truth is … you’re right. There is something I haven’t been honest with you about…or really myself. I care about you as a friend, but not as anything more.”
Mayson felt her blood ice over as his words reached her ears, slowly processing each word carefully. He was at least being honest with her. That was something, wasn’t it?
‘Not completely,’ she reminded herself as she jerked her head up and prompted him with an icy tone, “And Lois?”
“Is someone I care deeply about and that’s about all I’m comfortable divulging.” Clark stonewalled her question with a stern expression. She had her answer.
“So much for
just friends,” Mayson quipped, hearing the ice in her tone as Clark stood to his feet.
Anger flashed across Clark’s face, and he quickly covered. His lips thinned to a line, and his eyes narrowed as he responded, “I’m glad you’re okay, Mayson, but there are certain parts of my life that remain private. Even to someone I consider a friend.”
“Except Lois, right?” Mayson scoffed bitterly.
Clark shook his head in dismay. “I think the staff here is more than equipped to make sure you’re all right, Mayson. I’m glad you’re okay, but I think it’s best if I leave now before we say something we both will regret.” His eyes pierced down on her, hinting that it wasn’t he that would be saying the wrong thing.
She was about to protest when she saw the curtain move, revealing Lois Lane with two paper cups in her hands. “Speak of the devil,” she muttered under her breath.
“Something wrong?” Lois asked, looking between the two of them, trying to read their thoughts as she handed Clark a styrofoam cup. He took it gratefully, placing an arm over Lois’ shoulder as Mayson seethed. Lois stole a glance at Mayson before turning her attention back at Mayson and looping her arms around Clark Kent, indulging in a passionate embrace.
When would her torture end?
Mayson felt the fury within her burst as she watched the duo separate and caught Lois Lane sending a conniving wink in her direction before placing a possessive hand over Clark’s chest. A look of daggers was then directed in Mayson’s direction as she heard Clark clear his throat.
“We should get going,” Clark murmured, running his hands up and down Lois’ side, not giving Mayson a second glance as the duo made their way for the exit.
Lois looked at Mayson with what looked like relief. She was relieved for an excuse to leave. Of course, she was. The sooner she and Clark were gone the sooner she could sink her traitorous claws into him.
Mayson stole a glance at Clark, uncertain what to make of the complete change in his demeanor. This wasn’t the Clark Kent she knew. The Clark she knew never would have chosen to leave over helping a friend in need. A dark expression crossed her face as Lois nodded and looped her arms around Clark, staking her claim on him with no protest it seemed from Clark.
Lois looked at Mayson with what looked like relief. Of course, she was relieved for an excuse to leave. The sooner she and Clark were gone the sooner she could sink her traitorous claws into him.
The duo exchanged quick pleasantries with her before exiting, leaving Mayson alone with her thoughts. A dangerous place to be in that moment. She stared at the pale blue curtain, feeling red hot anger flood through her.
She’d lost him.
She’d completely lost him to Lois Lane.
No explanation or even the decency to tell her he was moving on with Lois. He acted like it was none of her business.
How was it none of her business when he changed his intentions with her? He had kissed her. He had danced with her at the Charity ball. He had agreed to a weekend away with her.
True he hadn’t shown up and she had been the one to initiate all movements in their relationship but they had a relationship. She had hoped by stepping to the side he would see how important she was to him. Now she realized it only opened the door for Lois Lane to swoop in and dig her claws into what belonged to Mayson.
“Ms. Drake?”
Mayson looked to the corner where the doctor was waiting to see her. “Yes?”
“I’m Dr. Thompson. I’m here to do your exam so we can discharge you.”
“Discharge me?” Mayson scoffed. “I’m not a
patient.”
“You were when you injured yourself in the lobby.” The nurse behind Dr. Thompson spoke up.
“Just lie down. It’ll only take a minute.” Dr. Thompson reassured.
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Clark’s jaw clenched tightly as he followed Lois through the hallway, leading to the elevator. His mind replayed his conversation with Mayson earlier. It seemed no matter how gently he tried to let Mayson down and have the direct conversation about how he felt she was determined to pick a fight, making snide remarks regarding his and Lois’ friendship.
<<“Mayson, yesterday at lunch…I shouldn’t have left things unresolved like that. I’m sorry. The truth is … you’re right. There is something I haven’t been honest with you about…or really myself. I care about you as a friend, but not as anything more. I’m sorry.”
“And Lois?”
“Is someone I care deeply about.”
“So much for just friends.”>>He couldn’t understand Mayson’s hostile tone or insistence on blaming Lois for how he felt. Truth of the matter was the only feelings he had ever had for Mayson were friendship and nothing more. Though he could have been more direct he had been careful not to agree to anything that could be misconstrued as a date or anything leading to romantic entagelments. After the misunderstanding a few months ago about the invitation to the mountains he had decided to finally try once more to put his heart on the line with Lois. This time he opted not to begin with a confession of undying love.
Though it had been slow going the choice to take things a step at a time with Lois had moved the odds in his favor. Though he knew a full confession of how he felt about her wasn’t in the cards so soon after the start of their budding relationship it was promising to know Lois hadn’t closed the door completely on him. Despite how things had ended on their first date.
Try as he might to gently let Mayson down she insisted on bringing Lois into the middle of things. A move which angered and shocked him. The Mayson Drake he had come to know as a friend didn’t act like this. He had thought Lois and Mayson had put their differences aside but possibly that was a ruse on Mayson’s part?
<<“I’m glad you’re okay, Mayson, but this is a conversation I’m uncomfortable having. There are certain parts of my life that I choose to remain private…even from friends.”
“Except Lois, right?”
“The staff here is more than equipped to make sure you’re all right, Mayson. I’m glad you’re okay, but I think it’s best if I leave now before we say something we both will regret.”>>“Hey, you okay?” Lois placed a hand on his shoulder as they reached the elevator, leading to the parking deck below.
“Fine,” Clark responded, forcing a smile as he looked back at her. She cocked an eyebrow with a knowing look and he sighed, “I guess I’m a little frustrated with Mayson.”
“It’s been a rough twenty-four hours,” Lois reminded him, moving her hand to his chest.
“I know,” Clark said, reaching over to cup her cheek. He wanted so badly to take her in his arms and never let go. Forget his guilt over letting down Christopher Gomez. Forget his frustration over the whole situation with Mayson and just take solace in the knowledge that finally he – Clark Kent – had everything he ever wanted. Lois was everything he ever wanted and more but he knew all too well that nothing worthwhile was easy. As exhilarating as it was to finally have Lois see him as a romantic partner it also terrified him to know one wrong move could bring everything shattering down around him.
She looped her arm around his neck, pulling him to her so his face was a mere two inches from hers. Close enough to smell the stale hospital coffee on her breath. He let out an inaudible sigh as she leaned in to kiss him. And just like that every fear and uncertainty that had consumed his mind just seconds ago disappeared like a puff of smoke.
“Come on,” Lois whispered against his lips, “let’s get out of here.”
He silently nodded, uncertain if he could trust his voice at that moment.
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Detective Ryan looked up from the file laid out on his desk to the gentleman sitting in the chair across from him. He met the man’s stern gaze, sizing him up to determine how much trouble he would be. The Washington bureaucrats had a tendency of poking their noses where they didn’t belong.
He didn’t mind the help. Most of the time the bigger badge got him access where he and the rest of the department were left chasing their tails looking for the cracks in iron-clad doors shut in their faces. It was when Washington tried to overreach into local affairs that he and the rest of the department got antsy.
“Agent Scardino, is it?” Ryan decided to finally break the silence between them and address the issue at hand. “We have an open investigation into our ADA’s car bombing. I’m not sure what help the DEA can offer.”
“I’m sure you’ve got your best man on it, detective,” Agent Scardino responded with a shrug. “But I doubt your department is staffed to handle who…or what is responsible for the car bombing.”
“I’m not following,” Ryan’s face scrunched up as he tried to understand what Agent Scardino was insinuating. “Are you saying you know who bombed ADA Drake’s car?”
“Not that you’d believe me,” Scardino muttered, smoothing an invisible wrinkle out of his jacket.
“Try me!” Ryan challenged, leaning back in his desk chair.
“Feel like a trip to the Metropolis Penitentary morgue?” Scardino asked.
“Morgue?” Ryan asked, caught off guard.
“According to you guys’ records your suspect is dead.” Scardino explained.
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Clark set his coffee mug down on the table in front of him, looking up at his dad who wore a half-smile at the bombshell Clark had just dropped. He looked to his mom whose expression was more of bemusement rather than surprise. Both reactions were not what he was expecting.
“So?” Clark prodded, shrugging his shoulders up as he looked between them.
“So, what?” his mom asked, her eyes danced with excitement, not picking up on the distressed condition he was in.
“So, what do I do?” Clark asked, letting out a gruff breath of frustration.
“Oh, that’s simple,” his dad spoke up, reaching over to cut another piece of pie before having his hand swatted.
“You have your physical in the morning, Jonathan,” his mom scolded his dad like a child and Clark chuckled turning back to his dad.
“Simple, huh?”
“Well, at least you don’t have to get bloodwork in the morning.” His dad chuckled. “No, the problem is you don’t want to have to lie to Lois about where you’re going. So, don’t.”
Clark blinked back at his dad, unsure he had heard him right. “Then what am I supposed to do, tell her I’m Superman in the middle of tending to a rescue? ‘Gee, sorry, didn’t I mention I had this other job…’” He rolled his eyes. “That’ll go over real well.”
“You don’t give that girl enough credit,” his mom scolded, taking away the slice of pie she’d handed him.
“You don’t know Lois like I do,” Clark amended. “She’s going to be furious...”
“Hurt.” His dad corrected.
“And hurt.” Clark sighed, running a weary hand through his hair. “Scared. Disappointed. Betrayed and just plain mad for a very long time.”
“Well, if you wait till you’re running out the door to tell her, then yes.” His mom lamented. “But you also thought lying about your feelings for her was a good idea and look where that got you.”
Clark chuckled, recalling the long lectures he’d had to endure for the last few months regarding that decision. Never in his wildest dreams would he have envisioned being in this situation last summer. He had been so desperate to mend the fragments of his life after everything had been destroyed by Luthor. He didn’t care at that moment how heart-wrenching it would be to continue this charade of just being friends with Lois.
Now here was faced with the reality of moving out of what had been comfortable for both him and Lois and venturing into uncharted territory and possibly forging a relationship together. That relationship would shatter into nothingness if he didn’t make a drastic decision soon.
“It’s a lot to come back from,” Clark said cautiously. “If I tell her now…”
“But, son, what happens if you don’t tell her now?” his dad reminded him.
“Just be honest with her,” his mom added. “You two go head to head with a lot bigger issues on almost a weekly basis. I’m sure you can figure out how to talk to one another.”
“I guess,” Clark relented, still not so sure but trusting his mother’s advice at that moment.
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TBC...
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